Five rules nice folks follow in Social Media

For better or for worse, it seems like I am stepping into the very modest wardrobe of Ms. Emily Post when it comes to the world of Social Media. I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately regarding proper etiquette or how I approach certain situations whilst avoiding hurting anyone’s feelings.

Really, what it comes down to are some pretty basic rules. I thought I would outline some here, and then you fill in any that I miss.

1. If you don’t G2G, then you’ve G2G: In other words, if you don’t give to get, you’ve got to go. I don’t mean that you have to pay it forward in a cheesy movie kind of way, but, for example:

• If someone retweets your post, go to their blog and leave a nice comment or tweet out a post for them

• If you ask someone for a favor, try to do them a favor around the same time frame

• If someone refers a person to you and names you as a good resource – be a good resource

Can this seem mechanical sometimes? Maybe. Can you get away with not giving to get? Probably. But giving to get also has the added benefit of helping you feel helpful and squishy, which is almost always nice.

2. Hold the Ham: Everyone wants to be the star of their own Social Media reality, and let’s face it, when all of these sites are asking, “What are you doing,” “What’s on your mind,” and “What’s new” it’s easy to think that everyone cares an awful lot about us. However, sometimes it’s a good idea to step back a bit and let someone else take the starring role. This can mean:

• Promoting someone else’s project, even if you have a project in progress

• Inviting someone to guest post on your site

• Contributing a guest post to someone’s site

• Retweeting someone else’s post or tweet

3. Remember that time is the ultimate gift: One thing people really appreciate is getting an acknowledgment that they have a lot on their plate. This can be done in any number of ways. For example:

• Don’t throw a tantrum if someone doesn’t read your post Right-A-Way!!!!!

• If you ask someone for a favor and they say no, don’t ask 27 more times

• If you ask someone for a little time and they do give that gift to you, be appreciative.

Bear in mind, whenever you write a blog post and tweet it out or post it to Facebook, you are asking people for time, and when people comment or share your post, they are giving you that time. Show appreciation via comments or tweets.

4. Extrapolate how you feel on to others: Even though so many of us experience Social Media in different ways, we often encounter experiences that create the same kind of sentiments. Try to keep your eyes and ears open for situations where you can sympathize with or applaud a person. This means:

• If a person announces that they have just started blogging, give them a round of virtual applause. You know what a big step that is and how hard it is to get going

• If someone is new to Twitter, reach out, lend a hand, and introduce them to some of your friends

• If someone posts really good news, retweet it and congratulate them, because you know you’d love the same thing

5. Be a hunter, not a gatherer. In other words, don’t search out information so that you can store it in a bin (like your brain, for example). Hunt down information, chats, useful people, and good resources and share the bounty with your community. It’s not about controlling information, it’s about spreading information.

Here’s a bonus one, and it’s the one I am always surprised people miss. Are you ready?

Say thank you. Say thank you when someone says something nice about you. Say thank you when someone tweets out your post. Say thank you when someone comments, either by literally saying thank you or by replying to their comment in kind. Or if you think saying “thank you” would get old, act out your thankfulness. Be human. It’s not just about voice, it’s about being civilized.

What are your “be nice” tips?

How do you define Social Media good manners? What rules do you use to guide your online behavior? Do you have your own list of five? Let’s talk in the comments about how to be nice in Social Media through words and/or actions. It’s the right time of year for being nice anyway, right?

33 comments

  1. Saying Thank You is a biggie for me. I know this may sound kind of petty, but I don’t really care to be included on a long list of people for a single Thank You. I always take the time to personally thank each person that RT’d a post, or commented. Same goes for my birthday on Facebook, for instance. I personally respond to every birthday wish I receive. They took the time – why shouldn’t I? I realize some people have a lot more followers than I, so maybe thanking each person individually isn’t realistic. But I still think you should come as close as possible. It’s the little thing that counts. That personal touch. A thoughtful response. Nobody wants an auto-DM. I don’t want a “thanks for the birthday wishes” FB status. My $.02. Another provocative post!

    1. I agree, Jen. I do my best to thank people individually, though sometimes on Twitter I’ll thank multiple people if one person tweeted a post of mine & others just retweeted the other person. Kind of hard to tell where the direct line of gratitude is there though i still appreciate it.

      But yes, individual responses, like, by name – I’m a fan of those.

      Thank YOU for your comment 🙂

  3. Wonderful post, Margie! (Not that that’s a surprise, but it’s definitely worth acknowledging 🙂

    From my perspective, the impressiveness of this list is underscored by the knowledge that this isn’t a “do as I say, not as I do” enumeration. Whether lurking in one of the Twitter chats you participate in or just watching your Tweets float by on Tweetdeck, I have been consistently impressed by the way you put these values into practice.

    Here’s hoping that this post & your continued excellent example will help turn the tide toward a more respectful & mutually beneficial experience for all of us in the social media sphere.

    1. Oh, thank you so much, Hugh.

      I kind of figured out some of this from an early stage of my Social Media life because, well, it’s just common sense. Do unto others and all that jazz. I am pleased that I am doing a good job of living up these standards – always nice to get a good report card, especially from an awesome person like you!

      Thanks again!

  4. Well, I had written a very clever response here. Then WordPress deleted it 🙂 Summary time? I think so 🙂

    First of all, great post. Love the part about responding to blog comments and thanking your readers. Statistically speaking, less than 10% (and usually closer to 3%) of the people who see your blog will stop to read and comment. Take the time to respond to those that do. Thank individuals whenever possible, esp if they’ve taken the time to do something like send a birthday message.

    And answer questions, whether they’re directed at you or the group. Please. Would you go to a conference and sit like a bump on a log while someone asked a question? Of course not. Okay, maybe you would…but wouldn’t it be more fun if you didn’t?

    Take the time to get to know each other. Ask questions. Get involved. Social media is allll about interaction, so get those tentacles working and reach out to as many people as possible.

  5. Oh, sorry to hear that. I hate it when my posts or responses disappear. Thank you for persevering!

    I agree, statistically, not a lot of people take any action on what you tweet or blog – even the biggest names, statistically, do not get an overwhelming response. Rather than finding that frustrating, we should concentrate on that excellent minority of people who do take the time. This is important for business relationships and personal relationships online.

    Thank you for your kind words!

  6. Margie, I am a new reader to your blog but every single one has great advice and great morsels, thank you for that!!!

    I love this one in particular as I seem to see that people have lost the general attitude of give to get. Even outside of Social Media it seems folks don’t appreciate others for their time and efforts. I hope to emulate your wonderful ability to do this and write great blogs!

    1. Well thank you so much for stopping by, Andrea. I appreciate your kind words!

      It’s true, plain good manners seems to be increasingly rare everywhere you go, but Social Media just seems to kind of magnify the loss. Bummer, huh? 🙂

      Thank you again – very sweet of you to say!

  7. Great lessons for us budding blog writers. I’ve got a related question for you. When does ‘sharing’ becomes ‘pushing’? Specially in open channels where everyone sees what you share… you might be targetting specific people, but maybe others will get tired of seeing your post over and over?

    What are your thoughts on this?

    1. Well, that gets to the blog promotion post from a couple of days ago. What I try to do to keep things interesting is if I’m sharing the same thing, say a blog post, I try to do it in different ways each time. Sometimes I might tweet the post as a question. If I get good conversation going like here, I might direct people to the comments rather than the post. This does a few things. First, people don’t feel like I’m just a bot sending out the same information here and there. Also, though, it allows me to potentially reach new people while not boring people who have already seen the subject I’m talking about. In fact, maybe the new way I talk about it entices interest more than the first time around for someone.

      Make sense?

  8. Acknowledgments and thank-you’s are important. Also reciprocation. Because I don’t blog (much) I often like to spread the bounty by Re-Tweeting blogs, articles or bits of useful information. I can RT or say a nice comment and most will never respond with a thank you. And most often, these are the one’s who have “written” the rules for social media and especially Twitter.

    You don’t expect people to acknowledge all or have an opportunity to say thank you individually to all — but if you see it come across your screen more than once a year — acknowledge that person must respect what you are doing or what you are saying.

    Also, keep some items that should only be said in a DM in a DM, call or email. Such as,
    ” I tried to call you but you never pick-up.”
    Kinda tacky – and makes me know right then and there this is not the person I want to be associated with at any time or anymore because its a clear predictor of future behavior off and on-line.

    Great post Marjie – I rant

    1. Always a good sign when a blog post gets someone to rant. I’m honored.

      And you’re right. I try to stray away from talking about IRL friendships online in general. I feel it makes other people feel excluded and it just isn’t necessary. I would agree that lambasting someone in public is also pretty darned tacky.

      Great points!

      Thank you for commenting!

  9. “In other words, if you don’t give to get, you’ve got to go.” Love that. So true. Remaining respectful, considerate, and humble to others only increases the probability that you get that in return.

    Another great post, Margie. As always – thanks for sharing.
    🙂

  10. Margie while these are all excellent comments what makes them even more powerful is the source, YOU. You have modeled this behaviors because they are values you live by. Thanks for taking the time to lay them out. This is a case where stating what might appear to be the obvious is constructive.

    I have noticed how you are consistently seeking out new friends and helping or encouraging any way you are able. You add so much to the social media sphere. Mine in particular

    Thanks for sharing.

    1. Aw Joe. Thank you so much. I work really hard to avoid being “that person” who talks about how things should be done and then breaks every rule. I’m glad it’s working!

      Thank you!!! 🙂

  11. Excellent guidelines, Margie.

    Few model these as graciously as you do, which, in my mind, affords you the authority to PREACH it.

    The one I find most challenging to live up to is “If someone refers a person to you and names you as a good resource – be a good resource”. That one is tricky for me at least (high demand FT job, 3 kids) but I’m learning to set expectations gently, answer gratefully, and simply do the best I can.

    These are superb. I’m going to obey item 5 and send them out!

    Tristan

    1. Aw, thanks Tristan. I work hard at it (with the it in this case meaning “being a good person.”)

      I think you are a great resource naturally, but you may not realize it…let me put it this way, I consider you a reliable resource. So there. Phhht.

  12. Margie,
    Not only do I like the message, I love the way your posts have a unique voice. On many people’s posts, the content may be strong, but visually and stylistically, the post could move from one site to another. Yours really do seem to bring your personality out nicely. Great work.

    Ken
    http://www.PerTalks.com

  14. Lovely post Margie! (Note, I used the word “lovely” because it’s such an Emily Post kind of word.) 🙂

    I’d add “connect people whenever possible.” You mentioned introducing people who are new – which is a great gesture. I’m thinking more along the lines of when I meet someone and it occurs to me that they really should meet someone else on Twitter for business – or collaboration – reasons, then I go out of my way to connect them.

    All the best for a beautiful holiday season, Margie,

    @LisaPetrilli

    1. Oh thank you, dahlink!

      Yes, I agree – it’s great fun helping people get connected into networks, actually. Of course, it’s a little bit stressful – you’re banking on everyone being on their best behavior…but most of the time it works out rather well, and it’s a great feeling!

      Thank you very much for popping in! Much appreciated 🙂

  17. Hi Margie,
    This is wonderful. So genuine and so true. And just like you Margie. What I like most about you Margie is that you don’t ever write “do as I say” you say “do as I do.” You truly practice what you preach dear lady.
    Sincerely,
    Gaga

  18. Very nice, Margie. I am relatively new to this (3 months) and learning so much! Your post helps to affirm some of my thoughts on reciprocity. Recently, I had a couple “Big Hitters” RT a post of mine as a thank you for RT’n their posts…what a nice feeling it was! All my best, John

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