Social Media Smart But People Stupid
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time, when I was about 8 months into my social media “stuff,” a pretty well-known person called me up and offered me a pretty neat chance at something. I was rather shocked, as you might imagine, and while I didn’t tell a whole lot of people, especially in the online world, I certainly was excited in my offline world. I mean, I was still a social media baby and this was happening. It was rather amazing. As time dragged on (and on) however, it became clear that things were not exactly going to come to fruition. In fact, after my last attempt to say, “Hey…what’s up?”I was basically given the “Don’t call me, I’ll call you” message. As if that wasn’t enough, this person used some of the ideas I had suggested afterwards. Ouch.
Now, for people in my offline world who think social media is kind of…skeevy….this did not come as much of a surprise. “These people build their careers based on pretty much nothing,” I was told. “Also, you don’t really know them.”
All fair enough, of course, but I still believed that there were people in the online world who really did mean stuff that they said. So, I got myself into another situation, then another, where I watched people act one way in the online world and then a completely different way offline. People who tout themselves as great consultants missed meetings. I entered a contest to win a pretty well-known book, won, and never received the book from the author. After following up twice, I was again basically told, “Yeah…um, I’ll follow up with you, k?”
Sadly, I have gotten to the point where I find myself wondering if anyone in the online world actually understands or absorbs what they are saying in those 140 characters or what they are saying in those blog posts. The words are always right, but are the words understood by the author, not to mention the readers?
Book Smarts versus Street Smarts
There are a lot of people who study for 20 gazillion years in colleges and universities. They can quote any Shakespeare sonnet and can probably name you 17 chemistry equations in 5 seconds. However, they might not have any idea how to get places using the subway system. Similarly, there are people who might have dropped out of high school who manage to find a great deal of success based sheerly on what we might call street smarts or gut instinct. We differentiate between these two kinds of smarts. I’m thinking we might need to differentiate between “social media smart” and “people smart.”
Social Media Smart
What is social media smart? I would define it as being able to blog successfully, knowing how to navigate Twitter and Facebook, getting yourself on the speaker circuit and finding success there that then feeds back into your online success. In your public tweets and blog posts and Facebook updates, you know the right things to say to get yourself retweeted or “liked.” You know how the game works and you play it well. That takes skill.
People Smart
People smart is pretty different. Just like a lot of “people stupid” things happen offline, a lot of “people smart” things happen offline, too. While breaking your word in one way or another is pretty darned “people stupid,” exceeding a person’s expectations in some way is rather smart. While quoting inspirational people can be social media smart, offering help or motivation to a person who needs it in real life is people smart. While retweeting a person may be social media smart, reaching out to a person who has been quiet lately is people smart.
How can you be “social media smart” but “people stupid?”
Ah, that’s the real question, isn’t it? In order to succeed in social media, you need to at least know enough to pay lip service to things like “give to get” and “it’s not about you.” To be people smart, you have to really understand what that means. Maybe the line is getting blurry for some people. For example, if a person tweets to you and says, “Hey, I found that offensive” and you just scoff or continue, that is being people stupid, even if it’s getting you a lot of social media attention. If a person goes quiet, social media smarts might indicate that that’s one less person to worry about or compete with. People smarts says, “I wonder if they’re okay.”
Are people getting so used to typing to unmoving avatars that we are forgetting that there are real people behind those screens? Do we forget that the person we betray in real life is that same person we’ve been talking to and friendly with for a year or three? Is Social Media simply a “revenge of the nerds” scenario where socially awkward people can game the system to win notoriety of some sort?
Is Social Media really that shallow and simple?
What do YOU think is going on here?
Image Credit: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/142350
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I’ll give you a flipside story…a few weeks ago, I was contacted by a person who is actually a pretty big deal online. He said “hey, I’m in town in a couple weeks, you up for grabbing a beverage?” I said yes, we agreed to sit down, picked a time and place. Whaddya know – the dude was WAY MORE CHARMING IN PERSON. Had a great time meeting IRL and, not that I expected him to be a dud, but it was one of the highlights of the year so far.
Add to it that there were about four other people I met for the first time that evening – and we’re all doing the real-life correspondence thing, scheming on this or that.
I hope that your experience with these couple bad apples doesn’t spoil the whole bunch…
@davevandewalle Hi Dave,
I have also been very fortunate, and in fact the people smart stuff I mention up there – I’ve gotten to experience it all. While social media is certainly not rotten for me, I think there *IS* something amiss in this increasing amount of time people are spending in the online world. I think people who may be not so nice or cool in real life are getting a lot of credit and success in the online world, as if the two personages are separate people. I think that could catch up to some people and get a lot of people, shall we say…riled up 🙂
@margie this is such good writing that i think it’s wasted on the internet. It belongs in the New York Times! I think you are absolutely right on all accounts. Social Media savvy does not imply suave interpersonal effectiveness. I am angry that you were cheated by social media giants, and wish for justice.
@CherylReneeFarney Aw, thanks Cheryl! I am not in need of justice. Just pondering 🙂
It’s funny you write this. One thing I’ve been doing a lot is comparing online to offline, since what I bring to the online world is a great deal of offline experience that all relates. “Give to get ” and other phrases are misunderstood at best, and misused at worst, offline too. I have not been around long enough to encounter the things you have, but I’m not surprised. I think that opens up a lot of opportunity for people like you to continue to succeed online and I do believe hard work and honesty pay off in the end. I’m by no means perfect, but I’ve seen a lot of bad eggs offline in life and it nearly took me out several years back when I let it get to me. It was not pretty and I’ll never let that happen again. Ever. That’s why I am taking it slow. But you don’t sound so upset, just aware. That’s good. I keep watching and waiting and hoping you decide to take your online experiences and do something more. Not sure what that is, but I see great things for you if you choose. Maybe you don’t want more and that’s fine too. Just my unsolicited thoughts. I’ve been wanting to say that for awhile now. I don’t mean this in a negative or nasty way, but those who had early success have plenty of people nipping at their heels now:-) Some will hold there own and others won’t. It’s interesting to watch it all unfold.
@suegrimm That’s so sweet of you, Sue.
I agree that people are just as capable of being unreliable offline as they are online. I guess what strikes me about the world of social media is that a lot of people talk about “people smart” type stuff, offering advice, when in actuality they really don’t know how to act on the advice they are giving. I’m sure that happens tons in the offline world, but it doesn’t get recorded as easily 🙂
The longer I exist in social the more it becomes like real life to me. People who don’t do what they say they will certainly leaves an impression and I see it online as well as off. I try very hard not to over commit, do what I say I’m going to do and treat others like I want to be treated. I feel I am pretty consistent as to what you see of me online would apply offline as well; I really don’t know how else to act.
Social is very fickle and I have certainly been disappointed and dismayed by actions of certain people who I thought were in my camp. It was when I quit chasing and just took care of what I could control is when I quit letting it bother me.
I’m sorry to hear you had certain expectations you thought would be good, that turned out to be disappointing.
If you hang around long enough you will eventually see someone’s true colors. At least it allows you to proceed with open eyes and know where to place these people on a level of trust.
I personally think social can be as deep as you want to take it; it’s still comes down to relationships.
Good luck to you.
@bdorman264 I don’t know how else to act either, Bill. I just sort of am who I am and do my best to stick as close to that as possible (for better or for worse).
Maybe there will come a point when people use social media to get to know the surface of a person, and then will depend more on the offline world to trust a person. Something other than “authenticating” a person on Twitter, ya know? That would be pretty interesting, eh? 🙂
I don’t see any difference between people online and offline. In my experience they act the same way in both places.
The difference is that online makes it easier for some people to get tripped up by a cyber paper trail or that sometimes it makes it a bit easier for them to hide some of the less savory sides.
But it always comes out.
@TheJackB Well said, as always 🙂
I have definitely witnessed this firsthand. I’ve also been burned and disappointed when a perceived A lister online acted a completely different way to me offline. Of course, I was taken aback. But then I realize, this isn’t just an online problem. This happens offline too. People can game the system. But, I also truly believe that you can only fake it for so long online before people realize it and begin to call you out publicly. I’d like to think it’s social media karma. The true winners (who are both social media smart and people smart) are people like yourself, who are brilliant and authentic.
@jessicamalnik Ah, karma. Yes, I agree that karma is out there in the social media world, but that’s the other tricky thing about social media – when something bad happens you don’t always have to fess up 🙂 Are we made aware when a person who has been acting like a turd finally gets theirs? I’m thinking maybe not.
Online, offline, same same – people aren’t any different – it’s just online you can’t read body language or faces – but in time the person’s real colours show.
@Ameena Falchetto YES! EXACTLY.
@Ameena Falchetto Reality does have a way of bleeding in doesn’t it? 🙂
Yes, yes, yes and yes. Social media offered an opportunity for a lot of people to create careers out of very thin experience. Social media creates a lot of activity very quickly which translates to an illusion of importance and reality. Those who honed their social skills in the offline world and adopted social media into their world are doing just fine. Those who thought they could skip a step are living out a lie. With people skills, there are no shortcuts. Never have been, online or off.
@dogwalkblog Couldn’t have said it better myself. And in fact, I didn’t 🙂
Skipping steps, cutting corners…these are problems that it’s becoming clear are running rampant in the online world. It’s quite the bummer and a real shame.
Margie,
Funny how myself and Lucy have had so many similar situations.
I had a publicist from an author I had made a book review for (which I paid for the book myself) contact me to get a copy of the book so I could help with their effort. I said yes and I am still waiting on the book. I mentioned to the Author and he acted like if the publicist was someone who he did not choose to work for.
I think it is our job to make sure we can filter these people better.
Margie you do a great job at putting the spotlight on others and that is a way where you are teaching, educating, and doing what you preach. once again great job and great post!
@RaulColon I still owe you the blog posts. sorry for the delay. Being people smart here 🙂
@RaulColon That reminds me of another story, funnily enough. A publicist emailed me asking if I wanted to review any book this one author had written. I was like, “Well, fine.” So I emailed them my choice and my snail mail address.
Never heard back.
People are weird, non? 🙂
This is brilliant! Brilliant, brilliant. One of the best pieces about this subject that i have ever read. Amazing insight and so well-written.
@JulioRVarela thanks so much! Glad you liked it 🙂
We stumble into shallow and simple people everywhere. There is no doubt that social media can provide cover for charlatans, but I’m not convinced that social provides greater cover than say, a large organization. In my experience people’s true colours (sorry – that’s Canadian for “colors”) emerge and, eventually, we learn who they are, online or off. It’s always disappointing to meet a snake – no matter where it happens. Just because they’re there doesn’t demonize the whole place [insert one bad apple/baby and bathwater analogies here]. I’ve found far more good than bad and I’ve only dabbled. I think it’s just life that’s going on here. And life is good. Thanks for a thought-provoking, “smart” post Margie!
@AlinaKelly Thanks Alina. Yes, I’ve met more good than bad apples too, which I’m quite happy about. However, I think that these problems are sort of gnawing at the foundation of social media. I think some of the folks who are making themselves well-known based on ideas they can’t implement themselves are going to start getting fatigued, and then we are going to find ourselves discovering that maybe we were taking advice from a lot of silly people. I am worried about that time. I think people are investing a lot, in some cases, into people whom they think can lead them to a silver bullet. Discovering that just ain’t so can be quite heartbreaking.
Brilliant. (although, seriously, who could possibly expect less, here?)
Margie. This is what I see. On line. Off line. Same world. (allow me to say it again) IT. IS. THE. SAME. WORLD. PEOPLE.
Why would “you” be a spineless, wishy-washy, fence-rider (my most evil and nasty cuss word) on line and consider yourself any different off…..or vise-versa?
I am afraid, brothers and sisters, that if someone is “people stupid” on line…well, that is probably what you are going to get off line. Not to say mistakes, faux-paux, mis-steps, but “people smart” would kick in and you would naturally either explain yourself, blame spell check, or apologize… right?
It slays me, this “real world” separation. BE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE. Right? Right.
p.s. I went over to Nate’s place! Boy, very nice, but that was so far over my head, my position is sitting in class taking notes not adding my counterfeit two cents!
xxoo
@girlygrizzly oh whatever. Stop short-changing yourself, you silly monkey!
@girlygrizzly Ah, but see, this is where Social Media can be compared to the movie Avatar. In the online world, you can pretend that you’re a lady’s man or a cassanova or a charismatic leader or whatever else you want to be. You can say that you are the smartest person there is on a certain topic or that you have the most friends of anyone you know. You can create an entire new universe for yourself and people sort of have no choice but to believe you. I turn again to my departed buddy Bruce Serven, who was essentially doing manual labor the last few months of his life. I had no idea that was going on because in the online world he was still tweeting and blogging just like he had always done.
If you want to envision yourself as being people smart, you can create and construct that vision using social media. But it will still not help you become people smart in real life. That’s where people I think are getting confused.
I really enjoyed this. Cheers!
@danielnewmanUV thanks Dan! NIce to see you here 🙂
I love the different “smarts” you’ve detailed. Street smart is oh so different from Education smart…yipes, an education – so to speak – these days is almost useless IMHO. Ever read “The Millionaire Next Door?” It’s now kind of old but it sort of predicted what has happened to our current college grads…they’re coming home to live in droves – over 85% in a study I read! Why? Because they learned to party, to have sex, and to be PC in college with most of their useless majors. Yes, those few that were focused on Pre-Med, or Nursing, or Hospitality, or Law and Accounting, may have actually moved forward but what does an English major get you? Or my favorite, “Women’s Studies?” Is “Communication” at great alternative? IDK…Okay, I’ve veered off into a rant…forgive me, Margie! Too much coffee this morning!
Wonderful post Margie- this happened to a fellow blogger – he was pumping out blogs 2-3 times a week and then all of a sudden I didn’t get a blog post for over a week so I decided to contact him to make sure everything was okay – I never met the guy in my life but due to social media I felt as if I knew him.
Luckily all was okay and now we are “email” buddies……
Stay well,
Nancy
Hey Margie, I wrote about something similar on Thursday. Pitched two projects to two potential clients within a couple of weeks of each other, and they ripped off our ideas and never signed a contract.
http://problogservice.com/2012/02/23/should-social-media-marketers-give-away-good-stuff-get-ripped-off
I agree that there are lots of people who have one and not the other, and will admit to being burned on a few things. But I’m impressed by the number of genuine people I encounter too, people who really do as they say they will and who take time to go beyond the shallow. Thanks for being one of those folks Margie!
I feel where you’re coming from, Margie. Social media (especially Twitter) is becoming more and more crowded with social media smarties, particularly businesses that don’t really care. They’re there to engage, simply because that’s the right thing to do. But I’m sure many will agree that you’re definitely social media AND people smart – that makes you very much different from the rest. Keep up the awesome work, Margie! 🙂
This may very well be my favorite post of yours so far. Although I’m a tiny bit intimidated to comment here because I’ve seen your comments on other blogs and they make me feel commently challenged. But I’ll press forward and see what can add.
Your breakdown between the smarts is a great way to gump it down. Personally, I let my people smarts guide me until I increase my Social Media aptitude. But from the sounds of it, I’d have to sacrifice my principles in order to break onto the big scene. I’m not willing to do that Margie – there won’t be any bloody knives in my cupboard (unless it’s self defense). As my blog grows and #SM aptitude increases, I’m going to always remember this post to remind me to always stay people smart… Even if it makes me socially loyal and causes me remain a peon.
This is an excellent article that resonates strongly with me. I’ve seen this happen too many times since I started in the social media world. It’s hard to find people who are both social media and people smart. Those that will be nice to you IRL and online. I too have been bitten which has really made me think twice about what level of engagement I’m willing to commit to when asked by social media “smart” people.
Hey Margorie.
So, I found you through some connections I have made over the last few motns in my online world. This one thanks to my friends on Twitter. I use the term friends not because I know them well but because maybe because I try to see the good in people and inherently trust people until they give me a reason not to. Sorry to hear you have had some real negative experiences.
I agree with Bill and theJackB that people are people on-line or off-line. If someone conducts business in a disrespectful way then they are not worth knowing.
There is no hiding in the social spaces. When somone acts like a dick they need to be called out. Thanks for sharing your story. To me, it’s an important one to tell.