Ken Mueller threw out a second topic that I thought was pretty interesting. He asked if I could write something about blogging as catharsis.
As has happened throughout this month, I’ve recently had an experience that makes this blog post timely for me.
See, here’s the thing. There was a person who I really respected. I supported them when a lot of other people were jumping ship. I risked my neck on occasion to help them out or to stand up for them. I looked up to this person, as a matter of fact. I believed the persona I was seeing and assumed that the warnings I was getting were just misunderstandings or people being weird.
Unfortunately, I have recently found out that this person actually did something that I find rather inexcusable and, for lack of a better word, yucky. People make mistakes, of course, but it always comes back to walking your talk. If you can’t walk your talk, you should just hesh up.
I find myself with a decision to make.
If I listened to a lot of the most successful bloggers out there, I would be 100% transparent. I would call this person out, assuming they would read my post. I would explain right here, out in the open, how this person let me down because I now feel like a fool for thinking the best of them. I would use names and facts and dates. I would warn people not to fall for this person’s tricks like I did.
If I was like a lot of bloggers out there, that’s exactly what I would do. I would write it all out, hit publish, and BOOM! It would be out there, and until the comments would start rolling in, I would feel downright cleansed.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, I’m not 100% convinced that’s the best way to go.
Cowardice or Smarts?
I’ve talked here before about how personal posts can be prickly. I still recall, a year later, one of the first posts I saw that was getting a lot of attention. It was an EXTREMELY personal post by a woman who was detailing her horrible domestic abuse situation. She used her real name on the post and went into a lot of the minutia of the situation. The comments and tweets she got were expressing admiration for her bravery.
On the one hand, I can see how a cathartic blog post can be a demonstration of bravery. If I wrote the post I kind of want to write now, you’d better believe it would be brave. Calling someone out can mean a pretty big risk to your own reputation, your own site, and the integrity of your community – no matter who you’re calling out. This woman was unquestionably brave for putting out into the online world the fact that she had been abused by her husband.
On the other hand, I think, “Well, do I really want to send that information out into the world?” Do I want a future client to read something ultra-personal or ultra-mean or ultra…whatever? Would I want friends to find out about an extremely personal issue via a blog post? Because let’s face it, no matter how sure you are that you’ve told everyone, you always miss at least *one* person.
Catharsis in some cases can be downright dangerous in the online world.
The tribe of misinterpreters
The other problem with those super cathartic posts is that people who are terribly cynical about the online world will look at your content and say, “Oh, ok, this person’s traffic must be lower than they want.” They might think you’re making it up. They might think you’re just trying to get attention. As soon as someone feels that way about you, whether it’s true or not, your credibility is going to be extremely hard to recapture. Is it brave to be cathartic in the face of that risk?
Or is it on the foolish side of the spectrum?
What’s your take?
As for me, as you can tell, I lean towards the cowardice. Or smarts, as I like to call it. Catharsis through writing can be a powerful and healing thing, but putting it out there on the interwebs? I don’t know. Seems to have more potential for harm than good.
Then again, that’s just how I see it.
Your part starts here!
Image by Josep Altarriba. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/L_Avi
Wonderful post! Often times, I cringe when I read the very personal posts of others and it has stopped me from visiting their blogs too much as I may find out details I was never seeking.
The other thing about cathartic posts is that I’m a believer in energy of all sorts and believe that energy (both good and bad) travels. If someone is sending anger or hurt out to the universe, it sometimes sticks if I’m vulnerable.
Having said this, I do write cathartic posts about things that happen to me in my daily life but I remove the emotion and apply them back to the theme of my blog which is mostly business/marketing. That way, I have the benefit of release without devolving into something that doesn’t become me nor the person who chooses to visit my blog.
Lastly, I applaud your restraint. I think it has nothing to do with transparency nor cowardice. If there’s truly an issue you have with someone, it’s better addressed in a different forum.
I agree. Dealing with a problem via email or something one-on-one bespeaks a desire to solve the problem. Calling someone out on your site seems more like a desire for a spike in traffic 🙂
As for other kinds of posts, you are right – if you can use it for your business it seems a lot less out of place to me as a reader.
Don’t do it! I agree that in this instance, because it is an individual and not a brand, you should not publicize your misgivings. Public call-outs seem cowardly me, in most cases.
I agree. As you can tell. Blogging it out often just seems to make problems worse!
I, like many other people of the online world, have found myself in this exact situation. I mean, how tempting is it to be totally transparent, especially when you have been done wrong.
The thing I advise my clients – and that I thrive to achieve – think before you press that button. I have a few cathartic post that have remained unpublished because I knew I would do more wrong to myself than to the person I was trying to call out.
I often look at those bloggers who say it like it is and who have the bravery to take on the world with admiration and sometimes, wishing I could do the same. But I am convinced, in the long run, restraining is the best way. Most times, we don’t have all the answers and we only have our side of the story. Calling out someone takes a lots of convictions and courage to defend to the blood what you have put out.
I also think that there are those bloggers who, because they have been known to be controversial, will use cathartic posts to build their online presence. And there is nothing wrong with it.
The most important is to know where you stand and standing your grounds. Owning your decision and defending it.
You raise a very important point. If you do want to call people out you had better be prepared for the consequences. I get frusrated when people write a super snarky post and then get really depressed or angry when people respond in kind. As the old saying goes, if you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen!
Great post my friend. As you know from my posts I tend to stick to the subject at hand be it #custserv #usguys #socialmedia related etc, but, I believe it’s fine to incorporate a “personal” situation into the subject being penned as long as it takes you in the direction of a common topic that suits the audience.
Case and point I wanted to write about a friend of mine who passed suddenly last week. I also knew he has one of the brightest customer service stars that ever shined.
A no brainier.
Got to relate to a personal blog and keep it relevant with a subject of what I write on.
There was a fit.
I do think there is a place for the kind of personal blogs of which you spoke as long as the author is not concerned with any “professional backlash” or isn’t in a position where that can affect them.
Great post and great room for discussion.
Thanks so much Margie.
Sorry to hear about your loss Ty.
I agree that using aspects of our lives can be a great help. I do that all of the time. But sometimes things are just personal and at least in my own mind sort of “sacred.” I wouldn’t want to use them to illustrate business or social media points. I don’t think that’s a lack of transparency on my part. I just think sometimes boundaries are important 🙂
Argh…I wanna agree and disagree at the same time coz well, I’m just that contrary! I don’t think that calling someone out in a public forum is ok to do…however, in regards to writing catharic posts, YES!! It may not make you comfortable to read or see and people may think horrible things, yet…there may be one person that reads those words and is touched or inspired coz they are living that story as well. I think that possibility, that opportunity that may come from your words is a risk that must be taken, certain stories, must be told and shared, the good for both reader and author far outweighs any risk!
Thats a fair point my friend. I guess I would just toss out the cautionary note that to do that in one or two posts can be great. If you “bleed all over the Internet” (as a friend of mine used to say) in every single post, or if you ordain yourself the leader of a certain group of people, that’s when I start to wonder about the motovations of the blogger.
Margie, I’m normally a tactful person, but I’m gonna stretch my neck out here for ya to chop anyways and be very blunt.
QUOTE:
“Unfortunately, or fortunately, I’m not 100% convinced that’s the best way to go.”
If you believe your own statement above, why are you still non-blogging about it? It looks to me that this thing has been itching to go out along with its tiny little wormy friends.
Think about it this way. Would you regret it if you did?
Personally, I don’t like blogging about some of the sad stuff that’s been going on in my life. I mean, it’s personal. It exposes me to a vicious world that’s best described by youtube comments, but I do it anyways and do so either privately or in another name.
Anyway, on the other hand, you’re in the image and PR industry so I guess it’s going to be a big gambit for you. I’m not, so you could see my perspective on this.
Thing is, if you’re not going to blog about it – at least stop mentioning it. The suspense is killing me.
Hi Danny,
I was worried this post would frustrate some folks because I’m hinting at something rather than just coming out and saying it. I promise this is the last time, but I happened to have a real-time example for this post so I opted to use it.
Thanks for your honesty – it’s always appreciated!
Ah, Margie, I’ve been having these same thoughts and internal debates about how much to express on my blog in recent days. I agree with your take here. We have to keep the bigger perspective and goal in mind. Are we blogging to educate, inform, build a community or to air dirty laundry and bad feelings?
Either goal is fine, but we need to be clear and not confound the purpose.
Well said Susan. As I’ve said before, I don’t feel that readers come here for drama. It’s just not my thing, and it’s not our thing as a community. That’s what keeps me on the straight and narrow.
Once, I wrote a post encouraging my readers to head over to a friend’s blog about her special needs daughter and leave her some support. ONE READER actually did it.
I was so disappointed. What happened? A friend opened my eyes: “Well, that isn’t normally something you blog about. Just because you care, that doesn’t mean your audience does.”
WOW.
I don’t blog about blogging, or Twitter dramas, or the blogger I’d LOVE to publicly call out for stealing content because my readers could care less. I write my blog for me–yes–but more than that, I write it to entertain.
Rather than blogging it out, why not send the jerk a direct e-mail? If something needs to be said, say it to him/her, not your entire audience.
You raise a lot of important points there. Do you want to spend precious time airing dirty laundry? Do your readers want to spend their precious time reading about drama? Well some may but I think for the most part it just drives people bonkers. Settle things with the person or people involved. Engage in cathartic posts at your own risk 🙂
Dear Margie –
Retribution is a 15 minute feel good moment.
But it stays forever on the Internet.
Nothing works as well as ignoring someone.
I like that!
🙂
I have nothing to add to that Corinne. That’s great wisdom 🙂
Corinne, kudos. My thoughts exactly.
The real question becomes, is this a business blog or for personal therapy. (That is NOT meant to be snarky). When I visit a biz blog I expect a certain level of professionalism. Yes I want it delivered in that person’s own unique style, but when cross that invisible TMI line I’m going to tune out.
The only exception I could see would be if your business was about therapy or meant to be an interactive therapy blog (there’s a profitable niche for someone!)
That said, if someone wrote about leaving an abusive relationship, how they overcame adversity and found the gumption to make a huge leap of faith in their life, I *would* hire them. Why? Because they are using the situation to both educate and demonstrate the strengths they bring to the table.
Regarding personal callouts on blogs – cowardly. It makes me think of girls back in high school who would break up with their boyfriend while standing with their click of girlfriends. Its easy to take someone on if you’ve got this virtual crowd on your side. However speaking with someone privately, laying out the hard cold facts and why you will not be supporting them anymore – that takes guts.
Hi Nicole,
That’s a very fine line though, right? If someone is confessing all over the interwebs, they may not know the difference between something that can truly help others versus something that is only helping them. How do you make that difference clear? That’s a tough one.
I also think a lot of the “calling out” you see online is a call for validation. What you’re really saying is “hey, my feelings about this person are right, right?” If you settle things in person it’s your word against the other persons, and that can get quite uncomfortable.
Take the high road Margie. I don’t think you can ever really go wrong doing that. As humans though I think we are now very curious as to who this person is and what he/ she said or did that was harmful.
I think you were vague enough to prevent the outsiders from knowing the situation, however, the person who behaved badly should be able to read this and figure it out. Unfortunately, it probably won’t change the person’s behavior going forward but at least hopefully you got it our of your system.
Well said Jim. Again I have nothing to add to this. Y’all are too smart for me 🙂