Three Ways Social Media Becomes Real
Bill Dorman asked me to write a post about “the new real.” With so much interaction happening online, it seems sometimes like the word “real” is shifting in meaning. Is this the new way we relate to people? Is this the new “real” us?
I’ve been thinking about this question for a long time, but I’ve had a few experiences along the way, happily enough, that have brought me to the answer I’m going to share with you here. That answer is that Social Media is as real as you want it to be. The people you are engaging with are as real as you want them to be.
Path One To Reality: The “This Is Your Life” Factor
One way that Social Media can become very real is when you find someone from your past on Facebook or another platform who you thought that you may never see or talk to again. There are several people like that in my Facebook world. There’s a woman I went to nursery school with. There are people from my high school years that I hadn’t heard from since graduation (one of them turned out to be living in Ghana!). Would we have found each other without Social Media? Maybe. Maybe we would have connected via email or some random phone call. But Social Media makes these kinds of connections so much easier. You search, you hit a button, and away you go.
Is your relationship with that long lost friend any less real because it’s evolving again in an online format? I don’t think so. I think rather that it might be easier to reconnect in this way. You can see right away where your friend is living, if she or he has a family – so many things that it would take a long while to catch up on in “real life.” One way is not better than the other – I miss the “catching up” aspect of friendships these days. But the online world allows you to immediately resume your friendship as if you had been talking to each other all along. That’s pretty neat.
Path Two To Reality: Deepening Your Existing Relationship
Over the weekend, I went to a family reunion to honor Bubba. Bubba, as so many said, was the glue that kept so many of us in each others’ circles (to borrow a phrase from Google Plus). With her gone, we are all unsure how to really keep up with each other. The hub of our news is no longer there. What we said and heard a lot was, “Well, are you on Facebook? Find me on there.” Â Now again, maybe a decade ago we would have been trading email addresses, but you know how that goes. You mean to email, but then do you do those group emails that seem impersonal? Who do you email first or most?
Through Social Media, you can keep up with people without being obtrusive. You can check in with them or not, but they are right there living their lives as you are living yours. It’s kind of like we’re all moving into the same neighborhood. While these connections are happening online, it also means that the next time we see each other, we’ll have much more common ground to meet on. We’ll be able to talk in a way that bespeaks more familiarity. How much more real can you get?
Path Three to Reality: YOU Are Real, and So Am I
I have to admit that when I first signed into Twitter and this blog, I was not looking for friendships or even deep acquaintances. What was on my mind? Learning how all of this crazy stuff works. As I went along reading blogs, I would occasionally see a story about how some people who knew each other from the online world had gotten together and had a great time. They kept saying, “It was like we had known each other forever.”
I must admit – I was skeptical. After all, the online world isn’t “real” life, right?
Actually, I was 100% wrong.
Over the last year or so, I’ve gotten to meet Stanford Smith, Geoff Livingston, Amber Naslund, Lisa Petrilli, Sean McGinnis, and Lisa Diomede in person. I’ve gotten to talk to Mark Schaefer, Joe Ruiz, Jeannette Baer, Daniel Newman and Taariq Lewis, among others, on the phone. In each and every case, there was no feeling on my part that it was going to be kind of weird once we got started talking. It was, as so many have said, as if we had just not seen each other in person for a long time, or talked on the phone with each other for awhile. Or at least that’s how I experienced it…I can’t speak for everyone else 🙂
But that’s what really tells me that the online world is not something other than REAL. All of this communicating you do online is with very real people. If you feel like you’re friends with someone whom you met online, meeting them in person will be a continuation, not something new. It will not seem more REAL. It will just seem better, a little more real time, and a little more 3D.
If I was writing this a year ago, my answer likely would have been along the lines of, “Oh yes, the new real – people aren’t communicating with as much genuine care as they used to it seems.” That’s really not the case though, at least with the people I have met. Real online. Real offline. It’s all a continuous spectrum.
So what do you think about Bill’s question? Is there a new real? What is it? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Image by Michael Faes. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/rolve
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Hi Margie – I agree with “real online. real offline.” When I’m talking with students in my workshops who are nervous about meeting people through their social networks, I tell them, it’s another person on the other end of that computer screen. As long as you are authentic and use your common sense when you share information, you can build honest online relationships. Then I ask them how many of them know their neighbors. Many people say they know a few, but not all. I point back to building relationships is about taking risks to get out there and have conversations – whether that’s online or offline.
The authenticity is a big deal and a great point. If you aren’t being your true self, you’d have good reason to be nervous about meeting people. It’s a lot harder to put on a persona in person, what with all of that real-time, face-to-face stuff!
Great point about taking the risk, too. You can’t get anywhere if you don’t do that!
“Real online Real Off Line” After moving from my howntown of 78 years I found my self three states away-away from life long friends. Communicating with them is very important whether it is on FB-Twitter or email.
The big, big plus is to meet people on social media. Being yourself on and off the network keeps you from getting nervous when you meet an on line person face to face.The most rewarding of all is I have learned so much from people on the network who are willing to share; poems, videos, artwork and yes, even techologies.
For some it might be strictly business but for those like me , it means a lifeline to old friends, family and the new friends on-line.
I had no idea Twitter would rescue me from a dark, winter, Dayton basement, Margie. The banter, the ‘raderie, the friendships, the genuine friendships with total strangers are REAL and dear to me. And, along the way, you dissect these new relationships and realize that perhaps some peeps are not true friends, but true acquaintances journeying a pathway with a common thread called social media.
Gorgeous, Jayme. I feel a post coming on! 🙂
Rock and real, baby……….
Facebook I got early but was afraid to get all in because a lot of my peers thought it was for the kids and just a waste of time. Twitter was a different animal and I basically just ‘existed’ for about 3-4 months. I’ve told this story numerous times, but in a round about way I found @GiniDietrich (who hasn’t, right?) and she welcomed me into her community. This is where I discovered commenting and blogging and she created a monster…….:).
At first it was just looking at the Avatar’s and trying to pick up personalities through the writings and comments. Since then I have had several phone conversations and several Skype calls that make it so much more ‘real’. And like you, there was no awkwardness whatsoever; it was like we were long time friends just catching up.
I think some of my online friends seem more real because I’m talking with them practically every day. They might not bail me out of jail, but they would be interested in the story I would blog about later, huh?
Thanks for picking my topic ma’am; looks like this is Billy week………………
Good to see you.
Ah, so we have Gini to thank (cough, blame) for this:)
Yes, Ms Gini can take credit or blame; if the shoe fits, right. Lately she has her hands full so she doesn’t have time for my silliness, but I’m still lurking………..:)
I was so excited about your post on Danny’s site yesterday, and I knew you would feel even more on the pedestal because I’m talking all about your idea over here 🙂
That’s a funny line – they may not bail you out of jail but they’d love to hear your story. There’s something there I’ll have to think about.
And you’re right – just like we spend more time with our co-workers than with our families, it seems, we talk more to folks online than we probably do here.
Now that I don’t know how to analyze. Probably healthy though, right? 🙂
I think it’s healthy and I’ve been in my current employment for 28+ years so I’ve been seeing a few of these people every day for quite some time. I can’t stand any of them but since this is the internet I’m sure they will never see this………………:). Nah, I luv ’em like family…………….
Margie,
I love this! I got reconnected with my best friend from 4th grade through high school on Facebook and have a whole group of people I was friends with in high school on Facebook.
I have met some great people in person – Chris Brogan, Gini Dietrich, Danny Brown, Scott Ginsberg a/k/a Nametag Scott.
I had the chance to have lunch with Mark Schaefer – what a wonderful man he is. Fantastic storyteller. Just a fantastic human being.
There are other people I would like to meet *ciough* who live in Ohio. 🙂
Anyhow, the really great thing about meeting all of the people I mentioned is that I “knew” them already. Gini gave me the greatest most enthusiastic hug of my life! Meeting her was awesome! 🙂
Hi Nancy,
You’ve met some great people! I would love the chance to get to meet you – it will happen soon, I’m sure!
And you’re right – if you make the effort, you can really get to know people online. But you do have to make that effort, and that’s a scary first step to take for some folks, I think.
Thanks for the comment!
People are people and are real online and off. We have to keep in mind that social media is just a platform, like a phone. Do we think people are less real on the phone?
But a lot of it also depends on how real you allow yourself to be online.
When I met some of my Third Tribe pals in person last year, we started conversations in the middle, “Remember when we talked about…?” “What happened to that project?” We had developed a relationship online and it moved seemlessly offline.
That’s because these folks chose to be real to me before we met face-to-face and made that same choice. It’s worked out great for so many relationships I have now that I would have missed out on otherwise.
Now I just have to find a way to meet you in person, Ms. Margie!
Hi Doktah Gee!
Always lovely to see your smiling face over here!
Yes, that’s how it was when I met these folks online. Conversations we had online suddenly became enriched by being able to talk about them in real time, face-to-face. I got to hear vocal intonations, I got to see facial expressions, and most importantly, I got to HEAR laughter! Boy does that make a difference!
I would love to meet you, Susan. Truly!
Hey Margie,
I’ve connected with many, many people online that I found interesting, funny or even provocative and forged a digital “friendship” of sorts.
I’ve had the good fortune to meet so many of them in person due to my conference and business travels where I feel I’ve “confirmed” the friendship with some. Others did not live up to the expectation of what they presented themselves to be or my perception of who they were or what drew me to them in the digital world.
People are selective with what they share online – putting on their Sunday-best knowing everyone will be watching. It’s like a cocktail party. You dress up, mingle, make small talk avoiding religion and politics and hope to find at least one person who is really interesting. Are the people you meet at a cocktail party – but never really get to know personally – real? Does it even matter?
Social Media is like that cocktail party to me. Is it real? Not sure. Don’t care. The reality is that every connection you make in life, online or off is a chance to learn something, better yourself or expand your horizons.
I say take advantage.
@samfiorella
That’s a great point and analogy, Sam. We are on our best behavior – but I think a lot of people are able to get their core being out here on the interwebs. The little details don’t matter so much unless you’re hiding a monstrous personality. That would be kind of a bummer.
I really do feel like you, Jeff, Brandie and I could make each other laugh till we dropped though. I want to see it happen! 🙂
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