Yesterday I visited my favorite bakery. The counters there, much like the counters everywhere, extend far above my head as I only stand at 4’5, so it’s hard for people to spot me unless they see me come through the door. I was looking at items and was next in line when all of a sudden the woman behind me started to order. She clearly did not recognize I was an adult, and the woman behind the counter hadn’t seen me.
When I was in high school and college especially, these kinds of events used to infuriate me. I would sometimes simply step out of line and leave without ordering anything. I would go home and cry because I felt so badly that I was overlooked. Nowadays, I simply raise my voice and say, “Um, I was ahead of you in line.” It seems to work.
Which strategy do you suppose works out better for me if I want a cupcake? Getting angry, maybe being rude to people, leaving altogether, or simply announcing my presence and completing the purchase? If you guessed choice B, you are spot on. I still find these scenarios to be extremely frustrating, moreso because of people in line than because of people behind the tall counter. But I have learned to be frustrated for a few seconds and then keep moving.
I believe everybody has triggers like this that cause frustration. You could be in the best mood and someone acts in a certain way or says something and you find yourself flying off the handle, right? What you must think about in regards to your hot buttons (because if we think about it we all know what gets us red-faced with anger) is what you accomplish by getting angry and what you could accomplish by moving on.
Let me give you another example. I run a page on Facebook that is dedicated to educating people about why many Little People find the word “midget” offensive. Someone on there said something very interesting one day. They said, “When someone teases you, don’t get mad. Educate.” This is an instance where again you have two possible actions (and this goes for anyone that gets teased about anything). You can get angry or upset or you can try to use the opportunity to raise awareness about why what the person is doing is wrong. Barring that, you can take the opportunity to educate yourself – teach yourself that when someone is rude, insensitive, or mean, it is about them and not about you. It sounds trite and a bit cliché, but some clichés are around because they’re true.
Consider too the risks you take if you get mad instead of choosing to move on. For example, let’s say bad driving is one of your hot button issues. If you suffer from road rage, you can actually end up causing an accident yourself. Your flustering and bustering can distract you from what’s actually happening on the road. That’s not a very good trade-off, and I guarantee you that no matter how mad you get, that person will always be a bad driver. Your fingers, your horn, and their ability to read lips will not affect their overall driving philosophy.
So what are your hot button issues? How would it benefit you if you started to move on instead of investing a lot of time in getting angry or hurt or upset? Let’s talk about it!
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View Margie Clayman's profile
I’m pretty low key, so it would probably be the 2 hr wait in the doctor’s office when you really need to see them and as much as you would like to get up and leave, you know you are ‘trapped.’ The other being everybody driving in the left hand lane; and I mean everybody. I thought we were taught that slower traffic keep right, right?
However, I usually just stay calm, take a deep breath, and not dwell on it. Life’s too short, right?
@bdorman264 Waiting can definitely be infuriating. I often get a bit riled up when I’m at the bank or post office and there are NO employees at the counter while the line keeps getting longer and longer. Where are they all? Do they ALL need to find that package? It’s very confusing to me.
However, is it really worth getting in an uproar about? Probably not. Especially nowadays. Waiting is great Twitter catch-up time 🙂
@margieclayman Waiting to see Margie go postal 🙂
@margieclayman Yeah, I usually have my phone with me and can go ‘social’ if I need to……..:).
I’m with Bill in that I’m rather slow to anger, or even jump to conclusions regarding someone’s motivations. After having recently driven through or across seven states, I can also confirm that the left lane has become the right lane for a whole lot of people.
Making the choice NOT to get angry puts you in control, not your emotions.
@TomRedwine haha, yes, people are not so good about looking at signs or markings on the road anymore. And signals, well, I’m not sure why cars even have them anymore. But oh well. As long as you make it through the trip safely, that’s really all you can ask for, right?
I love the new direction you’ve taken with your blog.
@mantywebdesigns So glad to hear that, Jill. Thank you!! 🙂
I would have kicked her in the ankle or stolen her purse while she was busy ordering. But that’s just me.
@samfiorella See, that’s the getting mad thing…. 🙂 No. No. Bad Sam! 🙂
Most of the time I ignore this kind of stuff because it is not worth the energy, but I would be lying if I said that I never respond or engage.
There have been a couple of moments where my language got a bit salty, fire shot from nostrils and laser beams from my eyes, but those have been rare.
@TheJackB Well you sound like quite the superhero there, Jack. Yikes! 🙂
Out in the real world, people don’t really care (most of the time) if they’ve hurt your feelings. They don’t know you one way or the other. So, it’s easier to attribute their behavior to being ignorant or otherwise lacking in generally good human qualities. That enables you to step back a bit faster and take a big breath a bit easier. When it’s people who know you (or who love you even) that can make it a bit trickier, but even there, it’s possible to identify patterns and then adjust them.
@TheJackB I’m all for some good, salty language. Goes well with beer. ;^)
Here is another option, as opposed to moving on or getting mad. Many times I find the best option is to engage the person while you are waiting in the line. Start a conversation that will make it clear that you share something in common with this person…same favorite bakery, interest in the same movie, the list can go on. Almost always I find this kind of engagement allows the other person to get to know you, in your case they get to learn in a unembarrassing way that you are an “adult.” It becomes a “learning moment” and they will be forever grateful.
@JudyHelfand you’re probably right Judy. That is something I need to work on. I don’t have a lot of patience (yet) for people who judge at a glance. It’s a flaw in me 🙂
@margieclayman I understand, but maybe you are assuming that the judging is occurring. Many times people are just preoccupied with their own issues (health, money, kids, work), and so it may be they appear not to be noticing what is going on right in front of them. Just a thought. Test my suggestion and see what happens. It would make for a good follow-up post.
I think we all have things that trigger me! I need to move due to the construction of windmills right next to my house!
If people get insensitive around the subject I have gone off lately!
Wait what? who the heck is bulding windmills by your house and what the heck for? When are you moving and where are you going to go?
@Fierce_living Have you seen my blog
@RaulColon Understandably so….sheesh.
A woman I used to work with once told me, “If you lose your temper, you lose the argument.” A revelation to me, because before that, I thought that the emotional, impassioned plea was irrefutably effective. Turns out, not so much. At best, I suppose it let’s you blow off steam. Aside from that, it’s quite useless. The older I get, the quieter I have become, and overall, I’m happier.
@AndreaDonahue Blowing off steam can be important, but it is also usually useless. You could be on to something much more fun in the time it takes to vent it all out. But sometimes different situations call for different measures 🙂