I just got done watching the Wimbledon men’s championship – Roger Federer versus Andy Murray. I used to watch tennis a lot when I was younger, especially around my high school years. At that time, I agreed with the announcers whole-heartedly when they talked about a player being “old” at age 30. Thirty seemed ancient. Now that I’m a bit past 30, the fact that I’m older than Roger Federer is kind of depressing. Even more strange is that people were kind of expecting Federer to crash and burn this year at Wimbledon. He’s almost 31. He has twin girls. People were thinking his run was over.
Against that backdrop, the announcers noted, as Federer headed towards championship point, that he had talked about wanting to get his 7th Wimbledon win from the time the tournament started. He had also made it no secret that he wanted to get back to being the #1 male player in the world (which he now is). The announcers expressed some surprise about this. It seemed odd that a player would so openly voice his hopes and dreams. Most players shy away from saying such things because they don’t want to jinx themselves, or maybe because they don’t want to have to eat their words.
I tend to think this phenomenon is not restricted to tennis or even athletes. I think we are all hesitant to say that we are going for something. We don’t want to say we’re aiming to get rich. We don’t want to say we hope to be president of our company or of our nation or of the world one day. We don’t want to give a name to our goals. Now why is that? Are we afraid we’re going to jinx ourselves? I’m not so sure that’s it. I think people frown on ambition. I think people confuse ambition with cockiness or ego. We don’t want people to think we’re cocky. We don’t want people to think our egos are bigger than the planet. So we refrain from voicing our goals and our dreams. We tuck them in and just strive for them on our own, quietly.
I’m not sure this is the best way to go about things. First of all, if you achieve your dreams or your goals and you start doing a victory dance, it will seem sort of out of place. No one will understand how long you fought for those accomplishments or how much you wanted to get to where you are. That’s a shame because nothing is more fun than doing a victory dance as a group. But even more than that, I think we keep a distance between ourselves and our dreams by not giving them a voice. They’re sort of minimized little secrets until we give voice to them. It’s like we’re ashamed of them or ashamed of ourselves for wanting something, for fighting for something.
Roger Federer voiced his wish for winning his 7th (record-breaking) Wimbledon title. And when he did it, when he accomplished that, people said, “Woah, he said he was going to and he did.” It seems like we could learn from his example. Why be ashamed of your wishes? Why refrain from voicing your dreams just because there’s a chance you might fail, at least at first? Seize your dreams. Give them a voice.
Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sacharules/3230403747/ via Creative Commons
You know I watched plenty of Wimbledon over the last couple of weeks. The men’s final was bittersweet: I would really like to see Murray win his “home tournament” since a British player had not even made it to the finals in about 75 years…before he achieved that milestone.
To Andy’s credit, he did not tighten up and lose the match due to going ultra-defensive or getting too emotional. Instead, he fought for every point. Federer was just the better player on that day. It is bittersweet because even though I would have appreciated a Murray win, it was nice to see Federer win another slam and re-claim #1 after people “wrote him off”.
This is a little more complex scenario. I do like people voicing their goals, and then going out to try their best to achieve those goals. They will get support from friends/family/peers, and if they fall short…they have that support group to encourage them to keep going. In sports, to be so specific with the goals is to possibly create “bulletin board” materials. In some cases, players do not want to be that part of history…”yeah, I was one of the guys that over-the-hill 31 year old Federer beat on his way to a 7th Wimbledon title and re-claiming #1″
It was a great fortnight of tennis…and two 30-somethings won the Singles with Serena getting the women’s championship (as well as winning a 13th grand slam doubles title with her sister Venus).
@dbvickery I guess I’m immune to such things since so many Cleveland teams have been on the losing side of great moments in sports history – the drive, the shot, the Florida Marlins. Wait, what? 🙂
I see your point though. It can be embarrassing if you voice a goal and then miss it. But you know, it’s risky just plain going for a goal. Why not add a bit more excitement? Is the potential win worth the risk?
So, what’s your dream, Margie?
@mantywebdesigns I have a lot of dreams. I want to see our agency get on the map in a big way. I want to move into a house. I want to become wealthy so I can buy giant houses for homeless people. I want to have a house on each continent. I want to get a schnauzer. I’m working towards all of it 😀
@margieclayman Well moving into a house is a pretty simple thing…I can give you plenty of advice and help you make that dream come true by the end of the year. Once you have the house thing under your belt the dog thing is pretty easy too.
The rest of the dream… Well you know what they say be careful what you wish for…multiple houses can become a nightmare…and housing for the homeless is best left for the experts because…let’s just say many of the homeless are dealing with issues that are extremely complex and very difficult for the average person to deal with. But the concept is awesome!!!!!!
@Fierce_Chat I envision a sort of scenario where a wealthy person buys a home that is huge – like one of those millionaire 27-room homes. Some of the rooms get reserved for specialists to care for people, then the rest of the rooms are given to people who need it. A safe house, but a really REALLY nice safe house.
Oh, and for the record, I think one reason people don’t voice their dreams is that for every person waiting to dance in celebration, there are 2-3 waiting to dance when you fail 🙂
@mantywebdesigns Yes, that’s true. But of course, one must ask, “Would I want those 2-3 people to impact me that much?”
You are right Margie, the victory dance seems out of place when you do it alone and unannounced. Then you have to stop and explain, and people want to dance with you, and they don’t know your steps…
I think you are correct that we tend to think of the words egomaniac and ambitious as being similar things, when clearly they are not. I too think people don’t want to voice their drems because they think they’ll be embarrassed if they can’t pull it off.
But we short-change ourselves by not connecting every fiber of our being to our dreams and ambitions, and bringing in the love and support of the people who care about us as we pursue them. We also prevent any opportunity of meeting more people who either have the same dream or who can help us with our own. The world is full of people who know people that you don’t.
I agree. Give voice to them. Fuel them with love and nurturing form those around you.
And if you don’t pull it off the first time, take a deep breath, dust yourself off and step into destiny’s path again.
@Martina McGowan Exactly. Going back to Wimbledon yesterday, no one thought less of Andy Murray for losing even though they all knew how badly he wanted to win. In fact, they cheered just as loudly for him after the match as they had before and during. True friends will do that. They’ll give you a slap on the back, say “Good try,” and then they’ll make you get up and try again. Those darned friends!
@margieclayman Indeed they will Margie, because they know you and knpw how important your dream is to you.
I have learned the importance of putting your goals out there for all to see. And sure there will be those who do a dance when you fail but i guess there will always be haters…you just can’t let them detract you from what it is that you need/ want to accomplish.
I am glad you used the word “Fight” in your post because for the last couple of years it seems like I have to fight for everything harder than I’ve ever had to and I almost gave up on life a few times early on.
Now that I’ve overcome what felt like a journey to the depths of hell…I’m ready to fight for my right to rejoin the world…I do have a few goals that would like to put out there.
1st Goal: Figure out what I am going to do next. I just completed a temporary contract with a med device company that brought me back to my “Quality Roots.” I spent quite a bit of time during this contract reflecting on parts of the job that I really enjoyed and the parts that I did not. I also spent time reflecting on what I did well and not so well.
I have a Plan A and a Plan B. Plan A is to look for a permanent position with a small to mid sized med device or pharmaceutical company in Orange County or San Diego. One of the things I enjoyed a lot about my contract is that I got to know the environs in the O.C. and I fell in love with the place. The weather is beyond awesome, the people were very nice, the place is one of the cleanest cities ever and Irvine is the #1 safest city in the USA. Oh and there are a lot of med device and pharma companies down that way.
Plan B is to start up my own consulting company for small to medium med device/ pharma companies. I am in the process of brainstorming some ideas that will separate me from the pack and focus on my areas of strenght. I have a few ideas to add a twist that will really make me unique, however, I need to do a little research to determine if that twist will add to or detract from the core business model.
So there you have it. I do need to “SMARTEN” the goals by adding a few more details and time lines but I will work on that during the week.
Oh and I was just now interrupted from writing this post by a recruiter who wants to arrange a phone interview this week for a position that I thought went by the wayside!!!!!
@Fierce_living Hey what are you doing in My Friend Margie’s Blog… We wear Vibram’s here!
@RaulColon I’m pretty sure that I knew Margie way before you My Boriqua Vegan 5 toe wearing…and I don’t think she would be caught dead in those ugly shoes…but I could be wrong on both issues 🙂
@Fierce_living LOL… Margie is a Celebrity so you probably knew her before I did.
But I am glad I found you here buddy…
@RaulColon me too I guess we are both ubiquitous 🙂 Yes I know a few big words.
I dunno – I think I met Raul pretty early on over at Chris Brogan’s blog. But it was all in short order 🙂 @Fierce_living @RaulColon
@margieclayman @RaulColon That may be true but I bet you’d never be caught in public with those ugly shoes he wears.
BTW I had the pleasure of meeting Raul live and in person at SXSW and we have become like brothers. As such I have to give him a hard time always….because being a Boriqua Boy and Vegan and to wear the ugliest shoes in the world…well that’s just not HOT. 🙂
@Fierce_living I think that’s all great, Jim. It’s important to keep your eyes on the prize as you well know, even when it seems like life wants to blindfold you.
@margieclayman So I’m serious about helping you achieve your dream. Is it just a dream or have you set some goals around getting that house. This may sound odd but you are a gifted writer, well I am gifted at helping and advising people on achieving their goals. I’ve purchased several houses and in my head I’m a real estate agent (just without the commissions) so if you are serious and want to make this happen I can help you do it. Not that you need my help…I’m just sayin you put it out there so the next step is to make it happen.
I think on so many occasions we stop dreaming too early in life. I am glad to see that other such as athletes George Foreman, Lance Armstrong, Federer, and many more continue even after many have closed many doors and think tey are done.
Last night I was watching Bravo and I saw Mike Tyson interacting on the Watch What Happens Live show and I was amazed on how much he has reinvented himself. Even he continued to move forward taking other routes when things did not go as what people expect to call success.
@RaulColon Well, in the case of Mike Tyson it was going to be hard to move anywhere but up, but still, it required I’m sure a magnificent effort on his part to do what he has done, especially after the tragic loss of his daughter.
When I was younger I was more hesitant to announce some of these things because I didn’t want to look foolish if I failed. As I have gotten older I have become less concerned about what I will look like if I fail to others and more concerned with how I will feel.
At the end of the day I have to go to sleep knowing that I tried or didn’t try. I feel better knowing I took a swing than I would not doing so.
The other advantage to announcing your dreams is you make it easier for others to help you move it along.