This past weekend was pretty brutal. On Saturday morning I found out that a woman I respected in the online world, Judy Martin, had passed away suddenly at the age of 49. Judy wrote often about the work/life balance. She did her thing, always seemed to be positive, and in my few engagements with her she was always, ALWAYS, kind and supportive. To think that someone like her could just be snuffed out came as a bit of a shock.
The next day I learned that one of my favorite actors, Philip Seymour Hoffman, had died of a drug overdose at the age of 46. It seemed impossible that such a great talent could also be snuffed out so suddenly. Boom. Gone.
The shock of these deaths was bad enough, but what made it worse and perhaps even more horrifying was the complete lack of compassion I encountered in the online world. While many of my friends mourned and lamented the death of Hoffman, others took it upon themselves to almost celebrate Hoffman’s death. That’s what he deserved. If you do drugs, dying alone in the prime of your career is exactly what you have coming to you.
As for Judy, when I noted her passing, people did not, interestingly, simply acknowledge that it was sad that someone had died suddenly. “Who was she?” was a common question. I find this odd. If you do not know of a person but find they have died suddenly and that this is making someone sad, would you not focus first on the fact that this person is gone? Your knowledge of them is not the most important thing at that moment. Or am I crazy here?
It’s all about relationships
You don’t have to skim Twitter or Facebook for very long before seeing the word “relationship.” It’s all the rage these days. Engage your audience. Be human. Be authentic. Be real. These sound like great ideas, but some of the things I saw this weekend make me wonder if people actually remember what relating to people is about. A relationship does not mean that things only matter if they are connected to you. When someone notes that they have experienced a loss, what you do not want to do is say, “I wrote a post when my uncle died. [link] (Yes, I’ve seen that happen). When someone has lost someone, your first question should not be, “Well, who were they?” To me this insinuates that if the person was meaningful enough you might note that their passing is sad. If they don’t cut the mustard it’s not really worth thinking about. “I didn’t know them,” you seem to say. “therefore they must not have mattered.”
I wonder, after this weekend, if social media is actually reducing the human capacity for compassion. People who sounded off against Philip Seymour Hoffman got a lot of comments. A lot of traffic. Sure, some of that feedback was negative (something about ruthlessly attacking a man who just died and who had obviously been in pain). But still, if you are trying to gain Klout points, comments are comments. I find myself wondering, although I am horrified to admit it, if there would have been more posts about Judy Martin if she had been one of the “guru gang.”
It’s not new, it just seems worse
I have been watching humanity drip out of the online world for awhile now, slowly but surely – at least in the marketing/business realm where I tend to hang out. Personal uses of social media are different and usually better. But in the professional realm, where you would think there would be more of a focus on decorum, the actual humanity…the capacity to relate to others…has been steadily dissipating. I really became aware of it after the passing of Trey Pennington. Blog posts started multiplying as fast as bunny rabbits. Everyone was now an expert on emotional distress and suicide. I raised an eyebrow. Then people started throwing LinkedIn “parades” and others commented on posts supposing that Pennington had just been a jerk-off fake.
All of that was wretched. A month later, when Bruce Serven took his own life, the silence in the online world was eerie in contrast. Was it because Bruce had not been as popular or as well-known? I wonder.
I am painting with a broad brush. Not everyone online is bereft of compassion. But I am noticing enough scenarios where compassion has gone missing that I could now call it a noticeable trend. Sympathy is becoming a traffic booster. Antagonism is becoming the new way to connect. Judgment is becoming the new handshake. This is not just bad for business. This is bad for us as people.
Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you’ve seen compassion and empathy increase these last few years. Tell me this weekend was just a blip in the radar.
Please. Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me we aren’t living in and creating a real-life town without pity.
Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rayterrill/6165556884/ via Creative Commons
View Margie Clayman's profile
I’m sorry that the online world has been such a horrible disappointment of late. I’m sorry for your loss, too. She sounds like she was a good friend to have had.It seems to me like the world is heading in the wrong direction, too. I think we’ll see a fine example of this with the upcoming Olympics. I love the Olympics, but the Sochi games will likely be just another example of how NOT to run something (an Olympics or country).I don’t know the solution, but I’m right there with you in thinking things could be better.
Information has become a commodity of decreasing value and increasing disaffection for all the right and wrong reasons. Rampant, rabid and meaningless marketing and communication contributes to the devaluation and disaffection – especially in social media. Let’s reflect, however, on disaffection.How are we supposed to feel deeply (happy or sad) about anything when our social stream can easily be characterized as a hyper-rapid cycling of mood?I do not believe the human brain was designed for such cycling of neurotransmitters at the current rate which social media and marketing wants to provoke in us. In fact, such cycling of mood at far less frequency is diagnosed as mental illness. To the point, hyper bi-polarity and dysympathy can be the consequence.What are [sic] I talking about?Looking at your recent Facebook timeline, in the same hour, there are several posts representing several different moods:1. A photo of Norman Reedus appealing, perhaps, to our sense of humor2. Your thoughts on a lack of general interest in Black History Month appealing to our sense of criticality3. Your tribute to Phyllis Wheatley appealing to our sense of admiration4. Link to this post appealing, perhaps, to our sense of righteous indignation, mistrust in humanity, etc.
Even if the above were posted hours or days apart, they would appear together and present a problematic canvass.My own timeline, of course, is a cause of concern to me.More interesting than this is how comments by the same person can reflect hyper cycling of mood. Myself, I have been surprised by how persons can agree and viciously oppose different opinions by the same author/commenter in the same hour.
Margie,
In general I do think people are becoming pretty desensitized to the suffering of others. I don’t know why unless its just the age old “mans inhumanity to man.” Perhaps its a constant barrage of media and even what passes for entertainment that include horrific images of the suffering of mankind. I do know this when I lost someone close to me and my suffering was indescribable, people told me they were reluctant to say anything because they didn’t know what to say, others actually told me they avoided me out of fear that they might have to face death happening to them or their loved ones so they stayed away. Sad but true. Perhaps it translates into the online world as well.
Hi Margie,
It is sad to hear that two amazing people that had an impact on your life are no longer with us. My first thought when I read your post was who are you following or surrounding yourself with online that are so callous?
First as you know it’s a whole lot easier to be less emotional online and even when we do emote it doesn’t often translate very well into the written word. We are also now moving at 4x the speed of light when we engage online so we often don’t take the time or energy to display our true feelings…it’s simply on to the next post, comment, blog article, writing assignment etc. I don’t think it’s that we are without pity, after all whether online or irl we are all still human and subject to the human condition.
As for Philip Seymour Hoffman, it is a tragedy, especially for his young children, who will for the rest of their lives be impacted by this. I think what’s difficult for us common folk is to see all of these people who are so talented, so gifted, and so privileged, literally throw their lives away. I understand that drug addiction, especially heroine, is almost impossible to escape from but it’s also so frustrating to witness people who literally almost have it all end up this way. Perhaps their behavior is simply an inescapable part of their genius and this is just how it will be. I must say that I do admire those who have been blessed with brilliance and still somehow manage to escape from the darker side.
I guess the bottom line is we are all here in this world but just for a fleeting second in time. It’s ultimately up to us (and primarily us alone) to make sure that we do the very best that we can with that time…and when it’s time to go…hope that we’ve done enough that our true irl and url friends celebrate the fact that they were a part of and a strong contributor to our life experience.
ps I too can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve heard the mantra, be authentic, be genuine, people first, be transparent, give to others before you ask anything from them, be real, etc. I am doing my best to do just that…because, honestly, I don’t think there’s any other way you can do it. My experience online has been a little better…maybe it’s because I’m on Google Plus and am doing so many hangouts that it’s a little closer to an irl experience than a url experience.
It’s good to have you sneak out of the woodwork every once in a while and “keep us on our toes” Hope all is well with you for the most part and that you are still in a moment of Tiyoweh 🙂
Margie,
I am so very sorry I wasn’t here sooner. Life just keeps rolling by, even when our hearts are breaking. I am so very sorry for the loss we all were dealt by two people being taken from us all, so suddenly.
Most of the words I heard about Judy were such kind words and i even remembered the one time I met her (online) when I first began, on Twitter, just a very kind hello to the new kid, shy and alone. I gathered from the vibrations throughout the cyberverse, this was her way, always and that is precious to us all and a great loss to us all.
Mr. Hoffman, I did not know, but I have had my heart broken in the past because of the evil of those drugs and I know who ever he was, he wasn’t the man who died much to young. I feel for his close family and friends and all those who knew him before the drugs took over. I wish… Oh, Margie how I wish so deeply we could erase those drugs from our planet. They are such an evil creation. The are insidious, preying on the weak and those in turmoil offering a shelter that is a trap, they lie and mislead all they touch and destroy whatever they can with no boundaries or care at all. They steal our hope and dreams by destroying those who carry our hopes and dreams.
I want you to know there is pity and compassion here in this real world. You, yourself are an example of it. I have felt it myself from you and so many others. I am here, my friend.
@AlaskaChickBlog It’s all good, chickabay. This is more an observation, as usual.
As for drugs, yes…they are a terrible force in our culture, but I feel is worse is whatever is driving so many people to that choice instead of other safer choices. It’s clear that wealth and success are not enough because we lose far too many celebrities down this road. So what is it? What drives people to make this poor decision? That’s the nut we need to crack.
@Fierce_Chat Hi James – The flip side of course is that I’m lucky to have gotten to know their work so that I am able to mourn them, I suppose. I still lament that Jim Henson had to pass so soon. Heck, I’m still mad Mozart died so young. I can hold a grudge.
And yes, the online world allows us a perceived freedom that makes us think we can say whatever we want. It takes no bravery to offer tough words when you don’t have to see the person’s face.
@gagasgarden I just fear that people are forgetting how to reach out. When you talk to Ellen Bremen about how her students react to being deprived of online communication for 3 days, you hear them say things like, “I hate to call people because I am worried I’m going to interrupt them. Interruption shouldn’t be a negative thing when it’s someone you care about. People are getting weird. At least in my opinion.
@Faryna All good points, Stan. Everything becomes flat and static in the online world. The depth of the real world gets left behind, so it is easier to just let things kind of pass on by.
@ExtremelyAvg We’ll figure it all out, Brian. Im pretty sure guinea pigs will be part of the solution 🙂
@margieclayman
Thanks for the reply Margie. It was buried in my Gagagarden email. I appreciate it. Gabi never answers the phone ever, Neither do her parents.
I don’t know why.
Luvya,
Susan
You need to follow new people. Less hooplah, more ROI!
Review produk dari http://galeripembesarpenis.com/Apakah anda sudah tau, http://galeriobatpembesar.com/obat-pembesar-penis/obat-klg-pills-herbal/ adalah produk kejantanan pria yang saat ini sangat terkenal di seluruh dunia, ini adalah produk herbal yang berkerja alami sehingga memberikan hasil yang permanen http://vimaxfarma.edublogs.org/2014/10/15/jual-obat-penyubur-sperma-semenax-original/. Jika anda ingin menggunakan produk ini dari agen resmi http://galeripembesarpenis.com/vimax-asli-obat-pembesar-penis-herbal/ . ini diciptakan untuk membantu mengatasi gairah seksual wanita yang telah turun-menurun, atau dengan kata lain http://galeripembesarpenis.com/obat-perangsang-wanita-alami-opium-spray/ dibuat khusus sebagai obat frigid yang dialami kaum perempuan. Perangsang wanita http://galeripembesarpenis.com/obat-perangsang-wanita-blue-wizard-cair/ ini mampu membangunkan gairah seksual secara spontan, meningkatkan nafsu birahi atau libido menjadi berapi-api dan tak terkendali http://galeriobatpembesar.com/obat-perangsang-wanita/liquid-sex-cair-asli/. Obat pembesar kelamin terbaik ini terbukti ampuh. Obat pembesar kejantanan pria yang paling terpercaya saat ini http://galeriobatpembesar.com/minyak-pembesar-penis/minyak-lintah-papua-asli/ semakin banyak dicari, karena semakin banyak pria yang ingin menambah ukuran dari kejantanannya. Jadi anda bisa memesan obat pembesar ini dengan mengklik tautan ini. http://galeripembesarpenis.com/viagra-usa-100mg/ . Baca aturan pakai dari obat kuat tersebut http://bit.ly/1R0UBVf. Suplemen harian yang berfungsi sebagai http://galeripembesarpenis.com/semenax-obat-penyubur-sperma/ ini telah dirumuskan untuk meningkatkan total volume air mani hingga mencapai 500% ini pun mampu mengeraskan ereksi lebih kuat serta menjaga ejakulasi dini lebih lama. http://galeripembesarpenis.com/blog/cara-memperbesar-penis-alami-terbukti/ Memiliki alat vital yang berukuran besar dan panjang memang merupakan dambaan setiap pria, http://obatpembesarpenisherbal.blog.com/adakah-cara-memperbesar-penis-pria-secara-alami/.
Dengan memiliki ukuran yang besar dan panjang bisa dipastikan kemampuan mereka juga akan http://obatpembesarpenisherbal.yolasite.com/ . Dapatkan obat pembesar alat vital pria rekomendasi para pakar kesehatan dengan klik http://galeripembesarpenis.com/obat-pembesar-penis-klg-pills-herbal/. Kami menjual obat kuat pria untuk mengeraskan ereksi dan tahan lama produk terbaik, yaitu http://galeriobatpembesar.com/obat-kuat-pria-perkasa/levitra-100mg-20mg/ yang bisa membantu anda mendapatkan alat vital lebih kencang perkasa diranjang yang anda idamkan. Ingat vmenplus asli dari kami Pembesar penis . Dapatkan info terkait produk obat kuat ini http://obatpembesarpenisherbal.blogdetik.com/2016/04/24/adakah-cara-memperbesar-penis-pria-secara-alami .
Setiap wanita tentunya mendambakan untuk memiliki payudara yang indah, montok, kencang dan bisa tampil percaya diri, maka dari itu disini kami ingin membahas tentang bagaimana http://galeriobatkuatpria.blogspot.co.id/2016/01/cara-merawat-payudara-agar-tetap-indah-montok-kencang.html agar tetap sehat secara alami tanpa menggunakan obat. Mari kita simak kutipannya http://vimaxfarma.tumblr.com/.
Banyak mainan seks populer dirancang untuk menyerupai alat kelamin manusia dan dapat bergetar atau non-bergetar. http://galeri-alatbantusex.blogspot.co.id/ pada dasarnya dapat di kategorikan menjadi dua yaitu untuk ria dan wanita, keduanya memiliki dua kategori yaitu yang getar dan non getar. Anda bisa melihat http://galeripembesarpenis.com/category/alat-bantu-sex-wanita/%22 di tautan tersebut.
Source : http://galeriobatpembesar.com/