Have a seat. I want to tell you a story.
Once upon a time, there was a person who had a real serious problem. While they were struggling with it, they encountered all kinds of other people who had the same problem. As so often happens in these kinds of situations, the person in question began talking to the other people. They began checking in on each other, lamenting bad days, celebrating good days. It seemed like they were solidifying relationships that would last forever.
Then one day, one of the people in the group – they reached the light at the end of the tunnel. The key character in our story felt really happy for that person. But almost immediately, that person who got it all figured out – they started acting kind of weird. They didn’t really talk to the other folks anymore. When they did, they would say things that only a few weeks before they themselves would have found really insensitive. The star of our story wondered how someone could so easily forget all of those trials, tribulations, and moments of friendship. Had it been another lifetime?
Nothing brainwashes like Social Media
In the world of Social Media, it is frighteningly easy to forget where you came from. If a couple of blog posts do pretty well for you, it’s easy to forget what it’s like to write post after post with no reaction. If you start adding up followers on Twitter, it’s easy to forget what it’s like to tweet till your fingers are numb and get no responses. In the world of Social Media, success can be like a great eraser. You can forget what it was like to just be starting. You can forget what it was like to have no clue what #FF stands for on Twitter. You can forget what it was like to feel so darned intimidated by that “publish” button.
The funny thing is that Social Media doesn’t just erase bad memories of getting started in Social Media. If you increase your wealth while on your Social Media journey, it’s so easy to start talking to people who have nicer cars and bigger homes, forgetting the people you used to talk to who are still struggling to make ends meet. If you were going through a bad divorce when you got started but now are happily married, it’s so easy to move away from that crowd you initially attached yourself to and join the “happily married” crowd.
There’s always a community, a conversation, and a call to come on over. It’s so easy, so very easy, to take a single step and lose the footprints behind you.
Find some breadcrumbs and retrace your steps
Have you lost track of a group of people? Have you not reached out to someone in a long while who you used to talk to all the time? Maybe they are in a place that you have since vacated. Maybe they are still struggling with something you conquered. Maybe they feel like you’ve forgotten all about them.
Wouldn’t it be great to prove them wrong?
Image by Colin Brough. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/ColinBroug
Wow — I definitely agree with that. Like you mention, it applies to a lot more than just social media. Sometimes the reward at the end of the path seems more important than the path itself. But if we really reflect, we see that what makes things worthwhile are all of the people along the way, especially since in part we owe our success to their insights, their stories, and their paths. Reach out to those past and you might find something you’ve lost.
Exactly right. Well said!
Great post Margie … the more people I know, the more people I know ….. I’ve been setting aside time weekly to get to reknow them … wherever they/I’m are/in their/my journey 🙂 … and funny that …. they just might do the same 🙂
There is that nice reciprocation thing that tends to happen every now and then. Always a treat, that 🙂
thinking more of them passing it on … that 🙂
Margie
Such a big topic and one that we do not really like to address very often. We all started somewhere. We form relationships with people who we perceive to be like us. Once they (or us) go to the next level (and that can be above or below) they form new relationships with people they perceive to be like them. The others are forgotten as they have moved on and what was in common is suddenly not. If we are moving upwards then we never want to look back down to that place we were. If we go backwards, there is that shame that we failed. Behaviorally, it is almost textbook but in real life it is hurtful many times.
We all move to a different place emotionally and sometimes physically and what we do with the memories of before is a true testament of who we are. Folks that lost it all and had no place to live, we see are giving back to make the lives easier of those that are still there. In social media we do not see this as often as it is the social stigma that we attach to ourselves to be better – and want people to see us as better. The other part is that when someone moves out of the group, they are experiencing new things while the rest of the group is staying where they were at. This new creates a gap where we want to share the new over and over and some forget that the group is not coming along. I like to bring people along as I got to the place somehow. Is it a personality thing? Could be. I do not know.
When we experience situations such as these or read blogs like this one, we are reminded that true friends are never to be left behind. See, so Lebron still loves you as does Braylon. =-)
You raise a very good point as it relates to Social Media – people are pressured to show that they have connections with big names and I think that overshadows real relationships for some people. If talking to person a doesn’t really get me anywhere, but big name b is talking to me, it’s so very easy to just say, “Oh, I was so busy talking to person b…sorry!”
A lot of people preach authenticity, but that’s a great way to lose hold of real relationships.
As for Braylon & LeBron – there’s a difference between moving on and betrayal 🙂
Thanks, as always, Margie.
There is a courting phase, a honeymoon phase, an I’ve got it together phase (I imagine)…
It’s a road. Ambient kinship is real…
“The road goes ever on an on
Down from the door where it began
And I must travel if I can
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until many paths and errands meet,
And whither then, I cannot say” …or something like that
(Bilbo Baggins).
Thanks for being a soft-lantern in a glaring LCD universe.
–m
Anyone who quotes Bilbo is a friend to me 🙂 Thanks, Mark!
Wow. You’ve written about something I’ve never thought about before but now that you’ve said it, I see how true it really is. Hope I remember where I came from.
Thanks for watching, writing, and sharing.
Thanks Mary. As you know, that’s what I love to hear 🙂
Margie,
A long time ago, a good friend of mine gave me a wonderful present. She was present when I screwed up during a presentation. The screw up got a bunch of laughs but the lesson that came with it was even more important. Like so many other lessons in life, it would have been easy to forget. That wasn’t to be. My friend cared and made me a personal reminder that now hangs in my office.
The lesson was one in humility. I must say that it is nice to have that reminder near by.
@jwsokol
Sounds like a very good friend indeed! It takes a gentle hand to try to pass on a lesson. You don’t want to come off as “holier than thou” or a know-it-all, but at the same time, if you really think you can offer guidance, it’s hard not to reach out a hand.
Thanks for the comment, my friend!
This is yet another reminder of how reflective SM interaction is of our human experience. To be real is the best advise anyone ever gave me – in person as well as online. If a person forgets their past or is trying to rewrite it, they are exposing themselves to the BS police. Your post speaks to many of the foibles and traps people fall into in this life when interacting with others. I agree with Jason: humility is a valuable friend.
On a personal note, this post seems so from the heart that I can’t help but sense you’ve been hurt. If it is a life observation free from hurt – terrific. However, if that isn’t the case please know your ability to express the topic is cleansing in itself and eventually leads to healing.
All the best to you, Margie.
Thanks for that, Paul. I’m sure everyone has had an experience where they can relate – talking in generalities mostly though 🙂
Great message. I think sometimes we lose contact with some people because these tools really allow us to reach more people than we can sometimes handle.
However I have see how when many years I started using twitter and gave a small workshop for a Small Business Group on how I used twitter. Weeks later I had someone who I help them create there twitter account proclaiming to be an expert in using twitter for business.
Last night I was able to get in touch with someone who I had not seen in months writing on twitter and it brought me lots of joy.
Every once in a while I browse to my timeline and make sure I say hi to people that I have not touch based with in a while.
I will follow your advice and once again try to get in touch today with a few more people. Thanks!
It’s always interesting to see people you have helped suddenly proclaim themselves successful experts, and they just figured it out all by themselves. Very interesting indeed. Sometimes it’s tempting to say, “Um, EXCUSE ME?!?” But then that wouldn’t be very graceful, would it? 🙂
Thanks, Raul!
I agree it would not be graceful. I ended up closing communications with that particular person. That was the first flag to run away from the person.
Hi Margie,
This is a long comment but please bear with me because I think I have something important to add:
“Dance with the one that brung you” was a favorite expression of University of Texas football coach Darrell Royal. In sports, it means to go with the players and plays that result in wins. Molly Ivins wrote a book titled “You got to dance with them what brung you: politics in the Clinton years” (1998). Shania Twain recorded a song titled “Dance With the One That Brought You” (1993) The phrase was not coined by Darrell Royal. A song “I’m Going to Dance With the One Who Brung Me” was popular in the 1920s. (quoted from http://bit.ly/dU2kIY)
People talk about this concept frequently, but forget or get too busy to do the little things and return the favor. I believe it is inherent in one’s nature, either to be gracious or not. We could debate whether this is learned behavior. However in some cases, there are people that regard others as stepping stones to achieve what they want, therefore easily forgettable once they have achieved their personal goals.
Yours Truly,
Gaga
that’s a great addition! I wish I had known about that expression before I wrote this! Thank you for chiming in 🙂