Something very interesting happened over the weekend, and I thought I would tell you about it. Actually, the really weird thing is that the same incident happened two different times with two different parties involved. As it happened, two different people, who I’m pretty sure do not know each other at all, sort of called me out in the public Twitter stream. One said I never talked to them and the other asked me why I wasn’t tweeting their blog posts.
Now, there are plenty of people in the world of social media who would say something like, “Ah, you must be doing something right. The haters are coming out to get ya.”
I’m not really keen on that sort of argument. If these folks felt like I was not treating them fairly, I have to listen to that. But it makes me wonder, as we continue to travel into the realm of 2012, if this side of my social media life will just continue to grow. Will more people start “calling me out” on Twitter and on their blog sites? Will more people feel free to randomly troll my posts? Is that what I have to look forward to?
The payoff
Now, the other interesting thing about this scenario is that I am not really sure how far my own particular path of online success can go. There are so many people above me in the social media lasagna that I’m not sure I could ever break through to that level of success. In fact, a lot of those folks still don’t even reply to me when I try to talk to them on Twitter or when I comment on their blog posts. The ceiling that I need to grasp onto is most definitely a Cathedral ceiling. Maybe the sky itself. Am I going to offer some new insight into the online world that has not yet been covered by a much more experienced, much more knowledgable, much more well-known person? I highly doubt it.
It seems to me that at this particular time, I’m headed towards a casino where I’m going to need to decide whether or not to make a huge bet. The bet is as follows: Is any level of success I will find online going to be worth the increasing amount of dissidence I will encounter as I strive for that success?
How many more readers can I get here on my site before I start getting overrun by people who disagree just cuz they can? How many more Twitter followers (who are not porn bots) can I gather before I start meeting unpleasantness on a daily basis?
My livelihood is not really based on doing this stuff. This is all volunteer, extra-curricular. Where is my ceiling for dealing with gratuitous unpleasantness, and how does that relate to my ceiling of potential success? Where does one outweigh the other?
I seem to be at a fork in the road, or getting to one.
Which path would you take?
Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/s3a/5352487145/ via Creative Commons
Margie,
When you get put in this space. Let me know so we can both find a way to get you out of there. Focus on those that thank you that admire you that say how great you are (and really mean it).
I know it is difficult but this past few weeks I have been put in similar situations but our good friend chrisbrogan reminded me to focus on those who want to see you win.
It is easier to contradict and go against people just because you can a lot more difficult to motivate others.
Most people are selfish and have their own agenda you are not one of them so as soon as you see a red flag just ignore (sometimes it is not worth confronting them). I myself am learning to pick my battles.
We love ya Margie and don’t forget that.
It is easier to worry about what the haters say than to realize how many people want to see you win.
🙂
@RaulColon Yeah, I’ve given that exact same advice myself. It’s not that I don’t adore the majority of the folks I get to interact with (like you for example). I wouldn’t just pull myself off of the online world and say “Hasta Pasta.” But this whole blogging and then promoting your blog thing, worrying about how your traffic is doing, and then what is the next step, and the step after that…if you don’t NEED to do it, is it worth taking all of the garbage you’re gonna have thrown at you? I don’t make a cent doing this stuff. I could just talk to folks I like and have it be a fun way to communicate. Ya know? 🙂
Margie you are such a prolific blogger that you are bound to have a difference of opinion with some. I just find it ridiculous that people are so vociferous about it. If you have to bully people to express your opinion – there probably isn’t too much intellectual justification. Remember that and keep blogging. Smoosh me sometime. 🙂
@leaderswest Difference of opinion I don’t mind. I love conversing, especially with folks who can support arguments with well thought-out ideas. I love being proven wrong about things because that’s a way to learn. But the whole “I’m calling you out thing” is something I never understood when I saw it done to others, and if it’s gonna be done to me, egh. Yuck. If you don’t have to endure such things in order to survive, is it worth putting yourself in the way of it?
Smooshes are always available for you, dear 🙂
Margie, let me start by saying that you haven’t commented on one my blogs posts in quite some time. I’m hurt. Have I done something wrong? Don’t you like me anymore?
Now that we have that jerk out of the way…”success” is relative. Further, it isn’t a precursor to being called out or experiencing unpleasantness. This comes from simply being online. Anytime you put yourself out there, you subject yourself to both kudos and criticisms and in many cases not for what you said but what you didn’t say. Frankly, in most cases it has nothing to do with you at all but the other person’s need for validation, friendship, self-worth, or vanity.
The point is you can’t control it and so you can’t worry about it. Embrace those that embrace you and ignore those that don’t. Express yourself and share your thoughts willingly for you will gain more than you give if you do.
@samfiorella hah, I know. I really do need to do a better job of commenting on your blog, if only because I hardly ever get to talk to you on Twitter anymore!
I see your point. I’m not good at that whole “not worrying” thing. I guess I never really expected to get to a point where I’d have to worry about people trying to drag me down to get attention. In fact, I still can’t really believe I’m that much of a blip on their radars. Is the world going to fall apart if it turns out I’m a jerk-tart? Probably not. Keep trying.
I dunno. Calling me out for being inattentive just hit a sore spot because I try SO hard to nurture people. But you can’t reach everybody. No matter how hard ya try. Right?
@margieclayman
One of the lessons I’ve learned in my online life is that trying to engage everyone – and worse, trying to please everyone – is simply not possible. In fact, it’s a recipe for personal disappointment and frustration. The social world is not like managing a close circle of friends. It’s not even an extended circle of friends. Your social graph is really the world directly or indirectly. Attempting to nurture everyone that crosses your path is an expectation that cannot be realized nor attempted.
Be happy with what you can do or you’ll be forever disappointed.
I am a firm believer that there will always be haters out there…the naysayers, the ones that call you out because it makes them feel better, and those that are simply taking their own self-hate/ angst out on someone else.
We can either allow those people to shut us down, or we can continue our mission regardless. I/ you/ we have thoughts and ideas and creativity that we’re trying to put out there…if you feel strongly about what you are doing than you must continue regardless of anyone’s reaction.
Cheers Margie!
@MatthewLiberty It sounds so easy when you phrase it like that…:)
You are quite right though. As Ellen said, “My haters are my motivators.” I just don’t see why there needs to be a hater element. It’s so dumb.
@margieclayman Dumb yes…but it can also be that motivator or whatever else you want to use it for. Haters will exist forever…it’s their job, so it’s up to us to get beyond it. It just is what it is.
@margieclayman @MatthewLiberty (oh, Margie, that made tears well up. I know, I really do, it is so hard sometimes to just pretend they are not there, just because it simply hurts.)
Have fun. That should be the goal. Have fun with this if you can learn something along the way. If you can do those two things you will be more successful than many others.
There will always be people who disagree. Some of them may do so more vociferously than others. And remember that sometimes poorly chosen words will make their disagreement sound harsher than intended.
@TheJackB Like I said below, I don’t care about disagreeing. That is fine. I care about being “called out” because I’m not paying enough attention to a person. Or things like that. I mean, ….. geeze 🙂
@margieclayman It reminds me of when I used to get emails and comments from people who would tell me that they were angry because I hadn’t blogrolled them.
I’m taking the GO FOR IT path Margie, and I’d suggest you do the same. You’re prolific, passionate, and smart. No reason your star shouldn’t just continue to rise.
As for me, I’ve spent a bundle on a new team to re-design BruceSallan.com (it’s up now!) and to re-design and focus my priorities.
Re: the haters…they’ll always be there. When they approach you or me with respect, then they’re really not a hater, but maybe offering valuable criticism. I have some peeps that call me out – via DMs – when I make a SoMe netiquette mistake – or that they think of as one – and I relish that feedback. Helps me navigate these changing and swirling waters!
Sticking with that analogy, I’d be on your crew, Captain Margie!
@BruceSallan1 (count me in.)
@BruceSallan1 Yeah, I hesitated to use that term because often times people who simply disagree are labeled haters, and I think that’s wrong. But when a person makes an effort, seemingly, to make you look bad in front of lots and lots of people, it’s hard to identify the motivation as being constructive, ya know? 🙂
I’ll listen and learn all day long, but being mean just cuz you can strikes me as nothing much apart from pretty cowardly.
@margieclayman @BruceSallan1 I agree!
@BruceSallan Thanks Bruce 🙂
@BruceSallan @margieclayman @BruceSallan1 Cowardly, I will give you, but there is more and you know it, that is why it bothers you so much. There are people who HAVE to attack what is good and right, because evil does exist and it doesn’t always come in the shape of scarey monsters.
You having people fuss at you that you aren’t sufficiently noticing how vitally important they are shouldn’t dissuade you from ignoring them because you’re cultivating discriminating taste, or even simply you don’t have time for them. It reminds me of a quote from Margaret Thatcher. You can remind your fussers: “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”
@Anne-Marie Well said, as per usual. Thank you 🙂
To be fair, I said that no one responded to my tagless or mentionless tweets… Oh, whew, that was two weekends ago so I’m safe. JK 🙂
You bring up a rather interesting debate. Kinda like Mace and P’Diddy rapped about – Mo Followers Mo problems. The scenario that you presented sounds like you either have to step on people & take abuse if you want to become successful at this OR just shy away from attention and not continue to grow.
Me, I’m not going left or right. I’m THAT guy who thinks he can make his own trail in a way which I’ll still manage to keep those who are dear close to me even when I reach a level of superstardom. Sure, it’s pollyannic but what the hell, it’s my path. Now the question I have for you – which direction do you want to go?
@SociallyGenius haha 🙂 You’re wonderful.
I don’t think that path is pollyannic. At least I hope it isn’t because that’s the path I’m on. I decided once I got to 100 followers on Twitter that no matter how big my blog got or how many followers I got that I wouldn’t let anything get to my head, and I still believe that. In fact, most of the time I’m still shocked every day that people not only read what I write but also comment on it. Who woulda thunk?
I guess it is like mo’ money, mo’ problems. I can’t complain because 99% of the people I interact with are great. I just wonder if the ratio, by necessity, has to change as you stick around longer and longer. I sure hope not!
Margie-
I vote with the go-for-it camp. Anywhere you travel in life, if you met with any level of success, you will get haters. They don’t come for any particular reason, except to make themselves look good. But your confidence in what you do, and you”stardom” doesn’t rise and fall with them. You can’t really do anything about them or to them. Except on Twitter, you can unfollow.
Follow your heart, and then filter that through your obviously abundant common sense (which as we all know is not so common) and go…
Martina
@martinamcgowan
@Martina McGowan@martinamcgowan (yeah, and what @Martina McGowan said)
@girlygrizzly@martinamcgowan Thanks Girly
@Martina McGowan Thanks Martina. Very lucky to know you 🙂
My new best friend is the delete button. Everyone wants free rent in your head, on your blog, and in Twitter. Be discriminating and ruthless about where you place your attention. But by all means – keep moving forward.
@Stanford thanks Stan. It’s such a bummer. I had such rosy-tinted glasses when I started in the online world. Everyone in the world is wonderful and they’re all online. What were the chances? haha 🙂 I appreciate the encouragement, as always.
Gasp!
Marjorie. My dear, dear friend. This is what I tell (and deeply believe) my Dad, when he says “am I a bad guy?” No. But when you stand for something good and right, and stand well and strong… no matter WHO you are or WHAT you are… someONE is going to want, even need to try or attempt to destroy you. Whether it is my smearing you (into shame of what has been said), repulsing you (into hiding at the hate), or embarrassing you (by lies that you have no real way of saying, but it’s not true!).
And there WILL most likely be more.
You have a gift. To put into words things we have each been taught, have learned by experience, cutting through, as you would say, “the noise”, and just laying out the facts with no bias (that I have felt- ever), just saying what NEEDS to be said and brought to attention.
That IS what is happening. You are bringing into focus things some people don’t want or cannot bare to hear, maybe yet, maybe ever. You are reaching and bringing a clear, clean light to people and cutting the crap and ego strokes (distractions) out, and just laying it out for people to read and THINK.
You have brought many points of issues that most (sadly) people wouldn’t touch with a 20 foot pole, simply because it might not make them everyone’s sweetheart.
You know my vote (one would think and hope). You are someone I count on. In real life. Being a woman, being a leader and a boss. Being smart and being a lady. To be honest. I really hope that the nastiness of some tiny little slugs wont scare you away because you would leave a big, gaping wound in my (most assuredly, many) heart (s) and the beacon of light and right wouldn’t be as clear in the fog of all the information.
(Hug)…(is it UN lady-like for me to really wanna cyber-smack some folks?…just kinda wondering.)
@girlygrizzly Geeze, lady. You make me feel so important all the time 🙂
I guess it’s true -some people can’t stand to see other people succeed, even just a little bit. It is a pretty sad statement on humanity, isn’t it? “Oh, you have more followers than me on this dumb site, so therefore I need to stuff you down.” Yikes. I’m glad my life isn’t so small is all I can say to that.
I’ve never really been able to wrap my arms around people like that and I guess that’s why I find it so frustrating. You’re really using YOUR valuable time to see how you can derail another person? Well, who am I to judge. I guess. But I’ll say it again. Yikes 🙂
You always seem to bring up the same questions I am confronting. The more successful I get the more I appreciate that I am still relatively obscure. I am grateful for the 25 people who come to hang out on my blog on a regular basis . They are awesome. They have been with me forever now and we have a history.
I wonder sometimes if I want to be in the “club”. Sure I would like to monetize my blog to earn some income, but I also want to do it my way. I want to be fair to everyone who has been with me on the journey. I also want to find ways to keep them going and to join me on the ride.
I think I want just enough success to do what I really want to in life. Nothing more and nothing less. What anyone else has to say about the way I do things doesn’t matter. As long as I am happy and treat people with compassion.
@susansilver You hit the nail on the head, Susan. I’m sitting here just thinking, you know, stuff is really really good right now. I get to talk to great people on every platform I’m on, and whilst we may disagree, it for the most part is done in such a way that I think everyone at least feels that it was worth their while, even if nothing is learned or gained. Why do I need to keep growing things if the main change is going to be more negativity? That doesn’t seem like a huge enticement to me.
Then again, there’s also the chance that I could meet even more great people, who continue to outnumber the ones who are kind of icky.
It’s just one of those things 🙂
I get called out all the time. Mostly from my Facebook game friends. Here’s some examples:
“How come you haven’t tended my dungeons in a week?!”
“I requested cotton, fool. You sent candy canes! Get your head on straight. Or ass! Whichever does the thinking.”
Did I mention these are not kids. Some of them are grandmas – the nice ones that bake cookies. [laughing]
I’m not going to call them haters. These people had expectations about me. In most cases, I helped them create those expectations – even if those expectations outgrew my own personal sense of commitment. After all, I wrote a Casteville guide or two. I’ve put myself out there. I’m reaching out to the world. I’m trying to listen to what’s being said. And what’s weighing on people’s hearts and minds.
This is what I wanted, right? This is what you wanted too. Kinda.
I feel really bad when I disappoint people. When I fail to respond to a tweet, message, or email. I’m human; I get easily overwhelmed. I AM NOT GOING TO SAY THAT I HAVE A LIFE and they aren’t apart of my life. Because then, everything I did online would be a lie. And I’d be lying to myself.
My answer is, do better, say sorry when sorry is due, ask for forgiveness often, and just be there for people (as best I can) – because they matter.
@Faryna Well said, Stan. I hate to disappoint people too, and I can certainly understand wanting to let me know that it is perceived I’m not being fair or attentive enough. But I think there are ways to do that. Doing it in the open stream, even if you have the most innocent of intentions, seems to be poor form. Tell me in an email or in a direct message or something that allows me to take in what you are saying so I can learn from it. If you yell at me in public, I can only assume that part of your motivation is to make me look bad, even if it’s just because you want revenge because I didn’t pay enough attention to you.
It all seems sort of silly anyway. I’ve never, to the best of my knowledge, yelled at someone on Twitter for not following me or not commenting back, and believe me, there are plenty of people out there who don’t follow me or who don’t respond to me. I just figure, “Whatever. That is their choice.” It would never occur to me to call them out.
Maybe I’m the weird one?
@margieclayman @Faryna I had an experience just recently with a fellow blogger and tentative new friend.. I saw what I perceived as a word mistake- a biggie to my tiny brain. THIS exact advice ran through my mind. Why would you do that? At the VERY least, if your intention is pure, and you (as I) only want to be a good friend and a good (umm- whaddya call us??) co- blogger (??), it could cause that person terrible embarrassment. So! I emailed that person. Good thing, because I learned there was another meaning to the word I was disputing AND it didn’t hurt either of us. There are good and right ways of doing things and bad ways. Period. Anyone, And I do mean ANYONE doing this for …oh let us say a year, should and DO know this. Period. And Stan, the man, if anyone were to call you an ass in my presence (on or off line) and it wasn’t Betsy or another I know that loves and adores you, well it would probably take the mighty Marjorie to look at me to calm me down!
Margie, it isn’t weird, it is called “right”.
Where is Kaarina?! She could say it better than I.
@girlygrizzly Big hug to you, Amber-Lee. I know you can shoot too!
@Faryna why yes. Yes I can. And when I am upset, I tend to miss the kill zone…. just sayin.
@margieclayman Big hug to you, Margie. I hear you.
Sometimes, we all can forget how public our social tools are. Even the most seasoned politicians make that mistake often.
On the other hand, most of the time, this stuff blows off like dust in the wind. Often within 48 hours. Just don’t favorite those tweets!