One of my favorite movies of all time is Terry Gilliam’s Time Bandits. If you haven’t seen it it’s quite difficult to explain, but there is one line in particular I have always found useful in every day situations. In a gang of characters, the following dialogue takes place.
Character 1: “No, we agreed we’d have no leaders!”
Character 2: “Right! Now do as I say.”
I could be crazy, but I think this kind of mentality is standing in the way of gender equality for both men and women, but maybe particularly women. Tell me if you’ve seen or heard conversations like this before:
“Women should be allowed to do whatever they want. Women that do xyz are pretty dumb though.”
“Stop telling women what to do. They should really do this.”
“Young girls are growing up in an age when they can look forward to doing whatever they want when they’re grown up. They should really excel in science and math.”
To quote Will Ferrell’s character from Zoolander, “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.”
Let’s talk about this discussion
OK, so…when you say “She can do whatever she wants,” what does that really mean? To me, and tell me if I’m way off, that means, “She can do whatever she wants.” That means that if a woman wants to become the world’s greatest physicist, she should be able to do that. If a woman wants to stay at home and eat bon bons all day while her sugar daddy works, she should be able to do that. If a woman wants to work out of her home, she should be able to do that. And these women should be able to do these things without seeing raised eyebrows.
Raised eyebrows are creepy in large numbers.
Now, if you have opinions about how women (or men) should live their lives, more power to you. Most people have opinions about something, scientific studies show. However, voice these opinions in a truthful fashion. Instead of saying, “Don’t tell women what to do,” say something like, “If I ruled the world, this is what women would do.” Or maybe, if you’re feeling less ambitious, “Here’s how I live my life and why I think it’s good.”
Why tear people down?
What is really bothersome about these “Don’t tell women what to do” posts is that they seem to knock women off their game more than to stand up for women, but it’s all done in a very back-handed way. “Don’t tell women what to do. They should really do this.” Well, that insinuates that if you’re not doing “this” you’re doing something wrong. The same holds true for men. Why write a post saying, “Well, men need to do this that and the other thing” when really you are just verbalizing YOUR opinion about how men should live their lives? It’s rife with judgment, it doesn’t make sense, and dare I say, it’s rather much a hypocritical approach.
No one *should* do anything, really. People don’t even have to take care of themselves if they don’t want to. Until you are deemed the great ruler of the lower segment of the universe, it’s really not your business how other folks live or what other people tell those folks to do.
Am I right?
Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/table4five/2434005564/ via Creative Commons
You are right! Love the way you write its so fun and easy to read. Please just keep doing it :)))
@bestvirtualhelp thanks!
Oh, Margie, that’s a tall order. Your point is well taken, and yet still I can’t refrain from pointing out that you did just tell us what (not) to do.
@ShakirahDawud Yeah…I was being “Ironical” 🙂
All true. Yet, as we begin by making any kind of statements–even empowering ones–around gender, we’ve already introduced limitations. “Men should…” “Women should…”
Won’t it be great when each individual is allowed to fulfill the unique purpose for which he or she is designed without qualification, justification or exception based on any stereotype? I don’t mean to imply we need to be gender neutral, nor do I want to go all PC on us…I just wish we could let go of our judgements about what one another should or shouldn’t be for all of humankind.
@MimiMeredith I’m also longing for that time. Doesn’t seem like it should be so hard, does it? And yet…
Margie,
I love it. I was wondering what the Women Wednesdays would bring, I even printed out the list!
My favorite point to bring attention back to is “the back-handed slap” – Yeah. It’s funny, how we have to make such an on-going effort to “OWN” what we say and how.( “I believe” )
Thanks for another great one.
Amber-Lee
@girlygrizzly Funny. Or sad? 🙂
Glad you’re enjoying it, m’dear. That’s what counts!
I like were you are going with this, but I can’t stop thinking about Time Bandits. One of my favorite movies of all time…
@DalaiLina It’s a great movie 🙂
Margie, I think we are living in the most enlightened times for women in history and, in many ways, the most repressed time for me in history. Finally, women have legitimate rights and options. Men used to have all the cards but now men are often the target of discrimination – in the past a great deal in family court – and now in subtle ways if HE isn’t brining in the big bucks or HE chooses to be a SAHD.
It’s like the old curse, “May you live in interesting times…” as we are most certainly living in interesting times!
@BruceSallan You have an interesting point there, Bruce. I think men are telling each other what to do and what not to do just as much as women are. Men who want to stay home and take care of the kids receive, I think, a lot of pressure from other men who still really believe that it’s man’s job to go out and provide. Fights are happening within and between genders at a rather high rate, and yet…we aren’t talking about it much. Weird, huh? 🙂
Ooh Margie this is going to be a great year. Something I can look forward to every Wednesday!
I love where you went with this (although to echo @DalaiLina Time Bandits keeps creeping back in). My additional 2 cents – it’s the difference between respecting someone’s inherit right to make their own life choices and respecting the actual choice.
For example, I’m a working mom yet one of my closest friends is a full time SAHM. It seems like one of us is always being told by third parties what we “should’ be doing. Or more to the point should NOT be doing. In this case, not only do I respect my friends right to stay home, I wholeheartedly respect and yes admire her decision to be a SAHM. (Just please don’t ask me to!)
However looking at the sugar daddy example I have a different reaction. I absolutely respect that woman’s right to do it, as long as it is truly a choice. An important distinction because in some cultures and countries it is not a choice. However I don’t respect her choice. Just like I wouldn’t respect say a decision to invest in a funny bridge or swamp land. You can do it, I just don’t think its a good idea.
@NicoleFende@DalaiLina Time Bandits comes in so handy. That’s the sign of a really great movie 🙂
I am not really sure we can disrespect a woman who chooses to lay back and live an indulgent life. There were many centuries when women couldn’t enjoy that luxury. They were (and in some cases still are) practically slaves. If a woman is not driven to really *do* things, that’s ok. She probably thinks women who go out and work 20 hour days are crazy. We need to take away our gut instinct to judge. Besides, we never know the whole story.