If there are two phrases that could turn around the online world, it would be those two up there. “I don’t know.” “I was wrong.” How often do you hear those phrases? If you’re like me, hardly ever.
I’ve never been afraid to admit online that I don’t know something. When I first started tweeting I saw the letters RT everywhere. The only thing I could think of was “Richard Thompson,” one of my favorite folk/rock musicians. But I was pretty sure he hadn’t become a Twitter cult celebrity. What was this “RT” all about? I asked. I asked what “MT” stood for, too. I googled “#ff” because I couldn’t even hazard a guess as to what that stood for. Whether it’s been on a blog post, on Facebook, in a Twitter chat, or in a conversation, I don’t have a problem saying, “Um, I don’t know.” Sometimes I’ll even pull a person into the conversation who is more knowledgeable than me.
I’ve also never had a problem admitting I was wrong about things, or at least admitting that I had reconsidered things. I tend to get a lot of blowback in these instances. I wrote a post awhile back saying that I had, after careful deliberation, opted to delete my Pinterest account. About a month or 2 later, I revisited Pinterest and found some fun things that could be done with it. So, my opinion had changed. My opinion about Triberr has changed about once every six months (I really really like it right now). I’ve talked to a lot of people, tried new things, and the platform itself has changed in ways that address things I didn’t like before. So, when I said Triberr wasn’t right for me, I might not have been right. Or things may have changed.
I’m ok with that.
Sadly, admitting to a lack of knowledge, or admitting that maybe you need to reconsider your position – these do not seem to be easy admissions for people in the online world. People have flat out ignored me or made stuff up when I asked them something they clearly didn’t know the answer to. People of course (famously or infamously) are likely to call you a “hater” if you insinuate that what they are saying might not be sound advice.
It should not be difficult to admit that you don’t know something. Nobody really expects you to know everything about everything. It doesn’t matter how many Facebook friends you have, how many blog subscribers you have, or how many followers you may lay claim to on Twitter. None of these things, not even all of them combined, makes you a god. You are still an imperfect being. I’m sorry to lay this cold truth on you this way, but these are just the facts.
You can be wrong sometimes. You can encounter conversations where you may not know the answer. That’s ok. That’s to be expected. You’re a human, not C3PO. And heck, even HE admitted when he was being pushed beyond his limits.
Talking about stuff as if you know it when you really don’t makes you look worse than simply saying, “I don’t know.” Ignoring a person who has asked you a question makes you look far worse than simply advising that person to ask someone else. Admitting that you were wrong about something (in my opinion) is far preferable to calling anyone who points it out a “hater.” By the same token, making someone feel like crap because their opinion changed (if they provide good reason) is also kind of lame.
So often in the online world you see cries of “Be real! Be human! Be authentic! Be transparent!” Well, few things are more authentic, more human, than saying, “Geeze, I have no idea.”
Let go of the pressure you feel to be perfect. It’s unattainable. Be human. Be you. Be that imperfect, wonderful, unique, transparently awesome, authentically flawed you.
What do you say?
Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/statelibraryofnsw/3284118942/ via Creative Commons
Margie, I haven’t got a clue.
@RoyAtkinson Me neither!!!
When we’re doing things other people aren’t, like admitting a lack of knowledge, the world gets pretty scary.
Here’s the trick. Loads of people admit, happily, to being wrong every day. We never see it – why? Because chances are these people mask their admission with phrases like “Today I learned”, and “New trick I discovered”
Reading the subtext under those kinds of phrases helps me sleep at night. 🙂
@ianmrountree Aha. So you are reading meaning that may not be intended, but in a kind of Freudian way people, via bragging, are admitting how imperfect they are. Gooottttt ittttt 🙂
Along the lines of “I don’t know” how about a shout out to “I don’t get it…yet.” It implies you are willing to learn the platform, but you haven’t figured how how that platform fits into your “social life/strategy”. There are lots of platforms that are like that for me.
@smmanley Yeah, that’s something I don’t understand the outrage about. I always leave my blog posts open-ended – I say what I say with conviction but I’m ready to be proven wrong. I’m ready for platforms to change. I’m ready to change my mind. Why is that a bad thing?
Margie, I liken this to people asking for help. I once had an associate who said, “What an admission of weakness”, about that statement. I said: “To the contrary. What an admission of strength”.Whether it’s asking for help, owning up to mistakes, changing one’s mind based on more information or experience (and thereby not having to say I was “wrong”, but rather “I’ve learned so much since then. It was right for me then, but now I see/think/believe differently”) or saying “I don’t know” , these are all things that come from a place of honesty, confidence, sincerity and integrity. Cheers! Kaarina
@KDillabough Great thought, Kaarina. Along similar lines, my grandma always used to say there is no shame in tears because they just show you have a heart. I don’t mind that line of thinking one jot.
margie – love the truth-full-ness of this post. to change our minds is simply unacceptable, yet we do it daily. need proof of how we eschew mistakes and lambast people who change their minds – see national politics. we skewer people who seem to somehow have grown, opened their eyes, had an experience, or learned more that changed how they thought. i like when people grow and change their minds. i like when people readily say, “i don’t know” or “i was wrong.” and truth be told, i feel like a real, secure grown up when i say it to others. we could all learn much by keeping your post in mind the next time we feel the need to “point and shout” at someone or when we gamble reputation instead of admitting our own humanness.
be well, jr cloudspark
@cloudspark Yes, we definitely jump on people for “flip flopping.” On the other hand, people are also too defensive when someone offers up a criticism. Often there is validity to be found there – you just need to be humble enough, I suppose, to accept that maybe you aren’t perfect. Or is that realism?
A topic near and dear to my heart, @margieclayman . It’s rather unfortunate that some steadfastly refuse to admit fault (in logic, in action, etc) when pressed. Saying “I don’t know” isn’t an admission of weakness. It’s an opportunity to learn, explore and, yes, maybe fail. And you know what? That’s perfectly okay – at least it is for me. 🙂
@jasonkonopinski Yeah, I’m really not sure when “I don’t know” became taboo. It is getting dangerous though. Just because something worked for you doesn’t mean it will work for other people. You might not even know why it worked for you. Claiming knowledge, or building something based on a knowledge you don’t actually have, can have dastardly outcomes.
I just have one question…were you wrong about killing the blog and are you bringing it back?
@Fierce_living I never said I was killing it. I said I wasn’t going to be posting here regularly but rather when something popped into my head that didn’t fit anywhere else. This qualifies. I will not be posting here on any kind of regular schedule, and certainly not daily like I was. I’ve just been thinky lately 🙂
Margie first off, thanks for this, great post. Secondly if you ever read my tweets, I ask a lot of questions, most likely to the point of being annoying. I just started using twitter a little over a year ago. I was afraid of twitter & fb. #stories I signed up for fb not long after twitter, but just started using it recently. I have to say I’ve made many mistakes, but thank goodness I’m also learning from them. I’ve now started an account w/ tumbler to post some writing. Fingers crossed i don’t screw that up. Anyway thanks again for letting me know I’m not alone. 😉
@nightrainmoon13 I’m glad you ask questions – if you ever need help feel free to ping me – I’ll do the best I can for ya 🙂
Margie, I found that once I grew up (around 50), I realized I didn’t know as much as I thought I did at 30. And at 60, I have realized that the longer I’m here, the more I don’t know. And the people that don’t realize this about themselves have either reached a type of enlightenment I haven’t…..or they’re just too young to realize their lack.
@herbworld The Cherokee believe that you aren’t really grown up till you’re about 62 – some people need even longer than that 🙂 I’m not sure it’s an age thing though. I believe if you’re pre-disposed to think you know everything, very little will be able to convince you otherwise. Like my dad says, “A leopard doesn’t change its spots.”
A great big “hell yeah”!
From the get go, your authentic self comes through. Thank you for again leading by example.
@PaulKonrardy Thanks Paul. Always nice to see you here 🙂
You are so right, Margie! Completely agree with you. I actually feel more confident and respectful of people who can admit both. They are the ones I’m more inclined to follow. And I try to practice what you preach, admitting to both items.
As a side note, these are also traits that I look for when I’m picking who to vote for in elections. I decidedly don’t want the candidate that never thinks they are wrong and that makes a decision quickly and then sticks with it, no matter what. I like the guy/gal who might change his or her mind from time to time, and who finds some decisions difficult to make.
Human, thoughtful, and honest is good. Thanks for the post!
@Neicolec Hiya Neicole!
Are there politicians out there who admit to being wrong? I’ve yet to hear of one, but yeah, if they surfaced I’d surely be tempted to vote for them 🙂
Thanks for popping by!
I say, if I say it in an authoritative voice then you should probably believe me even if the BS alarm is sounding.
Like you, there were many things I had no clue but was able to Google most of the answers. Just recently I had to get schooled on the proper way to link posts so you didn’t have to leave my website to look at the link. Duh…..
What if I’m just ‘smart enough’ and know where to get answers when I need to?
I can be hard-headed at times, but certainly not afraid to admit it when I am wrong.
@bdorman264 I can also be pretty darned hard-headed, but knowing that, I try not to take a super hardcore stance on a lot of stuff when I blog or otherwise post online. I believe things, but I am always willing, well, usually willing, to look at things from a different perspective. I’m always happy to learn. The exceptions tend to be when harm to others is involved. I think that’s alright to be hard-headed about 🙂
I agree to you. I don’t see anything wrong when I say “I don’t know.” if I really don’t know the answer. For me, it is better than to be feel embarrass in the end. There are many things that I know that is why I research and read. However, no matter how many things I research and read. I don’t remember all.