Musings

A lot of people use this moment when the year is an infant to verbalize what they wish for themselves for the new year. And I could do that. One of my top wishes, for example, is to meet tons of people in person this year. It’s ridiculous to me, for example, that I’ve never been able to REALLY have a thumb war with Raul Colon. It seems outrageous that I’ve only met one person from my 12most.com family offline. How have I not met Jay Baer and Chris Brogan yet? I mean, that literally takes talent. And then there’s Cate, Brandie, Sherree…well, the list goes on and on. I want to travel to new places. I want to find out if I’m REALLY at risk for brain-eating ameobas if I use my netti pot. These things are pressing!

But I already know what I want from 2012, and I am not sure that my reporting it will necessarily do any good. So, I thought I would try something a little different. I thought I’d ask YOU what you want from this new year. What are you hoping to do? What are you working on?

And how can I help?

The world may not really end in 2012, but it’s as good of an excuse as any to live as if the world COULD end in 2012. Whatever you want…let’s get that done.

Happy New Year!

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I have noticed that a lot of people are giving New Years Resolutions a really bad name. They’re stupid, no one ever lives up to them, yada yada yada.

Well, I have just had it! So I decided to make a list of resolutions for 2012 that I want you to monitor me on. That’s right – accountability, folks. If you see me refraining from reaching out for these dreams of mine, I want you to say something! Anything! I would do the same for you if our roles were reversed. I promise.

I’ve put a lot of thought into these and have determined they are all equal parts important, ambitious, and significant. Thus, without too much more adieu, here is my list of resolutions for 2012.

1. I resolve to eat less ice cream in 2012.

This will be hard because whenever I go down the ice cream aisle at the store, the little gallons of ice cream make puppy dog eyes at me and cry and beg me to take them home. Especially the mint chocolate chip and rocky road varieties. But I will try to leave them all alone at the store, cold and scared.

2. I resolve to learn how to make sushi in 2012.

I love sushi but it’s too darned expensive around here, and I am *NOT* comfortable eating fish products from Lake Erie. Can you blame me? Now, it’s true that fresh fish smell is not a glade plug-in as of yet, and it’s true that the thought of cutting up fish that still have their eyeballs makes me throw up a little, and it’s also true that the idea of rolling stuff in a bamboo mat scares the jeepers out of me, but it’s good to challenge oneself.

3. I resolve to get back to my fighting weight, which was 80 pounds.

Take that, Snookie. And no, my career as a fighter did not go well at that weight. Thanks for asking.

4. I resolve to stop saying hi to books that have been written by people I know at Barnes & Noble.

Some people find this off-putting, apparently.

5. I resolve to no longer get angry at that person who is driving 20 miles an hour on the road that clearly says “Speed limit: 45.”

After all, life is too short to actually follow speed limits. Right?

6. I resolve to no longer honk my horn at people who turn left out of a right-hand turning lane.

It does no good.

7. I resolve to no longer read articles that my peeps post on Facebook.

They seem to find articles that prove everything is gross and potentially damaging to one’s brain. It’s tempting to keep clicking those articles, and I am endlessly curious, but it just never ends well.

8. I resolve to replace my VHS versions of Lord of the Rings with DVDs.

Yep, I’m an early adopter.

9. I resolve to post more pictures of my food.

I really feel I’ve been slacking in this arena and it makes me feel, well, like a slacker. Besides, I should not be the only one drooling all over a keyboard on a regular basis. Not that I do that.

10. I resolve to post more about my exercising, too.

I have been on the receiving end of feeling really slothful as I sit on my butt and read about how people just ran 77 miles. It’s time to turn the tables. Karma.

11. I resolve that I will get a pet who isn’t ill or hateful.

I have had really REALLY bad luck with pets the last few years. I got a parakeet who would make a poopy every time I went to feed him, then I got a fish who was just near death the whole time. I’d like to get a pet who is both loving and healthy. That would be super.

12. I resolve to meet more people “In real life”

It’s so much harder to punch people virtually. I meant, hug…hug…

So there you go. Assuming I can get all of this done before the end of the world, that would be awesome. Like I said, I fully expect you all to keep me on the straight and narrow path on this stuff. If you see me straying from these goals, say, “Woah there Margie. You’re losing the dream.” Or you know, something like that. I don’t want to tell you what to say.

Sound good?

Oh, and I suppose I should not let 2011 pass without saying that I am very thankful for YOU. That’s right. YOU. Even if you’re one of the guilty parties loosely mentioned above. But especially if you’re not.

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When I first started doing this whole “online thing” a year ago, there was one particular word that showed up in almost every conversation – human. You could be a human brand. You could now conduct marketing on a human-to-human basis. Your customers were now humans instead of numbers. It was important to be human online (whatever that really means).

Lately though, something weird is going on. The pull on social media participants doesn’t seem to be towards the human side of things anymore. In fact, it feels to me like we are getting less and less human.

Now what do I mean by that? Well, think about some of the actions that were considered “being human” online only a short time ago. What has happened to those proposed online activities? Let’s take a look.

Sharing Content

When I first started tweeting, I believed strongly that the best thing to do was to share content from others that you thought was really good and/or helpful. It was a good way to pass on useful information to your followers (at the time that was about 67 people for me, but hey!) and it also was a good way to connect with the people whose content you were sharing. You were saying, “Hey man…nice work.”

Now, sharing seems to be something we want to do with as little thought as possible. Triberr gives me a list of posts that I can just click “yes” on, and wham! Suddenly I’m sharing. I don’t have to read any of it because (one hopes) that everyone in your tribe is a great writer who agrees with your general online philosophy 100% of the time. Sharing content in a blog post is now most often viewed as link bait or comment bait because people have gotten cynical (and because a lot of people do share blog posts to get more links or comments).

The humanity has sort of seeped out of sharing content online.

Saying thank you

I’ve always been a big believer in saying thank you, most especially when someone shares a blog post of mine. It takes extra time that people don’t have to read a post and then share it, so I have always felt it important to let people know I appreciate it. Now there’s a problem though. Because of tools like Triberr, people aren’t going out of their way to share my posts. People have their account set to tweet things out at various times, and often times these days, a thank you from me garners a “for what” response. The person didn’t even realize they were sharing posts of mine.

Because of this change, I’ve stopped saying thank you as much. I can’t tell easily who is really intending to share my content and who is just letting a site do their sharing. This makes me feel less human. This takes out a big chunk of what I felt was important in my online world. That kind of bums me out.

Thinking for your own darned self

Perhaps the most disturbing thing I’m seeing in the online world is that a lot of people are no longer thinking for themselves. I’ve seen people do 180 degree turns on a person because the folks they were hanging out with didn’t like said person as much. I’ve seen people flash mob a blog post by a person they normally get along with. I’ve seen people purposefully try to bring other people down when the tide is going that way.

Perhaps even more disturbing, I’ve seen people start to just wait for the next coattail to grab. They wait for someone else to come up with the next big idea, and then they become one of the first to pounce on it.

Social Media offers us an opportunity to think about everything in new ways. Why wait to jump on someone else’s bandwagon? Start your own. Custom-paint it. Make it special because it’s yours, not because someone you think is popular said it would run well.

Sacrificing our souls

In an environment that is supposed to be all about “human-ness,” why are we giving away all that makes us human? Why are we automating all of the activities that most reveal our humanity in the online world? Will we eventually get to the point where all of our conversations are based on automated signals rushing back and forth from platform to platform? Will that really be better than where we were five years ago?

To me, that seems like a less meaningful world in which to operate.

What do you think?

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How many posts have you seen recently that went something like this:

“Well, women don’t really want to be in higher management positions. Men are happy to work more hours, but women feel more tied to being home with the children. Jobs that prevent themselves from doing that are not desirable.”

Now, a lot of women take issue with these kinds of posts not because women find children yucky but rather because there are actually a lot of women who do want to go for that big and elusive job. There are women who are willing to and who desire to work those 20-hour days.

However, something else gets lost in this story, and it’s becoming an increasingly glaring omission. See, the thing is, a lot of men would much rather stay at home with the kids than put everything they have into their careers. A lot of men are trying to shift their priorities that way, in fact. But if there are obstacles in the way of women climbing up the corporate ladder, there are equally out-dated and pretty ridiculous obstacles in the way of men who want to place home and family as higher priorities than a big paycheck.

It’s a no-win situation for everyone

The fact is that making broad generalizations about who loves their babies more hurts women and men in equal parts. If a woman wants to really excel in her career and resorts to sending her children to daycare, she is uncaring, or a cold woman who doesn’t care about her kids. By the same token, I think a lot of stay-at-home dads are viewed as unmotivated. On the other hand, men who do fit the image of working more than being at home are, like the working moms, viewed as distant and maybe cold when it comes to their kids.

Why do we do this to each other?

Oh, and by the way, not everyone wants kids

There is another aspect to this complicated business too. There are some women and some men who simply do not want families. They may not even want to get married. They may not even want to have pets. They want to fly solo with no worries and no compromises. Does that make them uncaring or unloving? I know plenty of people in this category and they are some of the kindest, best people I know, so my vote is for saying no. But is that not how society views these folks?

A new place for conversation to begin

In order to begin the conversations that will lead us to a more equal and fair place for men AND women, we must begin to understand that not everyone is driven by the same desires and motivations and that that is perfectly okay. In fact, that’s what makes the world so interesting. Some women want to stay at home with their kids once they reach that point in their lives. Some men want to do the same. Some women want to become extremely successful in their jobs more than they want families. Some men want to do the same.

To nurture a sense of equality, we must begin to treat people as individuals. We cannot make broad statements like, “Well, women aren’t paid as much cuz they love children more.” We can’t make broad statements like, “Well, men would rather work than stay at home with the kids.” And most importantly, we must begin to refrain from judging others whose desires and drives do not match our own.

Right?

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I really slipped on my reading in 2011. I mean, in my defense, my pal Mark Twain took up most of the year, but still, I like to play the field, as it were. I can’t have all of my time dominated by one (super awesome) deceased dude.

I have crowdsourced some of these ideas from friends in Twitter-World and Facebook-Land. These goals are rather much on the aggressive side, but hey, that’s what this time of year is for, right? Setting yourself up for blasphemous amounts of disappointment in the coming year!

I’m organizing by month, so if you want to read along with me, hey – awesome!

January

Social Media ROI – Olivier Blanchard

OK, look, I’ve been meaning to read this book for, oh, a year? Yeah…a year. But I had to deal with Lincoln and Twain. They’re needy chaps.

Nerd Do Well – Simon Pegg

My brother got me this for my birthday, which is now 3 months past. Gotta get on that too. See above re: needy deceased dudes.

Google Plus for Business – Chris Brogan

There’s been a lot of buzz about this book, some positive, some negative. I want to read it myself and formulate my own opinions!

February

Likeable Media – Dave Kerpen

Just got this for Christmas, so I’ll only be a month behind. Anyways, I’ve heard a ton of good stuff about this book!

Bonus Book! Social Media Strategist – Christopher Barger

The March – E. L. Doctorow

I’ve had this on my shelf for maybe 3 years. Tres ridiculo.

How Remarkable Women Lead – Joanna Barsh and Susan Cranston

Let’s face it – February is a dreary month in Northeast Ohio. I’ll need something to light a fire under me bum!

March

No BS Social Media – Jason Falls and Erik Deckers

This book is getting a lot of good buzz from a lot of people I respect. I’ll be woefully behind unless I read ahead. Huh?

Dharma Bums – Jack Kerouac

I read On the Road quite a few year ago and really enjoyed it. Looking forward to my next adventure with good ole Jack.

Killer Angels – Michael Shaara

According to Brian Rice, I’ll love this book!

April

Mark Schaefer’s brand new bright and shiny book – name yet to be released!

Lincoln on Leadership – Donald T. Phillips

Lisa Petrilli mentioned this book in a blog some time ago. Reading a Lincoln book in April seems 100% fitting!

Things the Grandchildren Should Know – Mark Oliver Everett (“E”)

Autobiography of the lead singer of the Eels. My family has pretty much spoiled it for me, but what the hay!

May

Marketing in the Round – Geoff Livingston & Gini Dietrich

I don’t wanna freak these 2 out too much, but I’m really looking forward to this 🙂

Brand Against the Machine – John Morgan

Hearing really good things about this book, so…yeah!

Born Standing Up – Steve Martin

I adore Steve Martin. As they say on Twitter…#thatisall

June

The Place of the Lion – PG Wodehouse

This is a recommendation from Ken Mueller. I like Ken. My enjoyment is in his hands for this one!

How to be a Finance Rockstar – Nicole Fende

This’ll be out by then, right Nicole?

The Jews of Odessa – Steven Zipperstein

I have no idea how my family ended up in Cleveland, Ohio when they started in Odessa, Russia. Hopefully this book will help me out.

July

The Lady In The Tower: The fall of Anne Boleyn – Allison Weird

Since Queen Elizabeth I is one of my most favorite historical figures, learning about her mother intrigues me. So there you go.

Atlas Shrugged – Ayn Rand

Somehow I never had to read this in college. The time has come.

Point Omega – Don DelLillo

I’ve read a few DelLillo books, namely Libra and White Noise, and loved them. I have high expectations for this one!

August

The Silmarillion – JRR Tolkien

At this point, my waiting for The Hobbit will be getting to an unbearable state.

Folktales of the Native American – Dee Brown

I read this a long time ago, but it’s time to revisit it.

September

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Trilogy – Stieg Larsson

Well, of course I’ll be super duper late to this party, but ciest la vie.

October

The Hobbit – JRR Tokien

Feverish desire for movie will now be setting in.

Switch – Chip Heath & Dan Heath

Yes, woefully late on this one too. I know, I know.

November

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy – JRR Tolkien

December

What did I miss?

Phew. That’s a lot of reading. I’d best get started.

How is your list looking for next year?

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Human beings are pretty funny creatures. We can be moody. We can be manipulative. We can be really nice and then really crude, all in the span of just a few minutes. In the offline world, these shifts in our behaviors may go unnoticed, or at best unrecorded. However, in the online world, we leave footprints wherever we go and whatever we do. One might think this would encourage people to be a bit more steady, a bit more careful, but oddly, it actually seems to have the opposite effect.

Lately, I’ve encountered quite a few experiences where people opted to not put their best or most attractive foot forward in the online world. Even though I am small potatoes in the online world and am perpetually stunned at what an amazing year I have had, it has occurred to a few people that they should probably try to toss me off my game. I have just a few things to say about that, and I say it more for YOUR good, because I don’t want you to fall into the downward spiral of hating or combatting the people who try to do this to you. So here we go!

“You will lose, Haters Potter.”

OK, I realize here that I’m putting myself in the role of Lord Voldemort, which may be counter-intuitive. However, this is really the attitude you need to take with people who are determined to try to throw you off your game.

The thing with me is that I’ve experienced enough real-life “stuff” to not really be bothered by some mean comments or by people who are acting out of their own real-life “stuff” or jealousy or whatever it may be. I need not go into those experiences – you’ll just have to take my word for it (hint – death of many loved ones). On the other side of the coin, I’ve experienced enough great stuff, both online and off, that a few mean comments or actions here and there will not be enough to make me throw in the towel. Do you get up and abandon your picnic because a couple of flies are trying to share your macaroni salad? Hopefully not.

If you are balanced within yourself, people who are trying to derail you cannot hope to succeed. Similarly, if you are balanced within yourself, you cannot fail.

“I did not pass through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm.”

So speaketh Gandalf the White to Grima Wormtongue, and so you must speak to anyone trying to throw you off your game. Defending yourself a little is okay, but really, after battling a balrog and falling into the darkness of the void, do you want to spend time bandying words about with people who really won’t hear you anyway?

I’ve got better things to do. You’d think the derailer gang would have better things to do, but it takes all kinds. In any case, defend yourself if you must, then return to sharing useful things with people who truly know you.

“If Ida known for just one second you’d be back to bother me…”

My general stance in the offline and online worlds is as follows: forgive, but don’t forget. Carrying around anger and resentment just assures you’ll have a dark cloud over YOUR head all of the darned time. That’s no fun. However, I also know something that a lot of people who act poorly online in their real lives don’t realize. There always seems to come a moment when you need or want help from someone, and it’s always up to that person whether they want to help you or not. If you treat someone badly, it’s going to be pretty easy for that person to reply to you later that they’d love to help, but they’re really busy. I am not a vindictive person, but I choose who I am kind to. If you try to throw me from a moving train, I might take issue with ya later. Punk.

“But in the real world…”

So sang Roy Orbison. I never would have guessed that in my short time online, so many people would have tried to toss me off my game, but this is the real world, even if it’s kinda shiny and 2-dimensional. I never imagined that my general spouting off about being nice and helpful would earn me hurt in return, but so it goes.

The important thing to remember is that people trying to snuff your candle out are going to run out of breath eventually. You can always get more matches from the store.

Keep that light a shining no matter what. And I hope you enjoy having some disco in your head 🙂

 

Image by Aleksandra P. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/GiniMiniGi