“People will stare. Make it worth their while.” ~Harry Winston
You’ll Never Be Beautiful
When I was a kid, I read a book that was written by a woman who was a Little Person. I got to a part where she talked about beauty, and she noted that a Little Person will never be considered beautiful. I was shattered by this statement. Unfortunately, the statement is perhaps sadly true in a world where women like Charlize Theron and Catherine Zeta Jones are the hallmarks of female beauty, it is hard for a woman who is not “statuesque” to hit the cultural markers of gorgeousness. That is not the fault of the Little Person. It is no secret that beauty expectations for all people are fairly unrealistic. Have you seen those mannequins with no heads?
How You Can Help
Whether you know someone with dwarfism or someone who meets any of the millions of qualities incorporated under the “imperfect” umbrella, make sure you bear in mind that inner beauty truly is what people will remember. It might not hurt to remind yourself of this fact from time to time as well. We all hold before us images of how we feel a perfect “me” would be. As the saying goes, strive for progress, not perfection. Perfection is unattainable. That should take a load off everyone’s shoulders.
I Wish I Could Wear Kid Shoes!
One of the most common refrains I have heard across the board in my life, regardless of the setting, is something along the lines of, “It must be great to be able to buy kids’ clothes,” or, “I love those shoes. I wish I could still by kid shoes.” It is almost as if I am being offered a consolation prize that, no pun intended, falls rather short of the mark. “I’m so sorry you are smaller than average, but at least you can wear Barbie tennis shoes!”
If wearing kid shoes is just an option you might have in order to express your fun side, I can see how that would be appealing. Stepping into a gym wearing unicorn tennis shoes could be amusing and could perhaps set the tone for a joyous workout. On the other hand, if you are a professional who news shoes appropriate for a business setting, unicorn shoes just are not going to cut the mustard.
What is it like when I try to find banal and boring “adult” shoes? II can perhaps best express a summation of the challenges by describing the place where I buy my highest quality shoes. It is a New Balance store. “What’s wrong with that?” Well, shoes in my size are not in the main store. There is a side room for children and toddlers, and that is where I have to go. Shoe displays on the girl side inevitably include red sparkly buckle shoes and unicorn boots. For a long time, Hello Kitty was my nemesis because she showed up on every pair of shoes within my size range. There have been many times when I have been getting a fitting at the same time as a toddler. To their credit, the sales people there have always been very respectful, but I think they can tell I am a little uncomfortable. I would guess they might be a little uncomfortable as well. I let them know I can tie my own shoes if they would like. Does it feel cool to try on shoes in a place where parents are buying a first pair for their infant? “Cool” is not the adjective I would use. I find it humiliating.
How You Can Help
Unless you own a shoe store, there is not much you can do for a person with dwarfism in this scenario. If you do own a shoe store or know someone who does, I would definitely make some suggestions about how a person who needs kid-sized shoes could still get their fitting on the adult side of the shop. Beyond that, please avoid the temptation to offer commentary about how cool kid shoes and kid clothes are. Adults who are striving to present themselves in a professional manner probably don’t want to hear that they look like a kid. I can only speak for myself, so I will say that I find these comments insensitive and crass. The only comparison I can think of is if you are twenty-something who is complimented on your “old man” shoes or something like that. That comment, however, would be more about style and less about the actual person. That is the dividing line between offensive and rude, I suppose.
Determined to Change the Narrative (from ItActuallyFits.com)
I have been fortunate in my social media explorations to happen upon a very unique store called It Actually Fits. On the website’s homepage, founder Lisa notes that 11,000 women currently have no clothing that actually fits them. How is that possible?
Most people will probably get an image of something akin to a little kid playing dress-up. You are not far wrong. Pants I try on sometimes extent six-12 inches BEYOND where my toes are. Dresses not only extent well beyond my feet, but the top also seldom works. Shoulders might be down at my elbows. The cut of the dress front would result in me appearing in a rather shocking manner as the collar sits below where my bra ends. The waistline might be more of a knee line. You get the point.
Why not just shop in the kids section and be quiet about it already? Well, here is the thing about clothing for girls (I cannot speak for boy clothes). When girls are around 10 years old, they do not have hips. They do not have a waist. They do not have boobs. Things happen to the female body as you develop, and pants cut for a 12-year-old might fit my legs, but i’ll never know because I can’t get them above my thighs. Again, this look is not one I would want to try in public. Yes, it is true that occasionally a larger size in the kids section may fit (barely), and it is true that kid clothing is often less expensive than adult clothing.
Lisa of It Actually Fits started her amazing service because she thought maybe women with dwarfism might want to look not just professional, but actually tailored and comfortable. She custom-makes clothing based on measurements that are sent to her. There is no surprise when these clothes “actually fit.”
How You Can Help
The advice here is much the same as the advice offered for the shoe scenario. Please avoid comments like, “I bet it’s nice to be able to shop in the kids section.” Hint: It’s not. Also, consider avoiding well-intentioned advice like “get a tailor” or “why don’t you just make your own clothes?” Granted, there are people who can and do make their own clothing. This entails costs of different kinds. How much does fabric cost? How much does a really good sewing machine cost? Perhaps more to the point, do you know how to sew? Sadly, this is not a talent that is a genetic side effect of dwarfism. Just because I am small, I do not know how to make my own clothes, nor do I really have the time. Do you make your own clothes? It is not an easy fix, and tailors are expensive. The best bet is to keep an eye out for professional clothing that your friend or family member may have a shot at, and offer support with simple humanity.
How We Are Written Out of Fashion
One out-of-the-box idea I was ready to try were the box platforms like Stitch Fix. I figured if the whole point of the business was to customize clothing, it could be a really big difference-maker. I logged into that and a few other sites. I was shocked to discover that none of them offered sizes that would fit me well. It was assumed that “petite” meant that you had all of the “correct” measurements. There was not a way I saw to manipulate the size charts to find something that would be worth my while. In other words, ‘Petite” did not just mean you were of small height, it also meant that you had a size zero waist. The fashion industry simply does not understand or care that there are some people out there who may be the height of a child but who is not stick straight like a child. This concept clearly does not compute.
I am certainly not the first person to point out how grotesquely out of touch the fashion industry can be, and i will not be the last. However, I will say that fashion mavens need to be educated about people with dwarfism. People with Achondroplasia have even harder times because their legs are shorter. Some people with dwarfism may have very small arms and shoulders, or there may be some asymmetry in the body. This is a common symptom of Russell-Silver Syndrome, but it is one i avoided somehow. People can be petite but not thin. People can be tall and not thin, too. I am not actually sure who most clothing caters to, but I don’t think I have met them.
If you want to learn more about the intersection of dwarfism, disability, and fashion, I suggest you look up Sinead Burke, who has been an outspoken advocate for better treatment from the fashion industry for those who are disabled. Slowly but surely, people with dwarfism, like Lisa, are rewriting the areas we have been written out of.