Sisterhood of the traveling pant suits
My friend Lisa Petrilli tweeted out an article from the Wall Street Journal today. It’s called Women Lag Further in Reaching Executive Ranks. The article reports that there are actually fewer women working as CEOs than there were a couple of years ago even though women are ahead of men educationally. Women are also earning less money. In the social world, women tend to have fewer Twitter followers and less pull in the business niche, by the way.
As these things roll around in your head, consider the blog post written earlier this week (I refuse to send traffic its way) that noted that to be a truly successful PR professional, women need to know when to “show a little bra strap.” The male counterpart? Touch an elbow.
Hmm.
So what’s going on here, folks?
Divide and Conquer
Let me put this hypothesis out there for you.
Whereas men in the business world have set role models and rules of etiquette (or lack thereof) to follow, women are not a cohesive sisterhood when it comes to the same issues. As my friend Daria (@mominmanagement) so aptly showed through her “executive image” series, women can’t even agree on how best to dress for success in the business world.
There are other divisions out there, too. For example:
• Some of the most prominent women in the business world who work online tend to use a lot of swear words in their blog posts and tweets. Have you noticed that? Whereas other women stray as far away from vulgar language as possible. Why? To both modes of behavior.
• Some women define themselves first as mothers, then as business women. Other women turn that order around.
• Some women go out of their way to network with other women. Some women go out of their way to network with men. Still other women try to network with everybody equally.
• Some women argue that the glass ceiling is broken. Other women argue that the ceiling is made of granite.
And of course, then there is the ultimate division that men may not realize goes on in the world of women. There are some women who believe that the woman’s ultimate and best place is at home as a mother. Other women believe that the best place for a woman is in the professional, cut-throat world. And other women try to do it all at the same time.
Women are certainly divided. Are we on our way to being conquered?
Not a League, but Maybe a Team
Not too long ago, I wrote a post saying that I didn’t think stashing women away into a league of our own is the answer. I still believe that. However, maybe women do need to start thinking in more of a team mentality. Maybe women need to depend on each other more to build each other up. Maybe women need to actively support each other. This isn’t to say that women can no longer compete against each other, but if you look at successful men in the online business world, they tend to have support networks. If one man tweets out a post, you can usually bank on certain other men retweeting that post.
Does the same dynamic exist on the female side of the fence? I don’t see it as readily.
Is there something that can be done about that?
Are women so anxious to compete against men that we are all stomping on top of each other to get to the “big leagues?” Are we being sexist ourselves?
What do you think?
image by Muriel Miralles de Sawicki. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/murielle
12 Comments
Leave a Reply Cancel Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Great post Margie – some dynamite observations here.
I don’t have (and I don’t know that there is) an answer to your questions on a macro level. However, on a micro level, whether you are male or female, young or old, beautiful or ugly, speak with an accent, or in any other way are different from “power” – you need to be very strategic and clinical in managing your career.
When it comes to negotiation – if ultimately you cannot push your chair away from the table and walk away, you will never win the negotiation. When I speak with young people on how to manage their career – I ALWAYS emphasize the absolute importance of an eff u fund. That is developing a savings account that can support you for 6 – 9 months if a work environment or culture is detrimental, toxic and/or punitive. Get what you can from the situation, start looking for the next option, and if need be push your chair away from the table.
It takes a lot of discipline to save. But it provides an critical option. You behave differently when you know you can walk away. It make take 2-3 of suffering and sacrificing, but it will provide a clarity and relief to the pressure that you won’t have if you are living check to check. Put simply, it gives you another a source of confidence that most other people do not have. Perhaps more importantly, it prevents you from feeling the victim because if you are feeling the victim (even with good cause) you behave differently.
My dad used to tell me: You are the only one responsible for your career. You agree to the pay. You agree to staying. You decide whether the promise of future reward is worth banking on.
It’s not fair. Sometimes it’s not pretty. Sometimes it’s miserable. But you decide how to respond. If they’re not going to be good to you – why compound the situation by you not being good to yourself? You can still be professional. You can still engage in learning. You can build your own brand. You can be proud of your ability and your integrity. You can focus on finding the people, organizations and work that match your values.
But the absolute worst thing to do is to replace all that with a victim identity.
Wow, Dawn. This might be the best comment I’ve ever gotten on a post. You should write your own post based on this comment!!
I have also been told that having a nest egg of 6-9 months is one of the best things a person can do, but it’s so darned hard when you aren’t making much money. I remember hearing this advice shortly after I finished with grad school. I had college loans looming, and the idea of even getting out to eat every once in awhile seemed beyond my capacity to imagine. Saving? Phew. No way.
And yet the idea stayed with me, and when I could start saving again, you’d better believe I did.
Great advice, as you said, regardless of your individual circumstances. Knowledge and a back-up plan = power 🙂
Margie,
Well, I often kid about how old I am, as compared to some of my friends in the social media arena. Today this is no joke: I am old enough to remember when women in the corporate world were finally allowed to wear pant suits (had to be matching pants and jacket) to work! That was late 1969 or early 1970 and I was employed by Wells Fargo Bank and working in San Diego, CA. But we are not here to discuss pant suits.
You raise a lot of interesting points about women and what we do for and against each other. I want to make a couple of observations about the articles that you are referencing here:
1. Lisa tweeted the WSJ article “Women Lag Further In Reaching Executive Ranks.” I know you read the article…I did, too. But guess what. In three days only two (2) people have commented on this article! What this says, I am not sure. But it might be worth discussing further.
2. The other article you reference and don’t link to is now even more provocative. Guess
what? That post was published February 15, 2011, and it was not until Chris Brogan tweeted about it on March 1, 2011, that anyone commented on the post. Chris’ tweet gave it traffic, but the upshot of the whole thing is this: This blog is “owned” and usually authored by Tim Berry, but he has now issued the following disclaimer at the top of the post:
[Note from Tim: I posted here earlier this month about my plans to open this blog to posts from additional authors. Then Chelle Parmele posted here yesterday explaining that the Business in General blog has moved into this one. This post by Mark Macias came in automatically with other past posts from Business in General. I didn’t write it and I didn’t approve it. I don’t like the bra-strap comment and I sympathize with criticism posted in the comments. Tim ]
File this under: Danger of managing Guest Posts!
But back to women…you bring up great points. We don’t really play as team, we don’t look out for each other. Let me give you an example. Last May Chris Brogan tweeted about an article in the Harvard Business Review: When Female Networks Are Not Enough. I responded to Chris with a link to post I had written in January 2009. Amazingly, Chris RT about my post and what do you know…magical traffic and ONE or two commenters on May 13, 2010, was willing to admit she was a woman and thanked me for the post! Oh, well…
Here is a link to that post We Should All Thank Lilly Ledbetter
Margie, I don’t have any answers…I have been around a long time, I have seen a lot. Every day I learn a little more about human nature and the corporate world. It is not always pleasant.
Judy
Thanks for all of that backstory and for the link to your post. I hadn’t noticed that the article was posted a couple of weeks ago, nor did I know that it was a guest post. You’re right – that’s a bit alarming!
I don’t really get it either, but sometimes it’s good to ask questions just in case that once in a lifetime person happens along and is able to answer 🙂
I personally think that pant suits is one of the best thing they could have allowed women. Most of the time I would stand in front of my closet, praying for some help on what to wear and nothing jumps, flies or even crawls out of there. But, when I have a business meeting or function, I open my closet, pull out a pant suit and off I go. The perfect outfit!
Where to start? You ask so many great, thought provoking questions.
Personally I have found women to be great teammates in the world of business. Over the past sixth months I’ve really started to explore social media, and made some great connections (male & female). Over time (and not by any insidious design) I have found the majority of my strongest supporters are women. Including, perhaps especially, so-called Mompreneurs. There are also some great men out there who have been pulling for me from the start.
I’m surprised by the statement women have less pull in Social Media. In fact there is a great online conference going on right now (Right Brain Business Plan), organized by a woman with mainly female presenters.
Swearing? I avoid it because it’s not a fit for me. If it isn’t language I would use in front of my parents or my daughter it isn’t language I’ll use online. Yet I’m not offended if someone else does it. Sometimes its downright hilarious.
Style – we’ve all got our own. Embrace it. In today’s world the style you need can and will vary greatly by what you do. That’s true for men as well. Can you imagine seeing Steve Jobs show up for the iPad 2 launch in a 3 piece suit?
Finally how do I define myself? Long before I was married or had a daughter I knew that when push came to shove I would put people before money. When my Dad had to put my Mom in a nursing home, I dropped everything and flew back to the US from South Korea where I had just landed the day before to work on a project. I am a person who has many facets, priorities and responsibilities in her life. My goal is fulfill them ethically while living up to my potential.
Great comment, Nicole.
Here’s a kind of note about the conference you mention though. You mentioned that Right Brain Business Plan is organized by women and most of the presenters are women. Is it a pattern that when women organize conferences, the conferences often don’t pull a lot of male presenters? It does present an example of women supporting women, but if we are not integrating our knowledge with other men, and with male audiences, it’s still an all girls club. I’m not sure that’s the best answer.
As for the latter part of your comment, you appear to me to be a fantastic person – stay that way 🙂
I love your blog Margie, I really do. However don’t you think your response is part of the problem? If it was organized by a man, with mainly male presenters would you say men aren’t integrating? It seems like a double standard. (And there ARE men involved with it, including participating actively online during the chats). I believe it is a great example of a woman doing what she does best and activating a positive online community.
PS – not sure about fantastic, but I know I’m happy when I look in the mirror.
Oh absolutely I would say that there was something off if an event was planned by men and only had male speakers. I think the best thing that could happen in the business world would be if we would stop worrying about who has what anatomical parts and just take people at their value. But we have to be cognizant of the fact that sometimes women are as guilty of missing that as men are.
Plus I was partially playing devil’s advocate 🙂
Margie, I appreciated your post and it really got me thinking.
My comments are geared to my observations in the public sector, but think they are applicable in both public and private sector. Ten years ago, men held almost all executive and senior leadership positions in the organization, and women complained about discrimination in the workplace. Today, women far surpass men in these roles, and men are beginning to claim that they are discriminated against.
I recently had the (mis)fortunate of participating in executive management strategy and planning meetings on a frequent basis over an 18-month period. What I observed disappointed, no, appalled me. The interactions by female division heads were, on a regular basis, disrespectful, aggressive and often downright petty and childish – vying for power, putting down newcomers to the table, offering no support for others inside or outside the boardroom. On the other hand, the male members were typically calm and respectful.
So why the difference? Is it because women are trying to establish their territories just as alpha male dogs do, by peeing (and worse) all over everything around them? Is it because this is new territory and they are just trying to make sense of the rules of what was a boys’ club until recently? Is it because they are insecure because no-one has taught them the rules of the game so they think they need to act tough because that’s what guys typically do? Maybe some of each? And more?
But what if…
– women came into the boardrooms with the uniqueness of women, to show men there can be a better way to carry out business?
– they brought their dual passion for home and work into the workplace and demonstrated that these can be integrated as part of who they are as a whole person, and men got the hint that it is possible, even for them?
– everyone, male and female, demonstrated authenticity and integrity in all their interactions?
Would the divisions you’re referring to still stand or would the walls break down?
From my perspective, change happens because of advocates for change who have vision, direction, and “lived” (not just “espoused”) values.
Looks like I have more questions for you than answers, but that’s what emerged for me as I thought about what you wrote.
Thanks for your great comment! I appreciate your time!
I am not sure what the cause of that kind of behavior would be. I feel like women are being trained to believe that if you act tough – meaning act super mean, swear as much as possible, be callous and unfeeling – that these are the ways to prove to men that you can be in power too.
The problem is that a) It just makes you look mean and callous and b) you are forcing other people to react to you in ways they probably wouldn’t have done otherwise. Why do people not get that? No clue.
You are asking great questions. I only wish I had any answers!!
Margie,
My theory is that women – first and foremost – need to learn to nurture themselves. I think we’re brilliant at nurturing everyone else and find it incredibly difficult to know what that really looks like for ourselves.
I believe once we stop believing that part of our role as women is self-sacrifice, and once we put self-love and self-nurture first, then we bring our real -and more powerful – selves into the world in all of the roles we play.
Thanks for writing and making me think more deeply about this… 🙂
Lisa Petrilli