The Two Rules I Live By
When you come right down to it, my life is guided by two principles.
1. Do no harm to others.
2. Do not sit in silence while others meet harm.
There are no reasonable exceptions to either rule. Whether it is your friend or your enemy, and whether that person is on the receiving end or the giving end, do no harm to others and do not sit idly by while others meet harm.
That is all.
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I’m a re-locator, I don’t even harm bugs anymore. Life is too precious………
You touch on an interesting point however about speaking up. I had two online ‘friends’ get into it last week and whereas the initial intent was support, the recipient took it the wrong way. It got sideways real quick and all I did was take a neutral approach and really didn’t speak up.
I felt bad and probably should have defended friend # 1 more but I could see it was a very touchy situation for friend # 2 so I wasn’t sure if my input would have changed anything. I thought maybe it was best for them to hash it out themselves.
That is the problem online at times, people take things a certain way even when the intent was for good purposes.
Having said that, we all need to do a better job of speaking up when others are being ‘harmed’.
@bdorman264 It can definitely be hard to intercede when people are in the heat of a moment. Rational minds are not often in charge when a negative exchange is going on. I will sometimes send a direct message or an email to the person just saying, “Hey, don’t take it all too seriously” or “If you need to talk let me know.” That way you’re not taking sides but you’re offering support. You also must gauge if the person is okay standing up for themselves. Some people are like cats – they like to do all of the fighting on their own 🙂
@margieclayman Interesting; I did do the DM route……like minds, huh? Easy now, don’t let that scare you………….
I try to make sure i cause no intentional harm. I hurt others accidentally and that is just human nature. As long as our intentions and motives are good, then I think we are alright. There are those who have ill intentions and those are people I have learned to avoid.
After watching the events of this past week, I am stunned at the pure cowardice of some people in pretty high positions. Sadly, these things only give me further proof that my dear Mom was right – there truly is no God if people can be that horrible on purpose.
It makes me sad, but the only thing I can do is make sure I am not causing harm to anyone on purpose, either by action or inaction.
@NancyD68 we all must set our own moral compasses and do the best we can not to stray too far off course. It is almost always something that requires a most gallant effort. As they say, leave this life exhausted 🙂
Margie, ditto that! And also: agree or disagree with issues, not people. Cheers! Kaarina
@KDillabough Great point, but a tough line to dance sometimes!
@margieclayman That’s OK: I love to dance:)
Best post ever…it says it all. Thank you!
@SocialMediaDDS thanks my dear. I doubt that, but thank you 🙂
“Do unto others as you would have do unto you” – positive intentions, some seem to use for negative ones. Great post short, sweet and to the point!
@dabarlow thanks Denise!
Primum non nocere. First, do no harm.
martinamcgowan
@Doc_1 that says it all, doesn’t it? 🙂
Well said! That is all:-)
@suegrimm why thanks!
These two rules are ones that I have tried to live by too but find that they’re not so straightforward. I find that my idea of harming others often does not fit another’s view of this. The result? Others have felt harmed by me whether it was my intention or not. My ownership and self responsibility has been more in “getting” when I harm someone and being willing to stand in the dialogue.
The second rule is just as difficult and I’ve seen it most clearly in parenting. There are times where I have watched him be harmed and chosen to do nothing about it. In groups that I facilitate, it is impossible to interfere and interrupt what I consider harmful moments – in fact – people in the group feel harmed by my efforts to block the actions.
Suffice it to say, these two rules have brought me much investigation and learning – I continue to have them be commitments and guides while knowing that they most often just produce a developmental dynamic tension that thrusts me into inquiry and dialogue with others.
Thanks Margie, I always appreciate the opportunity to express myself inside of your thought leadership – keeps me on the “leading” edge of my own experience…
@qstreet You raise many good points there, Sam. Of course, nothing in life is cut and dry. But if you lead your life guided at least by these two principles, you will have something to benchmark your progress. As you harm people accidentally, you can take note and say, “ah, here’s how I can avoid that next time.” As you meet, exceed, or don’t meet the guideline of watching others meet harm, you can learn from those experiences as well. But if you do not have these concepts front-of-mind, your chances to learn are minimized. Make sense?
Margie,
A long time ago I came across this anecdote:
” There is a story in the Talmud (essentially a very, very long rabbinic discussion of the laws in the Torah) about a heathen who once came to a rabbi named Hillel and asked Hillel to teach him the entire Torah while standing on one foot. Hillel replied, ‘What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor: that is the whole Torah while the rest is commentary; go and learn it.’ ”
Pretty much covers the subject, right?
Judy
Found it!
This means as much to me today, as it has since I read it November 13, 2011.
Thank you, Margie.