During the Spring of my junior year in high school, I applied to a local craft store. I needed money (what high schooler doesn’t?), I loved crafting, I loved the idea of a discount on my crafting supplies, and I knew I could do a good job. After all, I had played store from the time I was a kid. As luck would have it, I got the job after 1 interview. The primary lesson I learned during that time is that people really need to make sure they have a censor button. In the new online era, this lesson is more vital than ever.
You said what?!?
My friends and family have heard these stories a million times, but they may be new to you. There are 2 stories that really encapsulate for me why censor buttons are really good ideas, whether in real life or online. Both of these particular stories were from my retail days and resulted from the fact that I am under 4’11.
Story 1:
One slow day, I had been looming around, picking things up off the ground, straightening the shelves, basically doing anything in my power to look busy. If corporate came in and saw you not looking busy (even if there were no customers in the store) you would apparently get eaten by dragons.
Whenever I would leave the vicinity of the cash register, I had to put out a little bell. On this day, I heard the bell ring, so I headed on over. A gentleman was just standing there. I kept waiting for him to put his items on the counter.
“Well, aren’t you gonna stand up?” He asked me.
It’s important to note that I actually WAS standing. Somehow, I managed to explain to him (I can’t remember how) that I was standing, but sometimes standing-up people are not all the same size. I’m not sure if my message got through.
Story 2
The setting for story 2 was a busy night, right as we were trying to get the last of the customers taken care of so we could start closing. As I was helping a woman with her giant roll of upholstery fabric, she asked me the following question:
“Do you store your shoes in an index card box?”
I am not sure I even responded to that one. In the years since I’ve gotten a lot of great ideas about how I could have, or maybe even should have, responded, but I was left blank at the time.
In both of these instances, I don’t think the people were malicious. I think they just talked without thinking. Their mouths were engaged and their brains were not. They did not have a censor button.
How this applies to Social Media
Imagine if these stories had occurred online. What if I was able to link you to a name and a Twitter handle as I told those stories? Those people would be tied to their moment of insensitivity forever.
That’s exactly what I don’t want to happen to you.
Why you need a censor button and how to use one
So first, here are five reasons to make sure you have a censor button as you engage in Social Media.
- On Twitter, unless your account is locked down, anything you say is not just public, it’s searchable. Often out of context.
- People can very easily spread things that you say to people who don’t even know you. This, as you might imagine, can have dastardly effects on your personal and brand reputation
- Something that you say in jest can be taken seriously if someone doesn’t know you well – especially if they have never heard your voice and therefore don’t know your tonality.
- If what you say is deemed super offensive, even if you didn’t mean it that way, you can be unfollowed, blocked, reported, and you can gain a reputation for being crude, offensive, insensitive, and many other things.
- You never know someone’s full back story. Saying something about them when you don’t know them super well can result in you saying something that they consider deeply hurtful. Be sure before you speak.
Now, with those five reasons in mind (and there are many more), how can you engage while using your censor button? Here are some ideas.
- Always take that extra second to look at what you typed. Now, sometimes people can take offense and there’s just no way you could have known, but to the best of your ability, read everything you do from someone else’s perspective – someone who doesn’t know you
- Unless you know someone really well, don’t talk sarcastically. It’s often read as you being rude (I have learned this one the hard way over the last year)
- Don’t say anything you would refrain from saying in front of your grandmother, your boss, or both
- Don’t talk about someone’s personal life until you are really sure you have established a friendship with them. You never know what someone’s hot buttons could be, and you don’t want to find out the hard way
In the world of Social Media, all you have to do to communicate with someone is type some words on your computer or whatever device you use. Because of that, it’s extremely easy to say things you don’t mean or to be perceived in ways you don’t want to be perceived.
Would you want to appear in a blog where your name is tied to stories like the ones I shared with you? I seriously doubt it.
That scenario is avoidable. Be careful. Be thoughtful. Stop before you hit publish or tweet or update and make sure you are okay with being tied to those words. Every time.
It’s worth it, no?
This is post #5 in The Engagement Series. Are you finding this series useful so far? Do you have ideas or questions you want me to cover? Let me know!
Image by Gabriella Fabbri. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/duchesssa
Margie …..
Great post as usual 🙂 I’ll tie/RT my reading of your words anytime ! Stopping by to say Spring (at least Daylight Savings Time :)) is here!!
Thanks, Cate. Proud to tie to you as well! Except when you are talking about your wonder Florida weather or your delicious desserts 😀
Margie,
Ah, the sensor button. I love the topic and I think we have all probably experienced this at one time or another. I will fully admit to bashing a few businesses early on in my blogging career. Oops! Lessons learned.
I have a question about this topic for you. You are talking specifically about the sensor button in relation to the social media world, but what about the real world. What advice do you have for someone that is trying to teach this important skill to others?
Have you read “Limbo” by Lubrano? If I read his book right, there is a class/education component to this. If you come from a white collar home and/or are better educated, you typically have learned the ins and outs of the sensor button. If you were raised in a blue collar home, you are typically more direct and speak your mind – which leads to some big issues. Put these two people into the same room and you can guess what happens.
I would love to hear you thought and advice on this matter.
@jwsokol
Thanks, Jason!
I have not read the book, but I think it’s dangerous to attribute behavior patterns to class or education. There is still plenty of room for variation within those groups.
To me, the biggest part of acting with civility is being trained from an early age. That is rude. That’s not polite.
When I was a little kid, for example, I used to point with my middle finger. My mom and dad both trained me not to do that, that you’re supposed to point with your index finger. They didn’t of course tell me the whole story about what the middle finger actually meant, but imagine if they had never taken the time to teach me that? I’d be ticking people off left and right.
I notice this as I am often on the receiving end of rudeness from kids who just don’t know better. One day, I walked into the store to get ready to work and a toddler yelled out, “Look! Look! A midget, mommy, a midget!” Now, the little kid clearly had no idea that what he or she was saying was offensive, but what actually offended me more was that there was no attempt from the parent to say, “sssh, that’s not polite.” This happens over and over again.
Now you might say that there are instances where maybe the parents don’t know better too, and I’d buy that to a point. HOWEVER, I think everyone knows that it’s rude to point and laugh, for example. Why do I think everyone knows that? Because everyone can imagine (or maybe has) been on the receiving end of that.
My best answer on how to teach tact is to educate as opportunities come up. Be firm but gentle. Don’t turn it into a huge drama. Don’t yell and scream. Just say, “You know, that’s really rude. I’d avoid saying stuff like that if I were you.”
Does that help?
I am going to jump in here and call some malarkey! Parents do know better. I have a 6 year old who I teach how to be mindful and respectful. Now, he may have said mommy, is that a girl or a lady? I would have explained that it was a lady and that some people are smaller than others. When we got home, I would have pulled up information about little people and showed him how some adults are littler than others and explained it the best I could. If you do not know or feel uncomfortable because someone is different, then educate yourself but do not ever allow your child to act in a manner that is offensive to others.
I understand that sometimes they hear things from outside sources (ie Jim Mitchem’s dilemma the other day with his daughters using the “p” word). However, you address it immediately. Children learn words from various sources but it is up to the parents to explain to them in an age appropriate way as to what is acceptable and what is not.
I am far from perfect in parenting but the values that were instilled upon me I carry to my son. So there, I called malarkey.
Great post! Definitely good tips in here. If only more school-aged students (and adults!) followed this advice…
Thanks Christine. Glad you liked it 🙂
Good Job Margie
Always important to use the correct language and to censor ourselves before we tweet. Like you I learned that the hard way. And rather than spend time explaining yourself in 40 tweets and bore your followers in the process by clogging up the stream. It is easier to really engage our brains before tweeting. Enjoying the series.
Very true. It’s like the old crafty saying, measure twice, cut once. Applies to so many things!
Glad you are enjoying the series so far. Thank you!
Lady, you deliver some very good post. I am luv’ng the series. Censor button? Yes it’s something we need on line as well as off. I try to not say online what I would not shout to a crowded BNI or Business Chamber meeting. I may slip and say something define by conservative terms as racy, but IMHO I keep it to a dry minimum.
What is penned to paper is with us until the a paper is destroyed. What is said in a (depending on the topic, truth and audience ) Public Post can stay with us to our benefit or destruction.
I grew up in a household where watching what you say was preached like the gospel on a daily basis. I hope that gospel teaching is apparent online as well as it is off. 🙂
I think you are quite the upstanding individual, my friend. Unless there’s something I don’t know about……:o hehee 🙂
Thank you very much for the comment. You are quite right – anything you say can and will be used against use as much as for you. Always be aware!
Margie, aloha. Well said, Margie. Can’t even imagine the lady asking if you stored your shoes in an index box. You are so right we need to have a censor button because far too often our “cleverness” is not received as such by the other person.
Also, you can much more safely say things out loud than you can in an e-mail, post or tweet. The smile in a voice may well not come across in writing.
Thx for this important reminder. Your series on Engaging is a must read for everyone. Speaking of engaging, have you read Guy Kawasaki’s latest book “Enchantment?” I read it over the weekend and loved.
Best wishes for a fantastic week. Aloha. Janet