I decided to plop down for some much deserved relaxation (if I might say) to discover that the Family Channel, in an effort to count down to its 25-day countdown to Christmas, is showing yet another Harry Potter marathon. There’s nothing too spectacular about that – it seems they show a Potter marathon every month at some point. However, in watching tonight, a particular line jumped out at me. It’s a line from Dumbledore.
“It is not our abilities that make us who we are. It is the choices we make.”
Could there be a more apropos statement about the world of social media?
The Abilities We Admire
If you look at a lot of the most well-respected and/or most popular people in the online world, they all share many of the same abilities. Think about it for a moment. They are good writers. They are good at simplifying the difficult and talking about things ahead of the curve. They are charismatic and can make you feel like they are talking to you (and only you). They can make you feel really special and thus can guide you to do things that help them in return (some might call this being manipulative, but manipulation is still an ability).
If you bring these abilities to the online world, you may define yourself as an up and coming star. It may seem like the way is paved with gold for you and that you have no choice but to head towards 100 million followers, 2 million Facebook fans, and, well, Google numbers of people circling you on Google Plus. Like King Midas, it can seem like anything you touch in the online world can turn into gold and magic.
Abilities can take you pretty far. There’s no question about it. But we define what abilities are special and what abilities will go without recognition. These abilities are in the eyes of beholders. We do not really define ourselves by our abilities, in the end. Rather, it is the choices we make that define us.
Infinite choices
Consider the following comparison. There are two people standing side by side. Both are great writers. Both are charismatic. Both can entice people to think in new ways. One of our guinea pigs opts to use these abilities to help out people and spread positivity. The other chooses to spread negativity and uses their abilities to create controversy and discontented masses.
Do you define both people as merely good writers, or does the latter person become known as “the troublemaker” or the “troll”? Does the first person merely remain “a good writer” or do they become “that helpful person”?
We are focusing on the wrong things
Every day in the online world, we concentrate on abilities. How can you write so that you get more comments? How can you hone your Twitter strategy so that you get more followers? How can you make the most out of Facebook pages or Twitter chats?
But these are all abilities. Mastering these skills brings us into a certain category in the eyes of others. What defines us? What differentiates us?
Our choices. Our decision regarding what to do with all of those followers. Our methodology for how to deal with our blog community. Our rationale for following back or talking to some people and not others. Our theorizing that spreading kindness is more valuable than spreading hurt, or vise versa.
The online world as a whole (and I count myself quite guilty in this) is stuck in the first step, at that first rung of the ladder. We are helping each other to increasingly high levels of abilities, but we are not assisting each other in dealing with those abilities. What do you do when your abilities bring you to a point of online celebrity? How do you decide how to treat those who hang on your bloggy coattails? These are things that people do not talk about, but ultimately, all of our online legacies depend on this second and most important facet of what we are doing here.
People can learn to write well. People can learn to fit pretty profound things into 140 characters. But choices, every day and with every bit of content you send out into the world, well, those are the things that people will remember about you in the end. They will not remember that your grammar was spot on or that you got retweeted a lot. They will remember what you did with those abilities. They will define us as we define ourselves – by the choices we make, not the abilities we hoard and nurture.
Don’t you think?
Image by B Cleary. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/br0
Another thought provoking post, Margie…maybe not as cranial as “When Things Smell Bad” but got me thinking just the same 🙂 “What we are doing here?” We are all social by nature and that’s why many of us gravitate to these platforms. Others have a specific agenda, i.e. selling a book, gaining an audience for their blog, coaching us about life, etc… I have personally met and befriended some wonderful folks in the online world, yourself included. Best, John
@JohnFeskorn Thanks, John. Well, I can’t be that deep and cerebral all the time, right? 🙂
I have watched you struggle and have admired your willingness to step out and talk about the things that concern you. Today you are right on point. It’s the choices we make not just online, but in life. I was just getting started and then was stopped dead in my tracks. I am a Penn State alum and former employee and I have had the most gut-wrenching week. I thought what I had to say was so insignificant and considered of walking away. But we all play a part in this world and we all have choices to make. While I feel great horror to see how many people ignored when things “smelled bad” at Penn State, I found comfort in reading blogs and seeing people express their feelings through social media and validating what I was feeling. And I believe it will be through social media and other avenues that we will find a way to heal. That is pretty amazing and makes not giving up on social media important to me. So thank you for not giving up. What you share helps more people than you know. We each have a voice and I agree, it’s about the choices we make and we should make them with care.
@suegrimm Thank you, Sue. I’m very sorry you’re going through that hardship. It is hard to imagine on so many levels.
I am glad you left this comment. I really appreciate it!
I had to read this post after I had coffee 🙂 There is a lot here, and I think one of the most important points is that we do sometimes need help with the choices we make as we encounter “success” or ‘failure”
I find it much harder to deal with success. I had a talk with a friend that reminded me that pride in what I have been able to accomplish in a short amount of time is not a bad thing. I need to remember that saying I am attaining some of my goals can give others a much needed boost.
I also need to not beat myself up too badly if I screw something up. My mistakes are often my best teachers. It is learning to choose wisely, and navigate the minefield of life and the internet that can seem a too big task on some days. This is why I have people in my life like you.
@NancyD68 You’re far too kind, Nancy. And you are far too right, too! The choice to be proud in your accomplishments does not have to be a choice to be prideful or selfish. The choice to learn from one’s mistakes does not have to translate into simmering in that sense of failure for days and months and years. It’s all a delicate balance, but it is those choices, not your abilities, that guide you in the end. Or at least so it seems to me!
Life is all about choices and the consequences of them, they define us. I try to align 3 areas before making a choice. Head, Heart, Gut; all 3 must be in alignment (feel comfortable) with my decision. The choices I’ve made where these 3 aren’t in alignment I have had hard lessons learned. Margie, I always enjoy reading your post; they make us think! Thank You!
@dabarlow Head heart and gut sounds just right to me, Denise.
Thanks for your comment – I appreciate your kind words, as always 🙂
Yes, I think it will be a good thing not to remember me by my grammar………:). Have I told you the story about how indifferent I was as a high school student? After 3 years in the Army and having the opportunity to go back to school, I jumped on it but man, was I woefully unprepared. I REALLY had to pay attention in class, but that was a good thing because I’m not always a pay attention kind of guy; I’m the ‘fun’ guy remember……..
I don’t know how I got off on that story unless it was to talk about myself some more and some attempt to be humorous. Maybe there was a lesson in there somewhere.
I think it takes all types to play in this arena and we can pick and choose who we ‘associate’ with. I try to have some diversity just because. I use all experiences, good and bad, to help shape who I am.
Oh, now I remember the point I was trying to make. I think I have ‘enough’ abilities to do a lot of things, but I concur it is the choices you make that ultimately defines you. I want to be outward thinking as much as possible so when we interact you can leave and feel it was a good experience; hopefully I put a smile on your face, made you feel good about something, or gave you something good to think about.
Wow, I sure can talk about me can’t I? I don’t even know if I stayed on track enough to engage properly with my comments. Hmmmm……I did like your post and I certainly know what you are saying. I will say this, in the online world the only thing I really focus on is being myself and just letting everything else take care of itself. If the job requires just ‘showing up’ I seem to be able to do that quite well.
Hopefully I didn’t kill your post here, I think I got carried away.
“One of our guinea pigs opts to use these abilities to help out people and spread positivity. The other chooses to spread negativity and uses their abilities to create controversy and discontented masses.”
Good way to put it!
It might appear to be rash to someone who doesn’t know what I value, but I immediately run from bullies or people who put a negative spin on things instead of looking for common ground and something positive and uplifting.
With power comes responsibility. But power is blinding, too!