Margie Clayman

I was reflecting back on a time that wasn’t so good – way back in my junior year of college. There was a family emergency and I wasn’t home, and it felt kind of isolating and just not good. I was telling a friend about some of the stuff that was going on and they literally said, “Well if it makes you feel any better, my grandpa was just diagnosed with cancer.”

If you’re wondering whether that succeeded in helping me lift my chin, wonder no more.

Are you kidding me?!?

Both online and offline, it seems like we’ve kind of lost the art of how to cheer someone up. I’ve noticed that people fall into a few different patterns when in these scenarios. See if you recognize them.

The Contest Approach: There is nothing you can tell this person that they haven’t already experienced times 1,000. If you had to take the bar exam, they were in the Spanish Inquisition. If you were in a car accident, they were involved in the worst accident in the state’s history. If you aren’t feeling well, they have to go in for an appendectomy. Again. Now I suppose you could argue that this comparative approach could be an attempt to put things into a better perspective for you. Being an empathetic person, I always find myself rather torn on these occasions. I want to feel bad for this person, but after the fiftieth time of them one-upping me on how life is jerky, it’s hard to muster up many tears, ya know?

The Random Topic Change Approach: This one gets really weird sometimes. You are sitting there telling someone about a junky thing that happened. They seem to be listening, they are saying, “Oh, oh wow, mmhmm,” and then suddenly they ask, “Do you like Swiss cheese?” Now again, I’m sure the intent here is good. “I will distract you from your woes.” But it can seem really strange and unsympathetic at times!

The “I’m not listening” Approach: A friend of mine once told me about a study that was conducted at a university. A student asked people walking by how they were doing. The people would say, “Oh, I’m fine, how are you?” The student conducting the survey would respond with, “Well, I was recently diagnosed with cancer.” A large percentage of people either simply kept on walking or said, “Great, great.” It’s harder to do this in the online world in some ways because the words ARE right in front of you, but are you really taking them in? Aye, that’s the key question, right?

The fact is that we all need to do a better job of listening to each other. I remember once asking a friend who had a bad cold how they were. They said, “Oh, I’m fine.” Then they stopped, turned around, and said, “Oh, right. It’s you. You actually truly care how I am. Well, I feel…” and then I was sorry I asked! 🙂 But seriously, do you ever just reach out to people and say, “Hey, how are ya?” We all talk about how we can present these facades in the online world, but what if you ask how someone is and they say, “Eh, had better days.” Do you stop to cheer them up or do you do what those folks in the university study did? “Fine, great, have a godo day!”

The really odd thing is that cheering someone up can sometimes be the easiest thing in the world, right? How many times have you been feeling just kind of meh, and someone brought you a dumb thing like a funny little drawing and it cheered you right up? We are all so busy working our butts off, stressing out, freaking out, that when someone indicates they are thinking of us in a nice and friendly way, it makes us stop and say, “Hey, that was nice!” It’s pretty easy to let someone know you’re thinking about them, especially in the online world. Here are some prompts, just in case you’re rusty.

“Hi! I haven’t seen you in ages! How are you?”

“I’ve been wondering how you were doing!”

“I saw this and thought of you…”

See, super easy. It may not be stuff that will help your Klout score, but it could make someone’s day.

Don’t you think?

Image by constantin jurcut. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/costi

ETA: At the current rate, I will reach 400,000 contributors in about 300 years. While I’m optimistic I will live that long, I can’t bank on it. Therefore, I will end my blogging hiatus satisfied that 26 wonderful people helped and many many more helped spread the word. Thank you!!! 🙂

This morning I saw an amazing story – the kind of story that puts everything into perspective and makes me want to get up and do something equally awesome.

The story was about a woman named Luma Mufleh. Born in Jordan, Luma came to the US, attended Smith College, and then got a teaching job outside of Atlanta, Georgia. A wrong turn took her to an apartment complex where barefoot children were playing soccer on a makeshift field. It was a scene Luma had seen in many other places in the world, but not in the US. As it turned out, the children were all refugees from countries that had been torn apart by war and violence.

What began as Luma bringing the kids a new soccer ball to play with evolved into the creation of a Fugees (for Refugees) soccer team. That evolved into an academy that helps the children in school, because no one was paying attention to the fact that these kids couldn’t read or write in their own language, not to mention in English.

Now, Luma wants to create a permanent home for her kids called the Fugee Village. It will be a school, a home, and a place for these kids to safely establish themselves.

But creating something like that needs money. Lots of money. And the Fugees are not funded by the government.

The minimum recommended donation is $12, because $12/week is enough to help one student get tutoring for a week. If 400,000 people donated $12, Luma would be able to build her village. How many people in the online world have that many people following them on Twitter right now?

I think this is entirely doable.

So, I’m going to leave this post up until we have gotten that many people to donate. I don’t need to write posts. There are plenty of people doing that. This is more important to me than any other message I could put here.

All you have to do is let me know you donated – you don’t have to tell me the amount. You can comment here or anywhere else you know me, and I’ll keep a running tally.

Let’s change the world, starting with one little village in the state of Georgia.

I am donating $12. You can donate here. Or visit the Fugees wishlist for in-kind donations, including clothing and soccer equipment. We’ll certainly count those contributions too!

Tally of contributors: 26

Image Credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/falto

There are two pictures that are circulating of Steve Jobs that still really affect me. The first is of him and his wife after his final Keynote address, and the second is a picture that was released of him about a month before he passed away. He was barely able to stand. It was shocking.

There’s been a lot of talk about Jobs over the last 2 weeks. He has swiftly been elevated to a heroic status, and in many ways I suppose it is well deserved. Ultimately, Jobs was a human being, but there are a few things he did not do that would have been so completely human. So completely understandable. And yet, he refrained.

Steve Jobs could have told the world a few years ago about the depth and severity of his illness. He could have said, “Hey, I’m on borrowed time here.”

Steve Jobs could have used his illness to sell more products. He could have said that a certain percentage of all sales would go towards pancreatic cancer research and support organizations.

Steve Jobs could have marched his family out and said, “Hey, I’m going to have to leave these beloved people a lot sooner than I would like. Buy my company’s products so I can rest assured they will remain in good stead financially.”

All of these things would have been understandable. They would have been forgivable, certainly. Maybe barely noticed had he walked that path, that ever so human path, of wanting sympathy and attention.

Instead, Steve Jobs got angry when people wanted him to discuss his health. He kept it as low-key as possible. He diverted the focus away from him and away from his situation and reflected everything outward, all towards his company, his product, and his customers.

As you contemplate your online content and what you are putting out there, consider this very unexpected path that Steve Jobs traveled. Consider how he recoiled from attention-getting tactics and merely worked on building his legacy.

Which path do you want to travel?

Image Credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Mattox

Alright, confession time. I admit that I am a sucker for Biggest Loser. I went through an Oprah phase back in college. Dr. Phil became my companion for awhile when I was in grad school. I know the jargon is what I’m trying to tell you. Here’s what I have learned from all of these years of …  professional study.

If you can’t make the time and effort to be good to yourself, nothing else will work for you. All of the advice that people will throw at you won’t stick. Why? It takes a willingness to do something for yourself to do all of that stuff people talk about. If you want to improve your health by exercising and eating better, it takes time. If you want to accomplish a specific goal, it takes a dedication to yourself and your wishes.

This does not mean that it always needs to be “me me me.” It does not mean you need to be selfish. But sometimes, regularly, you need to stop and ask yourself, “Hey,what do I want? What do I need, more to the point?”

The first step in making a better world is making a better, stronger you. After all, you need to be on pretty solid ground before you can pull someone else up, right?

But I don’t have time to be “nice!”

Today, Chris Brogan wrote a post called “Haven’t had time to blog.” It seems to be in direct juxtaposition, in some ways, with the idea of doing stuff for you. But this hasn’t just started, and it’s not a function of the online world. A few years ago I was talking to a crafty friend of mine and we noted that we both can’t just sit and watch television. Part of our crafting addiction was that it gave us something to do while we relaxed and watched television. We both had been engrained with the idea that sitting down on your butt with a bowl of popcorn and a movie is a bad, unproductive, useless way to spend your time.

Where does this pressure come from?

Why do we feel like doing something purely for the enjoyment of it is a poor way to spend our time? Sure, it’s not saving the world if you go sit on a beach for a week, but how recharged do you feel when you get back to work? And okay, maybe going to your favorite bakery and buying yourself that creme brulee won’t help you achieve that weight loss goal, but gosh darn it, sometimes you need something that tastes of heaven! When did being kind to ourselves become a bad thing? When did it become wasteful to sit and vege out or do something distinctly unproductive from the world’s perspective?

I say, heck, let the blog go for a day. Maybe a week. Hit that book you’ve been wanting to read. That one that has nothing to do with your business. Catch up on your favorite television show. And just sit there and enjoy it. Turn all of the lights off and absorb an entertaining experience. It’s not sinful. It’s a rebuild mode. For a very human computer.

So when was the last time you did something nice for yourself?

If you can’t answer this question easily or without too much thought, we know what we need to work on first.