Jay Baer wrote a pretty fantastic post this last week. I think it threw a bit of icy cold water on the online world. Or maybe it was more like a Don Quixote moment of, “Oh wait, that’s really how it is.” Have you read his post? It’s about the use of the word “friend” and whether we can truly get to know each other in this online space.
I’ve been thinking about this post a lot lately. I thought about this post as I watched people duke it out verbally in a comments section that should have been somber and respectful. I thought about it even more as I saw a tweet whizz by yesterday – “The hardest entrepreneurial lessons 9/11 teaches us” or something of that sort. I thought about it when someone whom I had opted not to follow back on Twitter tweeted me to say, “Sorry, we only follow people who follow us.”
Although everything Jay says about the online world is true, I now am leaning towards a slightly different supplementary perspective. It’s not just hard to get to know people online. It seems to be getting harder for people to be human online. And by human, I mean a well-rounded person with feelings, compassion, manners, courtesy, and other pretty basic characteristics that distinguish us from say…earwigs.
Holy Cow! Brands are people!
I remember when social media really first started taking off. I first started really reading about it in 2006 I’d say. The thing that got people really excited was the idea that I, representing xyz company or brand, could get to know my customers, my prospects, and you – representing xyz brand or company. All of us would be putting human faces to the names and numbers, right? You remember those days. It was the flower child days of the online world, when customer service, marketing, communication, and pretty much everything else would become serenely beautiful because we’d all be people talking to people.
Much like a comic book, however, we ended up creating a sort of mutant hybrid that is part human, part digital image. Instead of worrying about relationships or sales, we started focusing on numbers of followers, blog traffic, and Facebook fans/likes/thumbs up/whatever it will be called next. We stopped communicating as humans. We also stopped communicating as brands or businesses. We started to become this weird online version of ourselves that is not really who we are and not really who our companies are.
Why don’t you ask how that person is doing?
It’s not a secret that my blog here does not get the most amazing traffic ever. In fact, I will tell you that most of the time, I get 150 visits or so a day. Now, the me of last year would have drooled over that. Everything is relative. But compared to the thousands of hits other sites get every day, I am not just small potatoes, I’m like a small eye of a potato. However, one thing I can say is that a large percentage of the people who visit here do something with my posts. A lot of you comment, which is my favorite thing. Many people tweet out posts or share them via other social media platforms.
More to the point, in terms of my community in general, which extends from here to Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, and a bit to LinkedIn, I can say that I speak on a regular basis to people I genuinely care about, and I think they might genuinely care about me as well. Sure we may not know contextual things like spouse names or how many kids, but I know that if I am having a problem, I can go to them and say, “Dude!” And they know they can approach me the same way.
We are humans, interacting with each other as humans would in a very crowded party. Sometimes we leave the party to talk one-on-one and then we go back in. But we care about each other. If something is up, we ask how the other person is doing. We send our condolences when there is loss. We send offers to help, and we do. As Jeannette Baer said so eloquently in a comment on my last post, why shouldn’t people just ask other people how they’re doing? Amen.
WWARHD? (What would a real human do?)
I wonder what you would find if you skim your online reality for signs of humanity. I find a lot of true humans in the circles I engage in. People like Chase Adams, Danny Garcia, the aforementioned Jeannette Baer, Joe Ruiz, and many many others. But I also see people using 9/11 as a how-to blog topic. I see people using a person’s death as a means to get a blog traffic spike. Automation seems to be taking over the world.
If we cannot be humans, is it any wonder we can’t formulate real relationships? You can’t prioritize the numbers and also create real relationships. You can’t view people as experimental lab rats and also expect undying loyalty. It has to be, it seems to me, one or the other.
Maybe that’s the real problem in the online world. We’re not people who need people. We’re automated X-Men who need more numbers wherever we go.
What do you think? Am I on to something here or am I crazy?
Image by Bruno De Lorenzo. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/deloan
“What would a real human do?” – I like that. It got me thinking, too. Are people today really writing / communicating because they care or are they just riding on the trend to be seen as cool. Sad, but true – despite the common thought that numbers does not matter, it still is at the back of the mind.
One thing’s for sure is that if you’re a potato, I’m a fry!
That’s the million dollar question, right? Are people engaging because they think it’ll get them more clicks on that web ad, or do they really care?
Or, are they trying to ruffle feathers to get more ad clicks? That’s the other problem.
I didn’t say I was a potato, by the way. I said I was a little eye on a potato 🙂
Thanks for your comment!
I think you’ve hit the proverbial nail on the head. Most of us, if we are honest, probably don’t do such a great job IRL when it comes to other people.
We are people who need other people. Sometimes, we are more frightened of rewaching out than we would ever want to admit to ourselves.
I’m fairly new at this, but I have met some awesome people and forged some great relationships.
So, relationships are possible. We have to want to do it. And, you are right, can’t really do that if your only focus is on the numbers.
Thanks, Martina.
You are right – everything is fraught with risk in the online world, just as is the case in real life. However, if you are here to do business, you most certainly need to get over that fear, or that caution. If you are here just for fun or just to learn what’s going on, you can take things at whatever pace you want. But if you are not reaching out to people and yet are expecting the “personal” side of business to work for you, you’re going to have a tough road ahead.
I don’t think you’re crazy at all Margie. We want so much to be liked that numbers count much more than relationships. IRL there is no way you could be friends with hundreds or thousands of people, yet we crave that type of thing online. Why? What is it about online social sites that have us acting in ways we wouldn’t offline?
Being able to forge relationships with people you would never otherwise be accessible to is one of the many wonders of the internet. However just because that kind of thing is available doesn’t mean we should forget who we are, what we stand for and how we act.
Your post should be a wake up call for so many who have lost their way and forgotten how to be a ‘real human’.
Hi Grace!
You are right. It’s truly amazing that in any given moment I could be talking to people from all over the US, from England, from Australia, and from the Philippines. I mean, who would ever have thought that would be possible? And for FREE? That’s the really crazy part.
Whether you’re looking at it from a personal perspective or a professional one, we’re definitely in unchartered waters. But I’m pretty sure making it about the numbers is not what it’s all about, and being a jerk to get those numbers up definitely doesn’t seem to be the answer.
Margie,
You are on to something. And, no, you are not crazy. You talked about a similar aspect of this issue on July 14 when you wrote: post #86 in the Engagement Series. I would give you a link to your own post, but I might end up in the spam folder. The title of the post was “Oh Google Plus, Don’t Make Me A Jerk”. I left a comment telling you exactly how I felt, closing with: “For myself, being social is about being real.” Guess how many people responded to that comment? None…
That’s life, people get busy. I had to step away from Twitter and chats for a few weeks, as I was really busy with projects and deadlines. One Twitter “friend” reached out with a direct message to see if I were OK.
Anyway…my personal blog maybe gets 10 visits per day. Very few comments. But I have reached the point that it will be a great little history book for my children.
Have a peaceful weekend. Thank you for making us think.
Judy
Boy, I feel really bad now!! 🙁
But, I’m glad you told me. That’s a human thing to do.
I think you are a gem.
Hi Margie, again, terrific perspective. I got on to Twitter about 20 months ago. I’ve been online and involved in communities and ‘social’ media since the early days of BBs and Listserves. One of my best friends I met online via a parenting community. It was a place to share and, as you say, be human.
Blogs are started because we want to share something about ourselves. Many, now, see $$$ and not people. It’s all about SEO and key words and tags and back end stuff and less about being true. Even the rules sometimes discourage interaction because we only want positive feedback (I believe you’ve even talked about this before).
Social media, for many, is a relationship of convenience. They do it because it’s a way to build their audience so they can convince their followers to click/buy/praise. It’s like the online equivalent of a tent revival. Every day the preachers come out and preach their way, telling people that to get more information or to be like them they need to click/buy/praise.
There is an agenda. And it’s hard to just be human when it doesn’t fit the agenda.
That’s an interesting agenda. I agree, too many people these days are out there spouting whatever their message of the day is. If you disagree you’re a hater. If you agree you’re just a mindless clone. If you ask questions you’re at least engaged, but you’ll likely be considered a pain in the butt. The people who have tried to turn into brands have turned themselves, in a way, into inanimate objects who do not remember what it is like to *really* engage with people.
It’s very troubling. Thanks as always for your great comment!
Margie and all, after reading Jay’s post, I found myself saying, “Really?” I was actually taken aback by his perspective and began wondering if I was doing something wrong since my online “relationships” didn’t seem as pure as his or so he thought.
I’m a firm believer God created us to be with one another and form communities. We weren’t made to be isolationists. That’s a primary reason why we’re drawn to social media; we’re drawn to community. That said, communities are made up all types of people. Some are pure and true. Some are users. Some are bland. Some are beautiful. Some are givers and some are here to take. It’s no different online.
For many, social media is their sole outlet for connection and an ability to reinvent themselves. It’s like moving from high school to college. For others, it’s an extension of “real” friendships. And for others, it a way to meet and interact with new, interesting people. But, for many, it’s about taking and seeing what they can get.
As shown by Gallup research, people spend most of their time online on social sites, and the reason, I believe, is again we’re meant to be connected, which is a beautiful thing. Based on how life has gone dictates how you present yourself here.
You, Margie, for instance, appear to be a giver. If I’m right, I’m willing to wager you’ve always been a giver and don’t care for or understand those who aren’t. In my experience, givers are genuine. Therefore, you see more of them. On the other hand, I’m connected to a lot of takers online and I know that because of the way they present themselves. To be clear, not all takers are bad people; that’s just how they’ve chosen to use social media.
But I think those who give expect to see the same behavior out of others. But that’s not why many people are here and therefore, they appear far from being “human.” I think that’s okay though because in the end, we’re all drawn here for the same reason – community. Some are just better at it than others.
Hi Joel,
Beautifully said.
I certainly don’t expect anyone or everyone to do things the way I do. Social Media is too personal and too customized for that to work. And I see what you’re saying and agree.
What I am talking about are the people who are so insensitive or so cruel that you can’t believe they are putting their thoughts out into the online world. The people who are making fun of people who have passed away, or the people who are using 9/11 as a lesson for marketers. Those are the people I’m concerned about. It’s not a matter of approach, it’s a matter of content and being aware of how your content might affect others…or being aware that your content may affect others, for that matter.
Does that make sense?
Makes complete sense. I know you’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’m with you totally.
Going back to being drawn to community, perhaps this is their way of connecting with others. Maybe they don’t know how to be any other way. Perhaps people like you and others with loving personalities are meant to model better behavior for them. Maybe, just like unexplainable encounters offline where our being in the right place at the right time to help someone or influence someone is what’s happening here and rather than just watching these people spew their cruelty, we should engage them and challenge them with the goal of helping them be a better neighbor.
Margie,
The only thing you’re onto is “human nature”. That’s how people are, have been, and will continue to be until December 2012 (when the world finally comes to an end). So why bother with such observations? It’s not possible to give a hoot about all 200, 500, 1000, 5000, or 10,000+ friends/followers you have. A certain degree of indifference is inevitably gonna be present, no? Human beings are just not programmed to care about a whole lot of people.
Jay was right, online relationships are shallow: “Social media forces upon us a feeling of intimacy and closeness that doesn’t actually exist.” Some people knew and really cared about Trey, some will pretend they knew him, and others could care less about him or his death. In all three cases, that’s people being “human’. But that’s where those handful of people (your close friends & family) come into play. Why do we search online for that which we already have? There is nothing as overrated as the friendship of many. Stick with what you already have and just enjoy yourself online…
Hug?
Perfect ending. Haha 🙂
As I told Joel up there, I agree that you can’t be “close friends” with 100,000 people or even 100 people most likely. And that’s okay.
When I say human, I mean avoid treating people like crap. Avoid trivializing things that should be held sacred. Avoid doing things that you would probably never even think of doing if you were away from your computer.
Would these people who are blasting Trey Pennington go to his funeral service and say the stuff they’re saying? Would the people writing “Lessons for entrepreneurs from 9/11” spout that out at Ground Zero? God I hope not. But online, they do.
That’s what I find so worrisome.
That’s the problem: what you think is “treating people like crap” and “trivializing things that should be held sacred” isn’t an opinion shared by everyone. Stick to the people that share generally similar views on life and stop worrying about what other people are doing or saying about people or things you didn’t know personally and you’ll be much happier in life.
Nuff said.
PS – I know, I’m a meany head.
Because mine is a personal blog, I have the luxury of just showing up. I don’t get hung up on visits, metrics, scores, etc. I’m more interested in meeting people, engaging and establishing a relationship on some level. However, I do know exactly what you are talking about and was actually going to do a post about it. To me, I really started noticing it after @BWINY and all the chatter than went along with that. Maybe because it coincided with summer too but I definitely was feeling a different vibe and made me miss the good, fun feelings I had when I first got in.
The other crazy thing is to see people who are gone, no longer active but I still see their automated tweets go out like some ghost ship or something. The lights are on but nobody is home. I mean, what’s the point?
I don’t if any of that was relevant, but that was my take on it and all I will say about that.
Hi Bill,
That is a great point. Accounts that do nothing but auto-tweet don’t make a whole lot of sense to me unless maybe they are tied to another account that is very active. As a means of sharing content I suppose it’s okay, though you never know if people are responding to that stuff unless you’re checking on it regularly, which seems to defeat the purpose of automation.
I really have never understood the point of automating anything in the online world. For awhile there I set up Hootsuite to tweet out my posts at 3 AM. You know what happened on occasion? People responded and I wasn’t there to answer. So…yeah. What’s the point?
Thanks 🙂
First off, someone seriously tweeted to you and said ‘we don’t follow people who don’t follow us back’ and then I am guessing proceeded to unfollow you? Who are these tweeters? Would they seriously say that in real life? Im not going to call you, converse with you, mingle with you unless you do it back? Why do we ‘entitled’ to be less human online? Because its easier? Because the personal human interaction (as in a face to face, I can reach out and hug you sort of way) is missing? I admit, my offline life catches up with me sometimes and I neglect my online life but I hope this makes me human and not ‘not human’. I try to ask how people are because I am curious what they are up to and genuinely what to chat. Networks take a lot of work and I do my best to remember what topics are interesting to what people and ask them questions and opinions about things. I dont do what some may consider the best job at always being available and communicating but I feel that I am doing the best I can.
I just wanted to go on the record as being one who genuinely cares about you. Over the years you have shown yourself to have compassion, smarts, humor, and integrity and I value our online relationship/friendship. That’s all…..
<3
A
…just, you know…in case you weren’t sure….
😎
Andrea .. Is this you? It is Jim from the wedding last night. Gosh, I really hope it’s you… and that you write back. I have to meet you! 🙂
~JIM
(I apologize to everyone for using this thread as a social medium – ironically – but this is the only way I can contact Andrea .. Thanks for understanding..)