Sometimes, when a birthday comes, you look back on the last year of your life and you think, “Yikes. Good riddance! Now how can this new year possibly be any worse?”
Other times, you think, “This year was great and I can’t wait to see what’s coming next.”
That’s this birthday for me.
This past year saw a lot of “nevers” become “possibles.” It saw a lot of “can’ts” become “dids.” It saw a lot of “somedays” become visible through a rear-view mirror.
Of course, many of these things would not have happened but for family and the best of friends. They know who they are. Many of these things would not have happened but for you, too.
I leave one year and enter the next feeling the most optimistic, the most lucky, yes, the most blessed, than I have felt throughout my adult life.
As of a few hours ago, this message was going to simply be this. A thank you. A note that sometimes things can take a turn for the better. A note that hope can pop in the weirdest places, if you just keep your eyes open for it.
My feelings of optimism, however, are in stark contrast to the news the online world received today regarding the passing of Mr. Trey Pennington. It is hard to lose someone under any circumstances, but when you hear that someone has ended his or her own life, it sharpens the picture in our own lives. What are we missing in other people? What can we do to alter the path that the people we care about are traveling? Can we do anything?
As we approach the ten-year anniversary of 9/11, the word that keeps coming back to me is love. We need to love each other better. And I don’t mean sloppy kisses and bear hugs love. I mean asking how someone is doing even if you don’t feel great yourself. I mean trying to make someone smile even when they have tears running down their cheeks. I mean reaching out and saying “How are ya” to someone you haven’t talked to in awhile. I mean telling people, in whatever means you can, that they make a difference to you.
When given the choice, I err on the side of showing people too much, too often, that I care. A lot of people roll their eyes at me. “Yes, Margie, no need to get mushy.” But why not irritate people with that nonsense rather than leave them wondering if they register on your mind or in your heart?
This will be a very tough week for so many, between coping with the passing of a great man and then on the other end of the week remembering all of those whose lives also ended inexplicably and for reasons we will never understand. What better time to tell everyone you love that you love them? What better time to tell the people who have made a difference for you that you know they did and do.
This week, give yourself a present and that will be the best present for me. Call that friend you’ve been meaning to call. Give that cousin a hug the next time you see her. Go visit your parents or your siblings. Think about the people who construct the texture of your life, and make sure they all know that you care. Write a post about someone who may not know how much they mean to you. Make a phone call. Relish the fact that those people are still around, and treasure them. This week, we all need to remember how lucky we really are. In these dark days, spread a little sunshine.
It can get better. Hang in there.
Image by Crystal Church. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/twitchtoo
Happy Birthday Margie! 🙂 http://youtu.be/jbdmXAwTIt4
And Remembering/Quoting Trey Pennington … “You Have A Story … The World NEEDS Your Story”
http://youtu.be/cEK3bJOe3jo
Thank you for adding such great responses, Cate. Your response about Trey is very true and very touching.
I like it when people give away their birthday to others. Too many make the day all about them. Just my outsides looking in.
I do what I can, RoofRoof.
I loved Rufus comment before mine.
Margie you are always spreading sunshine I wish I did a little more of that myself.
You have made me smile so many times since I met you and I really appreciate it. On many occasions I you have brightened my day when it was a bit dark.
So many are going through tough times and many keep quiet about it. It is very frustrating to see how things get clearly out of hand in one person’s mind when just by getting help it can quickly be fixed or at least temporarily soothed. In my case I have learned that when you need help it is ok to scream for help no matter what situation.
I exchanged multiple conversations with Trey and I will miss them.
Have an awesome birthday from me, Daniela and Lucy.
If I could switch the order of comments, I’d make yours first 🙂
Are you kidding? You’re always making me and many others smile, Raul. Do not ever underestimate the effect, the great effect, that you have on others. You are a treasure.
Margie,
I have always loved the month of September. To me it represents new beginnings, renewal. Today I have one more reason to like September – a celebration of your birth and life.
Renew…
Judy
Thanks so much, Judy. I like September pretty well too. I’m glad I’m a September baby 🙂
First, happy birthday Margie. I love that you have had a year that has brought you much joy and great “gifts”…may that trend continue into the next year of your journey!
Second, your acknowledgement about the importance of making sure that the people that are important to us in our lives KNOW that they are important is timely and powerful. It often takes tragedies like the untimely death of Trey Pennington and the horrific 9.11.2001 event to shake us up a bit and remind us not only of our mortality but of the preciousness of the life and loves that we have and take for granted. Your suggestion to tell our love circles just how special they are to us is smart and hopefully, will be taken to heart by many.
Claudia
Thanks Claudia. Unfortunately, my life has taught me that nothing can be taken for granted – including the people who make up our everyday lives. Maybe I’m fortunate in that regard actually. But yes, I think especially at times like these, it’s important to hold the ones you love especially close.
Margie, these are the “best birthday” words ever… acknowledge the difference people make in your life. Margie y our birthday is such a gift to us all.
Gosh, thanks Kat. I don’t know what to say to that except thank you. ((hugs))
It really shows what am amazing human being you are Margie. I agree we need to love each other a bit more. I have been the one to call people who were having a tough time just to see how they were. It matters to them and it matters to me. The news yesterday had me crying off and on the rest of the afternoon. I blogged about it in a roundabout kind of way. My life was saved 14 years ago Friday. I got that second chance so many do not get. I will always be grateful for that.
You are a marvelous light in this sometimes crazy online world. I hope that this next year is even better than your last year!
Aw Nancy. I’m so glad, so very glad, you’re here. The world is a better place for having you in it.
Happy Birthday and thanks for sharing your love with us. I’m like you, often show my feelings too openly,honestly and some people get freaked out. Well, at least they know I care : ). The thing is, you can never love another person “too much.” Life is hard and we need to look out for one another – online and off. Thanks for being you, Margie. I love you!
I love ya right back, Susan. I have so much respect for you and am so glad I get to call you friend. What kind of lucky booger am I??
Thank you 🙂
Margie,
I agree with your post about being there for others with one minor caveat. I did not know Trey Pennington at all. Still, I feel comfortable in suggesting that whatever drove him to take his life could not have been mitigated by his friends. So yes reach out to help others, but don’t carry a suicide on your back. Oh and happy birthday and give ’em hell this year.
Hi Barry,
I am very concerned that a lot of people in the online community feel that they could or should have done something to prevent this. That kind of guilt is very very hard to bear and very difficult to shake off. I hope that that feeling can subside sometime soon.
And thank you for the birthday wishes. I appreciate it!
I hope you had a great birthday. Sometimes I have to force myself to slow down and appreciate my surrounding and the people in it. You never know when someone you care for will just be gone so it is always a good thing to make sure you reach out when you do have the opportunity.
The more you can be thankful for what you do have the more it allows you to live within the moment. Life is short, enjoy the journey and don’t be left with a lot of ‘what ifs’.