Let’s Talk About Keeping Kids Safe on Facebook
My biggest fear in the online world has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the safety of children. I think that on Facebook in particular, it’s really easy to do things that could have alarming consequences because everything seems so safe there on the surface. You can lock down your content, you’re talking to your friends and family for the most part…what could go wrong?
Unfortunately, as we have seen over the last couple of years particularly, a lot can go wrong, especially for kids and young adults who are trying to figure out that whole pesky “life” thing – both online and offline.
Now, I want to say two things. First, I am not saying that children should be tethered to their parents and prevented from exploring the online world. Second, what I will present here are worst case scenarios. However, I feel it’s important to occasionally sound the alarm and just say, “Hey, are we thinking about this?” There’s a particular reason I worry about that, too.
The stories I grew up with
When I was in middle school and high school, there were a lot of stories about kids who talked with people via AOL or other chat rooms. The kids got comfortable with people and agreed to meet them at a mall or at other locations. Those people they were meeting turned out to be the most unsavory kinds of people, and we lost a lot of children because of those scenarios. These stories, maybe because of the age I was or maybe because of the horrifying way the news covered the stories, made a huge impression on me. As I see my teenage cousins join Facebook, as I see more and more parents with young children on Facebook, I can’t help but hear alarms going off in my head. That is the backdrop for my concern.
Things to monitor
There are a few things I see online that really make me worry. Now, because I am open to talk about anything on this site, I am happy to have devil’s advocates. This is an important conversation to have! With that being said, here are things that concern me.
The use of Foursquare on Facebook: I’ve seen parents “check in” to their kids’ schools or their kids’ bus stops. With all of the other information available on Facebook – what the kids look like, what their names are – this seems like information that could put the children at risk if it got into the wrong hands.
The use of kids’ real names: I know that this will make some people roll their eyes at me, but here is where I am coming from. In the old days, if a person wanted to do harm to a child, they would have to lure the child into a sense of safety, either out in the open or via a chat room. Because Facebook status updates and photos can be shared beyond your ability to track, the wrong people can find out where your child lives, what his or her name is, and of course what your name is. This is the kind of information bad people crave. It is what enables them to tell children “Mommy told me to pick you up.” That information is being treated very lightly in the online world, especially on Facebook, and it concerns me a great deal.
Tagging Photos: This actually worries me not just for kids but for teachers and people in other professional positions too. I can give you a real-life example of where this can go wrong, in fact. A friend of mine innocently posted some pictures from college. One of them showed a friend of ours being goofy – it wasn’t even an obscene or icky picture. However, our friend had just become a minister and asked to be untagged from the photo because having it front and center on a new minister’s page didn’t make a lot of sense. Teachers have been fired, believe it or not, because there were pictures of them drinking on Facebook. We need to be very careful and very respectful not only for ourselves but for those around us, too.
Worrisome status updates: There have been a lot of cases lately where people have essentially sent out cries for help via Facebook. Now many would argue that this in and of itself is a bad idea, but I tend to play it more safe than sorry. If someone seems really down, I ask them if they’re okay or try to cheer them up. I invite them to talk to me offline if they want. It might seem silly, but I’d rather irritate someone mildly rather than let a person suffer thinking no one cares. One person can make a difference.
It Takes A Village
I think the most important thing we can do for kids and for each other on Facebook or any online platform is to watch out for each other. If you see a photo pop up that concerns you, let the people involved know. If you see that someone is getting bullied or harassed, try to step into the situation without endangering yourself.
In addition to this simple stuff and just being careful about what you put on Facebook, Deb Morello helped me gather many different resources last year for our Online Safe House effort that can help fight online bullying and that can help assist those struggling with thoughts of suicide.
Now, like I said, I know that some of these things may seem crazy or too alarmist in nature. I am definitely presenting worst-case scenarios here. But if you see things different, or if you have other questions or concerns, let’s talk about it. I’ll do my best to get you the answers you need!
Image by Gabriella Fabbri. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/duchesssa
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Keeping ourselves, and not only our children, safe in the age of Facebook seems like we are battling yet a new threat to our safety. The powerful impetus to share everything is hard to resist if you are young, since you want to fit in. But as much as I mistrust Facebook’s (default privacy settings) there are some steps we all can take to protect ourselves even on Facebook.
Truth: Facebook will NOT protect your privacy. In fact they have a vested, financial interest in destroying privacy as we know it and encouraging their members to share everything (which is not in their best interest at all).
That being said if you are uncomfortable revealing your true identity, then maybe joining these networks is not for you, or your children. I side with Google on this point; accountability. There have always been dangers offline, and the world is not more dangerous because of Facebook. Teach your children about the dangers online, as you do about how they must act to be safe offline.
Part of the problem is that the adults, and the parents, are not always well versed in the new technologies, while the kids are growing up being expected to be a part of the digital revolution and pushed (albeit way too young) into an online coming-of-age. Contrary to the popular belief of those my age (over 50) kids today are NOT well-versed in the ways of Facebook or anything else digital for that matter. Always being on the phone or online does not qualify as acumen.
Arm yourselves with information and teach your children well.
@KatCaverly You said it all there, not surprisingly. I think Facebook makes it easier for mean people to be mean. They don’t have to look as hard. They don’t have to research as much. They don’t have to be as conniving. But there have always been gaps where safety nets can let us down, and the logic you mention is always the same – teach your children well.
Thanks, Kat!
It does so take a Village! I have two daughters – teenagers – and I so appreciate the help we all give each other.
IT is not easy keeping them safe – especially when they (my girls) think they know so much more than me!
@TanyaLavoie yeah, it takes a long time for kids to realize that their parents are much smarter…it does happen, though 🙂 Hang in there!
Awesome post. Made my day totally. We have to protect our children!!
@jonathansaar Thanks Jonathan. So glad you liked it!
Thank you Margie, glad to share with Twitter, Face Book and offline networks. This information is so vital in today’s society – taking just as much care with young people in social media as we would with a moving vehicle: safety just as important as the convenience it offers. In fact, schools would do well to adapt ‘required’ workshops to promote online safety!
@maximumharvest Hi Rose! I think schools are starting to move into that arena, but of course when teachers are being laid off and school districts are losing money, it’s tough to balance everything. I worry for kids though. They have the regular world and now this whole other world to deal with. Yikes!
I think the biggest challenge in this area is educating parents. Because, honestly, having a child’s real name online (or anyone’s) isn’t any more of a threat than giving their name to schools, doctors, and other businesses that a child may be involved with (gymnastics, municipal recreation programs, etc.). These sources have privacy breaches just like Facebook and other online sites. (Just a couple days ago, I saw someone tweet that their child’s school emailed the entire school’s contact list out to all the parents.)
I see far too many of my fellow parents who are ignoring social media and wanting absolutely no part in it because it doesn’t interest them. But they shouldn’t assume that their children won’t be interested. They should be learning and teaching their children in turn. Yes, we live in a very different world. But I think the assumption of danger is exaggerated unless children aren’t armed with the tools and ability to protect themselves. Parents should partner with their children in the use of social tools until they show the proper maturity and ability to handle what happens online.
Social media and technology paired with ignorance of safety precautions are VERY dangerous. But when we raise our children with them and teach them the ramifications of their actions, then we’re empowering them to become independent and capable of managing this new aspect of life for themselves.
@Karen_C_Wilson That’s a tremendously important point, Karen, and I’m glad you made it. Even if as a parent you think Facebook is kind of daft, if you think there’s a chance your children will become immersed in this world, you should have some understanding of it, just like it’s good to understand how traffic on your street works so you can prevent your child from getting hit by a car. In this day and age, maybe more than ever, knowledge is power.
Salient post, the first two murders in Guatemala attributed to social media occurred last month. A guy lured two teenage girls to another town, not far away from where they lived after chatting to them on Facebook.
Kidnapping is fairly common here and the initial motive appears to be just that, the gang asked for 200,000Q which is a little more than $25000, the family could only pay 20,000 Q and their bodies were found a couple of days later.
There are about 2.8m internet users here and 66% of them have a Facebook account. To many here, Facebook IS the internet. The allure of appearing popular is a difficult illusion to break, especially in youngsters.
I’m left wondering between this post and the one on Carol Roth’s http://www.carolroth.com/unsolicited-business-advice/?p=7217, how do we protect kids and their online identities.
We have a situation at our eldest’s school where one parent does not want their child filmed or photographed, afaik this has not been respected by other parents but the school, yes. The thing is, in a social setting, where there are a group of kids and parents, some are going to take photos/videos. The problem lies in how not everyone will have privacy settings that would protect their own kid, nevermind someone else’s.
Coincidentally, what would be the safest method would be for the school to create a platform with access only to parents, a private group on Posterous or Tumblr and invite parents to view.
So for all the recent chats and posts about online security of our kids, the biggest hurdle we face is losing control of our privacy to other people and having to rely on them to get their security right.