Why being a little self-centered is important when engaging
I’m going to tell you a secret, just between us. Are you ready?
Over the last couple of months, a string of events has occurred that made me question, at various times, whether doing all of this “Social Media stuff” was really the best idea for me. There were moments of frustration, some moments of disappointment, and an awful lot of moments of learning, as we all must learn when we are involved in something that is still so new.
There were a few times when I thought, “Heck, I don’t *need* to do this stuff. It’s not how I make my living. Nobody’s life, in fact, depends on whether I keep on blogging (thank goodness).”
To put it simply, there have been a few times over the last couple of months when I came close to letting various irritations convince me that I should give up my Social Media world. But I am still here. Now how, you might ask, did that happen?
One Word. Love.
In fact, it’s just as simple as this. When I thought that maybe taking “a break” from blogging or Twitter or Facebook would be a good idea, I quickly got a sinking feeling. “But I enjoy engaging with my blog readers,” I thought. “I enjoy writing. I enjoy reading what other people are saying. I think I have good things to say, good things to share, and I have some ideas I want to get out there, too. And I don’t want to pull back just because things got a little icky here and there.”
Don’t find your purpose by almost losing it
Engaging is really important, I happen to believe. But here’s the thing. When you interact and engage with a lot of people, you can get pulled in all kinds of different directions. You can agree to run a project with a person over here or help a person out over there. You can get involved in silly online dramas or find that a person is not really the way you thought they were (in good ways or in bad ways). Engaging is really important, but if it takes you off the path on which you need to travel, it can be dangerous.
So I think it’s important, while engaging, to be a little bit self-centered. That’s not the same thing as being egotistical or selfish or anything like that. It just means that as you head out into the world of Social Media, you need to keep your head straight, your eyes forward, and your heart clear. You need to have your goals in mind and you need to keep working towards them. When you accomplish one of your objectives, Â you need to celebrate and then set new ones.
In the end, Social Media engagement is not far different from our day-to-day lives. We need people, and we need to interact with people, but when doing so takes us far off course, we can run into trouble. If you have a life goal, don’t be shy about holding on to that goal even as other people try to move you in different directions.
I love the online world despite, or perhaps because of, all of its crazy quirkiness, but I almost let events and people outside of my control move me away from what I enjoy. For a brief moment, I forgot that what I want to accomplish and achieve matters more than the fact that sometimes it’s super hard, or that some people may not want me to accomplish those things.
Don’t make the same mistake I almost made. Keep yourself centered. Keep yourself a little self-centered. If you do it right, it can be an anchor instead of a turn-off.
What do you think?
This is post #70 in the Engagement Series. I hope you enjoyed this post and are enjoying this series.
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Great post, Margie! First: I’m glad you didn’t give up blogging! Second: I couldn’t agree with you more about keeping yourself (self) – centered. With so many ways to engage these days, it’s easy to get off track. Setting clear goals – with deadlines — is the only way to stay the course, I think. Setting up a schedule, and allowing yourself some “play” time helps, as well.
Sometimes you just have to say “no,” just as you would with an offline relationship. If you want to reach those milestones, you have to set your own personal boundaries.
Thanks for this great reminder!
Very well said, Gwen, and you’re exactly right. It’s not to say that you need to push other people off the path, but you need to walk beside them – you can’t always carry them, right?
Thanks for your great comment! 🙂
The blogosphere would have lost one on my favorite contributors, had you quit for good. Glad you changed your mind.
I, too, have questioned the value received from the whole endeavor. And continue to.
Online engagement sure beats watching TV. But is that the best I can say for it?
At this moment, yes.
Thanks, Bob 🙂
I’m sorry to hear you are not finding this world entirely rewarding at the moment. I think that sentiment is running quite rampant, oddly enough. I think Social Media as an online space is undergoing a huge amount of change. I hope the good guys come out on top 🙂
I can relate to how you feel Margie.
I’ve been reevaluating some of my activities lately too. Fortunately, I had the pleasure of two particular friends emerge from the quiet shadows to email me privately with two separate messages. One said “I love your blog. You may not think anyone reads it, but I do, and I appreciate it. Thank you.” Another told me “Hey, you shared something a while back on {certain subject}, and now I can’t find it when I search for it. That was really helpful and I’d like to revisit it for something I’m working on now.”
Those were two really well timed (and unsolicited) encouraging reinforcements, because at the time I was thinking “why do I bother? – I see the traffic stats, so I know people are consuming it, but there’s little to no feedback or encouragement.”
It’s like any relationship though – you can only give and give and give so much without getting anything (positive/constructive) back before you move on to other things. I know of several people who have recently left their non-profit Board of Directors positions (and well, the realm of their organizations also) because of all the drama and nonsense that people caused around them. It simply became ‘not worth the hassle’ to them, which I totally understand (been there, done that myself).
I know I haven’t been the best of commentors here for you. I do have your feed in my Google Reader, have liked or shared several of them on Facebook, and have been tweeting out many of the articles (really liked the Lincoln ones), but I haven’t commented much because I couldn’t think of anything constructive to add to the conversation (lame excuse, I know – but I think that’s maybe part of why some of our own encouragers are quietly lurking in the shadows).
Going back to the “like any other relationship” thing… and like you mentioned about it being the same as with other relationships (whether with people or with jobs or with anything else) that we can easily end up going way far off on a detour by getting sucked into the unhealthy drama or other nonsense. Much like the guy/gal who graduated college with a Masters in Teaching degree, then took a job at the local automotive plant because the school system wasn’t hiring and the plant was, but then 10 or 20 or 30 years later wakes up and says to himself/herself “you know, I really wanted to teach. Aside from the money (or other factors), how did I get myself stuck in this position that’s way off on a tangent like this?”
End thought: Does this kind of tie into the fluidity of tribalism? If the tribe you chose takes you off on a tangent, do you then divorce yourself from that tribe and find a new tribe, or do you stick with that tribe because they are ‘your people’? (wow, it seems there are so many ways that sentence could be interpreted)
Anyways, I feel like I am starting to ramble, and have forgotten where I was going with this, so I’ll end here. 🙂
Hi Bruce,
Sorry to hear that you too have been losing heart. It’s so easy to do in this online space, isn’t it?
I think that your activities end up attracting people who will act the same way. I wish I could prove this, but I strongly believe that one of the reasons my blog started doing better when I moved to WordPress from Blogger is that it’s easier to comment here. You don’t need a Google account. You don’t need to think about which account you’re going to use. The conversation can just flow. When people comment, I do the best I can to return and keep the conversation going, so it becomes a cycle. If the lack of comments is disconcerting to you, maybe you just need to shift your strategies a bit and tell people you are open to conversing with them on your posts.
As for the tribe thing, the more time I spend online the more I am convinced that we are puddles, not tribes. Tribes stick together no matter what, build cultures and traditions, and do not generally alter away from that way of doing things. But here in the online world, people dribble away and try new things and different ways of doing things. It’s not an act of force that tears the tribe apart, it’s just gravity 🙂
Hi Margie,
I’m so glad you decided to stay the course. I started to follow you on Twitter when Chris Brogan sang your praises. I have found your posts enlightening, educational, thought-provoking and entertaining. In fact, I’ve removed myself from many RSS feeds because I now choose who I want to listen to and get their opinions. You are at the top of that list.
You are one of the most engaging people on Twitter. Keep up the good work – and the great posts!
Aw, thanks so much, Janice. That’s really sweet of you!!
I am glad that you decided to stay here. The online world is a better place thanks to Margie.
Although these last few weeks I have been dealing with a lot on my plate your blog is one of the few blogs I visit every chance I have.
It is great to know that sometimes these thought go through our heads but your advice is key. We have to stay self centered.
Ok but in the Picture above who is the real Margie (the one on the left or right)
I really appreciate that, Raul. Thank you!!
They are both me. I really do have 2 heads 🙂
BIG WHEW!! I am glad to see that you have decided to hang around the SoMe world. Your leaving would have left a BIG void!!
Thanks, Steven. Very kind of you. *Smush* 🙂
Margie– Thank you for staying involved! We need your wise words to guide us. Happy marketing, Heidi Cohen
Oh, I don’t know, with folks like you around I think everyone would have been in great hands. Thanks though – that means a great deal to me 🙂
I, too have faced some challenges and I am glad that you have overcome, as I did.
Plus, you can’t go anywhere… we need you. 🙂
So you say…:) I’ll hang around to spare you testing that theory though =D
Margie,
I think I may remember at least one of your points of frustration a few months back. It was totally uncalled for, but not unexpected. Let me explain why. Your success and influence continue to grow. As you get better and grow your fan base, you will undoubtedly pick up a few trolls along the way that are majorly envious of what you are doing.
Don’t ever give in. Your heart, passion and talents are in the right place and our social media world would be impacted in a negative way if you were ever to leave it.
Keep fightin’ the good fight,
@jwsokol
Well thanks, Jason. There have been a few event that have been pretty darned frustrating. I don’t really cotton to the idea that accruing haters is a sign that you’re doing something right. That just seems like shooting for zero. But I will say that you begin to see people who want to tear you down rather than build you up, and that is a sad sight to see.
But with folks like you in my corner, I’d be dumb to let those people win, non? 🙂
Margie,
I truly haven’t experienced this type of negativity in social media. Perhaps it’s because I’m not as influential. I’ve run into a jerk or two, but I just stop following them or block them completely. Mostly I enjoy being exposed to other ways of thinking.
You’re right on here, though. For those of us who truly enjoy engaging via social media (as opposed to considering it a job), we should be able to do so without being made to feel negatively. I say the heck with those jerks. They just need to log off!
If it means anything, I enjoy your insights. I love reading your blog and I like the way that you’re always personal with others (like just saying hello) during #blogchat and other chats we’ve been on together.
You’re right with this post. Don’t let haters take away something you enjoy. It’s really more about them in the end than you. People need the information you provide.