When I was in fifth grade, I was a real goody goody. Sometimes, this worked to my advantage. However, a lot of times, to be fair, the teacher would have to punish me right along with everyone else. On days when the class was just talking too much for her to stand, we’d all have to sit down at recess and copy “Silence is Golden” over and over again. I still hate that phrase. I felt it was really blatantly unfair that I had to sit there when I hadn’t been talking at all.
Lately, I’m starting to feel that same twinge of concern, trepidation, and “Hey man” in the Social Media world.
I haven’t been doing this game for very long, but so far, about once a month, one of the people I respect in this space has written a post about how they are tired of people failing to value their time, or they are tired of how people take advantage (or try to) of their expertise. First there was Chris Brogan’s post called “Make the Ask.” Then Tamar Weinberg wrote a post called “The Audacity of Free.” And now Lisa Barone of Outspoken Media has written a post called 15 ways to handle “Pick your brand” requests.” All of them cover the same types of information. All of them, in different ways, reverberate with frustration.
Now, as an idea type person myself, I totally sympathize with these kinds of frustrations. I’ve written about this before, in fact. But here’s the problem I’m having. The people who are writing these posts are people whom I view as role models, as teachers, as mentors. The fact that they choose to post blogs and articles based on their years of experience ensures that I can keep on learning so that I can pay it forward to people with less experience than I have. That’s the way the game is supposed to work.
Unfortunately, folks like me are becoming collateral damage in the growing war between the (insert your preferred title here..expert, thought leader, influential person) and the people who do not respect them. In order to learn and in order to grow, I would like to be able to ask small questions of these people. I’d like to be able to say, “I didn’t understand that part of your blog post. Can you clarify it?” Sometimes I like to ask other questions too. I’m a born questioner. But all of these posts filled with righteous indignation are making me seriously debate with myself before asking any of those questions. It is making me feel like I should not ask for time or a smidgeon of advice because, no offense to the grey masses team, but I don’t want to be classed as a person who fails to respect time and knowledge.
Of course, the great irony of life is that the people who really are guilty are probably not affected by these posts at all. But it would be of a great help to me if these posts of understandable frustration could delineate what is considered offensive and what is not. What falls into consultation and what falls into friendly mentoring or teaching? I never want to be in a position where I ask a question and then feel like I should ask to be invoiced. So, thought leaders, I’m asking you this one question. Where is the line between the brain-pickers and the students? And which one am I?
Image credit: http://www.sxc.hu/profile/clix
I think you’ve made a gutsy and important observation here.
Gutsy because you may bring down the wrath of the people I deeply respect myself.
Important because it seems that many of the top people are ready to move from the community that made them into the celebrities they are today.
If the good guys decided to not comment, retweet, recommend books, or convince our day-job-bosses to pay for a keynote address – where would the industry be? Of course, I understand that their ire isn’t pointed at me. In fact, many of them have gone out of their way to help me; but they do need to make sure we aren’t getting painted with the same brush of indignation.
I’ve also been taught (by some of the same leaders) that the “rant” post is a volatile and risky luxury. I will make sure that I think long and hard about the “collateral damage” before I write one.
Well, I’m certainly not aiming to enrage my very mentors & role models. And like I said, I totally understand how frustrating it can be to feel like your years of hard work are just simply not valued. I look at the time it takes me just to do what I’m doing and there aren’t enough hours in the day.
I guess I just would put out a plea that for people like you and me who are trying to support them, learn, and pull other people up, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Yes, there are people out there who don’t get it. But there are people who, like you and me, will promote a thought leader, then a friend, then another friend, then another thought leader – it doesn’t have to be a one-way street where the expert (or whatever you want to call them) is always giving.
I feel as though, by necessity, the people who have the most knowledge and the most experience are building a fortress. They are experiencing things that most Social Media users don’t and can’t, and I get that. But it can be intimidating for someone like me to jump in after a blog post like that and then say, “Hey, I have a question about xyz.” It seems like I am in the category of brain pickers at that point, and I don’t want to be there. Like I said, I value my ability to sleep well with a clear conscience, and if that means I have to stop asking any questions for fear of being labeled as a brain picker, I guess that’s what it’ll be, but I think that would be a sad end result.
Hey Marjorie,
Very timely article. Sometimes Twitter seems a thinly veiled MLM pyramid scheme – those that are down line with 100, 500, 1800, 2200 followers are getting a crimp in their neck from looking up at the 20,000, 60,000, 100,000, 250,000 follower heights (and the speaking gigs, travel, book deals and glamour that comes with being able to bring an audience with you). But that’s only on my most cynical days. 😉 I really don’t think that at all.
The overwhelming majority of the time Twitter has outperformed my wildest expectations. And, because of that, like you, I am very sensitive to being helpful and encouraging to new people finding their way – because sooo many people were generous with me in my early days and even still today. I’m still learning.
Given the careful thought you have given this, I would confidently suggest that you would never offend the sensibilities of an experience power player. But there are others who just don’t seem to have the manners to contain their own self-interest – I have seen online tantrums of people who become rather shrill when those, who they believe are in a position to help them, don’t drop what they are doing and provide the RT or speak at their telesummit or allow the guest post, etc.
Keep asking your questions, the right people will answer.
Thanks Dawn.
Those are some great points. You hit the nail on the head of why I am feeling a bit confused. I would not be anywhere near where I have progressed in the last few months if many many generous people hadn’t reached their hand out and given me a boost. I will never forget that. I can only hope that I can get into the position of being able to help others in the same way – I still have a LOT to learn myself as it is.
But that’s what makes these posts so hard for me to digest. I have benefited at times because I have gone out on a whim and asked for advice or asked a question. That’s how I have learned a lot of what I now know. But the frustration levels are rising so high that I no longer feel comfortable adding to the burden or looking like I am one of the people who doesn’t get it. I’m not sure where that cornmeal line is between “you’re okay” and “You’re a troll.”
I view Social Media kind of like the French salons or like the little academies that the Greek philosophers set up in ancient times. Wise people are talking, less experienced people come around to listen and learn. Sure, you might have people who throw tomatoes or who yell out obscenities, but should that ruin the whole thing? I hope not.
Hi Marjorie, this is a really interesting post. I’ve followed all your links and then some links off those links and then… well, you get the idea. I don’t think that any of these people are asking us to stop asking questions. What they’re asking is that people stop trying to exploit those questions.
You would not sidle up to any of them with a business plan and ask them to take a look. You wouldn’t ‘take them to lunch’ for the sole purpose of walking away with a strategy. You know the difference between a general ‘quick question’ and a personal ‘quick question that will turn into a long question’. In short, you understand the value of another person’s time. As a writer who’s often asked to ‘take a quick look’ at things, I can assure you that many people don’t.
PS: Thanks for answering my ‘quick questions’ during #blogchat. Much appreciated. 🙂
Hi! And thank you!
No, I know what you’re saying, but it’s just the general flavor of things, you know?
I think of it this way. You ever have a friend who it seems everyone goes to when they have a problem? The person tells you, “Man, I wish someone would come by and tell me good news, or at least not ask for my help or advice.” You become pals, you feel that person has opted to confide in you. But then when you have a problem, who do you want to go to? That person who complained to you about the complainers. Because you know they have the answers, or can at least help you feel better. But now you also know how they really feel about that. While they might be more than happy to help you out, you know that they are also having similar requests, and bigger, less courteous requests, all of the time.
It makes you pause, non?
Marjorie
There is a big difference in asking a question about someone’s blog post and asking to pick their brain on how to best market their company in social media. I understand each of these articles to be addressing that and not questions from those within the industry seeking to learn more. Each of the people mentioned above have spent countless hours through speaking engagements, blog posts, bookmarks of articles they find useful,etc educating and sharing their thoughts with us all.
The folks that I believe they are speaking of are those that would be or should be potential clients who want to grab a quick lunch and get off paying $45 for a hour of consulting. They have NO intentions of hiring them but want to take their picked brain and use it to further their marketing efforts which lead to sales. In other words, let me pay you through your stomach so that I can capitalize and make ME money.
Hope this helps and I am sure that if you approached them for a bit more clarification on a blog post or had a question that was not picking their brain on how to market Clayman or a client of Clayman’s they more than likely would answer or steer you to a post that does so.
They all want to help but there are some that take advantage and the more popular people are the more folks reach out to pick their brains. Their time and knowledge is not free and sadly there are those that expect it to be.
@SuzanneVara
Very good response. I have 3 things to say in return.
First, I agree 100% that up to this point, people have been extremely generous with their time, of course. I have benefited from this and as I said above, that will never escape my memory.
Thing 2: I’m not sure, based on how many posts I’m seeing like the ones I mention in my post, how much longer that will be able to last. Will we come to a point where the generosity begins to infringe on folks being able to do what they should get paid to do? Is this current model sustainable, or are the greedy people ending an era?
Thing 3: I return to the example I gave above. I’m sure that my category of questions have been okay so far, but I hesitate because it seems like I’m just adding to the burden, if you will. Think of it this way. You have a friend who is a wiz at fixing cars. Everyone goes to that person for questions, even people that don’t know your friend. One day your friend comes to you and says, “Man, I mean, I don’t mind helping my friends, but all of these people who ask me questions, it’s such a drag!” Would you feel totally comfortable asking that friend for help the next time you need it, or would it give you pause?
I now pause before asking questions not because I think I’m necessarily being greedy, but just because I know how valuable these folks’ time is. Make sense?
Marjorie
It does make sense. Using your example, asking your friend who fixes cars a question about what type of oil or what could it be when the engine light goes on is a far cry from asking them to fix your serpentine belt and you will buy him lunch. I would not hesitate to ask questions as they will point you in the right direction – asking how to personally brand yourself and what steps should be taken is that serpentine belt.
Will they at some point not be able to answer questions, that depends upon what is being asked of them and the time associated with it. I am not high in demand so when someone asks me for help, I am there. If I was hard pressed on time and it was over and over I too may feel the same way. It is about being respected for the work and consulting and not being taken advantage of.