We’ve often talked here about what it takes to reach that pinnacle of success in the online world that so many strive for. Over the last few months, and after a lot of observation, it seems like ultimately, to “take it to the next level,” you have to be willing to run some people over.
There are a couple of reasons for this, probably. First, running someone over, say, in a blog post, is almost assured to get you a lot of traffic. If I sat here and stirred a rumplebutt against any well-known person, I would be sure to get a lot of traffic and a lot of comments. My name would pop up everywhere. I could write a post naming all of the things I’ve seen in the online world that have driven me bonkers and have made me want to gnaw my arm off. I could use names to write that post to really make sure I was getting attention. I could link to posts that I thought were stupid and I could say that that author was clearly off their nut. I could do all of that.
And you know what – it would probably make this blog site skyrocket.
Isn’t that sad?
The red team and the blue team
The longer I stay online, the more various teams and alliances become apparent to me. In my particular case we’ll call them the red team and the blue team. I met the red team first. These folks talked to me and supported me well before most folks on the blue team did. I didn’t even know there were teams when the red team started talking to me, in fact. I was just feeling darn skippy that this online thing was in fact resulting in me being able to communicate with people (there was some question about that for awhile). As I started to meet new people and learn about new blogs, I started feeling like the online world was Sir Thomas More’s Utopia come true. Then one day, I signed into Twitter and saw a red team member and a newly defined blue team member having an epic brawl right there in the public stream.
Oh. That was an eye opener, my friends.
Undeterred, I continued to meet people, and still do. But as I do, I notice that they tend to be affiliated, loosely or tightly, with one team or the other. And it’s becoming easier and easier to see where those lines are.
The hazing
A lot of teams and organizations have a sort of hazing process you have to go through to gain acceptance. Back when I was in college a new frat member was stupidly invited to walk through a glass door to get in, which he proceeded to do. It seems like the best way to really solidify your place on one online team or the other is to write a post totally deboweling a person from the opposite team. This can be done with a call-out, calling BS, or other such. You’ve seen these posts, no doubt. Now you can also write a super nice post about someone on the team you want to be affiliated with, but that doesn’t always get you as far. If you’re willing to “be brave” and call someone out on your blog site, you get a lot more notice and positive feedback.
As I have said before here, I remain unaffiliated.
The really tragic part
The sad part of all of this is not that I will probably never achieve the same kind of Twelebrity that team members do. I mean, that’s pretty sad. Being mean to step up in the world is crap. At least in my opinion. But the really sad thing is that most of these folks on these juvenile teams are utterly brilliant. They all have great ideas. And you know what else? They all have great hearts. They are all kind. The support and friendship I have gotten from both sides of this ridiculous divide has been stunning. And yet there is such vitriol that I feel I am betraying some folks merely by talking to other folks.
The last time I witnessed something like this to this extent – fifth grade. FIFTH GRADE, people. And many of you are in your 30/40/50s. Many of you are respected business owners. Many of you have kids for whom you are setting an example (because if you think they don’t see how you act online, you are CRAZY).
So I’m calling you all out. There are better ways to communicate. There are better ways to set the bar high than to invite controversy, name-calling, bashing, and other things that this current online environment propagates. All individuals who participate in this kind of garbage are to blame. Both teams are guilty of making the online world a little bit more stupid and immature. Both. It is not “brave” to call someone out on a blog site that you know your supporters read. To me, that is more chicken than just keeping your mouth shut.
Don’t get sucked in
Maybe you don’t see these team divisions where you are in the online world. Maybe your red and blue teams are different from the ones in my experience. In any case, if you see teams developing or if you get an invite that says that if you write a super nasty post about someone you’ll be in like flynn, avoid the temptation. What no one seems to understand is that online badgering just makes you the badgerer look bad. It might get you to a more successful place from some perspectives, but you’ll be selling your soul to do it.
My soul is a little more valuable to me than some Twelebrity.
How about you?
Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/duncanh1/4549360274/ via Creative Commons
Sad …. I must be color blind when it comes to this ….. today at work I had to enter a room where the door was closed ….. after knocking the door opened and they said “we’re just gossiping Cate … we know you don’t want to come in now” …. I didn’t ….
@CateTV What a bizarre thing to say. At least they were honest?
@margieclayman Yes they were honest …. they gossip a lot and know I don’t like it ….
I’m with you Margie. I’ve got a feeling, though, that your conclusion – that you’re not ever going to reach a certain level of twelebrity without a willingness to short-sheet someone might not be true. There are people on the a-list that have been jerks, and people on the a-list that have always lived by a sense of love and fairness. To paraphrase Ruskin, “don’t be cruel, there is enough cruelty in the world.”
By the way, there was some very interesting research done around group bias, pretty well supporting the notion that people only need to feel a very thin thread of being part of a group in order to favor members of that group. In the studies, people who flipped a coin and got tails were placed in one group, and the heads in another – and the group favoring took place. (Milgrim)
Another BTW (sort of like P.S.S) – if I was to draw up my list of Twitter celebrities, you would be in that number.
@RicDragon Well, here’s the thing. By the time I started blogging, there were already some four years worth of people who had been blogging and tweeting as the “social media” thang. So there is this big granite ceiling over my head. Assuming you want to continue to grow your community (which I do), how do you break through that? It seems like the blogs that keep taking shots at people are storming right through, and no one seems to be raising the question, “Hey, is it really right that we keep feeding this beast?”
So, I thought I’d raise the question :)And you are really very kind and sweet. You made my day, in fact, though I’m not sure I’m deserving of that kind of nomenclature. Thank you, Ric.
Well…. I’m in the middle with you then….. There’s a post in there somewhere about how Social Media is Middle school all over again…. Here’s the experiment you can try if you don’t think there are sides like this:
Say ONE negative thing about Chris Brogan publicly… and I REALLY like Chris and consider him an ‘online friend.’ He’s been kind and generous to me privately when no one would see. He’s taught me a lot. But his ‘followers’ go absolutely bizerko…. like they’re earning their stripes somehow…. I’ve never seen Chris do this, but I’ve seen people who probably don’t even know him ‘defend’ him by being offensive like their life depends upon it. Crazy, immature, and pointless, but it happens all the time.
@AmyMccTobin That’s one of the big problems I’ve witnessed as well, Amy. There are some people in the online world that you simply cannot criticize in a constructive way, and that creates another layer of bad feeling. I’ve seen the followers of two different people create a real imbroglio in a situation that started as an important conversation. Now why does that happen? Attention-getters, of course, who instead of writing their own posts want to ride the coattails of someone else. And lots of people get hurt. it is nauseating to me.
I also like Chris a great deal but i don’t always agree with everything he says or does. You know what? That’s called being human. There are tons of people I deal with in the exact same manner. I am pretty sure I have not yet met the perfect person (other than myself, of course) 🙂
@margieclayman@AmyMccTobin And now you know me Margie!
🙂 My plan is to act like I did in Highschool – speak my mind and let the chips fall where they may. Either this will work or I will be a pariah… 🙂
I think I’ve seen teams before but I don’t feel like a part of any of them (not sure if this is good or bad). But I must agree with you on this!
@Brankica Thanks Brankica. I think you’re carving out an awesome team of your own, lady. Your vibe is über positive 🙂
Margie. I HAVE seen this. THIS is exactly what we (as a business, and as a family) do NOT want. My phrase is “high school forever” it IS sad and worse, it is TRUE. I want to help build something great (our summer business), not be some sort of mouthy (welll..) superstar. I want to be part of the great people’s (that I have met in the last year) heart and soul. Why? Because, Margie, I am so MUCH more now, than I was before you (and others) came into my life and world. I am a better me. There is such power here, such capacity for good and right, for caring and sharing… and really? I don’t give a horse’s butt if that sounds corny or not. So. I guess I’ll just keep learning and sharing our lives and my experiences, the journey really, and hope that somehow, I find that path to the folks that are looking for people, like us. I really love “my people” and I know it is a little naive, a little foolish, but I cannot be any other way. The promise I made (on my blog, when I started) is that I would tell the truth, be real (me), find the answers if I didn’t know them and allow people to get to know us and our lives. Thanks for this. It helps to know the feeling I’ve stepped into someone else’s “clique” is a real one. I’ve actually been told “if you are so-and-so’s friend, you can’t be mine.” It made me feel really bad. For all of us. ~Amber-Lee
@girlygrizzly That is a real shame that someone would just come out and say that to you. It’s so very juvenile and close-minded. I have never had someone say that to me directly, but I’ve found myself in situations where two people I really admire are having a conversation that will do no good. I know that stepping in will just get me in the middle of it, so that’s a no-win situation. But it stinks. You wonder how far those bad feelings go and how much they watch how other people react with their new enemy. It’s just something I don’t like to see or think about, and yet here we are.
Margie,
You are a celebrity to me 🙂 You celebrate and represent all that is good about this medium. I know that others behave badly in a calculated way – but I do see through that (and I think others do too) – I might see the attempt, but I don’t promote it. I RT and Like the stuff that builds up the community.
The haters will not be thwarted. It’s up to us “little people” to make sure that the right (other) voices are being heard. And while I may not have 40K to share with – I do have 4K+ to share with and I have faith in my 4K.
Hey – you wanted Gerard Butler to read you the phonebook – better yet have him talk about what 300 can do 😉
Fight the good fight – as you have been so brilliantly – and don’t be brought down by those who would kneecap others.
@DWesterberg this is Sparta! Haha 🙂 Good point, Dawn. I don’t mind being the little guy. It just gets frustrating sometimes when the people who keep selling their souls are the ones who keep getting the most kudos, the most…whatevers. It’s not that I want to trade places with them, it’s just the Emperor has no clothes syndrome. Like…is anybody seeing this? This person is writing controversial posts *solely* to get traffic. There is no real content here. Gah. Anyway…thank you. You are far too kind for me, and to think – you’ve known me from almost my very first blog post 🙂
My online interaction is just an extension of who I am. Kind and curious…seems to work for me. Thanks for another great article Margie, I learn much from you.
@997dave thanks Dave. Honored to have you say so.
The work should stand on it’s own. Cliques don’t have to be formed in order for good work to be good. Know what I mean?
@Tommyismyname The work should stand on its own, but does it? And while cliques aren’t necessary for the creation of good work, are they necessary online in order to promote good work? Those are key questions, non?
@margieclayman They are, in a way… I remember something that happened to me when I was very young… 5th grade even.
I was bullied, a lot, and had very few friends. One day, the bullies said they would beat me up, if I didn’t slap my friend in the face. There were about six of them, and I remember the look of horror and understanding on his face right before I did it.
My finger caught his eye just the right way, and he ended up with a terrible black eye (thank God nothing worse)
While it’s likely nobody remembers that day, I remember it very clearly, because I succumbed to the peer pressure and did something terrible because I thought it would give me acceptance into a group.
Of course, nothing good came of it. Bullies were still bullies, and that only fueled their passion for power even more making them just that much stronger.
I don’t think cliques are necessary, allies yes, friends yes, but not cliques. Good work will find it’s way out into the world, regardless if one clique promotes it or another.
Think about the music industry, not everyone likes “Prince” or “Eminem” for example, but what is undeniable about these artists is that they’re damn good at what they do.
Yes Margie, what you describe above is the ugly truth of Social Media… Can we change it ? Yes we can once we stop treating “online” stars as god of Social Media. We made them in first place and now we are paying the price.
I am trying to stay impartial and do it my way 🙂
@jureklepic I’m trying to walk that path, too. I think that there are people who have genuinely forged a lot of ground in the online world and they do deserve our respect. However, as I said to Amy below, that doesn’t mean we can’t disagree. If you disagree in a respectful way the ensuing conversation can be valuable for anyone. What happened to civil disagreement online? Maybe that’s the real question here.
I am a part of multiple communities online and every one of them has their share of tribalism. I just ignore it. I write what I want, say what I want and do what I want. It makes life much easier. I just don’t have time to deal with all of the other stuff.
@TheJackB it is time-consuming, isn’t it? endlessly so. And it doesn’t really accomplish anything. I guess I just wanted to get this line of thinking off my…fingertips 🙂
Thanks for this insightful post. I sort of know the groups from watching and one thing I don’t like are hostile call-outs. No one wins. It’s tricky knowing where to jump in so I appreciate when you share observations like this without naming names. Groups are online and off, and they are o.k. but I agree, no need to take sides.
@suegrimm thanks, Sue. Appreciate that and glad you agree 🙂 Thanks for commenting!
@margieclayman I agree with you Margie and as @jureklepic states, it is the ugly side of social media. I have noticed it more and more lately. I also think the more success you experience in life or biz the more people will come after you. People come after me often stating I am only out for numbers in social, that I auto follow everyone back. They’ve went so far as to argue on public forums stating they know better than me what my social media methods are. The truth is they are so far from the truth, yet they even follow them up with blog posts etc.
I like @jureklepic try to do it my way. I always say there is only one way to do social media, biz or life and that is the way that works for you and the ones you love. I have enjoyed reading your posts lately and it reminds me that I miss writing more personal blog posts. I am struggling right now w/this as my blog readership has increased and people expect a certain type of content (biz) from me. This conversation reminds me I need to carve out the time to blog more about what “I” want to blog about. Thanks for the good words. Keep rockin’ it!
@PamMktgNut One of the reasons that I am happy to be a smaller player is because I am not pigeonholed by expectations. I write about what fuels my passion and god willing always will.
@TheJackB I agree. I have also started using addtl platforms as Tumblr and Posterous. It had been months since I had written in my Christian blog for example mostly due to lack of time. However, I picked it back up a few weeks ago & it really did feel good.
@PamMktgNut@jureklepic I can’t believe anyone would tell either of you that you’re doing “it” wrong. That takes some gall (or some outright dumbness).
I agree – often times, like with posts like this, I write stuff because my brain just doesn’t give me a choice in the matter. It wakes me up from a sound sleep and says, “Hey, you need to write about this asap.” I am an astute listener to my brain, moreso than I am a good listener to/of other people.
Ultimately, your blog posts will only be really good if you REALLY believe what you are saying. Otherwise, people will be able to tell that you’re just trying on words.
Thanks, Pam!
Having had somewhat of a global view for most of my life, I just have to laugh at the pettiness and taking of sides in this social media bubble we are all a part of. When I present my blogging workshops and 90 percent of the people in the room have no idea who some of these SM “stars” are, well, that makes me smile. I was at a BlogWorld conference and one of the supposed “gurus” was wearing a t-shirt that said, “I’m kind of a big deal on Twitter.” And he had a little circle of fans surrounding him. I had to wonder about that.
I love Twitter and Facebook because I get to hear many different points of view. But my world is much bigger than that. And taking sides is something I am so not interested in doing. I don’t do the kiss-up, posts, either, which brings some bloggers lots of traffic. I would much rather send a personal email to someone to thank them for something they have done for me. And, like TheJackB, I write what I want, when I want. And I can live with myself that way.
As usual, a great topic with lots of ways to think about it. : )
@JudyDunn Thanks, Judy.
I will write posts that shine the light on a lot of my favorite bloggers, so I guess that’s kind of kissy-uppy, but I really enjoy introducing people in my community to each other, and I think some folks have gotten to know each other and like each other because of those introductions I facilitate. That’s a nice feeling.
I’d much rather shoot from the hip in writing a nice post than a mean one. If you write a nice post, people may accuse you of writing for link bait or comment bait or they may question your motives, but you can’t take a negative post back, and it just makes you look unequivocally bad. Why risk it?
@margieclayman That’s the key, Margie. There is a real difference between a post that genuinely highlights bloggers who have been helpful to us and connects them with other people we respect and the kind that obviously does it for the benefit to the blogger. (After this long, I’ve just learned to trust my instincts.)
And, yes, the negative posts get more attention but is it the right kind?
“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” It’s a quote, attributed to Malcom X. It helps me stay away from the enticement of shortcuts. Marjorie, the world accommodates the masses. It always has. For those of us who reject shortcuts, we’ll be targets. I’m okay having a target on my back. I don’t do my work for notoriety. I do it to make a difference for those paying attention and willing to do the work. I suspect you come form a similar space. We’ve got great company.
@shawmu Amen!!
@shawmu Why does it have to be that way though? I agree with you, but why does social media have this sentiment that “you’ve only really made it once you have haters?” That just seems ridiculous to me. In what other sector of our professional or personal lives do we strive for haters? It just seems like there should be something better to shoot for.
@margieclayman@shawmu It has nothing to do with social media, Margie. It exists in every family, tribe (the real kind), community, company, city, state, and country. Part of it (a small part) is natural human behavior. The other part is a conditioned belief system that usually starts at a young age. There is only one way I know of for this to evolve. We must raise the collective consciousness. The more who choose not to participate and instead focus on positive re-enforcement and deliberate acts of compassion, the further we’ll get at eradicating this type of behavior. Not an easy task, but one I’m happy you both are willing to be a part of. Thanks for leading by example.
@greghartle@margieclayman@shawmu Agree. For me it’s standing up for what I believe regardless. However, I agree with you Margie in that the drama doesn’t need to be there. Yet at the same time we don’t need to change who we are just to avoid it. We need to focus our energy on the people we can bring joy to and who can bring joy to us. Make sense?
Margie, great post. – you know, it all comes back to what your mother tells you when you are growing up: be yourself, don’t let people push you, and don’t get dragged into drama.
I know, its hard, but the reality is, anyone who is going so far that they are attacking each other online, or doing this stuff, is childish.
When my daughter was little, if she did something horrible, I wouldn’t let it bother me or hurt me, i would just say to myself, shes a child I have to teach her better, and I would take a step back, think about how to approach it (as the adult) and then try and teach her.
The approach works great for 5th graders, but unfortunately adults acting like 5th graders are not for us to teach and sit down with and be responsible for…
So all you can do is be yourself, be true to your values, if someone is pushing you and its not right, let them know how you feel about it, if they dont respect you (and in essence, bully you…) then just pull back. Whats the value in a friend like that?
Theres an absolsutely great group of people out there. I try and focus on that and just do my thing – if my thing can help others, fantastic. If I get to share #coffee with my friends, even better.
Finally, what if its one of your friends who suddenly goes bonkers? Well, depends on the relationship- If someone close to me does something I think is a little out of it, or childish, ill call them on it. But that’s personal, not an online battle and not in public – its a matter of respecting each other and having common courtesy.
Another great thought provoking post Margie, you are always true to your values, and I respect that tremendously.
(ok…can i join your team? What color is it? – HAHAHAH – sorry couldn’t resist).
Keep it light people, the only reason to get defensive, or attack others, or to act out is really when you’re afraid you are “losing ground” – its not professional, its not cool, its not being a good friend. Grow up.
@Milaspage Great comment, Mila, as per usual.
What happens when it’s one of your friends who goes bonkers? Well, I’ve been there. On several occasions. Often times I just remain mum online and smash my face into a wall offline. In the olden days of my online time I’d try to send them a message to get them to settle down, but in one particular case, bonkers friend then went out and said, “Ahh, Margie is against me too!” So I don’t do that anymore 🙂 That person was *particularly* bonkers, however.
My team color would be the rainbow. I like everybody until proven unlikeable. 🙂
Margie,
Great article. Witness the popularity of “reality” TV. We get to watch the foibles and mishaps of a bunch of pseudo celebrities and we revel in their failures. Why do folks slow down to gape at auto accidents? Why are the media headlines almost always about something gone wrong or some tragedy?
Sadly, humans are inherently negative creatures. We feel better about ourselves when we witness the failings of others. Rather than motivating us to achieve bigger and better, the real stars of the world are often denigrated and criticized.
Cheers,Marc
PS. For the record, I am proud to say I have never watched a single episode of any “reality” show. And, I don’t feel as if I have missed a thing!
@MZazeela that’s why I allow myself the guilty pleasure of watching Biggest Loser. It at least is positive crappy television instead of negative crappy television 🙂
Interesting comparison. Thanks, Marc!
Two cultural shifts contribute to this in my opinion. I am not a Sociologist nor qualified in any way to make any claims except I am a dog and I watch things carefully.
1) Soccer Trophy Mentality: Everyone is getting praised, everyone is a winner, never say no. What this style of parenting has produced is not the intended “self-esteem” but an entire generation (some would argue two) that simply does not know how to deal with frustration and the lack of attention. These folks are now having kids and they have no idea that it is their turn to step back and gradually let the next generation take the lead. They don’t know how. They are still being told (or hearing it in their head) that they are the star, they are the backbone of the team, they are, they are…
2) The Omarosafication of America So named for reality tv notable Omarosa Manigault. She was the first really to go over the top for the sake of drama which invited everyone else to go over the top for a greater share of tv time. We’re even now seeing this in the GOP primary race where the craziest and stupidest candidate gets the bulk of the tv time. This is absolute insanity that we are choosing the leader of the United States of America by the Omarosa Scale! You see this behavior every day in real life too. Simple interactions get all blown up by people threatening to sue even before 911 is called or simple confrontations over who is next in line in a grocery store. Up and in your face seems to be the only acceptable reaction to anything nowadays.
It is sad.. very, very, very sad. And I want none of it, online or offline. Life is short enough.
@dogwalkblog You are RIGHT, it’s about gaining followers + earning points, not creating substantive discussions for some people. I want no drama anywhere, except in my Shakespeare.
@dogwalkblog Great examples, Rufus! I’ve never heard of Omarosa Manigault but I am fine with just taking your word for it on that one. One can only speculate…
I think the soccer trophy philosophy is right to a point, but people aren’t really satisfied with the concept that “Everyone is a winner.” Rather, it seems that people think that not only should they be the winners but anyone who disagrees with them should by default be the “losers.” That’s a really big problem. The “Us versus them” thing we have going on creates a lot of the vitriol we’re seeing both online and offline.
@margieclayman Ah, so subtle a distinction, but so massive the meaning. I had forgotten I had written a post on just this distinction way back. I hope you find it as relevant http://www.dogwalkblog.com/celebrate-your-win-not-your-opponents-loss-2.html
I have nothing to add to this. Virtual “high-five” “fist-bump” “pat on the back” – Whatever it is you prefer.
Behind you all the way on this one.
@BrandonPDuncan thanks BD 🙂
Wonderful post! It’s so much like Road Rage. Just as people feel safe and strong venting their anger while inside a car, they also feel that way behind a computer screen. Oh, and the self-righteous attitude that accompanies the vitriol! Ugh.
@debwalk I like that. We need to come up with a funny name for that so people are more willing to admit to it…screen rage? I guess that would make sense, huh? 🙂
I totally know what you are talking about. It is like that in the broadcasting world. I mean *exactly* like that, even worse cause these adult children do it in front each other, not online where they can hide. I have this mentor who I think walks on water but has stepped on a couple toes, so when I wanna quote him or I am at conference and speak about him, some people roll their eyes. I don’t care.
I love the Dixie Chicks but they are very controversial in the Country Music industry and many people wont have anything to do with them for reasons that have nothing to do with their music.
THAT said, I believe that looking back Natalie (lead singer of Dixie Chicks) might have brought that on herself AND she never apologized or tried to explain why she said what she said. I LOVE THAT ABOUT HER>
If I believe in my conviction I do not have to explain them or apologize for them. That what being in a “free world” means and it’s PUNDIT 101.
HOWEVER Somewhere on the way to the top people are held to a different standard and when they do things people don’t like, instead of just mom , dad and your neighbor noticing, it is a much bigger audience.Take a look at the people being called out…odds are they did something someone didn’t like. It happens. Being a pundit comes with a certain backlash and you have to be ready to except those consequences.
I am with you….like the Swiss, not the cheese, I am neutral cause sometimes the people I like do things I don’t like and other times people I don’t like do things I think are really cool.
I just want to run my own race and be true to what I know will make me feel good about myself, and what will free my conscience when I lay my head down to sleep at night.
I guess I am on #TeamPink
@JessicaNorthey I love you Ms Jessie! Blessed beyond words our tweet and life paths crossed. Let’s keep runnin’ our own race.. always! xoxo
@PamMktgNut @JessicaNorthey Well said Jessica – I want to be on team pink, lol. I stopped here after you mentioned it on your site Pam, you were right, well worth the read!
And rather than a seperate comment for Margie, I’d just like to thank you for writing this. I have a feeling this will make a difference for many of your readers, including me.
@SociallyGenius@PamMktgNut thank you! I am always thinking when I read anything from @margieclayman what a jewel in the crown of life she is.
@JessicaNorthey@SociallyGenius@PamMktgNut y’all are sweet. Thanks 🙂
@PamMktgNut I love and adore you too Pam! We might have a funny looking obstacle track to run but we have those cars that are linked together, and we get to drive with passion, and the Grace of God as our guiding light!
@JessicaNorthey I remember that Dixie Chicks scandal, and I remember them coming out with the song, “I’m not ready to play nice.” I thought, “Woo boy, you women are BRAVE!”
It’s really sad that we spend all of this time game-playing. Imagine what could be done in the world if we spent just a fraction of the time we currently do on mind games. What a frickin waste, non?
Thanks for your great comment 🙂
I totally know what you are talking about. It is like that in the broadcasting world. I mean *exactly* like that, even worse cause these adult children do it in front each other, not online where they can hide. I have this mentor who I think walks on water but has stepped on a couple toes, so when I wanna quote him or I am at conference and speak about him, some people roll their eyes. I don’t care.
I love the Dixie Chicks but they are very controversial in the Country Music industry and many people wont have anything to do with them for reasons that have nothing to do with their music.
THAT said, I believe that looking back Natalie (lead singer of Dixie Chicks) might have brought that on herself AND she never apologized or tried to explain why she said what she said. I LOVE THAT ABOUT HER>
If I believe in my conviction I do not have to explain them or apologize for them. That what being in a “free world” means and it’s PUNDIT 101.
HOWEVER Somewhere on the way to the top people are held to a different standard and when they do things people don’t like, instead of just mom , dad and your neighbor noticing, it is a much bigger audience.Take a look at the people being called out…odds are they did something someone didn’t like. It happens. Being a pundit comes with a certain backlash and you have to be ready to except those consequences.
I am with you….like the Swiss, not the cheese, I am neutral cause sometimes the people I like do things I don’t like and other times people I don’t like do things I think are really cool.
I just want to run my own race and be true to what I know will make me feel good about myself, and what will free my conscience when I lay my head down to sleep at night.
I guess I am on #TeamPink
The crips and the bloods, huh? Be careful what neighborhood you are in before you start throwing down those gang signs now…….it can be rough out there.
Yes, I have seen it, but homey don’t play those games. I am an equal opportunity offender and not impressed with social celebrity regardless of what team they are on. We all know who is real and who is just chasin’….
That’s all I have to say about that.
@bdorman264 Well said as always, Bill. I do think that in many cases people can tell when a person is just trying to get more ears and eyeballs, but in other cases…….I’m not so sure. It’s a fun game to watch (from a far distance. with binoculars).
Margie, in my book you are a one of the ‘big guys’! But even more important is your approachability and willingness to engage based on your own independent evaluation.
I hate that whole “you can’t be her friend or I won’t be your friend” mentality. I left primary and secondary school a long time go have no intention of going back. The problem is that for many, the mentality never leaves them. I saw it in grad school and law school, and it made me very sad.
And much to my chagrin I’ve seen it at almost every blogging event I’ve attended. Lots of people don’t like me because I don’t take sides. I support my friends, but I won’t jump on the bandwagon of bashing people who don’t agree with them or expecting people to apologize for being themselves if the ‘BMOSM’ (Big man on Social Media) thinks you should.
@JessicaNorthey mentioned Natalie Maynes of the Dixie Chicks. That she didn’t back down for her choice was a great example of conviction. And because she refused to be beaten into doing what others wanted her to do, she had to deal with some pretty harsh consequences. But when she went to bed at night, I doubt she worried about who she was and how to make so-and-so like her. And I’ll confess that ‘Not Ready To Make Nice’ is my ring tone (and I even wrote a blog post about it).
If someone won’t like me because I’m me, then no amount of faking who I am will ever be good enough.
I loved @dogwalkblog reference to Omarosa. Spot on! That woman singlehandedly set back the standards for human interaction to the dark ages. And sadly, so many thought she was somehow the poster child for how to make it big.
Margie, in my book you are a one of the ‘big guys’! But even more important is your approachability and willingness to engage based on your own independent evaluation.
I hate that whole “you can’t be her friend or I won’t be your friend” mentality. I left primary and secondary school a long time ago and have no intention of going back. The problem is that for many, the mentality never leaves them. I saw it in grad school and law school, and it made me very sad.
And much to my chagrin I’ve seen it at almost every blogging event I’ve attended. Lots of people don’t like me because I don’t take sides. I support my friends, but I won’t jump on the bandwagon of bashing people who don’t agree with them or expecting people to apologize for being themselves if the ‘BMOSM’ (Big man on Social Media) thinks you should.
@JessicaNorthey mentioned Natalie Maynes of the Dixie Chicks. That Natalie didn’t back down for her choice was a great example of conviction. And because she refused to be beaten into doing what others wanted her to do, she had to deal with some pretty harsh consequences. But when she went to bed at night, I doubt she worried about who she was and how to make so-and-so like her. And I’ll confess that ‘Not Ready To Make Nice’ is my ring tone (and I even wrote a blog post about it).
If someone won’t like me because I’m me, then no amount of faking who I am will ever be good enough.
I loved @dogwalkblog reference to Omarosa. Spot on! That woman singlehandedly set back the standards for human interaction to the dark ages. And sadly, so many thought she was somehow the poster child for how to make it big.
@saving4someday thanks, Sara 🙂 I appreciate that. Are you coming up with more brilliant words, phrases and acronyms over here/ BMOSM…I love that 🙂 You are on *FIRE* 🙂
There is a certain point where fighting for what you believe in can become obtuse – if the issue is not really that important to you and you’re making a stand just to do it, people, again, will be able to tell. Usually those folks tend to fizzle out once the fighting gets rather heated, though. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Words to live by 🙂
Super nasty and callouts – not happening on my watch ;). Margie, this is one reason why I read your content. You are insightful, courteous, and encouraging to *all* others. I am out on social media to build a personal brand with the hopes that it entices folks to try Mantis and Pulse Analytics on for size. But I’ll walk away from it all before I compromise my values and the basic respect that everyone deserves (whether I like them or not).
Keep being you, Margie!
You raise a valid issue. Since I got into blogging, I’ve noticed the cliques among those who blog about blogging for bloggers. There are the “cool kids” who get the big numbers, but they all seem to be writing for each other. As for “calling out” people online, it is easier to be nasty across the ether than it is in person. On the other hand, some folks are just asking to be called to task for bad writing, bone-headed advice, and inexplicable popularity. There’s one blogger in particular, one of the most popular, who seems to be considered a guru on nearly everything to do with marketing and popular culture. I don’t read him much, but when I do, it always seems a bit blah. Yet people worship at his blog-altar; so I called him out once…fairly, I thought. Another very popular marketing blogger regularly writes in English so bad it’s like he just heard about it somewhere.
As for the “everybody wins” mindset, the problem with that is that it discourages critical thought. If everybody gets a trophy, nobody has one. Giving anything besides compliments can be seen as “harshing yer buzz” and nothing is learned, nobody is served. An experience: a big PR firm decides to let the office intern write a blog post. It’s filled with bad writing, misspellings, and big homophone errors. When brought to the attention of the firm’s owner (privately, in an email), the owner goes nuts and says to butt out. So, the intern doesn’t learn anything, and the PR firm that charges its clients big money to write for them looks goofy. It did give me the idea for the “Without Further Adieu” blog series with four installments to date.
I’ve been in business a very long time now, and there has been a definite shift from grown-up thinking to “waah! you’re so mean!” thinking. If someone writes a blog, they are starting a conversation with the world, and they better be able to back up what they say. They should also expect plain old snark and flat-out nutjobs. Pick a team and play; sometimes the game will be hardball. And not everybody will get a trophy.
So true, Margie. I have watched from my little corner of the world lately and feel disgusted by the nasty call-outs and cliques that roam around in their awesomeness (perceived by themselves, that is). What happens for me is a subtle backing away from the red and the blue team. I distance myself from that behavior. I did that in high school and in college and I’m doing it now. What these folks don’t understand is that leave a trail of disillusioned ‘followers’ in their wake… Folks like you and me who came on with eyes all bright and wide, wowed by their greatness are now seeing the underbelly and it leaves a bad taste. I say there’s a great big world out there; let’s enjoy it!
Really insightful, Margie. Thanks for sharing.
Erica