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Margie ClaymanMargie Clayman

Marietta, OH

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Just say it already

July 23, 2012 by Margie Clayman 9 Comments

This past Saturday night, my family and I watched the American Classics special on Johnny Carson. It was a pretty riveting tale. As it turns out, Carson was the ultimate clown with sadness to hide. For most of the documentary, Carson’s mother, Ruth, was pitted as the core of all of his problems. When he was a child, Ruth showed a visible preference for her daughter. As Carson achieved one amazing thing after another, his mother remained unmoved. In an interview with a magazine, after watching one of Johnny’s monologues, Ruth said, “That wasn’t funny,” then got up and left. When he won a major award for all of his achievements in television he called her and all she said was, “Well, I guess they know what they’re doing.” Biographers interviewed for the documentary said Johnny may have womanized because he was looking for some kind of female approval in the absence of his mother’s support.

Then, towards the end of the documentary, Ruth’s death was discussed. As her possessions were being sorted, a box was found that contained newspaper and magazine clippings dating all the way to the beginning of Johnny’s career. It was noted that Johnny kept that box for the rest of his life.

This story infuriated me. All that time, Ruth Carson couldn’t bring herself to offer any positive word to her son. She must have known how much he craved it. Forget about saying she was proud of him – she couldn’t even say congratulations. All that time, when a kind word from her would have meant so much, she held back.

Would Johnny Carson’s life have been totally different if he had gotten positive reinforcement from his mom? I kind of doubt it, but I bet he would have been at least a bit more content.

I think we often assume that people just know stuff. People KNOW we love them. People KNOW we think they did a great job. People KNOW that if we offer criticism it’s only for their own good. Right? I mean, you’ve gotta know I care. It’s obvious, isn’t it?

Here’s a challenge for you for today, and I want to hear how it goes. I want you to tell one person something you THINK they know but that you’ve never actually said to them. Have you admired the way they dress for a long time? Do you admire their smarts? Do you think they did a great job leading a project? Do you love them? Just go ahead and say it. If you’re so certain they know already, it can’t do any harm, right? On the other hand, if they might not know, you could make a huge difference in their day. Heck – you could make a huge difference in their life.

That’s worth a small verbalized statement, don’t you think?

Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lovelornpoets/6214449310/ via Creative Commons

Filed Under: Musings

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. GrandmaOnDeck says

    July 23, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    It ceases to amaze me how you can pull out a great message in plain old english  from books you have read, movies you have watched or trips you have made.So as the first start of “Just Say It Already” I just did!

    Reply
    • margieclayman says

      July 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

       @GrandmaOnDeck I would imagine you seldom struggle from this problem, Gloria 🙂 

      Reply
  2. gonzogonzo says

    July 23, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Excellent post, Marjorie. And have I ever told you it’s always a pleasure reading your posts? Love how you say it like it is, or at least, as you see it.
    Cheers from Quebec City,
    Frederic

    Reply
    • margieclayman says

      July 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

       @gonzogonzo and ever the twain shall meet 🙂 Thanks, Frederic. I appreciate that! 

      Reply
  3. kevjkirkpatrick says

    July 23, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Johnny Carson’s mother was not a well person. The power of positive reinforcement with a child can not be over stated.  Great stuff Margie!

    Reply
    • margieclayman says

      July 24, 2012 at 10:50 am

       @kevjkirkpatrick True that. Adults need it too though. We just don’t like to admit it 🙂 

      Reply
  4. bdorman264 says

    July 23, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    There’s a lady I work with I used to compliment her and told her how good she looked, all the time. Even after a restraining order and HR moving me to another city, I think she knew how much I ‘cared’ for her……ok, you can’t joke about stuff like that anymore, but I couldn’t resist…..:). 
     
    It’s a shame Johnny’s mother didn’t tell him how proud she was, but do you think he would have over-achieved if he didn’t have this driving him? We’ll never know, but you never know what pushes some to greatness, huh? 

    Reply
    • margieclayman says

      July 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

       @bdorman264 Funny fella 🙂
       
      Yeah, that’s a question that comes up with a lot of famous people. I read a biography of John Lennon that questioned whether he would have been so driven had his mother not died. It pushed him to want to get out of Liverpool, and then rock music gave him the path. That seems like a risky way to think though. Do we want to refrain from complimenting in case it prevents someone from getting famous? yerg.

      Reply
      • bdorman264 says

        July 24, 2012 at 2:58 pm

         @margieclayman I did it for your own good, right? 

        Reply

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