Go Ahead And Call Me A Coward
I keep thinking about some of the posts I’ve seen over the last few days. Posts about bouts of depression. Posts about personal struggles – and personal triumphs. Posts calling people out. Posts mourning people who have been lost.
So often, people who comment on these posts say that the bloggers are brave. I have been thinking about that, too. Because, you see, I probably will never write a post like that here on my site. I have had my share of thises and thatses, but I will likely not share those things with you. Not here.
Does that make me a coward? Maybe.
I’m afraid that revealing too much information could provide people I don’t know with too much information.
I’m afraid that you might think differently about me, as I sometimes feel differently about people (whether good or bad) when they write very personal posts.
I’m afraid that what I would say would not really fit the professional use that this blog fulfills. I am not here to share my personal life. It doesn’t seem to belong here.
I’m afraid that the wrong person would read that post. Whatever that might mean.
I’m afraid that I would have nothing left to say after that.
There’s been a lot of talk this week about the cloudy nature of online relationships. People have been wondering if the word “friend” has lost its meaning. People have been wondering if we can really get to know each other online.
Some people respond to the online world by revealing everything. Even the most personal things, things that they might not have told their closest friends or co-workers, appear on blog sites everywhere.
I can’t do that. There are some things in my life that do not need to reside in the digital archives. There are some things that I might tell you in person that I would not tell you here. There are some things that are too sacred to me. There are some things that I would not want equated with an extra tweet or a spike in traffic, even if that wasn’t my intent.
Does that make me a coward?
Does bravery always mean revealing everything in the online world?
If that is bravery, I am a coward. Call me on it.
Image Credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/mokr
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If you are a coward, then I am too.
Well written, Margie.
Thanks, Mark 🙂
Margie, Margie, Margie,
Hell No. What’s right for one person is completely wrong for another. You shouldn’t give it another thought, but I know you do. Here’s the thing, there are good people and then there is, well, let’s just say something else. Who cares what people think? Who cares if they like you? Who cares. Period? Cookie, there’s a line from a brilliant work by this dude Shakespeare … “This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” Get the picture? 😉
errr I mean: Who cares? Period.
haha 🙂
Well said, Deb.
It’s not so much that I care in a deep-seated way. I just think there are an awful lot of false dichotomies scooting around the online world. If you do this, you’re this. If you do that, however, you’re this. I like to question such things to see if they are really true.
Thanks for your comment!
I agree with you Margie! A post is not the place to put everything. Like you, this week I’ve heard a lot of talk about: “people with depression should reach out to someone, or find someone they trust and talk to them, etc” My take on it is: Why don’t we turn that around and put some of that responsibility on ourselves; “are we doing enough to get to know our friends? I think not.
I shouldn’t have to wait for you to write a post about your depression or your joys in life – I should know because I am your friend and I care enough to ask!
It’s true sometimes there is no signs, and we feel so helpless after the fact. But I would recommend we take time to know our friends, our family members, ask questions….just take interest in their lives, most of the time we will see the signs.
Of course this this a bit harder when you’re dealing with ‘online friends’ But does it make sense to call this Social Media yet never be social? Does it make sense to talk about transparency when you don’t want to tell me who you really are; and I don’t really care to ask? Who are we fooling?
Relationships are the key to many things in life. They will be the only true legacy we will leave…. What are we doing to build those relationships?
This.
+1.
+2
You are a pretty brilliant woman, my dear. And you are absolutely right.
Sometimes, if you really care for someone, you will ask them how things are going, and the care in your voice or in your tone will encourage them to tell you, whether the news is good or bad.
Very well said, indeed.
I think it all boils down to what you are comfortable with. I feel a personal vibe from your posts. I think it is more important that you are authentic (and you are) than overly personal with people.
Just because I am one of those people who talk to everyone and somehow find out their entire life story does not make me brave; it is just part of who I am.
What i believe makes us brave is when we face our fears. If you are afraid to tell too much information but give it anyway, you are brave. Bravery comes in lots of packages. Miriam
You raise an important point, Miriam. I wonder if people have lost the line between revealing everything and simply being authentic or “transparent.” I feel like those words have taken on lives of their own in the line world, and not really in a good way.
I’ll have to think about that more.
Thank you!
You say par-tat-toe, I say po-tay-toe
You say toemaytoe, I say tormartoe
You say coward, I say thoughtful, understanding and caring…
Thanks, Nic 🙂
Bravery does not come from personal posts. For me, it comes from being who I am and telling you all things about myself as I wish for you to know them.
My blog is a personal one, for me to not tell stories about overcoming obstacles would defeat the purpose. I think it depends on the blog, and on the post itself. What is the blogger trying to gain by writing something very personal?
On a business site – that makes very little sense. On a personal site, it can make total sense. I think for me, it is a matter of perspective and what is that blogs message. If a very personal post fits with that blog, I say that’s a good thing then.
Do what makes you feel comfortable. Living for yourself, and not for others is the bravest thing any of us can do.
Well said, Nancy. I feel like on a lot of blogs it’s hard to tell what the blog’s purpose is, and maybe that’s where I get confused. Is this a business blog? Because man, that’s a really personal post! Is this a personal blog? Because man, you promote your business a lot. Defining your objectives, as you have with yours, is essential.
Thanks, m’dear!
First of all, the all too frequent use of the word friend occurred long before the use of the internet as a communication tool. It’s hard to make an intro and call someone an acquaintence. As for your bravery or cowardice, personal info shared is to add context. Unless your list of meds offers background, I don’t need to know.
Well said, Barry. And good point. I myself have been accused of using the word “friend” too generously, and sometimes that has even come back to bite me in the butt.
That was so brave! Sorry… couldn’t help myself. I don’t think it makes you a coward, I think it makes you, you. All these tools will ever be is a platform that we can use as we see fit. If we want to call people out, we can. If we don’t, we don’t have to. It isn’t about brave or cowardly, it is about comfort and goals.
The only time it is ever cowardly is when you want to and you don’t. Doesn’t seem like you have any desire to go there, nor any problem saying what you mean.
Coward 🙂
Thanks, Michael! Yeah, I agree with you there. I wonder about intent with people sometimes. What if a person really doesn’t want to reveal something but they know that doing so will create a huge spike in traffic? Is that the best motivator? Doesn’t seem like it to me. I hope a lot of people don’t make decisions that way, but my sense is they might.
Margie, There’s a whole lot of space between transparency and full disclosure. Where you draw you line in that space is totally up to you and I for one respect wherever it is you choose to draw the line 🙂
I have found that as events age it’s easier to move the needle towards full disclosure. When I share details it’s to help others in similar circumstances. This week’s profusion of posts about depression have actually been very helpful to me. Someone very close to me battles with that disease, and the world needs to know it’s a disease as deadly as cancer and perhaps harder to treat.
So, ya with that persons permission I will someday hopefully share those tales that until now I have only shared face-to-face with those I truly trust. Who knows, but I’ve already said more in this comment then I have ever published in the digital space about the topic.
I truly love what you do online Margie. Please never stop. 🙂
Jim
Hi Jim,
You actually raise another great point there. A lot of times, personal business is not just about you. People reveal things about their spouses, their siblings, their parents, their children…I often wonder if those folks were alerted. Were they asked, “Hey, is it okay if I tell the world about how you ran through a party naked or…maybe not?”
Most things in my life involved or impacted other people. Sharing my journey would by default also be sharing theirs. Do they want that information shared?
To me, it seems like if you have to ask, the answer is no.
Thanks for your great comment, Jim. I’m glad you liked the post!
There are boundaries in blogging and it is up to the individual to determine where those lines are. There are certain stories that I don’t share because they might embarrass others or create issues for me.
That is not cowardice- it is intelligence and foresight. Your readers don’t need to know everything.
Well said, Jack.
Thanks!
I’m probably apt to say too much IRL and have been kicked by my wife more than once w/ the TMI look. I’m just as apt to say something online too. But I will say two things about it; I have never written anything about me or my family I wouldn’t say to a group of friends, and my wife actually reads my posts at times because she is afraid I reveal too much.
My blog is a personal blog; I might talk about my business, but the same rules apply; I would have no problem for a potential customer to read my blog.
I do try to be transparent and what you see is what you get kind of person; it doesn’t make me brave nor a coward. Nor does it you; you just go with what you are comfortable and let people deduce what they want from there.
I think that’s all I have to say about this.