A Letter To Those Of You Struggling With Infertility
Dear You,
I know you are probably trying to stay anonymous. They call infertility one of those “silent” things people deal with. It’s too hard to talk about casually, for one thing. It’s not like you can shake someone’s hand and say, “By the way, I can’t seem to have children.” I suppose you could, but it might be a little awkward. And besides, people get kind of weird when you talk about this. You can see them trying to figure out if they should unfriend you on Facebook you so that they can freely post their pictures of their kids. You can see them wanting to ask questions, like, “Well, are you sure you aren’t just too stressed out?” It can seem easier, really, to stay quiet and anonymous.
But I know you’re out there. I’ve seen glimpses of some of you. I know you’re out there because I’m out there, and I’ve been quiet too.
Being immersed in the world of social media when you struggle with infertility is hard. It’s hard to ignore the fact that there’s a whole segment of the online population categorized as “mommy bloggers.” It’s hard to see things on Pinterest like, “You haven’t really lived until you’ve tucked your kids in.” It’s hard to see all of the pictures of your friends’ children that show up in your Facebook stream. It’s hard, and it can feel overwhelming at times, to be inundated with conversations occurring between parents – conversations you can’t really participate in.
It’s hard to stay quiet. It’s hard not to yell at everyone to shut up. Just for a day.
It is hard, but it is not impossible.
I am here to tell you that you can make it in the online world, even with all of these nameless, quietly endured obstacles standing in your way. If you are thinking about shutting yourself away or unfriending people who post pictures of their kids, do not do it. You will come to a place, as hard as it may be to believe, where you will actually get great joy from watching these babies you know grow in the online world. These pictures, these conversations, they serve to remind you that even though you may not be able to bring your own children into the world, there are still tons of children out there to love. Some of them, like your friends’ babies, are really lucky. There are countless others who are not so lucky and who need our help. These are all good reminders to have.
I also want you to know, though, that you are not alone. Even as you sit there typing, not saying anything as these messages of pain and bitterness flash across your brain, you are not alone. There are people out here who know where you’re coming from. They may not say anything, but they are out there. They understand with no questions asked.
Some day, I hope society can evolve to the point where women AND men who struggle with infertility are not made to feel ashamed. I think medical professionals have a lot to do with that. I think family members have a lot to do with that. Infertility is not a badge of dishonor. It is not a scarlet letter I. It is a medical condition. Sometimes it is caused by other things. Sometimes nobody knows why. It should not be the “Silent” syndrome, however. My belief in that last point is why I wanted to write this post. I don’t want to be hush hush about this anymore. I don’t want it to be an everyday topic either, but I am not ashamed that this is something I have to deal with.
I don’t want you to feel ashamed either. And I don’t want you to feel alone.
You are not alone. I am here. And I’m just one.
Remember that.
Love,
Margie
Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/evelynized/6880359855 via Creative Commons
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I have a close friend who’s been struggling for so long and I wish there was a magic pill she could take that would end her struggles. I’ve also struggled with fertility due to a medical condition and am one of the lucky ones. There is no shame in infertility. The shame comes from their not being a larger discussion and greater support for the silent victims of infertility.
And “there”…
@Lisa Frame There are a lot of misunderstandings. A lot of misconceptions. When I was part of a forum board a lot of women talked about how family, friends, and even doctors would say, “Well, you just need to relax. You’re too stressed out.” It misses the whole point that this is a medical problem and it makes the person feel responsible when they are so not. We have a long way to go on this subject matter.
Great post, Margie. And as someone who has dealt with this issue personally, I’ll mention that there are things you can do about it if you want to. Treatment, adoption, foster parenting, being a Big Brother or a Big Sister — there are many children out there who need loving and you don’t have to try hard to find them.
@ShellyKramer Well said, Ms. Shelly. Thank you!
Margie! I thought I was reading this post on another blog that I read. I was so surprised when I read the signature and realized I was reading your blog. I just want to reach out and hug you right now. I had a tough weekend in this particular regard and have had infertility as part of my reality for several years now. Your words rang very true for me and were exactly what I needed to read right now. I swear if you are ever in the San Francisco area, you and I really need to meet. I hope you are well.
Danielle
@DanielleSherman I’m so glad, Danielle. That is why I wrote the post, in case someone needed to hear the words I have come to understand. Hang in there, lady. ((hugs))
I’m not going to pretent to know what its like as a guy to have a physiological need to have a child, but there are millions of children looking to be adopted.
@Couchable Very true. Thank you.
A beautiful post & letter Margie. Very well said.
@Milaspage thanks lady.
This post took an incredible amount of courage. Congratulations, Margie. I am sure you helped someone.
@geoffliving Thanks Geoff. It was rather much harder than I thought it was going to be, to be honest. Kind of weird. But here we are 🙂
Love you Margie. XO
@karimacatherine thanks lady 🙂
Thank you, Margie. A “silent” syndrome indeed. I understand all too well.
Margie,
We love you a lot Margie… On a less serious note you can always adopt me. I would love to have a cool mom like you.
🙂
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I’d like to thank Dr.Yun Ye for his help with my infertility and share my success baby story.
I have been diagnosed with PCOS, having irregular periods and the possibility of not ovulating regularly.
I was 37 and referred to a fertility specialist.
I’ve been put on clomid and I’ve had 3 miscarriages and then I could not even get pregnant,
After spending 2 years with a fertility specialist, I have realized it was time to try something else. I asked to be
referred to another fertility clinic and while waiting for my appointment,
I decided to give acupunture a try. I was been referred to a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor, Dr. Yun Ye,
by someone who was in her early 40s, i got His Traditional Medicine and then got pregnant, it worked like magic,
I was hesitant to try it at first and I had had Dr. Ye’s contact information for some time before I contacted him.
After 3 months of herbal treatment (cooking dried herbs and drinking the herbal tea 2x a day), herbal tincture,
my ultrasound report read “no polycystic ovaries”. I continued with acupuncture and herbal tinctures for a few more months
and after 2 months of cycle monitoring with Dr. Ye, I got pregnant.
During my pregnancy I continued to take herbal tinctures that are safe in pregnancy, I felt great.
I hope to try to get pregnant again soon with the help of Dr. Ye.
I would like to pass my experience and information to all women who are struggling with infertility,
with or without PCOS or any other diagnoses, and who are interested in finding out more.
There is a chance that you can get pregnant naturally.
All you need to do is bring your body in balance and that is what Traditional Chinese Medicine does,
Unlike Western medicine, it does not fix one problem and create another in your body,
it installs balance to the whole body.”
You can contact Dr. Yun via eMail;doctoryechinesemedicine@yahoo.com
(Search For Dr. Yun Ye on Google)
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Teddy Theresa.
Ontario
It’s interesting that there are programs that do such a good job at helping people get pregnant. It’s definitely a beacon of hope for a lot of couples. I like what you said about not getting frustrated or discouraged. Also, the medications you mentioned sound like they might be a good option for some couples. It’s probably good to talk to a doctor to see if you’re a candidate for those infertility remedies. http://ivf.towndrugstore.com
We love you a lot Margie… On a less serious note you can always adopt me. I would love to have a cool mom like you.
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– http://www.roknnagd.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%86%d9%82%d9%84-%d8%b9%d9%81%d8%b4-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%b1%d9%8a%d8%a7%d8%b6/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%86%d9%82%d9%84-%d8%a7%d8%ab%d8%a7%d8%ab-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/
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My older sister has started going to an infertility clinic lately too. She has been having a hard time getting pregnant and has been wanting to have a kid with her husband. They have been trying for a couple years now with no luck. They are hoping to figure something out and possibly have a kid soon.
http://www.contemporaryhealthcareforwomen.com/about
This is very thoughtful. I know infertility can be very hard for some people. I have some neighbors who are dealing with this. Infertility clinics can help sometimes. It’s good there are options out there for people who want to have kids. http://www.awakenpa.com/acupuncture/
You have very good blog
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-http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d9%85%d9%86%d8%a7%d8%b2%d9%84-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d9%81%d9%84%d9%84-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%ae%d8%b2%d8%a7%d9%86%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%b4%d9%82%d9%82-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d8%b3%d9%84%d9%8a%d9%83-%d9%85%d8%ac%d8%a7%d8%b1%d9%89-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d9%85%d8%ac%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%b3-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D8%A9-%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%B8%D9%8A%D9%81-%D9%83%D9%86%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D8%AC%D8%AF%D8%A9/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%af%d9%85%d8%a7%d9%85/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%a7%d8%ad%d8%b3%d8%a7%d8%a1/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d9%82%d8%b7%d9%8a%d9%81/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%b1%d8%a3%d8%b3-%d8%aa%d9%86%d9%88%d8%b1%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%86%d9%82%d9%84-%d8%b9%d9%81%d8%b4-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%86%d9%82%d9%84-%d8%b9%d9%81%d8%b4-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d9%85%d9%86%d8%a7%d8%b2%d9%84-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%af%d9%85%d8%a7%d9%85/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d9%83%d9%86%d8%a8-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%af%d9%85%d8%a7%d9%85/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d9%82%d8%b7%d9%8a%d9%81/http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%a7%d8%ad%d8%b3%d8%a7%d8%a1/http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%b1%d8%a3%d8%b3-%d8%aa%d9%86%d9%88%d8%b1%d8%a9/http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%ac%d8%a8%d9%8a%d9%84/http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d8%b3%d9%84%d9%8a%d9%83-%d9%85%d8%ac%d8%a7%d8%b1%d9%89-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%af%d9%85%d8%a7%d9%85/http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d8%b3%d9%84%d9%8a%d9%83-%d9%85%d8%ac%d8%a7%d8%b1%d9%89-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%a7%d8%ad%d8%b3%d8%a7%d8%a1-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d9%87%d9%81%d9%88%d9%81/ http://roknelyamama.com/%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D8%A9-%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%B8%D9%8A%D9%81-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AE%D8%B1%D8%AC/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D8%A9-%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%B8%D9%8A%D9%81-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%84-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AE%D8%B1%D8%AC/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D8%A9-%D9%85%D9%83%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%AD%D8%A9-%D8%AD%D8%B4%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AE%D8%B1%D8%AC/
They have been trying for a couple years now with no luck
http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%af%d9%85%d8%a7%d9%85/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%af%d9%85%d8%a7%d9%85/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%a7%d8%ad%d8%b3%d8%a7%d8%a1/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%a7%d8%ad%d8%b3%d8%a7%d8%a1/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d9%82%d8%b7%d9%8a%d9%81/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%85%d9%83%d8%a7%d9%81%d8%ad%d8%a9-%d8%ad%d8%b4%d8%b1%d8%a7%d8%aa-%d8%a8%d8%b1%d8%a3%d8%b3-%d8%aa%d9%86%d9%88%d8%b1%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%86%d9%82%d9%84-%d8%b9%d9%81%d8%b4-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d9%86%d9%82%d9%84-%d8%b9%d9%81%d8%b4-%d8%a8%d8%ac%d8%af%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d9%85%d9%86%d8%a7%d8%b2%d9%84-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%af%d9%85%d8%a7%d9%85/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d9%85%d9%86%d8%a7%d8%b2%d9%84-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%af%d9%85%d8%a7%d9%85/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d9%83%d9%86%d8%a8-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%af%d9%85%d8%a7%d9%85/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d9%82%d8%b7%d9%8a%d9%81/http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d9%82%d8%b7%d9%8a%d9%81/http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%a7%d8%ad%d8%b3%d8%a7%d8%a1/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%a7%d8%ad%d8%b3%d8%a7%d8%a1/http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%b1%d8%a3%d8%b3-%d8%aa%d9%86%d9%88%d8%b1%d8%a9/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%b1%d8%a3%d8%b3-%d8%aa%d9%86%d9%88%d8%b1%d8%a9/ -http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%ac%d8%a8%d9%8a%d9%84/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d9%86%d8%b8%d9%8a%d9%81-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%ac%d8%a8%d9%8a%d9%84/http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d8%b3%d9%84%d9%8a%d9%83-%d9%85%d8%ac%d8%a7%d8%b1%d9%89-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%af%d9%85%d8%a7%d9%85/http://roknelyamama.com/%d8%b4%d8%b1%d9%83%d8%a9-%d8%aa%d8%b3%d9%84%d9%8a%d9%83-%d9%85%d8%ac%d8%a7%d8%b1%d9%89-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d8%a7%d8%ad%d8%b3%d8%a7%d8%a1-%d8%a8%d8%a7%d9%84%d9%87%d9%81%d9%88%d9%81/ http://roknelyamama.com/%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D8%A9-%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%B8%D9%8A%D9%81-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AE%D8%B1%D8%AC/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D8%A9-%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%B8%D9%8A%D9%81-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%84-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AE%D8%B1%D8%AC/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D8%A9-%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%B8%D9%8A%D9%81-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%84-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AE%D8%B1%D8%AC/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D8%A9-%D9%85%D9%83%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%AD%D8%A9-%D8%AD%D8%B4%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AE%D8%B1%D8%AC/ – http://roknelyamama.com/%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D8%A9-%D9%85%D9%83%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%AD%D8%A9-%D8%AD%D8%B4%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AE%D8%B1%D8%AC/