The 4 bits of advice people always give but seldom follow
One thing you get a lot of in the online world is advice. Whether it’s rife with buzz words or filled to the brim with wisdom for the ages, advice seems to be everywhere. In every bloggy nook, in every Twitter cranny, there you will find more advice just waiting for you to uncover it and take it to heart.
There’s a little problem though. A lot of the people offering this advice don’t seem to follow their own advice very often. When you think about engagement, this is a significant problem. Not following your advice can make you look like a hypocrite. It can make people think “do as you say, not as you do” when you pop into a chat. None of these things are good.
There are four bits of advice in particular that are handed out again and again and yet repeatedly violated in the online world, at least from where I’m sitting.
1. Use your best manners online: Maybe I’m just hyper-sensitive, but it seems like a lot of the people who are most eager to point out bad manners in others exhibit many of the same traits themselves. Have you noticed that? If you are going to critique how other people are acting online, you need to be 200% sure that you aren’t also an offender. That means straying away from snark, fights, cheap shots, and other sundry sordid activities.
2. Avoid self-promotion: Oh man. In all of the time that I studied Social Media before I jumped in, this was the #1 piece of advice. Don’t sell. Don’t over-promote yourself. If you do want to promote yourself, make sure you promote other people more. It feels like a lot of the blogs I read and tweets I see these days are nothing but self-promotion, though. So…what happened here? Did people suddenly change their mind and decide, “Oh yeah, I want to be hit by sales calls wherever I go online”? Did it suddenly become acceptable to sell sell sell? I missed the memo!
3. Always Be Transparent: I know, a lot of people have said they are deathly sick of the word transparency, and I have to say that for awhile there, transparency seemed to be the thing everyone aspired to. Nothing is to be hidden, right? The problem is that a lot of people who espouse these ideas are also the ones who use other peoples’ ideas carte blanche. I happen to know this for a fact because, well, some of *my* ideas have been used repeatedly without credit. Which is cool, but if you’re gonna do stuff like that, don’t also say that you’re a proponent of transparency. Because really….you’re not.
4. Give to get: This one really breaks my heart, because when I first started blogging and tweeting, I thought a lot of people were on board with this concept. It certainly was discussed a lot. It seems, though, that the translation of this idea has evolved a bit. Now, instead of “giving to get” over a broad range of people, individuals are giving to a select few and still receiving from a large spectrum of followers, fans, and readers. This gives the impression that you are giving, but really you are just clique building, right? To me, giving to get means spreading the wealth as much as possible, kind of like Robin Hood. Did I get that wrong?
The sad thing is that these 4 recommendations can really improve your online engagement if you live by them. If you just talk about these types of things though, if you just mouth the words, they really lose their meaning. If you talk the talk and don’t walk the walk, it can backfire on you in significant and perhaps unexpected ways down the road.
What do you think? Are you seeing this trend or am I just imagining it?
This is post #76 in the Engagement Series. Thank you for reading!
Image by Erik Hutters. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/erix
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My name is Jim and sometimes when I’m online I self-promote, sell, swear and am snarky.
That being said, your four “guidelines” are a great starting point. I want people to be the same person online as they are face-to-face. For example, if you meet me face-to-face you will hear me swear. I can almost guarantee it. I’m also snarky sometimes. Especially after 5 (if you know what I mean). And, yes, I will try to sell you some stuff online (in an ethical and transparent way).
Make sense in that context?
Absolutely, Jim!
I definitely don’t want to come off as if I’m anti-selling. I understand that people need to conduct business. But as I said to you on Twitter, if you are going to sell or promote, don’t jump on other people who do the same and say, “Oh, that’s just inappropriate.” That’s the kind of thing that gets me.
Hi there!
Being new, I have tried to watch some of the more experienced social media users.
Here is MY interpretation of what I see on a regular basis.
1. Give to get: Some do, ALOT give to their “select few” (cliche)
2. I’m here to help: As long as it benefits me.
3. I want to be friends: As long as I can spam you with my site.
4. You are welcome here: As long as you *sing* my praises, and if not, you’re ignored.
5. Do this, don’t do that < yet they do as they please!
Just a few observations, FORTUNATELY, there are exceptions, the author of
this posting being one!!! :0)
Cindy
Hi Cindy,
Unfortunately, I know what you mean. It didn’t seem like these occurrences were so common when I first started just a year ago…maybe I was a bit too naive, but it really does feel like things have changed over the last 6 months or so. It’s a real bummer. But my hope is that we can keep our chins up and fight these kinds of activities by acting in the opposite fashion.
Thanks Margie – as someone pretty new to a high level of useage of Social Media – I am learning a lot from you – and this is great advice….. Remove the word ‘Media’ and it is a pretty neat 4 strand guide as to how to live your life in general….
Ta – and enjoy your weekend.
Nic
Hi there Nic,
Well thank you. It’s true, a lot of advice for Social Media usage can carry over into real life. It’s all about dealing with people, non? 🙂
Margie,
Like you, I studied social media before I jumped in. Since there were resident “experts” online and I’m not interested in reinventing the wheel, I followed their advice to the “T”. It didn’t work. Cindy nails it with her summary. I invested heavily in promoting people who wouldn’t give me the time of day. After a while, I decided to test different strategies and found one that works for me and my community.
The process has been educational and painful. It is not unusual for me to receive hateful ugly emails because I’ve done something he or she didn’t like as I test different options. Most of the emails come from people who have bought into the “talk” without looking at how others “walk.” I find it interesting and sad that they would attack someone without knowing that person or how much he or she contributes to others.
The trend isn’t new, but people calling attention to it is. Thank you for shining a light on this.
Hi Debra,
Thanks for the support! It’s hard enough being a newbie without all the conflicting
information/signals. I have come across a few who tell you everday! how much
they want YOU to succeed, but what I see is that they actually mean: I want you
to succeed by bringing attention to ME! However, I have to say I have met quite a
few really great people on here, now I have found another 🙂
Cindy @getmeoutnews
Um, you need to send the haters over to me. I don’t understand how anyone could send *You* hate mail at all. Sheesh. That infuriates me.
Danny Brown wrote a post along this bent a few days ago (I just saw it today) and I noted that a few months ago, I probably would have felt very differently about the online phenomenon. I really felt like a lot of people were walking their talk. I don’t know if I was just seeing what I wanted to see or if things have really changed, but my perspective has certainly changed a great deal.
Like you, I am just trying to take the knowledge, which I still believe is/was really good, and use it to the best of my ability. Hopefully it’ll all work out for the best 🙂
Certainly we don’t think we’ll find anything different on/in social media circle than we would anywhere else?
You are who your are, regardless of the surroundings. Gravitate to those you are genuinely comfortable with and you’ll do fine. Work against that and like in real life you’ll just find some level of dissatisfaction.
Hah, very good point, Kyle. The problem is that online, we repeatedly encounter people who have big voices and a big following who do not walk their talk – this creates a frustrating stream to swim against, to say the least. But point taken 🙂
I see this, too Margie. I think at issue is the fact that when we all start out, we can give to people because we don’t know that many : ). But as we grow, we could spend hours upon hours giving, reciprocating and never selling which leads to burn out and bankrupcy. People were espousing a model that they hadn’t tested over the long haul. Now a few years into this “social media as business” we’re realizing that the advice wasn’t tested and not sustainable. Now some ‘gurus’ risk looking foolish by announcing the model doesn’t work, or just shifting and taking the hit for being less-than- transparent.
Let’s face it being popular and transparent isn’t a business strategy. Was it ever? You can be nice, kind, respectful, giving, but you gotta have something people want/need, market it and ask for the sale. Not obnoxiously, but you have to ask and often, or people forget that you’re in business and not really their friend..
This isn’t how off line businesses work, right? I mean they can support a charity, donate to the local little league, take on an intern or two. But they aren’t out on the sidewalk giving their inventory away just to be nice and cool and likable. They are also not telling you to head over to the competition, promoting others more than themselves. They are not. And we dont’ expect it. We know when we walk into the local coffee shop, our wallet will come out. If we get a free sample, we’re thrilled… We know that Starbucks will not send us to Dunkin Donuts, “cause they’re nice guys..” And we don’t expect it.
Business is business and friends are friends. For years we confused them in the online space, but when the rubber hits the road, sometimes we have to choose why we’re in this space and conduct ourselves accordingly. Got to know your goals and go from there.
And if we’re turned off by someone’s brand we have the power to just unplug from them. Easy peasey. If enough people tune out,they’ll change their approach…
That’s a GREAT point, Susan…I might have to riff on this some more. For now, I’ll just add that even if you are doing business online…even if you are promoting a little more or trying a bit more often to make some money, you can still also live by the “give to get” rule. Promoting someone’s post or project, for example, doesn’t take a whole ton of time out of your day. It’s a little thing, but it can make a big difference for someone, even just on an emotional level. And if you do that for different people every day and try to shift it around, you build yourself a community rather than a clique.
Or so it seems to me, anyway 🙂