Well, here we are on myth letter G. Seems like only a month ago we were on letter A. I think we were on letter A a month ago. Anyway…
Like many things we have talked about so far, this particular conversation really comes down to a sense of balance. Nuance. Subtleties that do not then explode into massive generalizations. And in particular, this topic we’re going to discuss for the letter G is more relevant if you are marketing or running a business and using social media tools as a part of those efforts. If you are here for other reasons, the myth can perhaps become truth.
The Myth – Give To Get
I’ve talked about the “give to get” thing before. In truth, the concept is a really nice one. If you promote someone’s post, they might promote yours later down the line. If you help someone out of a pinch, they’ll think of you when they need to buy the kind of service your company sells. It’s all part of the “be human” thing we talk about so much in the online world. Promote others. Share information. Scratch someone’s back, get your back scratched. In principle, it seems like nothing could go wrong here. But in fact, I’ve noticed two problems that can arise from this overwhelming urge to “give to get.”
Problem 1: You give, but you might not get
I have bad news for you. Are you ready? Take a big deep breath. OK, so…look. The world of social media – it involves people. You know, those yucky, hairy, 2-legged creatures that roam the earth. Ever since that whole apple incident, humans have proven to be a tad unreliable. A tad fickle. Maybe even a bit sketchy. To wit, if you give to some people, they might not even say thanks. They night not recognize your giving as the great gift it is. They might not give back, either. At that point, you have a decision to make. Do you keep giving in the hope that maybe that person is just really busy and will get to you eventually, or do you decide you’re throwing pearls before swine? These are tough, very human decisions. But such is life. Online and off.
Problem 2: If you give everything away, it’s hard to make money
Here’s the real problem that the “give to get” myth has caused for people trying to do business in the world of social media. Niceness does not pay the bills. A lot of the problems we run into now in the online world, like controversy surrounding people wanting to charge for their content, are the direct result of the initial philosophy that social media is all about “giving to get.” It’s not to say that you can’t win business by supporting others. It has happened. Referrals can happen. But that can take a REALLY long time. An indeterminate amount of time. Meanwhile, you are not making money. That’s a shaky plan for a business, right?
As companies and other folks navigating the social media waters discovered that they were not making money, that they were in fact bleeding money, they attempted to backtrack and are now trying to raise money for content they send out there. Unfortunately, in many cases, this is a significant flip-flop from where we were 3-4 years ago, when money in the online world was not the point.
Be nice, but be realistic
At some point, if you are hoping to use social media to grow your business, you have to think about making money. Sadly, we do not live in Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trekkian world where everything is based on your talents and how well you get along with other species. Not yet, anyway. You can be nice. You can promote others. But you need to balance that with growing your own company. You need to try to make sure you are “giving” at least occasionally to people who might buy from you. For me, as a marketer, me “giving” to lots of other marketers isn’t smart. They’re not going to need our services. Now, can I promote my friends who happen to be marketers? Sure. But if that’s all I’m doing, I’m not going to find myself in any better position 15 years from now than I am in right now.
Same goes for you and yours.
So what do you think? Is social media really all about glorifying others? Is it really all about giving to get? Or is there something else we need to focus on here? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/yoursecretadmiral/5349322938/ via Creative Commons
It is the usual struggle to find that elusive sense of balance we talk about. It is popular among some to pretend that you can give your time and knowledge away for free but like you said it is a dicey proposition.
The ideal situation is being able to create an opportunity where you can network and build relationships over time without fear of going bankrupt. The reality is that it takes time to build a blog and build a community.
One of the most important components is being able to sustain your effort. If you can “hang around” for a while and prove that you are knowledgeable and you make an effort to market yourself than good things can happen.
“Can” is the operative word in that sentence because there is no guarantee that people will throw money at you for being nice.
@TheJackB It is a bit of an endurance contest, right? Can you hang around long enough to get the hang of everything? Can you hang around long enough to endure the burn-out and the yucky temptations and all that stuff? Then again, most things in life are challenging. Why should this be easy? 🙂
Being sucessfull in social media is all about building trust. It is the same in real life. Steady, truthful exchanges is what builds a balance.
Building Success on Social Media is building trust. This also apllies in real life. Steady, truthful connections=success.
@GrandmaOnDeck Well said in both cases!
I’m probably really dating myself, but I help others because I think they are really good and I want to. If I hardly know someone, I can’t reasonably have anything to say unless they do something I personally think is outstanding: write a great book, give an excellent webinar, give a good talk that says something. Social media is nothing different. I’ve been in classes where someone I don’t know a whit wants me to give a glowing testimonial, just because we’re in a class together (and the teacher supports this thinking). I apologize nicely and refuse. I wouldn’t ask someone that doesn’t deal with me to tell the world I’m great, why would I do it for someone else?
@herbworld That is a big problem in the online world. You’re absolutely right. I struggle with the same thing. Online manners indicate that I should write a testimonial or something like that, but I really don’t like the idea of potentially damaging my credibility by supporting a person who might actually be a poo. I am right there with ya!
Margie-
I don’t know that it is really just about glorifying others, but you are of course correct, we must strike a balance.
As we work our way through the Social Media we will ceratinly come across people who inspire us, and its okay to promote them. And, we should never enter into relationships where we give only to get. However, if you are selling widgets, then you should be promoting your own, as well. If you feel uncomfortable with that idea, then you need to reassess your product or yourself. If you are ashmed to promote your widgets, is there something wrong with them or something wrong with you?
As we promote others, we hope that they will return the kindness at some point in the future. Many will not. They are after all human, just as we are 🙂 When you stumble across this realization you must choose. You will either continue to promote them because they are that good, or you will back off because there is no reciprocity. And none in the forseeable future.
If your job is selling or marketing, then these other people are great resources for watching and learning. But, sooner rather than later, you have to see your own stuff, or starve.
Martina
@martinamcgowan
@Martina McGowan As usual, you word things better than I do in the post, but yes, everything you just said!
And there might not be anything wrong with you or your widgets. I have a lot of faith in myself and what I do but I *hate* promoting my stuff. A salesperson on my own behalf I am not. Now, put me out there for our company or for someone else – I’m good to go. Now isn’t that crazy?
Niceness does not pay the bills? Pshaw……….shut the front door……..
At the end of the day someone has to pay you for your time; you just have to decide what that time is worth and what ‘value’ are you giving to be paid accordingly.
Fortunately in my day job, I do have a product to sell and can’t give it away so someone will have to pay me. However, in social and it’s fickleness, I am of the mindset I’m much more willing to give with no expectations in return. I still see plenty of people chasing and getting frustrated because they found out it’s not tit for tat in here and that’s just the way it is. In social, you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, I would suggest however you don’t pick your friend’s nose………..
On the surface it sure appears social is all about glorifying others but I don’t think giving to get is a bad model; it might not be a good business model for what you need to do though. Somewhere, somehow you have to figure out what works and what attracts people to you and your product.
That’s the ticket…………
@bdorman264 I agree with that, Bill. Give to get is a good way to approach it, just maybe don’t go full throttle into expecting the “get” part, and don’t give *just* to get. Then you should be fine.
Still takes a bit to train your brain that way though, non? 🙂
Margie, a provocative post – very nicely done! My personal opinion is that social media tools are simply tools. If you are networking in real life and don’t know what services you want to charge for, you likely don’t have a very well-delineated business plan. It’s really important to understand what specific services you provide, in order to inspire confidence and more importantly make money. If one finds themselves mired in gray area it’s probably important to step back and work on a biz plan and elevator speech. Aside from those services you specifically charge for, I think you give as much as you can. Nothing is quid pro quo, but I never feel shortchanged by people’s generosity – and Margie Clayman ranks as one of the most generous (IMHO).
@leaderswest Thanks Jim 🙂 Social Media is a tool, and this is something people will benefit from realizing sooner rather than later. Business plan – yes. Ideas on what you want to accomplish, how you want to accomplish those things – yes. All so extremely important. And if you don’t figure it all out, your business (or you) can really suffer from it.
It’s a fine line. The question isn’t whether or not we should give but rather how much. How much should we give away for free as “proof” for the value we provide before we start saying to ourselves, “Oh crap, I’m working for free.” This is something that is a continual struggle for a “nice guy” like me. Very nice discussion… margieclayman
@dougricesmbiz I think that’s a struggle for a lot of people, Doug. But I keep in mind the idea that once you give something to someone, it’s much harder to come back later and say, “Wait! I want to charge you for that!” People may get it in their brains, but their guts can’t help but feel like they’re getting the run-around, right? I think that’s at the heart of a lot of the unhappiness floating around the online world right now.
It is good netiquette to share more content if you want your friends to like it. This is a principle in social media netiquette (http://www.networketiquette.net). From this principle, some users get Likes in return for sharing the content of others. The principle is an absolute truth. If you are not sharing content your friends like from other sources you may have trouble receiving Likes in return.