Musings

There are a lot of great words out there about forgiveness.

Failing to forgive is too heavy a load to carry.

Failing to forgive is more about you than it is about the person you won’t forgive.

These are good words and good sentiments, and I can’t really argue with them. But sometimes, it seems like forgiveness will cost you too much.

How do we forgive the person who shot Gabby Giffords and killed and wounded so many others?

How do we forgive the soldiers who opted to pee on the bodies of dead Iraqis?

How do I forgive that person I loved who let themselves die in secret rather than seek any sort of medical attention or help?

It seems like forgiveness in these cases is too simple. You’re sorry you did those things? You repent? Well, that’s good. I guess. But it’s too late.

Is that fair?

Death, often times, seems like the great eraser. When Ted Kennedy died, many said that he had lived life well. And it was true -he had done a lot of amazing things. But he also left a woman alone in a car who could have potentially been saved. A car at the bottom of a lake, where she died frozen in desperation. Did his death and later good deeds erase that? That seemed like too much to forgive and forget for me.

Now, many are mourning the loss of Joe Paterno while others are raising their fists and saying his life and legacy should not be celebrated. It’s unclear to me just how much Joe knew. If someone told you that your partner, your right-hand man, was doing the unthinkable, would you be able to act in the way you see most fit? One hopes to never be in such a situation. And yet, JoPa did turn a blind eye. He admitted as much. And many children, many families, probably suffered needlessly as a result. Death opted to take Mr. Paterno before he had a chance for any make-goods. He died, as Hamlet says, in the midst of his sin.

What does forgiveness cost us in this case? How much of our own hearts and feelings would we have to sacrifice to let bygones be bygones now that the man has died?

I strive to live life the way Gandalf describes it. Who am I to dole out death and judgment? I strive to live my life based on what philosopher Jamie Sams says – when you point a finger, there are three pointing back at you.

And yet, if I say I forgive everything, I’m not being honest. Some things are too hard to forgive. Some things should not be forgotten, even with the broad sweep of mortality’s end.

Sometimes forgiveness is a gift we cannot give. Sometimes it is a load we cannot put down. I think that is the epitome of the human condition. Don’t you?

Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dalboz17/2892904007/ via Creative Commons

I have to just go on ahead and say something. Are you ready? It might ruffle your feathers a little bit, so be ready.

I think the romanticization of swearing in blog posts is really, really stupid.

Phew. I feel better.

I remember when I first started blogging and I heard about bloggers who were called things like “edgy,” “brave,” or otherwise “awesome.” The majority of people so labeled write blog posts that kind of feel like you ran into a sailor who decided to write about content marketing, social media, or something related. Bloggers labeled “edgy” or “brave” average 2-3 f-bombs a post. Often their headlines get you started with a nice f-bomb or how “crappy” something is or how they’re calling BS or how so and so is an a-hole, etc.

*yawn*

What’s really interesting is that a lot of female bloggers seem to have found success in the online world not because they are writing content that is particularly useful or actionable but rather because they are writing content that is “edgy and brave.” In other words, they are cussing a lot.

Oh my, a woman who swears! How AWESOME!

Or is it?

I’m no prude

Let me take one possible response to this post out of play immediately. It would be easy to assume that I am writing this from the perspective of some fragile little lady who just thinks swearing is the worst thing since unsliced bread. To be honest, and to my father’s chagrin, I have quite the potty mouth, especially when playing Mario Brothers on the Wii, apparently. I can’t sing some of my most favorite songs in polite company because they are rife with yucky words. Cussing is not something I think about if I’m in familiar company or in a setting where it doesn’t seem completely inappropriate.

‘Nuff said, right?

So why does blogging f-bombs p…tick me off?

Truthfully, the act of incorporating cuss words into blog posts doesn’t really rub me the wrong way. I mean, it depends on the blog site, I suppose. If you are writing as the CEO of a company, it’s my personal opinion that you shouldn’t sit there and write like you’re a rapper straight outta Compton. But that’s just me. A blogging style is a blogging style.Who am I to tell anyone what to do?

What bugs me is a two-fold issue. First, there is the omnipresent feeling that if you are using cuss words in your blog posts, you are REALLY at the peak of the blogging game. Ain’t nobody holding you back, man. You are going to write naughty words and you’re going to use them as often as possible.

This strikes me as a very juvenile way to approach writing, especially writing that is often developed in a professional setting. Now, maybe I’m crazy (many of accused me of such), but if I am sitting down with a new client, am I going to sit there and talk like Cartman from South Park? Am I even going to discuss my favorite scenes from South Park? I wouldn’t. So here on my blog, which is an online representation of my professional self, I do not use that kind of language or those kinds of allusions.

The other problem I have though is that there seems to be a sentiment that a woman blogger can make a bigger splash if she cusses as much as possible. If you run down the list of some of the most highly-trafficked blog sites run by women, you are likely to see a plethora of unsavory words. These women are literally shining with the “I’m as macho as any man” aura. They’re going to be tough and they’re going to cuss and they’re going to call people out and talk about how stupid everyone else is.

Why is that awesome again?

The Liz Strauss model

Personally, I would love to see more women given kudos who write like Liz Strauss. Other women who fall into this category include Lisa Petrilli, Heidi Cohen, Peg Fitzpatrick, and Sherree Worrell. These women do not need to add a layer of 6″ thick machismo to their blogs for the excellent content to get shared and noticed. They are applauded, like many male bloggers are, because their posts are really, really good. There is content people can use. There is content that is helpful.

Now that’s a concept. Applauding bloggers for writing good content. Huh.

If you’re a cusser, you’re a cusser.

Of course, there are women who just genuinely are potty mouths and don’t really care what anybody thinks, just like there are men who don’t care what kind of language they use. That’s groovy and stuff. I would still posit that you are not wreaking of professionalism when you write that way, but that’s just me and my background. However, if a person is writing in a manner true to him or herself, you can tell. And their content will still have substance. The people who are just cussing because it’s “cool” you can also identify pretty easily. For example, their content really doesn’t leave you thinking anything other than, “Wow, that was a lot of cuss words for such a short post.”

Am I on to something here? Am I *really* crazy? What are your thoughts on this issue? I’d love to hear ’em!

Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ventriloblog/15498679/ via Creative Commons

I’ve had some really interesting conversations over the last couple of days, and while these conversations are resulting in a “musing” more than a “social media” or a “marketing” post, I wanted to share the results of what I have been talking about with various friends and family members.

It all started on Saturday. I was conversing with several people on a thread about Pinterest and once again mentioned the fact that I hate generalizations. Dan Perez pointed out that I say that an awful lot. In a sort of blink response, I said that I probably hate generalizations because I have been dismissed so often as a result of generalizations having to do, quite simply, with the fact that I’m about a foot shorter than the “average” bear. As a kid, doctors showed me chart after chart showing how my height was “below normal.” My pinky fingers are curved and therefore I must have *something* wrong with me. At restaurants I often get skipped over even though I’m next in line because people assume that I’m somebody’s kid (increasingly enchanting as I get older and older).

I don’t like being victimized by these generalizations, and therefore, I do my best not to lump other people together based on other generalizations. It’s a gut thing.

Peter Dinklage

The next series of conversations occurred last evening during the Golden Globes. Peter Dinklage won a Golden Globe for his role in Game of Thrones. I noted how wonderful and gratifying it was to see a Little Person earn kudos for acting, and not for a show like “Little People Big World.” As I was feeling like maybe the tide was finally turning for Little People, a friend of mine posted to my Facebook page a link regarding the “shout out” that Peter included at the end of his thank you speech. He mentioned a guy named Martin Henderson, and as the music was cutting him off, he asked the audience to “Google him.” My friend had. As it turned out, Martin Henderson had been standing outside a pub when a gang of miscreants picked him up and tossed him into the air (because dwarf tossing is a good hobby). Henderson may have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.

The high and the low of these two conversations is creating quite a whirlwind in my head today. So I thought I would talk to you about it.

The Lack of Humanity in the Treatment of Little People

Compared to a lot of people who are categorized as “Dwarf,” I am very fortunate. I am 4’5, which is on the tall end of dwarfism. I do not have Achondroplasia, which means that my body is proportional and I do not have any bone or muscle problems tied to my condition. That being said, I am enough “below the norm” that my experience, I find, is more relatable to Little People than it is to just “people.”

That being said, I have been acutely aware, my whole life, of how poorly Little People are treated. Whether it’s Hollywood, TV commercials, or people posting ads to Craigslist asking for “midgets to perform at parties,” I have always been amazed at how little society seems to care about the fact that Little People are so often abused and maltreated. In fact, more often than not, these sad occasions are greeted with laughter as opposed to outrage. People laughed at the “Dwarf tossing” jokes in Lord of the Rings, which were completely gratuitous. Another friend of mine even informed me that a politician is arguing that government has no right to ban dwarf tossing. Really.

What do I do?

When I was in college I went to see a presentation by an artist who happened to be a Native American. His art was not what we *generally* think of when we think of Native American art, and he said he got a lot of crap from his people about that. “Why aren’t you representing our culture now that you’re finding success?” He just wanted to express himself. He didn’t want to be a Native American artist. He wanted to be an artist.

Similarly, I do not want to be “that Little Person blogger.” I don’t want my whole life to be summed up by the fact that I’m under 60″ tall. In fact, I’ve been trying to separate myself from that reality for years. However, there is also the startling fact that kids who are growing up as Little People right now have precious few people they can look to as role models in the public space. Billy Barty was my main role model when I was a kid, and my experience didn’t really relate to his at all. Over the years there have been a few Little People, like Robert Reich, who managed to make it big without just being “that Little Person.” By being out there and doing his thing, he made a point, maybe without even trying to.

I’m thinking there may be some value to that.

There’s another factor too, though, and that is that the prejudice against Little People is so embedded and so strong in our society that it is a more dangerous world for Little People. I don’t like to go out in a city by myself because you never know when you’ll meet that big group of jerks who wants to harass you – or worse. It’s embarrassing. It’s frightening. And it’s so unnecessary.

What can you do?

If you are interested in this issue, there are two super easy ways you can help me and other Little People out. First- be vocal. If you see someone using the word “midget” suggest that they could choose a far less offensive word. If you see a Little Person being harassed, speak up.

Also, I created a Facebook page awhile back called Spread the News: the Word Midget is Offensive and Hurtful. If you are of a mind, show your support simply by liking it. I don’t converse there much anymore, but 1,495 people like it as of today. That’s a brightly shining star.

There are, of course, tons of groups of people who receive similar treatment. I hate all injustices. But for today, I’m focusing on one that affects me directly. And on Martin Luther King Day, I’m going to go ahead and fling out a dream that one day Little People will just be “people”  who happen to be little.

That will be a great day indeed.

Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/clobby/379764 via Creative Commons

We’ve often talked here about what it takes to reach that pinnacle of success in the online world that so many strive for. Over the last few months, and after a lot of observation, it seems like ultimately, to “take it to the next level,” you have to be willing to run some people over.

There are a couple of reasons for this, probably. First, running someone over, say, in a blog post, is almost assured to get you a lot of traffic. If I sat here and stirred a rumplebutt against any well-known person, I would be sure to get a lot of traffic and a lot of comments. My name would pop up everywhere. I could write a post naming all of the things I’ve seen in the online world that have driven me bonkers and have made me want to gnaw my arm off. I could use names to write that post to really make sure I was getting attention. I could link to posts that I thought were stupid and I could say that that author was clearly off their nut. I could do all of that.

And you know what – it would probably make this blog site skyrocket.

Isn’t that sad?

The red team and the blue team

The longer I stay online, the more various teams and alliances become apparent to me. In my particular case we’ll call them the red team and the blue team. I met the red team first. These folks talked to me and supported me well before most folks on the blue team did. I didn’t even know there were teams when the red team started talking to me, in fact. I was just feeling darn skippy that this online thing was in fact resulting in me being able to communicate with people (there was some question about that for awhile). As I started to meet new people and learn about new blogs, I started feeling like the online world was Sir Thomas More’s Utopia come true. Then one day, I signed into Twitter and saw a red team member and a newly defined blue team member having an epic brawl right there in the public stream.

Oh. That was an eye opener, my friends.

Undeterred, I continued to meet people, and still do. But as I do, I notice that they tend to be affiliated, loosely or tightly, with one team or the other. And it’s becoming easier and easier to see where those lines are.

The hazing

A lot of teams and organizations have a sort of hazing process you have to go through to gain acceptance. Back when I was in college a new frat member was stupidly invited to walk through a glass door to get in, which he proceeded to do. It seems like the best way to really solidify your place on one online team or the other is to write a post totally deboweling a person from the opposite team. This can be done with a call-out, calling BS, or other such. You’ve seen these posts, no doubt. Now you can also write a super nice post about someone on the team you want to be affiliated with, but that doesn’t always get you as far. If you’re willing to “be brave” and call someone out on your blog site, you get a lot more notice and positive feedback.

As I have said before here, I remain unaffiliated.

The really tragic part

The sad part of all of this is not that I will probably never achieve the same kind of Twelebrity that team members do. I mean, that’s pretty sad. Being mean to step up in the world is crap. At least in my opinion. But the really sad thing is that most of these folks on these juvenile teams are utterly brilliant. They all have great ideas. And you know what else? They all have great hearts. They are all kind. The support and friendship I have gotten from both sides of this ridiculous divide has been stunning. And yet there is such vitriol that I feel I am betraying some folks merely by talking to other folks.

The last time I witnessed something like this to this extent – fifth grade. FIFTH GRADE, people. And many of you are in your 30/40/50s. Many of you are respected business owners. Many of you have kids for whom you are setting an example (because if you think they don’t see how you act online, you are CRAZY).

So I’m calling you all out. There are better ways to communicate. There are better ways to set the bar high than to invite controversy, name-calling, bashing, and other things that this current online environment propagates. All individuals who participate in this kind of garbage are to blame. Both teams are guilty of making the online world a little bit more stupid and immature. Both. It is not “brave” to call someone out on a blog site that you know your supporters read. To me, that is more chicken than just keeping your mouth shut.

Don’t get sucked in

Maybe you don’t see these team divisions where you are in the online world. Maybe your red and blue teams are different from the ones in my experience. In any case, if you see teams developing or if you get an invite that says that if you write a super nasty post about someone you’ll be in like flynn, avoid the temptation. What no one seems to understand is that online badgering just makes you the badgerer look bad. It might get you to a more successful place from some perspectives, but you’ll be selling your soul to do it.

My soul is a little more valuable to me than some Twelebrity.

How about you?

Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/duncanh1/4549360274/ via Creative Commons

You’ve probably heard in the news lately that a few people around the US are calling for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies. These folks are upset because they feel that money from sold Girl Scout cookies is being used to fund horrible things like allowing transgender children to participate in Scout groups. They do not feel their money should be spent on such a disturbing facet of the Girl Scout experience.

Normally I do not touch issues like this on this blog but I can’t sit silently by and watch this one unfold, and there is a very simple reason for that. Lives are at stake. Lives have already been lost, in fact. What am I talking about? I’m talking about the lives of our young people who are transgender, gay, or in any other way “abnormal” by certain peoples’ societal standards.

So why is this Girl Scout cookie boycott good? Because it gives us some momentum to talk about this silent epidemic that is sweeping away far, far too many young people. It gives us a chance to dissect how these societal biases work. It gives us a chance to put the recent suicide of teenager Eric James Borges into a context that will create, hopefully, finally, a sense of urgency.

Who is was Eric James Borges

You might remember the “It gets better” movement that spread like wildfire across the internet. It was a brief window of time when the nation and the online world was focusing, with both eyes, on the increasing number of youths who are taking their own lives. Eric James Bourges created a video as part of this movement (you can watch it here). In it, he explains how his mother tried to perform an exorcism on him to eradicate him of his gay tendencies. He talks about being spit on, being beaten up, and being threatened. Despite all that had happened to him, he put out this message trying to help other people. But now we have lost him.

The devastating truth

Eric is not the first person we have lost because of this lack of humanity within our society. Check out these horrifying statistics about suicides amongst the LGBT community from a site called Laura’s Playground. Maybe you remember the story of Tyler Clementi, whose roommate videotaped Tyler in a gay encounter and then posted the video online. Or maybe you remember countless other stories that have surfaced over the last few years.

So now, against this backdrop, we have people who are asking us to boycott Girl Scout cookies because a few transgender kids, despite all of their pressure to not be true to themselves, despite all of society’s penchant for treating them like low-life scumbags, despite all of that, they want to try to participate in an organization that promotes being the best you can be and including everyone.

Don’t these kids have enough to deal with? Can’t we let them try to find friendship? Can’t we let them experience the things I experienced as a Girl Scout, like camping, hiking, learning how to read a compass, and learning how charity can come in millions of different shapes and forms? Can’t we let them have a little breather away from the bullying and misunderstanding they have to face? It seems some would answer those questions in the negative. No. We have to once again shine the spotlight on those who do not live the way we think they should live. The fact that they are children is irrelevant. Let’s boycott Girl Scout cookies because a few kids tried to have something fun happen in lives that are likely complex in more ways than we can grasp.

How much blood do we want on our hands?

The kind of ignorance, cruelty, malice, and ostracizing that we are seeing in this scenario is running rampant in our country behind a million closed doors, within a million classrooms, and with millions of witnesses who stand by and say nothing. How many jewels are we losing, jewels like Eric Borges who even in the pit of despair tried to reach out and help others avoid suicide? What kinds of strong people are we losing? What kinds of amazing people are we losing? And when do we finally say, “Huh…I think this might be a problem”?

To me, this issue is really not about Girl Scout cookies. It’s not even about Girl Scouts as an organization. It’s about a cancer in our society that we are allowing to eat away at not us, but at our children. Whether our children are victims or aggressors, the damage is being done.

Let’s use this opportunity to talk about this. Let’s use this opportunity to show our support to a group of young people who sadly often receives the exact opposite. Let’s use this opportunity to make a really positive change in how our society operates.

I don’t want to lose another precious Eric Borges.

Do you?

Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hinnosaar/4373634220/ via Creative Commons