Margie Clayman

I have had an interesting few days in terms of my blogging life. See, as the year was coming to a close, I thought about the last year (the first full year) that I’ve spent blogging here. I kept thinking to myself, “OK, what do I need to do to take this blog to the next level? What do I need to do to make it clear I’m taking it up a notch?”

The more I thought about this, the more sort of down I got. There are a lot of things I *could* do here. I thought about the blogs I most enjoy reading…could I try to write extremely detailed and brilliant posts like Brian Solis and Olivier Blanchard? Well, I could try. Could I try to do a lot of research so that I could write really strong actionable posts like Jay Baer and Mark Schaefer? I could try.  Could I focus more on PR and add in a bit more zestiness like Gini Dietrich? I could try.

But these people are already doing “them,” and they’re doing “them” a lot better than I ever could. So modeling my blog after other people I admire didn’t really seem like a good idea.

So what then? Maybe I needed to change my voice. Maybe I needed to format things more strictly.

I just kept feeling more and more lost. My voice is my voice. This is how I write (as I finally found out). I didn’t want to change that just so I could “ship” something differently.

What it really came down to is that I was wondering how to make my blog grow faster. I admit it. I wanted to start 2012 with a bang that would shock the world, somehow. I wanted to launch something different, something new, something never before tried. And I had some ideas, too. I even worked on them.

When it comes right down to it, though, my blog is my blog. I don’t want to write like other people  write. I don’t want to cover the stuff that will get me found more often in Google searches, per se. I just want to talk to you about stuff that I think might help you out. And I know that there are people who read these blogs who think that’s a pretty lame thing to focus on. And I know there are people who think that being nice is playing it too safe. If that’s the way I find controversy, well, so be it.

The lure of breaking out big is pretty strong this time of year. All of the lists of “Bloggers to watch” are coming out, and even if you make one you wonder why you didn’t make another. People are launching new things and it’s really tempting to try to do the same thing just so you can feel like you’re keeping up. But if you alter your voice and your blog’s mission just because there’s pressure to do it, you’re really endangering everything you’ve been working for. At that point, your blog is no longer yours. It belongs to the people who will carry it around and make it big. What you were infusing into it, the real you, your real goals, will waft away on vapors of hope and prayers for some measure of success.

Yes, I admit it. I thought about changing everything because I got a little impatient. But I wanted to share this with you not to make me look like a turd (who wants to do that) but rather to say that you always have a choice. You can always opt to go ahead and sell your soul, whatever that entails. But you can also always choose to stick to your guns, stick to the tortoise way, and see what happens. I like the tortoise way, upon further reflection. You get to watch and see a lot more than the hare does, and you sleep better, too.

If you’ve ever been tempted to throw everything away so that you can do something “new,” or if you’re feeling the pressure now to change everything because you want to be in a different (your perception: better) position this time next year, I humbly submit that it isn’t worth it. I’d much rather build momentum as I have been, slowly but surely and as myself, than to gain a lot of sudden attention based on stuff I don’t really believe in.

What do you think? Have you ever faced this bloggy conundrum?

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A lot of people use this moment when the year is an infant to verbalize what they wish for themselves for the new year. And I could do that. One of my top wishes, for example, is to meet tons of people in person this year. It’s ridiculous to me, for example, that I’ve never been able to REALLY have a thumb war with Raul Colon. It seems outrageous that I’ve only met one person from my 12most.com family offline. How have I not met Jay Baer and Chris Brogan yet? I mean, that literally takes talent. And then there’s Cate, Brandie, Sherree…well, the list goes on and on. I want to travel to new places. I want to find out if I’m REALLY at risk for brain-eating ameobas if I use my netti pot. These things are pressing!

But I already know what I want from 2012, and I am not sure that my reporting it will necessarily do any good. So, I thought I would try something a little different. I thought I’d ask YOU what you want from this new year. What are you hoping to do? What are you working on?

And how can I help?

The world may not really end in 2012, but it’s as good of an excuse as any to live as if the world COULD end in 2012. Whatever you want…let’s get that done.

Happy New Year!

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I have noticed that a lot of people are giving New Years Resolutions a really bad name. They’re stupid, no one ever lives up to them, yada yada yada.

Well, I have just had it! So I decided to make a list of resolutions for 2012 that I want you to monitor me on. That’s right – accountability, folks. If you see me refraining from reaching out for these dreams of mine, I want you to say something! Anything! I would do the same for you if our roles were reversed. I promise.

I’ve put a lot of thought into these and have determined they are all equal parts important, ambitious, and significant. Thus, without too much more adieu, here is my list of resolutions for 2012.

1. I resolve to eat less ice cream in 2012.

This will be hard because whenever I go down the ice cream aisle at the store, the little gallons of ice cream make puppy dog eyes at me and cry and beg me to take them home. Especially the mint chocolate chip and rocky road varieties. But I will try to leave them all alone at the store, cold and scared.

2. I resolve to learn how to make sushi in 2012.

I love sushi but it’s too darned expensive around here, and I am *NOT* comfortable eating fish products from Lake Erie. Can you blame me? Now, it’s true that fresh fish smell is not a glade plug-in as of yet, and it’s true that the thought of cutting up fish that still have their eyeballs makes me throw up a little, and it’s also true that the idea of rolling stuff in a bamboo mat scares the jeepers out of me, but it’s good to challenge oneself.

3. I resolve to get back to my fighting weight, which was 80 pounds.

Take that, Snookie. And no, my career as a fighter did not go well at that weight. Thanks for asking.

4. I resolve to stop saying hi to books that have been written by people I know at Barnes & Noble.

Some people find this off-putting, apparently.

5. I resolve to no longer get angry at that person who is driving 20 miles an hour on the road that clearly says “Speed limit: 45.”

After all, life is too short to actually follow speed limits. Right?

6. I resolve to no longer honk my horn at people who turn left out of a right-hand turning lane.

It does no good.

7. I resolve to no longer read articles that my peeps post on Facebook.

They seem to find articles that prove everything is gross and potentially damaging to one’s brain. It’s tempting to keep clicking those articles, and I am endlessly curious, but it just never ends well.

8. I resolve to replace my VHS versions of Lord of the Rings with DVDs.

Yep, I’m an early adopter.

9. I resolve to post more pictures of my food.

I really feel I’ve been slacking in this arena and it makes me feel, well, like a slacker. Besides, I should not be the only one drooling all over a keyboard on a regular basis. Not that I do that.

10. I resolve to post more about my exercising, too.

I have been on the receiving end of feeling really slothful as I sit on my butt and read about how people just ran 77 miles. It’s time to turn the tables. Karma.

11. I resolve that I will get a pet who isn’t ill or hateful.

I have had really REALLY bad luck with pets the last few years. I got a parakeet who would make a poopy every time I went to feed him, then I got a fish who was just near death the whole time. I’d like to get a pet who is both loving and healthy. That would be super.

12. I resolve to meet more people “In real life”

It’s so much harder to punch people virtually. I meant, hug…hug…

So there you go. Assuming I can get all of this done before the end of the world, that would be awesome. Like I said, I fully expect you all to keep me on the straight and narrow path on this stuff. If you see me straying from these goals, say, “Woah there Margie. You’re losing the dream.” Or you know, something like that. I don’t want to tell you what to say.

Sound good?

Oh, and I suppose I should not let 2011 pass without saying that I am very thankful for YOU. That’s right. YOU. Even if you’re one of the guilty parties loosely mentioned above. But especially if you’re not.

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When I first started doing this whole “online thing” a year ago, there was one particular word that showed up in almost every conversation – human. You could be a human brand. You could now conduct marketing on a human-to-human basis. Your customers were now humans instead of numbers. It was important to be human online (whatever that really means).

Lately though, something weird is going on. The pull on social media participants doesn’t seem to be towards the human side of things anymore. In fact, it feels to me like we are getting less and less human.

Now what do I mean by that? Well, think about some of the actions that were considered “being human” online only a short time ago. What has happened to those proposed online activities? Let’s take a look.

Sharing Content

When I first started tweeting, I believed strongly that the best thing to do was to share content from others that you thought was really good and/or helpful. It was a good way to pass on useful information to your followers (at the time that was about 67 people for me, but hey!) and it also was a good way to connect with the people whose content you were sharing. You were saying, “Hey man…nice work.”

Now, sharing seems to be something we want to do with as little thought as possible. Triberr gives me a list of posts that I can just click “yes” on, and wham! Suddenly I’m sharing. I don’t have to read any of it because (one hopes) that everyone in your tribe is a great writer who agrees with your general online philosophy 100% of the time. Sharing content in a blog post is now most often viewed as link bait or comment bait because people have gotten cynical (and because a lot of people do share blog posts to get more links or comments).

The humanity has sort of seeped out of sharing content online.

Saying thank you

I’ve always been a big believer in saying thank you, most especially when someone shares a blog post of mine. It takes extra time that people don’t have to read a post and then share it, so I have always felt it important to let people know I appreciate it. Now there’s a problem though. Because of tools like Triberr, people aren’t going out of their way to share my posts. People have their account set to tweet things out at various times, and often times these days, a thank you from me garners a “for what” response. The person didn’t even realize they were sharing posts of mine.

Because of this change, I’ve stopped saying thank you as much. I can’t tell easily who is really intending to share my content and who is just letting a site do their sharing. This makes me feel less human. This takes out a big chunk of what I felt was important in my online world. That kind of bums me out.

Thinking for your own darned self

Perhaps the most disturbing thing I’m seeing in the online world is that a lot of people are no longer thinking for themselves. I’ve seen people do 180 degree turns on a person because the folks they were hanging out with didn’t like said person as much. I’ve seen people flash mob a blog post by a person they normally get along with. I’ve seen people purposefully try to bring other people down when the tide is going that way.

Perhaps even more disturbing, I’ve seen people start to just wait for the next coattail to grab. They wait for someone else to come up with the next big idea, and then they become one of the first to pounce on it.

Social Media offers us an opportunity to think about everything in new ways. Why wait to jump on someone else’s bandwagon? Start your own. Custom-paint it. Make it special because it’s yours, not because someone you think is popular said it would run well.

Sacrificing our souls

In an environment that is supposed to be all about “human-ness,” why are we giving away all that makes us human? Why are we automating all of the activities that most reveal our humanity in the online world? Will we eventually get to the point where all of our conversations are based on automated signals rushing back and forth from platform to platform? Will that really be better than where we were five years ago?

To me, that seems like a less meaningful world in which to operate.

What do you think?

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How many posts have you seen recently that went something like this:

“Well, women don’t really want to be in higher management positions. Men are happy to work more hours, but women feel more tied to being home with the children. Jobs that prevent themselves from doing that are not desirable.”

Now, a lot of women take issue with these kinds of posts not because women find children yucky but rather because there are actually a lot of women who do want to go for that big and elusive job. There are women who are willing to and who desire to work those 20-hour days.

However, something else gets lost in this story, and it’s becoming an increasingly glaring omission. See, the thing is, a lot of men would much rather stay at home with the kids than put everything they have into their careers. A lot of men are trying to shift their priorities that way, in fact. But if there are obstacles in the way of women climbing up the corporate ladder, there are equally out-dated and pretty ridiculous obstacles in the way of men who want to place home and family as higher priorities than a big paycheck.

It’s a no-win situation for everyone

The fact is that making broad generalizations about who loves their babies more hurts women and men in equal parts. If a woman wants to really excel in her career and resorts to sending her children to daycare, she is uncaring, or a cold woman who doesn’t care about her kids. By the same token, I think a lot of stay-at-home dads are viewed as unmotivated. On the other hand, men who do fit the image of working more than being at home are, like the working moms, viewed as distant and maybe cold when it comes to their kids.

Why do we do this to each other?

Oh, and by the way, not everyone wants kids

There is another aspect to this complicated business too. There are some women and some men who simply do not want families. They may not even want to get married. They may not even want to have pets. They want to fly solo with no worries and no compromises. Does that make them uncaring or unloving? I know plenty of people in this category and they are some of the kindest, best people I know, so my vote is for saying no. But is that not how society views these folks?

A new place for conversation to begin

In order to begin the conversations that will lead us to a more equal and fair place for men AND women, we must begin to understand that not everyone is driven by the same desires and motivations and that that is perfectly okay. In fact, that’s what makes the world so interesting. Some women want to stay at home with their kids once they reach that point in their lives. Some men want to do the same. Some women want to become extremely successful in their jobs more than they want families. Some men want to do the same.

To nurture a sense of equality, we must begin to treat people as individuals. We cannot make broad statements like, “Well, women aren’t paid as much cuz they love children more.” We can’t make broad statements like, “Well, men would rather work than stay at home with the kids.” And most importantly, we must begin to refrain from judging others whose desires and drives do not match our own.

Right?

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