I’m calling you out
I saw a post over the weekend that really had me thinking I was living in a Monty Python film. Here’s the jist of what it was about.
Someone made a tweet.
Another person saw the tweet and called the first person out because they felt something was wrong with the tweet.
So then, according to this post, a third person called out the second person, saying they really shouldn’t have called out the first person.
The post itself was kind of calling out all 3 people.
Really? Are we all on a playground and really interested in pushing, shoving, and then telling on each other? Um, like, totally yuck.
So, that’s it. I’m calling you out.
Why “calling out” is detrimental
Apart from the fact that I generally hate the phrase “calling out” (I don’t know why, this hatred is irrational), there are some really good reasons not to engage in this “calling out” behavior online. Here are just a few.
• If you “call out” people a lot, your profile is going to look like just a bunch of snipey, snarky comments. Now, if you’re going for that, I don’t want to stand in your way. But first impressions and all that…
• If you keep calling out the same person, people are going to assume that you are feeling a little green. Not nauseous (although maybe), but envious. Even if you have the greatest points in the world, if you keep picking at the same person in a public venue, you will start looking pouty to other people.
• People will start becoming afraid of talking to you because they don’t want to say something that will cause you to call them out. People are unaware of your call-out boundaries, you see.
And now, ways to discuss rather than call out
This is not meant to be a muzzle. I’m not placing a mask over your face reminiscent of Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. I don’t even have such a mask, if you want the truth. I fully believe that most things can be debated. Is the sky blue? Eh, I don’t know. I see it as aqua. See? But there are ways to debate in a civil fashion and then there is the kind of icky, immature, slightly irritating “calling out” methodology.
So, how can you debate a point with someone so that other people can learn what you are trying to teach without you throwing pie in someone’s face? Well, here are some ideas.
• “I just saw your tweet and am wondering why you approached it that way. Care to share? You can DM me if you want.”
• “I had heard that tweeting the way you just did is not considered a best practice. What is your objective in tweeting that way?”
• “Hey, I just noticed your tweet and I think you may have forgotten to….”
See? Isn’t that just as good as listening to a CD of the ocean or practicing some Yoga and meditation? The calmness of it all just will wash over your Twitter stream, and everyone will not only lower their respective blood pressures but they will also learn (or ask you to expand upon) your point.
What a great deal!
And that’s not all
You may think I’m offering you quite a deal here. A calm Twitter stream, helping your followers learn things, and looking all grown up all in one fell swoop? What could possibly be added to this great deal?
Well, if you approach someone you disagree with from a standpoint of wanting to learn and teach, you might actually end up developing a relationship of respect or even (wait for it) appreciation. That’s right, building a conversation and then a continuing interaction around an initial disagreement can actually be the foundation for an extremely strong friendship.
Holy cow. What a deal!
The downside
I understand that calling out has a lot of perks. To be completely transparent, here are some downsides of refraining from the “call-out” methodology.
• You may not get to present yourself as the top authority on everything ever
• Your traffic may not spike as much as it does when you call someone out
• You don’t get to take your angst out on a person who lives in your computer -a punching bag may be in your future.
• You may not get as much attention in general if you refrain from “calling out” people who have big Social Media followings. A puppy may be in your future.
And there are probably other downsides that I’m just not thinking of. You’ll have to weigh the pros and cons, I guess, and decide in which direction you wish to travel.
So what do you think?
Can we maybe move away from the “I’m calling you out” end of the spectrum and maybe move a bit more towards grown-up conversation? I’m not asking you to use phrases like “My respected colleague” on Twitter. I mean, I’m not that much of an idealist. But maybe kind of inching towards that way, it could be nice, right? Maybe?
Weigh in on this issue, woncha please? I promise, I won’t call you out.
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Love this idea of ‘calling out’, I have enough issues being concerned that I am going to upset someone on my blog … and its MY blog, to start calling people out.
Guess I’m too old for the confrontation or too not interested in the drama … or maybe I just didn’t understand it 😉
But I may start my blog posts with
Dear Respected Collegues from now on !
I know what you mean. I think some people thrive on attention, whether it’s negative or positive. I like gently swaying the boat, but I don’t like to rock it 🙂
I will look for your blog and will make sure you ARE opening your posts that way, my dear respected colleague 🙂
ahem colleagues that would be – ugh!
What about grammar mis-use?? Clearly we should be calling out on grammar. 🙂
I usually DM the blogger quietly if I see a typo on a post. I’ve been “called out” in public for a typo on a blog post and I consider that bad etiquette, clearly done to show how superior the other is to me. It has the opposite effect. I think we’ve lost our sense of discretion.
Calling people out is silly. Debate is ok, but schoolyard stuff is just childish. Too much of that online and I will usually unfollow both rather that watch it.
You said it all right there. It’s not a problem to correct a friend, especially if they make a really silly error and you know they’ll get crap for it. But you don’t need to announce it. As you’ve done for me and as I’ve done for others, send an email or a direct message. And be nice about it!
Great article, Margie! Of course I think it’s difficult to pull off some of those without sound condescending, which is why I leave responding to snippiness to those (like yourself) who have the gift of NOT sounding condescending! 🙂
haha 🙂 Well that’s good to know. I do my best not to sound condescending (but sometimes I am heartily tempted) 🙂
Margie, I love retreating your post, but this one calls for a comment of AMEN.
I’ve been on Twiiter since 2008 and I still do not see the advantage of calling someone out on Twitter to position yourself, feel better about your thoughts or to see if others will validate your thoughts. It’s is vey much playground “play.”
I’ve been called out several times because someone didn’t ask for more content behind the Tweet. Once someone called me out on a Tweet and I DMd then and asked for their email. I then explained to their advantage. However they had already called me out as wrong. They snickered and apologized and said, I should have contacted you first. My thought, Dah!
We all have an opinion. There are several ways to communicate on Twiiter depending on what your followers expect of you. But there is no need to revert back to our childhood playground behavior in order to be heard, seen or valued.
*claps*
As per usual, you write my blog post much better than I do!
You’re absolutely right – I think calling out is primarily about show. “Look what I know!” “Look how I am standing up for what I believe in!”
And that’s cool. I don’t want to dampen anyone’s enthusiasm. But really? Building yourself up at the *expense* of someone else is really building a house on quick sand. People will not stay impressed for very long.
Sand Castles
Building castles in the sand,
A cliche heard a thousand times,
But that is what he did….
He built sand castles.
But sand can only stand
Where no winds blow
Or waters flow….
He built on sand.
Hi Margie, thanks for your post and your follow-up comments. I could hardly keep from laughing in a few places, especially when I read the points about the downside of not calling someone out.
Your last response reminded me of the little verse above that I wrote many years ago. I may need to update it to make it more applicable to your comment. But it did have special meaning for me at the time, so thanks for dragging it out of my memory bank.
Thanks for posting that poem. Lovely!
I like to make people laugh, but when it comes to things like this, I also like to kind of show I view it. “Oh, I’m calling you out.” OK. But you’re representing your personal brand or your business, right? Do you go out on lunch breaks and bully the smallest person at work?
Well, maybe.
But hopefully not.
It’s the same kind of sentiment, except that people are doing this in places where Google of all things can shine the spotlight on it. It’s disconcerting. To me anyway 🙂
Glad you liked the poem. 🙂
I like your point about this being similar to bullying the smallest person at work. How true and how sad.
And the point about Goggle shining a spotlight on it…. shining a spotlight on both the person being called out and the one doing it. I wonder how many ‘callers’ think about that! As Mack said below it’s they way to get attention – is Google attention for bullying what they really want? I don’t think so!
Anyway, thanks again for both the humour and the more serious insights you shared.
Margie you are right-on with this. The ‘calling out’ serves no real purpose other than to make us all look bad. I have friends that aren’t in ‘this space’, and they all tell me that they are shocked at how silly and childish people in social media can be sometimes.
Unfortunately, too many people have figured out that ‘calling out’ other people will often draw attention to them. Equally distressing is that most of these people haven’t figured out that its not the type of attention they want.
I agree – embarrassing is a good word to use. The biggest disappointment for me on Twitter has been seeing people I really respect put their virtual hands on their virtual hips and start fuming about. Even if you are completely justified, even if your point is 100% on target, it’s just going to make you look bad. People aren’t always going to take the time to look at the other side of the conversation. You’ll just look like a crazy…yelling person.
Not a great image to send out into the online ether, non? 🙂
Yeah calling someone out is rude really and especially if you don’t know them except for a few scant conversations on the internet.
I agree with you on the point that if you are going to contradict someone do it with tact.