It’s a Matter of Motives
Relatively early in his career, Mark Twain got a letter from an adoring fan. He writes that this letter just really made his day. It made him really feel like he had made it.
Then the person who wrote the letter asked Twain for a favor, and Twain realized why exactly he had gotten such a nice letter.
Twain was reflecting on this early correspondence at a time when he had received another letter. I’m going to type this in, because I think, for those of you who are engaged on Social Media sites fairly often, it will give you quite a laugh:
Dear Sir:-I have written a book-naturally, which fact, however, since I am not your enemy need give you no occasion to rejoice. Nor need you grieve, though I am sending you a copy. If I knew of any way of compelling you to read it I would do so, but unless first few pages have that effect, I can do nothing. Try the first few pages. I have done a great deal more than that with your books, so perhaps you owe me something-say ten pages. I after that attempt you put it aside, I shall be sorry-for you!
I am afraid that the above looks flippant-but think of the twitterings of the soul of him who brings in his hand an unbidden book, written by himself. To such a one is due in the way of indulgence. Will you remember that? Have you forgotten early twitterings of your own?
Maybe it’s just the word “twitterings,” but if I was asked to find a 19th century version of asking a major “influencer” for a tweet of a post, this letter would be my first pick.
The really hilarious thing about the letter is that Twain knew, immediately, that the author didn’t just want Twain to “read the first 10 pages.” The author knew Twain was successful and had a lot of connections with publishers. The author wanted Twain to put out a little “read this great book” sort of advertisement (Twain could have been a great affiliate marketer).
I’m kind of tempted to wonder, a century after the fact, how Twain would have reacted if the author had simply said, “Hey dude, you’re like, really famous and well-respected. Can you read my book, see if you like it, and if you do like it could you like, advertise the heck out of it?”
I wonder, a century later, if the author really was in touch with his motives at the time. Did he really think he was asking Twain just to read 10 pages? Sometimes the first person we lie to is ourselves, after all.
And now the 21st century
Are you in touch with your motives as you engage in the online world? I often wonder about this when I see various kinds of exchanges online. For example, if a really influential person tweets out a person’s post, is that because the author of the post asked the influencer to “just read the first 2 paragraphs and see if you like it?” I wonder if sometimes people put out lists like “25 most influential Social Media rockstars” just so they can stack their post with big influencer names to up their traffic (this is one of many reasons why I try to shine the spotlight on people who aren’t so well known).
When you ask me to “look at your site,” are you really asking for my opinion, or are you asking me to promote your efforts? Do you know the answer to that question yourself?
My motives
Lately, I’ve been getting kind of frustrated with some people. I do nothing but support them, it feels like, but they never acknowledge any of these actions. Never a thank you, certainly never a reciprocation. This has made me wonder about my motives.
It seemed pretty clear to me, once I dipped my toe in the wavy Social Media waters, that everything online is a game. You do something nice for someone, they try to pay you back. It was just common knowledge. Now, 95% of my motivation in doing nice things for or saying nice things about people is because I love making people happy. I love making a difference in someone’s day, and doing so online is so super easy it’s ridiculous not to do that.
But there’s also that understanding I’m working under. If I need help, or if I put something out there that you like, you’ll at some point come over and lift me up, because we’re helping each other out. I invest in you, you invest in me. It’s the human thing to do. No Empire Avenue needed.
For my Blog Library project, I am promoting peoples’ blog posts because that is one of the core missions of the project. I am also mentioning people who have written great blogs because I want them to know that I am building this resource. I can be honest about that. If they acknowledge those mentions, great. If they don’t, that’s fine, I don’t push, because I know that what I’m doing is motivated in part by promotion.
Now it’s your turn
What are your motives as you engage with people online? Are you trying to make money? Are you trying to promote a book you’ve written? Are you trying to build yourself a reputation as a Social Media expert?
There’s nothing wrong with any of that stuff, but it’s important to be honest with yourself about it. Otherwise you’ll find yourself getting frustrated with other people for reasons they can’t possibly understand, and that gets pretty uncomfortable.
Perhaps honesty is what the online world really needs. Simply ask people to tweet out a post you’re really proud of rather than saying, “I think you’d like this.” Ask people to help support a project you’re working on rather than saying, “I need your expert opinion.” And when people do those things for you, keep your eyes and ears open for an opportunity to pay them back.
That makes sense, right?
This is post #77 in the Engagement Series. If you are worried about missing posts. don’t be scared of that little subscribe button there!
1st Image by Paulo Simão. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/paulosimao
2nd Image by Bjorn de Leeuw. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/nr49
12 Comments
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I engage with people online because it’s rewarding to be able to connect with so many interesting people around the world. I’ve learned so much, so quickly–it’s really amazing. I spent my career in the corporate world, but now that I’m doing freelance marketing, I find that it’s very important to reach out to people online. I don’t want to become a hermit. 🙂
I only started my blog and joined Twitter in February, so I still consider myself a bit of a newbie. I have no expectations of anyone. I’ve never asked anyone to share one of my posts or retweet one of my tweets. But I enjoy helping people whenever I can, and I’m happy to share something if I find it compelling.
Sounds like you’re right on track to me, Ms. Worley 🙂
That word “expectation” is important. When I first started I thought I didn’t expect anything, too, but it turns out that what I expected was that people would play the same game I was playing – you help me when I need it, I help you when you need it. That expectation is not always met, as it turns out.
It’ll be interesting to see if your perspective changes over the next few months or if you are able to stay right on track!
Is it me or does that letter to Twain read just like a Nigerian Email Scam?
Anyway, your post is spot on; in the words of Zig Ziglar – “You can have everything in life that you want if you just give enough other people what they want.”
Isn’t it fabulous? I just couldn’t believe it when I saw that. It seems like something someone could easily send today – except that some of the language is a *bit* different 🙂
That Ziglar quote is well said. It’s not to say that every time you do something nice for someone they have to pay you back right away or at all. There’s a general kind of flow to it that you discover through feel. Maybe. 🙂
Thanks for the comment Sean!
Margie you have used twitter to the fullest – Learned how to use it; learned how to reach out and connect; and gave so much to others. If you reach one person and make a difference you have done your job. There have been days when I felt no one read what I had to say.It was then I realized what my purpose on twiiter was- to connect and share brighter news than we hear in the media. It was then I started reading blogs to find a style and way ti use twiiter. Your engagement series is what I found. As you said I feel and understand the series.
So I tweet with hardly any expectations but I am human. Retweets make my day. I know someone has read what I had to say.
Ah, Gloria – your comments are always so kind.
I like what you said there – low expectations, BUT…when someone reaches out it’s nice. I agree with that. The even nicer thing is when someone retweets you or does a favor after you have done kindnesses for them, because then you both kind of know that you have each others’ backs, right? I love it when you pop by here 🙂
I engage with people online because it saves on Gas and time of having to meet them all in person.
Ok now on the serious side. I guess we all have so many connections and tasks that many of us would like to be do more but on many occasions it can become difficult.
I would love to come into your blog every day and comment but some days I get to read your blog and continue with other things. I try my hardest to support those who support me with the feeling that I probably should do more. Sadly most people are more into there priorities and even worst they won’t admit it.
In my case I am here to collaborate, learn, and share. All other motives are just the product of those first three.
Oh c’mon, Raul. You could just swim over here if you really wanted to, right? Or I could swim there 🙂 No problem!
Again, I don’t want to give the impression that this is a call to comment on every single blog post (for me or anyone else). But you know how the game is played. It’s a gentle give and take, with not a lot of pressure or thought – just an understanding. You get it so I know you know what I mean 🙂 Others…maybe not so much!
I love Sean’s comment about the Nigerian email scam. He’s right – it does!
I think the people you are discussing can be broken into three categories:
1. Those who are trying to use flattery and subterfuge to get what they want
2. Those who want you to share, but are either lacking in self-confidence or afraid to come off as pushy. Or they are afraid to put you on the spot if they ask in a public tweet.
3. Those who are genuinely just trying to share something, not looking for more (all you cynics just keep moving).
Personally I’m not afraid to say point blank, this is mine, would you share. And there really are times that I’ve written something I just know a Tweep of mine will enjoy.
In general I strive for an 80 / 20 balance. 80% focusing on other people’s content or *real* engagement. 20% self-promotion, a girls gotta eat!
I like your categories – I think that makes a lot of sense. See that’s why I need you to visit, because you bring organized, linear thinking to my rantings and ravings. Look how neat and tidy that comment is, and yet you say so much. Hmm. Gotta learn from ya, chiquita 🙂
But yes, you’re right. There’s no reason not to be straightforward – people will probably assume you have other motives if you don’t voice what your motives actually are, so better to be safe than sorry, right?
Thanks for the comment, Nicole 🙂
[…] wasn’t going to write this post as it sounded a bit like a whine, but then read this from Margie Clayman today and this from Neil Kramer yesterday. Take a few minutes to read them; I’ll […]
You put so many of my feelings and thoughts into words here, Margie. I agree, honesty is what the online really needs. When people talk about transparency, responsibility, honesty and many other concepts – that they think should be preached, not followed – they usually forget that people can see through you.
Personally, I’ve never delivered any advice that I would not follow myself and never always try to be open about my reasons for things. When I need help, I tell people honestly that I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m always asking for help. I help out whenever it is in my power to do so.
This is a great post and I felt compelled to leave a comment. 🙂