Musings

From early 2007 through about February of this year, I ran an online charity group called Homespun Helpers. The idea was that people could make whatever they wanted, from baked goods to crocheted baby bonnets. They could donate to any charity they wanted. All you had to do was post a picture of the items to our Livejournal community blog, tell us where the items were going, and then I’d keep a running tally. Over the period of the group, we donated about 7,000 items to all kinds of charities all around the world. The idea really had me thinking all the time, and I had all sorts of grandiose ideas that I would bounce off my poor, defenseless friends. One day I called a friend with this ridiculously complex concept (I can’t even remember what it was now). She stopped me. “Do you know how to do this part of this step?” “No.” “Well, do you know how to do this this and this?” “Um…no.” “Maybe you should rethink this?” “Maybe.”

Sometimes, I wonder if I have really shaken the temptation of trying to run before learning how to crawl, then wobble, then walk. For example, I’m out here in my blog world offering marketing advice in a lot of my posts. Should I be? I have never worked for or with a Fortune 500 company. I don’t have a story about how I took a little start-up and made it into a Fortune 500 Company. I’m okay with the fact that I haven’t become a power house. I’ve been at this for less than a decade. But should I be blogging from the vantage point of someone who knows stuff? Maybe not. Maybe I’m trying to run before I really know how to walk.

Lots of runners

In a lot of the conversations I have with people in the Social Media world, it seems like this problem of rushing is a bug that bothers many individuals and companies. Last night during #custserv, for example, someone mentioned that companies are training their CSRs to do live chats before the people have really mastered the phones. Companies are rushing into Social Media saying, “Oh, it’s gonna be great, we’re gonna sign up for Twitter, we’re gonna end up with 5,000 followers in the first day, we’re gonna convert 3500 into customers by day 3, and it’s just going to EXPLODE from there!”

Well, as many of us know (and you don’t have to be around for very long to learn this) that kind of thinking tends most often to lead to Heartbreak Hotel. That, in turn, can lead to ongoing feelings of failure and discouragement. Really it shouldn’t though! It’s just that we’re all trying to get to the top as soon as we can so that we can then….what? Set a new standard? Buy a house in the mountains? What are we rushing for?

Enjoy the bumps and bruises of learning

Learning can be ugly sometimes. When little kids are learning how to walk, they often fall down, then bump their heads on the table as they try to get up. Learning how to ride a bike without training wheels can be pure torture. Falling down over and over on the driveway is hardly enjoyable. Few things are more stressful than learning how to drive. But we do all of those things because we know that the pay-off will be worth it eventually. It takes a lot of time to learn how to walk,then to run, then to skip and hop and jump, but we keep at it without even knowing what we’re doing. We keep trying to figure out bike riding because we envision ourselves riding through beautiful forests and up steep mountain trails. We go through the sheer terror of learning how to drive because we know the independence that comes with that skill.

Why should our work be any different? Learning how to use Social Media may seem really boring compared with all of the case studies you see about how this or that company became ruler of the world by making 1 tweet. But it’s worth it to learn how to do it right, isn’t it? Writing an e-book sounds like a lot of fun if you compare it to reading 5,000,000 blog posts and 2,000,000 books, but imagine how much more skillful and knowledgeable you’ll be if you just give yourself time!

The pot on the stove is bubbling

Keeping ambition in check is hard, especially when it feels, if you believe the stories out there, that you are in a horse-drawn carriage at the Indianapolis 500. However, I think it’s essential to keep that ambition tied to the anchor of reality. I am trying to learn everything I can so that I don’t take steps backwards. I am leaving myself a trail of breadcrumbs so I don’t get lost on my way to the giant house made of candy. I am enjoying the journey. I view it like the process involved in making, say, mashed potatoes. You put the taters in a pot of water, and at first you are just trying to get the water bubbling. But slowly and surely, the boiling really starts to go to town, and all of a sudden your pot lid is on the ceiling, defying gravity momentarily.

Do you find that you or your company try to run before you know how to walk? Do you jump into things reaching for the heights before you look to see what you’re jumping into? Tell me your perspective. I’d love to hear it.

1st Image by clifford shirley. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/fotomedia

2nd Image Credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/roxinasz

When I was in fifth grade, I was a real goody goody. Sometimes, this worked to my advantage. However, a lot of times, to be fair, the teacher would have to punish me right along with everyone else. On days when the class was just talking too much for her to stand, we’d all have to sit down at recess and copy “Silence is Golden” over and over again. I still hate that phrase. I felt it was really blatantly unfair that I had to sit there when I hadn’t been talking at all.

Lately, I’m starting to feel that same twinge of concern, trepidation, and “Hey man” in the Social Media world.

I haven’t been doing this game for very long, but so far, about once a month, one of the people I respect in this space has written a post about how they are tired of people failing to value their time, or they are tired of how people take advantage (or try to) of their expertise. First there was Chris Brogan’s post called “Make the Ask.” Then Tamar Weinberg wrote a post called “The Audacity of Free.” And now Lisa Barone of Outspoken Media has written a post called 15 ways to handle “Pick your brand” requests.” All of them cover the same types of information. All of them, in different ways, reverberate with frustration.

Now, as an idea type person myself, I totally sympathize with these kinds of frustrations. I’ve written about this before, in fact. But here’s the problem I’m having. The people who are writing these posts are people whom I view as role models, as teachers, as mentors. The fact that they choose to post blogs and articles based on their years of experience ensures that I can keep on learning so that I can pay it forward to people with less experience than I have. That’s the way the game is supposed to work.

Unfortunately, folks like me are becoming collateral damage in the growing war between the (insert your preferred title here..expert, thought leader, influential person) and the people who do not respect them. In order to learn and in order to grow, I would like to be able to ask small questions of these people. I’d like to be able to say, “I didn’t understand that part of your blog post. Can you clarify it?” Sometimes I like to ask other questions too. I’m a born questioner. But all of these posts filled with righteous indignation are making me seriously debate with myself before asking any of those questions. It is making me feel like I should not ask for time or a smidgeon of advice because, no offense to the grey masses team, but I don’t want to be classed as a person who fails to respect time and knowledge.

Of course, the great irony of life is that the people who really are guilty are probably not affected by these posts at all. But it would be of a great help to me if these posts of understandable frustration could delineate what is considered offensive and what is not. What falls into consultation and what falls into friendly mentoring or teaching? I never want to be in a position where I ask a question and then feel like I should ask to be invoiced. So, thought leaders, I’m asking you this one question. Where is the line between the brain-pickers and the students? And which one am I?

Image credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/clix

One of the things that I found shocking when I was pursuing my Masters in Library Science was the number of truly passionate debates that would break out in my classes. Some of them were kind of funny. For example, things got a little heated when we talked about whether libraries should offer gift shops in the ground floor. If a book is about how to care for animals, how can you make sure both a “cat person” AND a “dog person” would find it? Since the classification system didn’t include codes for every vegetable, how could you tell someone that a book coded as “corn” was actually about carrots?

Some debates were more serious though. One that I remember being particularly interested in was an argument about the preservation of antiquated documents. You see, the process then (I don’t know if the technology has changed) was to scan the books into a digital format. The process, however, often sped up the obliteration of the physical document. What was more important? Having the actual manuscript, crumbling though it may be, or preserving the content via some modern, impersonal digital medium?

I was on the side of keeping the actual manuscript. Many had been hand-illustrated. The covers had been hand-created. The codex had been sewn together by someone sitting in a dark and empty room of some monastery somewhere. Today, publishers create books so that they can withstand the rigor of 1-2 readings. These manuscripts have far outlived today’s life expectancy. Why not let them live a little longer?

As a librarian, my view was somewhat inappropriate. My focus was supposed to be on the content, not on the sentiment of nostalgia.

Now, in my new professional life, I am faced with a somewhat similar debate. We are using Social Media, and depending on how you use it, you can cast a wide net or capture a few quality friends. Sometimes you can do both at the same time. You can stay in touch with people you went to elementary school with. You can reconnect with your first crush and your first arch-enemy in one day. I am torn about all of this.

Of course, back in Library School, I understood the value of preserving the content. I wasn’t against it. It was just a choice of priorities. I’m not against Social Media. I certainly see the value of it. But are we meant to stay in touch with every person in the world? Are we meant to do business with people we may never meet in person? With someone who may never even see our handwriting? Aren’t some relationships meant to crumble? Aren’t some meant to grow tangibly through handshakes and meals?

Is it better to have access to thousands of documents digitally knowing that the physical document was destroyed to create that experience? Is it better to deal with people digitally because some relationship is better than the few you might have in “real life”? Is it better to do business with hundreds of people at the expense of shaking hands with a few?

One of the saddest things in my life is that I lost both of my grandmothers within a few years of each other when I was very very young. Both of my grandmothers were taken by diseases that are now prime targets for fundraising and cures. My mother’s mother struggled badly with asthma and was taken by a sudden and severe asthma attack. My father’s mother struggled with MS for more than 40 years and passed shortly after a surgery that was supposed to help improve the quality of her life.

I think of my grandmothers a lot. I was only 6 when my first grandma died, about 10 when my second grandmother passed. You don’t really know enough at that age to ask important questions or to acknowledge the fact that you have these wonderful people around.

I’ve been thinking about my grandmothers, then my mom, then me as I watch Mad Men. My grandmothers were raising children in the 1960s. Both of my grandmothers were overall pretty traditional. My paternal grandmother, of course, was greatly inhibited by her disease, but still she believed strongly in family gatherings, in outings, in proper language, things like that. My mom’s mom was the type of person who could whip up a giant cake in five seconds flat. It is because of her that I taught myself how to crochet and how to knit.

My mom and her generation are caught between the conventions of their mothers and the great pull of everything the 60s and 70s meant for young people. My mom was compelled to try to be a full-time mom and a full-time professional, as were and are so many women.

Where are women in business today? Where are women today?

As I try to build my personal “brand,” as I try to represent everything that matters to our family’s advertising agency, I find that I feel a strange pull. Is this what I should be doing? Is this too feminine? Is this not feminine enough? Should I buy a pinstripe suit? Or should I be wearing flowy dresses and skirts?

When I was in high school and trying desperately to learn how to crochet, a lot of people made fun of me. When I got into college and knitted and crocheted a lot, at first people were a little perplexed, but slowly, both crafts became popular among my friends, and now the popularity of crafting in general has sky-rocketed. Why is Martha Stewart so popular? Why is there such a lust for nostalgic arts like folding dinner napkins into swans? Why is it mostly women who adore Martha and watch her show? Is something “homey” missing from our lives?

I watch shows like Mad Men or the reaction to women like Hillary Clinton (regardless of your political views) and I think, “When can I just be me?” When will the pressure of “defining woman’s role” or “breaking the glass ceiling” finally be in the rear view mirror? I’m me. I’m my own person. I do business-type stuff. I do traditional domestic type stuff. I love both equally. Why does it feel like there needs to be something more grandiose?

Do you feel it too?

Men, what is your perspective?

I am generally a pretty pensive, somewhat sappy person. Knowing this, there are two times during the course of a year when I get particularly pensive (and maybe particularly sappy). Those times are the area generally surrounding my birthday and then pretty much the whole span of time between Thanksgiving and New Years. I really love birthdays more than New Years because it’s about your own specific life. Whether or not a birthday is a big 5 or 0, it gives you a chance to look back on what you did when you were one year younger, and what you hope to do when you are 1 year older.

I have been working for my family’s advertising agency for just a hair over six years now. That’s still two years fewer than the time it took me to finish college and grad school. I still haven’t graduated, in terms of years, professionally. It seems hard to believe that I have been working for such a small amount of time, because when I look at where I was when I started, or five years ago, it feels like I have learned a lifetime worth of stuff.

So, I thought I would share some of the things I would tell the me of five years ago. What would you tell the you of five years ago? I’d love to hear your stories 🙂

Dear five-year-younger me:

– Concentrate on the infinite number of doors that are still open, not the few that are closed

– Read more, talk less

– Learn more, teach less

– The stiff unbending tree is the heavy wind’s first victim. Learn to sway in the breeze

– Nothing and no one can be taken for granted. Life doesn’t owe you a thing. Everything you have and everyone you know, therefore, should be cherished with all your heart

– Think outside the box more

– Don’t let fear be your tour guide

– Always dream. You’re never done dreaming, you’re never done striving for your dreams

– You can do it

Something bizarre is happening in the world of Social Media. People, en masse, are doing something that people in “real life” don’t do enough (in my opinion). They are reflecting upon the big questions. “What am I doing here?” “What is this all about, anyway?”

One of the more common threads of conversation I’ve seen over the last couple of weeks is “What does influence mean?” This question has been approached from multitudinous angles. Chris Brogan has written about the relationship between his influence, his community, and affiliate marketing. Maya Paveza wrote a post just today about how we socialize and use the web for business. On the complete other end of the spectrum, Mitch Joel wrote a post a couple of days ago about how Social Media, and wondering if we’re influential, might just be a sign of narcissism. Meanwhile, last night during #Techchat, an “influencer” was defined as someone who receives incentives for support a product, brand, service, or company – someone who is paid to influence what people buy.

What are we really asking?

Why is influence suddenly on the minds of so many people? Is there a looming jealousy as a certain category of people in Social Media are labels as “influencers?” Are we asking if we are important? Are we asking if we would hear a fly buz when we die (Or delete our accounts)? I’m not really sure I *want* to be influential. I don’t know what that really means or entails in this context. I know that my ultimate goal in life is to be able to do good for the world, so if I could be influential in getting people to help me help people, that would be a dream come true. Somehow, I don’t think that’s what the Fast Company “influence project” was about, though.

Do you strive to be influential? What does that mean to you?

Influential in business terms

I think, after participating in some of these conversations and listening to others, that maybe what people really want to know is “Am I successful?” That’s a little bit less nebulous, right? I mean if you are using Social Media to make money via affiliate marketing on your blog, it’s easy to tell if you are successful. If you are using Social Media to grow your business, there are tons of ways to tell if you’re successful. If people retweet you on Twitter when you say the sky is blue, or if people like your status on Facebook when you say you like blueberries, maybe that’s a measure of success for you.

There’s one thing I know for certain, however. Whether you are trying to be influential, successful, popular, or whether you’re just a Social Media narcissist, you aren’t going to get very far if you don’t have people around you, with you, in your network.

Inclusion as the pathway to influence

There’s another “I” word, aside from, well, “I,” and “influence,” that doesn’t get nearly enough attention. Inclusion.

Inclusion may be the real key to success in the 21st century. Whether you’re out for yourself or for a company, your ability to be inclusive — of people, of ideas, of efforts — is what will pave your path with ragged roots or rose petals. Here are some reasons why I’ve come to this conclusion – feel free to retweet any concept you like.

Including your sales force in customer service training influences both departments to work together for the customer.

Including the C-Suite in the planning process influences them to sign off and assist.

Including a mix of old and new media influences multiple layers of your demographic to learn your brand.

Including others in your Tweets influences them to view you as a community member.

The list goes on.

You can’t be influential if you have no one to influence. You can’t succeed in affiliate marketing if you haven’t built a community. It’s just not feasible.

The “Influencers” get this

A conversation that has been going on in parallel with the influence conversation is “Ew, influencers. Experts. We think they smell bad.” This has really been bothering me and I haven’t really been able to put my finger on why, aside from the fact that I truly like and admire a lot of the people being referenced. But I realize now that the reason this thought process bothers me is that those stinky “experts” or “influencers” got to that point in part because they ARE inclusive. They include people through their blogs, through promotion, through assistance, and through their work. People who are trying to build influence via mass emails, spammy links, or begging and pleading are not going to win the game, ultimately, or if they do, the victory dance will have to be swift. People who are mad that they aren’t influential may not understand what’s missing. They might have 5,000 followers and 750,000 Facebook fans. But if you are not inclusive, those are just faceless numbers. They won’t be there for you. And believe me, you’re just a number to them.

Take a look at some of those “egotistical” influencers. How do they interact with people? How do they frame out their blogs and webinars and talks? They bring you in. They allow you to feel included in their community. That’s not an accident. That’s the key to the whole magical treasure chest of “influence” and success today.

What do you think?

1st Image credit:  http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Rotorhead

2nd Image by Petr Vins. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/wetape