Pretty early on in my online career, like, a year ago, I was fortunate to meet a lot of great people, mostly because of all of the chats I participated in. I found a way to tie these people together on a daily basis so that they evolved into my online community, and a great community it was! And is, I should note. However, something interesting happened with this particular group of people. They started sort of clotting together into different groups. In the online world we call them tribes a lot of times. In the world of Twitter they’re grouped together under the same hashtag.
As these individual groups started growing, I noticed that people who used those hashtags all of the time stopped talking to me as regularly as they once had. I noticed that I seldom saw them tweet anything without that hashtag after it. For awhile, I played along, but then I realized that once you start participating in a tightly knit group like that, you stop looking at your home feed. Your primary focus is just on that hashtag. Who is entering it, who is contributing to it – these things become your primary focus. If people don’t use that hashtag, you simply don’t see them anymore.
I didn’t like that idea.
For a little while after I made that realization I would occasionally pop in and use the hashtag to converse with people. But then something even more interesting happened. The community that had been building so closely under that hashtag started to become really overpowered with drama, direct messages, rumor mills, and general unpleasantness. I found myself not wanting to be affiliated with the hashtag because it was starting to feel like a symbol of general chaos and ickiness, as sad as that was. So, I basically stopped using the hashtag altogether and worked to maintain my individual friendships with the people that had gotten involved with the group.
In a different dimension
A year later, I have absolutely no regrets. This is not to say that these online tribes are bad. In fact, a lot of these communities build around really great ideas and really great messages. But here’s what I want you to consider.
In a different dimension, if I had started using just that hashtag at the exclusion of most other things and then gotten disenchanted with that hashtag, as I likely still would have, what would I have done? It’s the old case of putting all of your eggs into one basket. Yes, when you are in a tightly-knit community there are tons of advantages. Your posts may get shared more often. You can band around people who are having a hard time. You know there is a force out there supporting you. But if you put everything you have into just that community and that community later falls apart, what do you have left?
People in the online world do not stick around waiting for you to come back and say, “Hey, let’s be best pals.” A day is practically an eternity in a lot of ways. Abandoning the world at large in favor of a single group is painting yourself into a corner.
Hidden Agendas
There is another caution I’d throw out there when it comes to online groups or “tribes,” especially as they exist on Twitter. I’ve seen it happen a lot. As a group starts to get big and get noticed, suddenly it’s not just a group of friends. Suddenly there is a sense that maybe this is something that could give people fame and notoriety. Maybe this is something that could get you on a social media panel at a big show. Maybe this is something that could help your brand and/or your business. When these thoughts start going through peoples’ heads, the idea of community moves on back to the rear of the vehicle. A power struggle ensues and the community gets confused about what is going on. What is this power grab all about? A lot of people can get hurt, and again, if the community is all you banked on, you can end up out in the Twittery cold.
Sometimes too, a person will be promoted within the group or excluded from the group because of one person’s feelings. Is that what adults who are professionals in the great big world need to be worrying about? To me, participating in these close-knit groups is an invitation for trouble just because of the way people are and the way people work within the online world.
Just like high school
I know that some people will take issue with this, but to me, the concept of “tribe” in the online world is really quite similar to the high school clique. Each community or tribe gets its ringleaders, its traditions, its little idiosyncrasies that make it different. If you don’t want to go along with the dance, you will be subtly blocked out. If you opt not to participate in these groups, you will not get the same kind of support that people in those groups get. Like everything in life, it’s a question of what you want to have and what you’re willing to trade.
I have always been happy as the floating friend. I can jump into and out of a lot of groups and yet not remain tied to them. I can offer exchanges with all sorts of people because I keep my view of the online world big and unlimited. Is it the right way to go? No, I can’t say that. Is it the better way to go? Can’t really say that either. Would I advise you to take this road?
Yes, I would.
What do you think?
Image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/aigle_dore/4044211790 via Creative Commons
@margieclayman I’ve wondered a lot about this and think you can miss out on great opportunities by being too closely tied to one group. I found that recently in the off-line world when I got involved with a business group. While I enjoyed the people, and still do, I found the group started to form the agenda for my business and I was getting referrals, but they weren’t what I wanted or needed. Since I always believe in gratitude when people try to help me, it made for a very uncomfortable situation. It wasn’t intentional or out of ill-will, but I learned a big lesson about staying connected but not tied exclusively. This is precisely why I decided to start building toward an online effort. It’s funny to see it exists everywhere because I have made a pledge for 2012 that I was going to pursue things the way I felt was right for me and not allow that to happen again. Needless to say, I’ve come back to online after taking a bit of time to clear my head on the other matters I’ve written about here and this post was yet another one that helped me see I’m not alone in my thinking. Thanks for that.
@suegrimm Thanks Sue. Yep, the same thing can most certainly happen in the offline world as well. We get so interested in talking to and hanging out with people who think like us and live like us…pretty soon it can become almost cult-like, and that gets really dangerous and really limiting. It’s always nice to have a little tunnel where you can peek out and see what else is going on. At least in my opinion 🙂
I remember when you went through this process! It’s so important not to get tunnel vision, or caught up in the frenzy of a tribe. I only heard about the drama after the fact. Missed it all actually and was blissfully unaware. But as time went on, I found the conversation too random, hard to follow. Hard to add value to so I drifted away. And looked on with interest to see how it would evolve. I see the same sorts of things happen all the time in the business world and spend a lot of time at observation. Well said and I must say I’ve watched you since we met in I think #imcchat evolve in the space – and the impact you’ve made on so many. Thanks!
@pprothe Ah Patrick. What would I do without ya? 🙂
I think you are absolutely so right on! I know a very similar group and even got sucked in on the drama, but finally looked at myself and thought, “What the hell am I doing?” I actually contributed to the mess! Luckily, I pulled back but not out, and still have very close friendship with lots of the folks. Quite a few I have met in person, and each was exactly as I knew they’d be! Apparently one <em>can</em> get to know others pretty darn well online. (I’ve known that for 20 years…I’ve made friends for life all around the world.)
But it’s good to read your story hear and coolly follow the steps you went through. We’re all different, but groups, online and off, are almost always very similar. The same stages of growth, realization, dismay, everything—seems to happen in both. Then the group changes, or doesn’t, and often that determines its viability.
I wish absolutely everyone I met there or may meet there well, but I’ll never again get so totally attached to <em>one</em> community. There is too much out there to learn, too many fantastic people with my divergent interests, and way too much to do to become petty about things that really shouldn’t be first on my mind. Another great post, Margie C! 🙂
@Almost60Really Thanks Paula! Yes, there can definitely be a lot of benefits to becoming connected to a group. And there’s nothing wrong with that, certainly. But only connecting to one group…that can make us downright weird 🙂 And we may not even realize it!
Margie, it’s so uncanny how I think these things then they appear on your blog. I’m really starting to think you can read my mind.
I’m unaffiliated too. Well, except for the #BA75. I’ve tried hashtagging and working on the tribe thing but it’s so difficult. I felt like the new girl at school who didn’t wear the right clothes or say the right things. I tell my husband I’m too old to fell like I’m going through rush week at college.
@saving4someday Well, those sensor buttons I installed into your brain are just going gangbusters 🙂
I’m sorry your experiences haven’t been pleasant. That is a great danger, and something I’m not sure groups realize as they go along, sadly enough.
BINGOOOOOOO!!!!!! 🙂
@belllindsay thanks lady 🙂
Just like high school–yes. Compelling topic, Margie. I’m mixed on this one. I haven’t done the #thing, but I do have a small and close knit group (mostly therapists) who I hang with online. I love the camaraderie and support. We keep things small.
I think relationships take time, and the key is to find those peeps who are genuine. I think we all have an agenda, and that’s not such a bad thing as long as you’re upfront about it. For some it may be spreading their message (whatever that may be), while for others it’s fame and $.
We’re wired to connect (pardon the pun).
@LindaEsposito Hi Linda! Your case is like Ken’s. I think in your case talking to and commiserating with other people in your field would be extremely valuable. *however* would you only want to talk to people in your field? It’s nice to have family and friends in the offline world who have no idea what our jobs are like so we can complain to them and they can just laugh at us, right? I think the same sort of thing is highly achievable and highly valuable in the online world.
Yep. My thoughts exactly.
I’m starting to feel that way about politics too. We need to focus outward, not inward.
@Biebert Don’t even get me started on politics 🙂
Very well said, and in a very mature fashion. Nice job!
@geoffliving Thanks, Geoff!
I’m affiliated. I readily admit. My Spidey sense tells me my affiliation may be (in)directly associated to the subject of Margie’s great post.
I retain the affiliation because, to me, it represents something that I can represent as welcoming and positive to those I interact with. Because that’s how I was treated when I began my affiliation.
I serve an alternative opinion to Margie: as long as your affiliation doesn’t manifest into assimilation, and remains a open-minded, open-ended association, an affiliation has value. At least mine does, anyway.
All that being said, Ms. Clayman: I hope by now you know I value your opinion highly. Thank you for sharing your incredibly worthwhile perspective once again.
@sumnermusolf your spidey sense may be right…I’ll never tell 🙂
Here’s the thing. I see you and many other folks communicating with folks like me who are unaffiliated, so you and I are already on the same page. The folks I worry about are the ones who start using a hashtag, start monitoring the hashtag, and then never peek out again. I think that can be very limiting in a lot of different ways.
Well said, Margie, as always.
It is very much like High School. I have seen some people discarded, ignored, their sanity questioned, etc.
I tweet with and without, depends on the topic. My most frequent hash is #quote…go figure.
No, this is not how intelligent, and supposedly worldly adults should be acting.
So, much like high school, when the crowd is going somewhere you don’t want to be, move away.
Actually, even easier than high school…you don’t have to show up, block, delete, don’t read, stop going to the chat.
Above all else, guard your heart and mind.
@martinamcgowan
@Doc_1 As always, I love your perspective and your comment. Being true to yourself is the key in all things, of course. And if sticking with one group and one group alone suits your needs, go for it. However, after watching these online trends, I thought I’d just put out a bit of a wee warning 🙂
@margieclayman@Doc_1
It is an excellent warning. I am not sure people stop to see what’s going on around them. Or, perhaps its the need to belong to the “cool kids” club.
You are correct. It is about being true to ourselves, figuring out where we fit in, and recognizing when we don’t. As I said, I have seen people hurt trying to get in where they don’t fit in. I have seen people maligned after leaving chats.
It is a good and needed caution you have tried to pass along. I hope more will take it to heart.
@martinamcgowan
Margie –
There is nothing wrong with affiliation. People are affiliated with groups their entire life. Whether it is work, school, bowling leagues, #UsGuys, 12Most, politics, family, religion, motorcycle clubs, sewing clubs, Linkedin groups, etc. However, one needs to realize that there is more to life than one affiliation. And, people should interact with the affiliated folks outside the affiliations. Heck, this is the main reason for an affiliation – to meet people.
People need to be a living Venn diagram and intersect / interact with many groups and many people. The only people who are affiliated with one group are those who belong to cults and this is just plain unhealthy.
@spofcher Steven, I love your analysis. You’ve expressed the way that I feel, far better than I could have. Margie, great thought provoking post.
@DeanClevett Dean – Thanks for the kind words.
Margie- both you and the blog are both awesome! It got the brain juices flowing.
@DeanClevett@spofcher I am definitely not against affiliation. I would say a lot of people consider me affiliated with them and/or their groups, and I would feel the same way. However, I am not strictly defined by any one of those people or groups, and that is the difference I’m trying to delineate. If you affiliate solely with one group, you are really putting all of your eggs into one basket. If that basket drops, your social media life is going to get a heckuva lot tougher.
@margieclayman@spofcher Margie, you’re right. A lot of tribes / groups would be happy to include you in their numbers. Like IRL, most of us have more than one affiliation; and as you point out, whether in the physical world or the digital world, having only one affiliation is limiting and unnecessary.
I like many, have multiple affiliations in IRL: professional engineer, family member, friend, employee, board director, committee member, volunteer, etc. The same applies in cyberspace as well. Often there is overlap between different IRL and cyberspace affiliations. I believe that most people are similar in this respect.
I like the way that stephencaggiano describes his primary affiliations: “#God, #Family, #SocialMedia, #Wine, #Food, #UsGuys #Nightshift & #PIF”. It enables people to see his priorities, but doesn’t limit him.
Good for you, Margie. You be the best you, not the best member of something that isn’t always you. 🙂
@BrandonPDuncan I will do my best, sir 🙂 Thank you!
Definitely sounds like a symptom of the dunbar number. We can only manage so many relationships at a time before we start to lose touch with some of our friends. I think being a floating friend is a great road. The people who often get the most out of life are those who are social chameleons and can easily bounce between networks of people and help other build relationships. It’s easy to be a little myopic about your capabilities when you have a small network, but having a friend like you can broaden the horizons of many people.
@ArthurAnswers I love that phrase “broadening the horizons.” Isn’t that the great untold potential of the online world? I have the chance to talk to people all over the world, right here at my fingertips. I can talk to people of different religious beliefs, different lifestyles, different everythings. That’s pretty neat. To me, if you don’t take advantage of that, it’s like going to a wonderful bakery and only ordering the same cookie every single time. Try the torte 🙂
As always @margieclayman you have provided thoughtful insight into a topic that may be a bit “sensitive” for people to want to discuss. I AM reminded of high school in the clique formations that I see throughout social media. It was petty, silly and often hurtful back then and it remains petty, silly and often hurtful now. The difference is (should be) that we are all grown ups now and should be WAY beyond that silly pettiness of clique-dom. Ah…but power and prestige are as seductive to a 40 something as they are to a teenager. Human nature I suppose…not an excuse….just a sad reality. I love using fun hashtags….not the ones that tie me into a group but the ones that I make up for giggles…todays hashtag of note was #chipmunkcheeks Bet there are no A-listers in the #chipmunkcheek group 😉
Thanks for another (reliably so) great post margieclayman ….I always look forward to your posts
#Claudia (very popular affiliation 😉
@SocialMediaDDS Thanks #Claudia!
There are, of course, a lot of cliques in the online world that do not use hashtags too. They are the harder ones to identify, and sometimes the only way to identify them is to run smack into them, which can be painful. Same is true for the offline world, of course. It’s all very silly.
I intentionally float between groups online. I am a “member” of many by virtue of interest but I try not to take it all too seriously. Life is too short.
@TheJackB Fer Shizzle!
Sometimes, I think you must live in a plastic bubble. Seriously. Why would anyone think an online “community” would be any different than in the “real world”? Do people suddenly change who they are upon logging in to twitter? It doesn’t matter how many times you ring a tribal bell – people are people. They covet, deceive, pose, lie,
Sometimes, I think you must live in a plastic bubble. Seriously. Why would anyone think an online “community” would be any different than in the “real world”? Do people suddenly change who they are upon logging in to twitter? It doesn’t matter how many times you ring a tribal bell – people are people. If you’re lucky, you get to meet a few good ones before you die. Think maybe you need to start accepting that, yes?
I enjoyed reading this Margie, but that’s typically the case with your stuff.
Personally, I think there is a happy medium here. I think it’s possible to be affiliated with some groups, but also stay open to what’s happening out there. It really doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
To me though, it always goes back to goals. Heck, everything we read and write about practically goes back to goals.
If being an affiliate to a group gets on closer to their goals, then that is great.
If affiliation takes us away from our goals (due to drama, distraction, myopic points of view, etc), then it’s time to move on. I think if people really understood what they were all about and their goals, the high school issues wouldn’t occur nearly as much.
Marcus
@Marcus_Sheridan Thanks, Marcus :)You are right. In some cases, as Ken said, strict affiliations may be really helpful, particularly if you are in a niche business. But even there, I think talking to people outside of your business frame can be helpful and useful. It offers the people in your business circle a chance to see other sides of you, other interests. And that can make you more interesting to do business with. Well, depending on what those other interests are 🙂
One of my strengths is being able to blend with the crowd I happen to be in. Early on I seemed to be running hard w/ the PR crowd but that was mainly because I started at the top w/ Gini. And whereas I still get useful information from that group and I enjoy Gini like everyone else does, I did move on and really have no group affiliation. I do like ‘engaging’ top to bottom and also like being open minded. Does this mean I might not attract certain people or get a certain amount of attention; probably so, but I’m much more comfortable being a ‘free agent’.
Right now, to me it is keeping it sustainable and fun. If I can do that, everything else will work it’s way out.
@bdorman264 I also like being a free agent, as you say. I enjoy the fact that I can talk to people who have huge followings as much as I can talk to people who just started tweeting. I like that some folks who comment on my blog posts have been blogging for years while others do not yet have a blog. It offers and ensures different perspectives, and to me, that’s one of the great gifts of social media.
Margie,
I enjoy your writing style so much, sometimes whether I agree with specifics matters a good deal less to me.
I don’t know if #UsGuys is one of the hashtags to which you’re alluding, but I’ve heard comments like this about that tag. And I’m instantly of two minds. First, maybe I’m just dense or blind to drama, but I’ve rarely seen anything that could elevate to the point of affecting anything I did. Second, if stuff like this does happen, I suppose my reaction is a slightly less spiney version of @danperezfilms (as it often is): hope for the best while expecting and ignoring a few annoying characters.
My interest in the more substantive flows within the #UsGuys stream–as well as hashtag streams like #BizForum or even #mktg–is time efficiency. Social media, for me, is about fun and learning, but it’s in the context of my work. I’ve gone out of my way to only follow people with common interests (not people with whom I agree, but who share common fields of interest). And by staying pretty close to my knitting, I’ve tried to cultivate the same in those who follow me. If a hashtag concentrates more on things in my domain, it has value.
To be clear, that’s because when I’m on Twitter, I’m at work. If this weren’t true, my *personal* desire might well be for breadth above all things. In that case, I’d want more of my eye-share on my main stream.
All this is to say, if you set aside childish drama, I don’t think this is about hashtags being good or bad…I think it’s about how they fit into your goals. If all hashtag groups WERE dominated by distracting drama, I’d drop them too. But either I’ve been lucky enough to avoid those times…or I just don’t notice them.
I do know I miss seeing you and hearing your thoughts in the steams I do visit.
Cheers,
Ken
@ken_rosen I greatly enjoy Margie’s writing style as well. I may not always agree, but they are always thought-proving.
@spofcher@ken_rosen Thanks for your kind words, gents 🙂
@ken_rosen Hi Ken. Very well stated, as per usual.
It’s important to note that i’m not anti-hashtag – I use them a lot. However, it is my opinion that if you become 100% wrapped up in any one group, whether online or offline, you can really paint yourself into a corner. In the case of the #usguys hashtag, my only real complaint is that the community overtook the desire to communicate with those who might not use the hashtag 100% of the time. If you do not use the hashtag all or most of the time, you become less of a priority than those always in the conversation.
For the people always in the conversation, if things go sour for them (and this is true for any community) and they have cut off other options, what is the next step?
That’s all I’m sayin. 🙂
I think Tweet Diner was fun. Virtual food and discussion. I think once it became too controlled it lost its zest, but of course you’ll disagree with me Margie, although I bet some others wouldn’t:)
Well, cliques aren’t too bad 🙂 After all, it is always good to have a group to return too after all the socializing around and chats are a great way to meet new people. I guess the trick lies in how one goes about being social using online platforms. If they’re doing it the Margie way, they’re probably doing it right 😉