Human beings are pretty funny creatures. We can be moody. We can be manipulative. We can be really nice and then really crude, all in the span of just a few minutes. In the offline world, these shifts in our behaviors may go unnoticed, or at best unrecorded. However, in the online world, we leave footprints wherever we go and whatever we do. One might think this would encourage people to be a bit more steady, a bit more careful, but oddly, it actually seems to have the opposite effect.
Lately, I’ve encountered quite a few experiences where people opted to not put their best or most attractive foot forward in the online world. Even though I am small potatoes in the online world and am perpetually stunned at what an amazing year I have had, it has occurred to a few people that they should probably try to toss me off my game. I have just a few things to say about that, and I say it more for YOUR good, because I don’t want you to fall into the downward spiral of hating or combatting the people who try to do this to you. So here we go!
“You will lose, Haters Potter.”
OK, I realize here that I’m putting myself in the role of Lord Voldemort, which may be counter-intuitive. However, this is really the attitude you need to take with people who are determined to try to throw you off your game.
The thing with me is that I’ve experienced enough real-life “stuff” to not really be bothered by some mean comments or by people who are acting out of their own real-life “stuff” or jealousy or whatever it may be. I need not go into those experiences – you’ll just have to take my word for it (hint – death of many loved ones). On the other side of the coin, I’ve experienced enough great stuff, both online and off, that a few mean comments or actions here and there will not be enough to make me throw in the towel. Do you get up and abandon your picnic because a couple of flies are trying to share your macaroni salad? Hopefully not.
If you are balanced within yourself, people who are trying to derail you cannot hope to succeed. Similarly, if you are balanced within yourself, you cannot fail.
“I did not pass through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm.”
So speaketh Gandalf the White to Grima Wormtongue, and so you must speak to anyone trying to throw you off your game. Defending yourself a little is okay, but really, after battling a balrog and falling into the darkness of the void, do you want to spend time bandying words about with people who really won’t hear you anyway?
I’ve got better things to do. You’d think the derailer gang would have better things to do, but it takes all kinds. In any case, defend yourself if you must, then return to sharing useful things with people who truly know you.
“If Ida known for just one second you’d be back to bother me…”
My general stance in the offline and online worlds is as follows: forgive, but don’t forget. Carrying around anger and resentment just assures you’ll have a dark cloud over YOUR head all of the darned time. That’s no fun. However, I also know something that a lot of people who act poorly online in their real lives don’t realize. There always seems to come a moment when you need or want help from someone, and it’s always up to that person whether they want to help you or not. If you treat someone badly, it’s going to be pretty easy for that person to reply to you later that they’d love to help, but they’re really busy. I am not a vindictive person, but I choose who I am kind to. If you try to throw me from a moving train, I might take issue with ya later. Punk.
“But in the real world…”
So sang Roy Orbison. I never would have guessed that in my short time online, so many people would have tried to toss me off my game, but this is the real world, even if it’s kinda shiny and 2-dimensional. I never imagined that my general spouting off about being nice and helpful would earn me hurt in return, but so it goes.
The important thing to remember is that people trying to snuff your candle out are going to run out of breath eventually. You can always get more matches from the store.
Keep that light a shining no matter what. And I hope you enjoy having some disco in your head 🙂
Image by Aleksandra P. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/GiniMiniGi
Social Media does not cure stupid Margie, nor the human condition complete with all its ugliness. In fact, I believe in many cases it promotes and encourages the crazy.
Someone said to me recently that to engender passionate responses/followers/comments on line, you have to create content and engage in such a way that will inevitably garner equal amounts of dislike. It’s a yin-yang thing.
Social Media does not cure stupid Margie, nor the human condition complete with all its ugliness. In fact, I believe in many cases it promotes and encourages the crazy.
Someone said to me recently that to engender passionate responses/followers/comments on line, you have to create content and engage in such a way that will inevitably garner equal amounts of dislike. It’s a yin-yang thing.
For what it’s worth, I’m on the side of passionate follower. Merry Christmas!
@samfiorella Well, I reckon that’s the 100% rational side of things. The very irrational part of me sniffs up my nose and says, “Yeah, but…I’m not even saying anything controversial I don’t think!” What a bummer…:)
Glad i know you, Samwise Fiorella.
Well said, as always Margie. As Sam said, social media does not cure stupidity. Nor does it cure envy, hatred, bigotry, shortsightedness or any of the rest of the evils of mankind. Again, agreeing with Sam (Fiorella), it emboldens many well beyond their usual common sense or sense of common decency.
I have recently lost a friend who was fond of saying “Stay in your lane.” Know who you are, know why you’ve come, and do that! The rest you cannot control. There will always be haters and people who have some kind of axe to grind.
Do what you do, and let the rest of the crap roll off.
Great holidays to you, kiddo!
martinamcgowan
@Doc_1 I love that. Stay in your lane. So simple, yet so profound. Thank YOU as always.
I.will.kick.their.ass. because I’m such a tough guy, right? Just point me in the right direction.
If anybody has tried to knock me off my game, I must have missed it. However, you probably have to have some game in the first place and you can’t always be as oblivious as I am, huh?
I was on the periphery of some nastiness a couple of times and did not like what I saw. Unfortunately, it was between two people who I both associated with and I really didn’t feel comfortable taking sides because I could see both of their points of view.
Generally, I steer clear of that stuff. I’m the go along, get along guy; I’m not big on turmoil or chaos. I usually don’t hold grudges either because usually what goes around comes around in some form or fashion, so I just try to make sure I’m taking the high road.
I don’t know why anybody would try to take you off your game………..
@bdorman264 Whatever. You’re so full of game, Dorman. In fact, I’m going to try to take you OFF your game. Your awesomeness is getting in my way, yo! 🙂
Thanks…I’ll direct the next icky person your way so that you can beat them up for me. Sounds like a no-lose proposition if I’ve ever heard one :)You are wonderful. Hope you had a great Christmas!
Yeah last year was a wild ride of emotions, betrayal, bullying and also discovering who was really loyal friends. Who knew social media would bring out the high school in people. There was a reason I did not like high school and basically gave up a lot ( not being on teams or trying out for cheerleader etc..) by not participating in the games I saw played there by other kids.
Margie what I can say is this has allowed me to go much deeper in my own discovery, personal development and growth as a leader. I continue to use these situations as opportunities to learn from, practice grace, and forgiveness. I have been much more cautious and disappointed in and with people. Then I shift in asking myself better questions, like what is the lesson in this for me? How would I feel on the receiving end of this? How are observing the actions being taken, showing me how to read people better?
Then I go have a nice cold beer and watch a movie before I pray, mediate and then go to sleep like a baby.
@prosperitygal It’s truly a day in the life, isn’t it?
I’m not sure social media brings out the high school in people. I think the online world just brings out the people in people. The only difference is that we can study it more because it’s there on our screen whenever we want to reference it. Like I said, you would think this would make people more cautious…but…ciest la vie 🙂
Some sayings are corny but true like “What goes around comes around.” The irony is I get much more upset when I think I may have offended someone though I KNOW I had no intention of offending them! It happened just yesterday. My imagination went all over the place thinking I’d done something wrong but for the life of me I couldn’t figure it out? Of course, it turned out just to be my imagination. “Just My Imagination” – good title for a song.
On the other hand, I occasionally put my foot into it with my slightly un-PC behavior. I choose to live that way so when I get those slings and arrows, I take full credit for them.
The bottom line Margie is I can’t IMAGINE anyone who would get exorcised over anything you might have done. Yipes, when we communicate in 140 we’re bound to make a mistake. How about just asking, “Did you mean that?” I would bet 95% of the time, the other person would be shocked that you even thought they were being offensive.
On that note, MC, I wish you a wonderful, healthy, and happy New Year!
@BruceSallan Hi Bruce. All great points, and now the song “Just my imagination” is running in my head. I’m not sure if I’m going to thank you for that or not – I only know the chorus…. 🙂
@margieclayman Well, here’s a link to the whole thing, Margie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LT6kjQhVJ9Y
I’m a BIG believer in Karma. AND in the fact that if you allow yourself to dwell on negativity THAT’s what comes out of you. In both the online and “Real” world I try to shut those people out.You have enough positivism radiating from you to absolutely drown them out. It will be a great year!!!!
@AmyMccTobin Amen to that last bit, sister 🙂
Oh, man. As @AmyMccTobin said, Karma is key. This year for me can be summed up thusly “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” – LOL. And some of that was down to some seriously nasty online stuff (sadly). But ultimately, I still win, because I chose to hold my head high and be a professional and MOVE ON! I try and ignore the nasty people in real life and online life. THis is a beautiful post margieclayman . Rise above, and karma will eventually kick those that deserve it soundly in the arse!! 🙂 Happy Holidays lady, I’m so glad we met! 🙂
@belllindsay@AmyMccTobin Next time someone gives y’all a hard time, you just direct ’em on over to me. i’ll kick their tushes 🙂
I’m very glad I have met you too, Lindsay. You rock!
margieclayman Margie,
The negative ninjas out there, the ones who like to karate-chop good ideas, good people, may outwardly direct their emotions at others, but it’s truly about them. Perhaps its their own disappointment in life. Or their anger at anyone who is happy. Or whatever.
For those of us who stand for something we will always encounter resistance. Like you, I’d rather face the occasional resistance than to be silent with no voice.
Nice aikido response.
Okay, enough of the martial arts analogies. Merry Christmas!
@shawmu That was pure 100% ninja awesomeness, Shawn, and the amazing thing is you made a great point WHILE using all of the ninja awesomeness. Now that’s something!
Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it! Hope you had a great Christmas 🙂
How do you do that? Every-time I need to hear something really important and valuable…you tell it you me!
I was a pretty big target for a little bit there this month. Thanks Margie for reminding me how to stay focused on the righteous reality and not the non-sense!
@997dave You were a target? Geeze. How on earth would YOU be a target? Well, people are odd, no question about that. I’m glad the post helped you in some way – that’s always my ultimate goal 🙂
@margieclayman There is, as we speak, a whisper campaign locally claiming we actually faked the amount of food we collected for our food bank. They are saying it was really only one truck instead of 3. Like the Moon landing hoax or something. Jeesh!
Margie, I’d like to counterbalance at least one troll by telling you that I love you, your blog, and your personality. You are a gem.
Hope you had a nice Christmas. 🙂
@Biebert Aw, thanks Aaron. ((hugs)) And right back at you. Hope you are RESTING!!! 🙂
@Biebert (yeah, what he said!!)
Ok, can you tell I am playing catch-up again today?! LOL, I already told @bdorman264 so, I best get to sharing it OUTLOUD, my only- only-only 2012 resolution is:
(dum-da-dum….)
“I WILL PUT FORTH MORE MORE MORE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER EFFORT TO RESPOND TO EACH AND EVERY COMMENT, EMAIL OR POSTING IN A MORE PROMPT FASHION, IN 2012.”
There. I said so.
Here’s to a REMARKABLE 2012!
(me)
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