My friend Jilly Manty just posted a video that has me hot and bothered. It’s about a seven-year-old whose parents got her plastic surgery because her ears were a bit floppy and big. The story positions it that a parent will do anything to protect their child from bullying. Check out the video, then answer this question for me…
Do we really want to send this message to parents and their children?
Let me tell you a story
When I was a sophomore in high school, I was walking by a bus when I heard a voice say, “Hey…hey you…are you sure you’re old enough to be in high school?” I ignored the voice but they were persistent. I couldn’t figure out where the voice was coming from. Then I realized it was one of the bus drivers. They called me over and asked me again if I was sure I was old enough to be in high school. All of the kids on the bus, of course, laughed their butts off. It was like a moment from an after-school movie.
My “abnormality” as the story puts it is that I am a ruler’s length shorter than most people. As minor a problem as ears that stick out a bit. But there’s no plastic surgery that can magically make me taller. And if there had been something to make me taller, blond-haired kids may have picked on me because I had brown hair. If you are blind, if you are deaf, if you are mentally challenged, if you are ill – there are no quick fixes for any of these things, and if you get one problem fixed, bullies are sure to find something else.
People will always find something to pick on if they feel small themselves.
Ultimately, you have to love yourself. No amount of plastic surgery can put a band-aid over self-loathing. No amount of denial can protect you from the fact that some people are just mean-hearted individuals.
I am so utterly concerned that this story seems to indicate otherwise. And I’m a little ashamed that this is where our society seems to be going.
You have to love yourself. That is all.
This little girl is still growing. I’m appalled that they even found a plastic surgeon willing to do this procedure before she’d reached her adult size. There’s a reason orthodontists won’t bother giving kids braces until all of their adult teeth are in.
The logistics aside, I’d say this was a horrible idea. Yes, having her ears “fixed” might do wonders for her self esteem now, but what happens the next time someone finds something to pick on her about? Will she color her hair at age 8? Get her skin bleached to hide her freckles at 12? We do our children a disservice by not teaching them to love themselves as they are.
Yeah, everyone in the story acknowledged that she would probably grow into her ears. Her hair covered up her ears. I’m not a parent, so I can’t speak to this particular situation, but this little girl is going to have other tough times in her life, and this experience is going to make her think that there’s another quick fix. That’s going to be a very tough lesson to learn.
Thanks for your comment!
I got pantsed in front of the whole 5th grade class (as in 150 boys and girls) and my mom decided it was time to change schools.
It doesn’t even matter if you’re a normalish looking kid, who is great with people, someone’s always gonna try to get you down. That’s how the game’s played. It’s the way we respond that shows where our value is.
@Renee — I’d say ethical plastic surgeons are the exception not the rule. Do they exist? Absolutely. Are they a dime a dozen? Absolutely not.
Great thoughts Margie.
Geeze, Chase. Sorry to hear that. But you’re right – anyone can be made fun of, and sometimes there’s no rhyme or reason to it at all. So what do you to make a quick fix in those scenarios? It’s not always so easy, unfortunately. Such is life, though.
I have a different take on this one. I had major reconstructive surgery on my right eye as an infant. In fact, I have had five (maybe needing a sixth) separate surgical procedures on my right eye as I got older. I have always been self-conscious about my eyes, and I know that it did help somewhat, but by no means was a panacea.
The thing is, as a parent we don’t ever want our kids to suffer. That feeling is admirable, but unrealistic. I was the smallest kid in class (I am 4 feet 10 inches tall) with the longest hair, left handed, severely cross-eyed (that got better the more surgery I had on my eyes) and adopted. I was teased mercilessly. I became funny as a defense mechanism.
Kids can be horribly cruel, and I totally get why that parent wanted her daughter to have a “normal” childhood. I want to protect my son from every bad thing that could be said to him, but instead I am trying to teach him that those who tease others most times feel horrible about themselves, and can only feel better by tearing others down.
Just a bit of a different take, from someone who thanks the heavens that a surgeon was willing to fix what was not right with me at such a young age.
Hi Nancy,
I am not against corrective surgeries in children, especially if something that is intruding on enjoyment of life can be fixed. I guess what bothers me about this particular story is that the concern was coming from the mom, not the child, and the concern seemed a bit preemptive. The little girl seemed perfectly happy. I found myself wondering if the mother had actually made the little girl feel self-conscious.
There are disabilities, like with your eyes, that can negatively impact life, and then there’s the desire on a parent’s part for their child to be without imperfections. To me, the story seemed to be more the latter, but that could just be my own perception.
Thanks for sharing!
You have to love yourself. That is all. <———-for this there is no law.
The power in the stories, Margie, even these "small ones." Resonate with everyone.
Here's a secret: my friends with the highest "breeding" (the SoCal thoroughbreds) often feel like the little brunette at the bus stop. Never, ever, ever, stop loving yourself.
Thanks,
M