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Marietta, OH

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I’m online therefore I am

June 12, 2012 by Margie Clayman 20 Comments

The years following the Renaissance, which was all arty and fluffy (except for stuff like the Spanish Inquisition) came to be known as The Enlightenment or the Age of Reason. Just as the Renaissance boasted great figures like Michelangelo and the other Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the Age of Reason had its own cast of stars, including John Locke, Sir Isaac Newton, Spinoza, and Voltaire. Spanning through most of the 17th century and believed to be the spark that lit the fires of the American Revolution and the French Revolution, the Age of Reason was about science, math, and philosophy. One of its great stars was Rene Descartes.

Descarte was, if you pardon the pun, a real Renaissance man. He was a mathematician (you math nerds are probably thinking of your  Cartesian Coordinate System), a writer, and a great philosopher. Perhaps his most well-known contribution was his pondering on the idea, “I think, therefore I am.”

These days, I fear that some folks have altered this line of reasoning a bit. I fear that for some people, their online identity has become their only identity. They are online, therefore they are. What are they when they are offline? Perhaps that scares them.

On Being Seen

I first ran into this idea on Chris Brogan’s site. He wrote:

I continue to maintain the fantasy that if I don’t blog every day, if I don’t tweet several times a day, if I don’t publish something interesting to Google+ a few times a day, then people will forget me and move on to other sources of information. In some ways, I know this to be true. We are a consumption society, hungry to click to the next thing and the thing after that. from You’re Not As Busy As You Think

I wondered, when reading that, how many people that statement resonated with. I suspect quite a few. Once you’ve gone to the trouble of building an online reputation, it’s almost horrifying to think that people could forget about you if you take a day off or a week off or *gasp* a month off. How did you live before you started tweeting or blogging or Facebooking? How did you track your value and your accomplishments? The possibility that you could lose everything you built over a year or two span because of one or two days off is enough to motivate people to keep on working online, even if their hearts aren’t in it anymore.

Has this happened to you?

Does Social Media lower our self-esteem?

If you begin to think that people will forget you after a day of not blogging or a day of not tweeting, what are you really saying?

To me, it seems like you are saying, “I’m not memorable. I don’t make enough of an impression on people. My presence is so fleeting that people will forget me unless I keep myself in front of them at all possible hours of the day.” This is sort of like what toddlers go through once they reach the age of about 1. Suddenly they start to get really upset when their mom or dad leaves the house. Are they coming back? Are they going to forget I exist? And where’s my bottle, anyway?

As adults, we are seemingly starting to go down this same path of reaction. To me, this would indicate that we are placing more and more value on what other people think of us and less and less value on what we think of ourselves. Granted, not everyone in the online world is going to remember you based on one tweet or one blog post, but you need to value yourself enough to trust that to the people who matter, your presence is appreciated and is missed when it is absent.

You continue to exist in peoples’ minds and hearts whether or not you are tweeting at them. Do you believe that about yourself? If you are feeling skeptical, I might toss out that what’s missing is not your ability to wow others. What’s missing is your ability to wow yourself.

What do you think? Are we basing our sense of self too much on whether or not we are present online? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I’ve written a new e-book called The ABCs of Marketing Myths. You can read about it here!

Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/utopiandreaming/4587647780/ via Creative Commons

Filed Under: Musings

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. LuftigWarren says

    June 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    “…and the other Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”
    “…a real Renaissance man.”
     
    The only thing that could’ve made the beginning of this post any better is if you had called Descartes a “Mathemagician.”  Then you REALLY would’ve had me!  🙂
     
    Maybe it’s a healthy grasp on my position in the online world (low on the totem pole) or an unhealthy, over-active ego (I’ve been accused before), but I haven’t felt the compulsion to post constantly.  I mean, I think I have good content, but not a whole lot of people would realize that I was missing for a few days…a week…a few weeks.  On the flip side though?  I think that the people who have discovered my blog and have interacted with me wouldn’t move on if they didn’t hear from me for a short while.  Make sense?
     
    Luckily, I lead a very active life outside of the online realm, so maybe that plays into my point of view.  I love being online and communicating/sharing, but it isn’t the most important part of my life.
     
    Anyway, thanks for the post.  Talk to you soon.

    Reply
    • margieclayman says

      June 13, 2012 at 9:17 pm

       @LuftigWarren Mathemagician – that made me do a good guffaw. Dang, I hate it when the comments out-do my post!! 🙂
       
      You raise a good point. When you start participating online, the world of social media can become all-encompassing. It’s really important (and this doesn’t get stressed nearly enough) to have other aspects of your life to shrink social media down in importance. Otherwise you can kind of go batty, I”d think. I need time away just to clear my head and keep things (good or bad) in perspective.

      Reply
  2. TheJackB says

    June 12, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    I used to be very cognizant of this but not so much any more. Now I notice when my comments disappear for an extended period of time, but otherwise I just don’t.
     
    It takes too much energy to worry about it. It is similar getting upset about not being included on the top XXX blogger list. If you let it hurt your ego it can give you a serious bruising but do you want to give it that kind of power.

    Reply
    • margieclayman says

      June 13, 2012 at 9:19 pm

       @TheJackB Right. That’s my fear though, is that people let their feelings of self-worth become too intertwined with stuff that happens online. If they don’t make that blogger list they feel really bad about it for days or weeks. I’ve seen people become very bitter about such things. Again, it comes back to perspective. You know who the people are that truly value you. Now if they forget about you, that’s a bummer. Making a list, of which there are 10 new ones every day? Eh. Not so much.

      Reply
  3. bdorman264 says

    June 13, 2012 at 8:54 am

    When I jumped in with Gini Dietrich crowd, it was the Fast and the Furious; it was like holes were springing up in the bottom of my boat and I didn’t have enough fingers and toes to keep it plugged up. It was a frenetic pace indeed and I had no idea how I would be able to sustain it. It was fun and exciting, but I knew I couldn’t run this marathon at a sprinter’s pace. 
     
    Once I found some direction (or lack of direction but knowing I wasn’t going to monetize my efforts) it allowed me to back off, slow down and do my own thing. Yes, the traffic dropped at my place and it caused me anxiety at first, but I finally realized it doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things. I can write, show up just enough, and it still gives me the opportunity to ‘know’ people. 
     
    I will say this, I’m comfortable in my own skin and confident in my abilities; for the most part I don’t need validation in social (but not saying I don’t appreciate it). I personally feel if I just be ‘me’ and do what I can, everything else will fall into place. 
     
    That’s my story…

    Reply
    • ginidietrich says

      June 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm

       @bdorman264 This comes down to what works for you works for you. I have very specific goals for blogging (monetize, monetize, monetize) so if I didn’t blog every day, that’d be like shutting my doors for a day or two. A retail location doesn’t do that. We don’t do that. But you discovered why you were online and that allowed you to go at your own pace…invisible or not.

      Reply
      • margieclayman says

        June 13, 2012 at 9:19 pm

         @ginidietrich  @bdorman264 Boy, that seems like an awful lot of pressure, Gini-San. 

        Reply
    • margieclayman says

      June 13, 2012 at 9:22 pm

       @bdorman264  Gini Dietrich I honestly don’t know how people can stand the pressures of monetized social media on a personal basis over a long period of time. When I first started blogging I checked my traffic…um…a lot, as well as comments. If there had been a monetary goal tied to those statistics, sheesh. I would have quit post haste. It really took me a good year to start to figure things out, and that would be wayyyy too long to wait if my living depended on it. I’m glad that I had other ways of making a living so that I could learn and experiment and get frustrated but not worry about the roof over my head.
       
      All that being said, whether you monetize or not, the people you connect with really do matter. You won’t make everyone’s radar, but for the people that do enjoy interacting with you, you may make more of an impression than you even realize. It’s a very “It’s a wonderful life” sort of thing in those cases 🙂

      Reply
  4. KDillabough says

    June 13, 2012 at 9:57 am

    This is such a timely, spot on, soul-probing post Marjorie Clayman . I could end it right here and say “ditto what Bill Dorman said”, but I’ll add a few bits.
     
    It’s taken a year and a bit to find my sea legs online, and as much time to realize this: I am a writer. I started this journey with one goal: to stop the self-editor in me and just write dammit! Mission accomplished.The Fast and Furious that Bill refers to is now over. Oh yes, I’m human, and some days it bugs me to see the clawing and climbing, yearning and reaching, racing to catch up and struggling for the top, and I recognize in myself the human frailty that is ego-based. But that’s when I stop…realize why I started this all in the first place…whine to a friend (you know who I’m talking to)…adjust my sails and get on with it.
     
    You had me at Renaissance. I consider myself a Renaissance woman, in love with arts and science and photography and writing and painting and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:) It doesn’t always fit in this fast-paced online world to express varied loves and interests. In a day when it’s about singular purpose, analytics, measurement, keeping up, staying ahead. I just want to breathe. See the beauty that abounds. Express myself in ways that I believe resonates with some…not all. 
     
    We can’t be all things to all people, nor should we try to be. Likewise, if my “numbers” fall off or people forget me, then it’s one of two things: I’m either not memorable enough in their eyes, or their day/timetable/reader/email inbox is simply too full to discern and distinguish anymore. I had to purge mine to avoid the latter. And that’s my story:) Cheers! Kaarina

    Reply
    • margieclayman says

      June 13, 2012 at 9:24 pm

       @KDillabough  Hi Kaarina!
       
      You need to set realistic expectations. There are people you may talk to every day who suddenly disappear for a few days or a month and you don’t say anything. Does that mean you don’t care? Probably not. We are all affected by how our “peeps” are doing. But it’s *impossible* to keep your arms around everyone you meet in the real world or in the online world. It’s just in the online world it’s harder to remember that because folks are in front of you every day.
       
      What I worry about is that people end up taking it all too seriously and/or too personally. In those cases, leaving for a few days without anyone checking on you can be devastating. It’s like that post Bill wrote about the guy who was dead at his desk for days because no one asked him if he was okay. Yikes. But you have to trust that your value is still high and that people are just stinking busy. That’s the trick to it all.

      Reply
      • KDillabough says

        June 14, 2012 at 10:46 am

         @margieclayman Wise words;)

        Reply
  5. ginidietrich says

    June 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    If this were two years ago, I would have agreed with Chris’s statement. But, as my business has grown and we’re working hard on scaling, it’s become less important to me to be online. Last year I spent two hours every day trolling the blogosphere and leaving comments. I had to stop doing that this year, simply because it wasn’t a good use of my time. I LOVE doing it, but it wasn’t presenting an ROI. So now I read (and occasionally link in a blog post), but I rarely comment any more. I had a stern talk with myself about what was important and you know what’s important? My having a day off from this crazy online world every week. If that means people forget about me, so be it.

    Reply
    • margieclayman says

      June 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm

       @ginidietrich Yep, it’s all about prioritization. For me, my actual job (the one that like, pays me) ALWAYS takes first prize in any priority contest. Clients come first. Always always. Everything else after that is a crap-shoot. I have a pretty good idea of who would start wondering where the heck I had gone off to if I disappeared and who wouldn’t necessarily give it much thought, and I’m cool with that. But these are things I’m not sure people are really told about when they first jump in to the online waters, you know?

      Reply
  6. susansilver says

    June 13, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Great insights from everyone so far in the comments. 
     
    I have been struggling very hard on this issue. I have had to prioritize making money over my fun stuff; Twitter (I miss you), my blog (so slow responding to comments) and even trying to guest post. It has been a transition process.
     
    I see it a lot like @bdorman264 described. Once you know what direction you are heading in, then you keep going that way. A lot of my efforts on networking were to find the right opportunities. When I landed them and knew what direction to go everything came together. The result is that I have less time for personal use of social media, but that’s okay. 
     
    I have tried to transition my online friends to real friends with emails and phone calls. I think it is nice to have that experience. Then when you disappear from Twitter, people know how to reach you. 
     

    Reply
    • margieclayman says

      June 13, 2012 at 9:28 pm

       @susansilver  This is why I wrote awhile back that I think social media might start to simmer down a bit in the coming months/years. Assuming that people continue to find jobs or create jobs, they’re going to have less and less time to be online all day. The “consultants” or speakers who make their money entirely based on social media are going to hit some hard times, I feel, because so many other people are going to be moving on. Like me, like you, it’s about survival first. That means doing what pays the bills. Blogging and commenting is super fun, and maybe you could argue it has a super long-tail ROI, but is that enough compared to a regular paycheck? Probably not.

      Reply
  7. dbvickery says

    June 18, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    From what I’ve seen with Gini’s comments – and having an understanding of Brogan’s depth of exposure and recognition – there is a tipping point at which you can be more selective with online communications. There is still a ramp up and a “proving ground” where you are building a following as well as building a trust that you are there for the long haul. To me, that requires a higher frequency and broader use of platforms to establish that presence.
     
    Once momentum is built, then it becomes less effort to sustain that momentum (or even accelerate on occasion). I feel I am an example of this: I frequently interact with several of the Usual Suspects in blog comments, Facebook and Twitter (and even Google+). People trust the consistency, content and sometimes oddball humor (and cats…can’t believe it). At some point, I hope that leads to opportunities for our social media monitoring solution. Success and market penetration hopefully breeds even more exposure/recognition. Of course, I am still struggling with making the transition from great relationships to great relationships w/occasional business opportunities.
     
    But you know me – none of this impacts my self-esteem one way or another. I know who I am 😉

    Reply
  8. NicoleFende says

    June 18, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    Very timely post for me Margie.  I’ve had minimal online time the last two months to address an extended family emergency.  While I was worried that I’d “be dead” I realized that if my life is really that transitory I need to be doing something different.

    Reply
  9. Marjorie Clayman says

    June 19, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    woops… 🙂

    Reply
  10. Livefyre says

    June 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Marjorie Clayman Sure thing, Margie!

    Reply
  11. EmilEMilev says

    May 24, 2016 at 3:28 pm

    Im in my own head and its the only place where I truly am. Folks who dont know what this means are lost

    Reply

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