Last week, I published a post on Monday that highlighted 60 great women, and then on Friday I published a post that highlighted 60 great men. I really enjoy the online world’s openness to singing the praises of others – I love how it makes people smile and feel appreciated. We all like hearing kind words every once in awhile, after all.
What I didn’t expect, though, was the very strange manner of different reactions both of these posts generated. Accidentally, I ended up sort of starting a case study that examines gender in the online world.
So, I thought I would outline some of the things I noticed and get your opinions about them. I don’t really have any theories at this point. Well, that’s not true, I do have *some* theories, but I’d rather let you write this post!
Here are some of the odd things I noticed in reflecting back on these two posts.
1. Women seemed much more excited about being mentioned, in general, than the men. There were some very very gracious men, and there were some women who remained silent, but overall, the women who were listed seemed rather ecstatic in a lot of cases.
2. The post highlighting 60 women received over 150 Facebook likes. The post on men did not receive a single one (I’m hoping some Facebook experts weigh in on this).
3. The post highlighting 60 women was retweeted exactly twice as many times as the post highlighting the 60 men.
4. Both posts received an almost identical number of comments.
5. Not very many men shared or commented on the list of women. Quite a few women commented on and share the post highlighting the gentlemen.
6. Both genders were fairly equal in the number of people who lamented why they did not make the list. I think more women actually asked that question than men though.
I find some of this disconcerting. Do men feel unwelcome to comment on a list that highlights women? Are men more used to receiving appreciation? Is appreciation for women so rare?
Let’s talk. I am really looking forward to hearing what you have to say about these observations!
Image by Richard Dunstan. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/personalfx
Two thoughts to consider:
The online community is still the innovators & early adopters (leading 15% of population) which will not provide a sample of the norm
However this 15% probably provides a great sample of managers and leaders and will provide a sample of thought process in the board rooms of companies around the world.
In that light your are correct, this is disconcerting!
Hi Lee,
Quite right – this is a very small sample of a sample, but the differences were enough to make me scratch my head, and I don’t like scratching my head alone 🙂
Very intersting Margie. I wonder what would have happened for an integrated list (120 great people or 60 great people)? Will keep this data in mind!
Yeah – I had thought about doing an integrated list, but I realized I don’t see very many “just men” lists out there, so I wanted to do that specifically. Very weird results, non? 🙂
Ok, I’ll bite. These are only my observations, but I have seen it a lot.
Women are more outwardly emotional. Little things don’t necessarily matter more to them, but they are more willing to voice it. Also, women, in general, by nature, are more social and chatty, therefore more active on platforms like Facebook (which I would argue is way more personal than professional.)
Plus, one thing that I have noticed on Twitter at least, is that women are consistently more engaging, friendlier, and more willing to get excited FOR others and spread ‘the word.’
Being someone who has never had issues with bending gender roles, I do a lot of these things, but not all guys are willing (or able). I don’t know. Any validity to this?
I’m always hesitant to go the “women talk more” route because to me that is still painting with broad stereotypes. I also think it’s a slippery slope – women can achieve more because they talk a lot? Meh.
However, you are right in that I think women tend to get out there and support others more. Men seem to be in tight knit groups but you don’t see a whole lot of, “Super proud of” messages.
You just might be on to something there.
Margie – perfect timing! We’re going to be talking about The Art of Praise at Leadership Chat next week and I think there is a real difference in how men and women approach it. I’m looking forward to writing my prep post and linking to this fascinating experience. The numbers certainly say something.
Just out of curiosity, did you have some men DM you to thank you in private?
All the best and thanks for getting my brain cells charged up. 🙂
Lisa Petrilli
Wow, now our brain linkage is just getting spooky!
Yes, I got very kind DMs and emails from some nice guys 🙂 Not a whole lot, but I would say more than I got from the women. Maybe there’s something there?
Margie,
I find this whole discussion so interesting. Brandon offers good insight. I am inclined to say we are just different social beings. I didn’t mention it on my Facebook page. I tend to keep it totally non-professional. I don’t think I retweeted it, but I did retweet when you mentioned me in 30 Thursday on May 26. Who knows why…I will be interedted to read more comments here.
Lisa is going to write about The Art of Praise. I remember last July she wrote a post called “3 Ways You’re Hiding From Success Without Knowing” . Go ahead, read it. And read all of the comments, you will see one from me. The world of compliments is sometimes dizzying.
You paid me a compliment and my snail mail “thank you” is being mailed today…just like I promised.
Judy
P.S. It turns out I did Tweet or Re-Tweet your post about 60 women. I said: @margieclayman 60 Women whose praise must be sung http://bit.ly/maJm9b A great list to be part of. Proud.
Yeah, I remember that tweet of yours 🙂
I am most curious about the Facebook thing, I think. The fact that the guy post did not get any FB likes is just so interesting in light of how many the women post got. What does it all mean?? 🙂
I was guilty of retweeting the post on the women. (I agreed with so many of them – how couldn’t I?)
I didn’t retweet the post on the men because – frankly – I was one of them. I felt somewhat sheepish doing that. Felt like it would be tooting my own horn, and it became a conscious infringement on my attempt at humility.
Hope that helps explain one man’s perspective.
Thanks for sharing these findings and thoughts, Margie. As always.
I struggle with similar problems – only recently have I begun retweeting posts that say kind things about me. I have always felt that just hitting the RT on those was so self-serving, so I promote the post itself and then disclose I’m mentioned.
Perhaps men are more worried about getting praise in light of the complaints that women aren’t complimented/rewarded on an equal basis? That’s not good either – men deserve credit and praise too! I hope we don’t go the other way and refuse to compliment men. Hmm.
Hi Margie,
I tweet your stuff nearly everyday. I shared both lists on Facebook so I can refer to them easily. I do that also with round-up posts that I like. I “like” them on Facebook so I can look at them at my leisure. My Facebook is both work and friends, so my friends know that I post blog posts that don’t always have to do with me.
I am always surprised and thrilled to be mentioned anywhere. Of course, I will come and comment. I think I am often so surprised by praise that I get very happy about it. 🙂 Why shouldn’t I tweet it is my viewpoint on it.
I wonder why the men were so quiet. I think this is very interesting. I know for me praise is the easiest way to keep me motivated about something.
you’re very kind. I don’t know…there are some very interesting ideas floating around here…it’s got me thinking, that’s for sure! 🙂
In our society, men = people, whereas women = women. (Consider this: whenever a universal symbol of a human being is needed, a man is displayed. The iconic image of evolution features a MAN, which is understood to represent all people.) Therefore, a post about women is for women. A post about men is for people, that is to say, everyone.
Hmm. Very interesting observation. I’ll have to think about that. Men = people, women = women. Hmm. Very interesting indeed. So do you think if the list had been integrated the reaction would have been an average between the 2 posts?
This is FASCINATING! I wonder if it’s as simple as Brandon says? That and the fact that women are more willing to accept a compliment than men?
I often find that it’s tough to compliment women. We tend to shrug it off, I think. How many times do you compliment another woman and you hear, “Oh, that was nothing,” or something like that? Maybe lists like this give women an opportunity to enjoy their credit because they are grouped with other women? I have no idea!
#2 struck me. Seems that (in general) women are motivated by external praise. When I’m working with women, I find myself wanting to be more helpful + always encouraging, even if what I’m saying isn’t all roses (because that’s what I’d like in return). But working with guys, I am much more straightforward in my communication, thinking they don’t need the extra back pats.
Curious – were the “likes” on the women’s post by other women? (I would guess that…but who knows!)
Awesome conversation starter.
~Anne
Thanks Anne!
I unfortunately don’t think I can tell who liked the post. That would be a fascinating thing to see though. Maybe men shared it on Facebook quietly? But then why not share the post about men? I don’t know!
Strange, the results are not what I would have expected. In my experience men are more likely than women to accept praise as their due. I think the answer may be a combination of more DMs / private messages by men and the whole men = people and women=women.
I’d love to get at the heart of this because I have the darndest time getting men to comment on my blog!
For the record, I RT both and commented on both.
Maybe women don’t expect compliments and we get excited when we get them; men expect compliments and when they get them it’s “Of course I’m terrific” and it’s all in a day’s work. I think (and this is a generalization) that women don’t have the same sized egos as men and that colors our perception of ourselves. We know we’re smart and wonderful, but we don’t see ourselves on pedestals, we just keep on keeping on. So when someone does put us on a pedestal of recognition, that is an eye-opening thing, that someone does notice us and says so out loud. We glow and are grateful for the light.
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